


Tell me a story

by liverose



Series: Thought and feeling [8]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Blood Loss, Cake, Canon-Typical Violence, Choking, Courting Rituals, Dialogue Heavy, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gift Giving, Handfasting, Hurt Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jam, Licking, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Magic, Mild Smut, Mind Manipulation, Monster of the Week, Oxenfurt Academy (The Witcher), Possessive Behavior, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Rabbits, Restraints, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:42:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 104,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26089606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liverose/pseuds/liverose
Summary: Part of being in a relationship is trust and to trust someone you have to know them. While Jaskier will tell six sides to every story about the couple and despite there being a bond worth everything there. Is it enough to be honest? Or will stories have to sufice?
Relationships: Eskel/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Thought and feeling [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635448
Comments: 19
Kudos: 30





	1. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the eighth (It has become truly a monster) part to a series so while I suppose it could be read alone knowing that Geralt and my OC (who is a mutated empath) are in an established relationship. I would advise for backstory and context, reading 1, 4 and 6 at some point.

"We've been non stop for months!" Jaskier could feel his boots giving way from the milage they were putting in.  
"A month. Non stop is good Jaskier." Geralt was always busiest right after the thaw, plenty of contracts to sort out, no injuries slowing him down, the weather was pleasant, he did not understand the anguish in Jaskier's words, the bard had been playing merry crowds the whole way through. "Witchers stop when they're dead." He added for unsolicited emphasis.  
"Well bards stop when they're tired! Or hungry or . . . Just in search of a new muse!" Jaskier continued, kicking a rock up the trail.  
"I thought Geralt was your muse?" Anima teased. She was somewhere in the middle, tired from the pacing like Jaskier but doing her best to ignore it because the look of content calm in Geralt's shoulders was worth the ache in her calves.  
"Not that sort of muse." Geralt knew all to well what Jaskier was implying.  
"Anima you talk sense to that man! Tell him we need to stop at an Inn or a town, I'd take a temple. Anything with walls. Tell him that empaths stop!" This got Geralt's attention slightly, he did finally turn his head looking at the duo kicking up dust behind him.  
"Don't give me that look Geralt. I don't _need_ an Inn." She hated that look, it was terrible, halfway between angry and fearful each twisted a witcher's features something long and dreadful. It was a look he got when he worried she would turn tail and run.  
"But you would like an Inn." Jaskier wasn't far gone enough to plead but he would nag.  
"I would always _like_ an Inn." Anima was warming to the wilds ever so slightly but she would not pretend she didn't find more comfort in seedy little holes in the wall.  
"She would like an Inn Geralt! You can detest my existence all you like but Anima, the very love of your life how can you deny her?"  
"Laying it on a bit thick bard." Geralt groaned as he thought it over. Had he been alone he'd ride this spring thaw as hard and fast as he could, there was plenty to keep him busy, keep him working, his mind occupied, but he wasn't alone. He wasn't alone and he aimed to keep it that way. "It's a waste to stop." He let out an additional bothered sigh. It really did fight against his natural intuition. "If the next town has work for me . . . We'll stay somewhere with walls." He did not promise anything he could not deliver but if the bard wanted walls, he could find him walls. If Anima wanted a bit of what felt normal, he'd find that for her too. He didn't want them to stay out of obligation, he wanted them to stay because being with him was better than being alone.

The town had work for a witcher, walls for a bard and a predictable air for an empath to breathe, the Inn they found was a fine little hole in the wall. "Animal?" She stopped tapping her foot along to Jaskier's tune, looking up at a face that in no way she recognized.  
"That's not her name." Geralt hadn't been relaxing. He had gotten his fill of that over winter, but as his mind went over plans, mental check lists and maps, he had been watching. Seeing Jaskier and Anima unwind was pleasant in it's own way and came more naturally than letting himself go lax, in was a serine backdrop for his head. He didn't like that moment being nabbed from him, hearing someone call her that drove any pleasantries from the building.  
"I . . . Oh sorry . . . But I'm confused. . . You're Geralt of Rivia are you not?" The man did look right puzzled, it's not as if Geralt's face blended into the crowd.  
"There's no L anymore" Anima smiled in her appeasing sort of way, humans being ill informed did not rile her. "Little letter, big reaction." She watched him nod thoughtfully, it didn't appear he meant any malous. "Where'd you hear that name?" He clearly wasn't an empath, he'd have read the room a bit better.  
"I . . . Heard that the white wolf travels in toe with a bard and an empath . . . A real one. The stories must've been a bit off I meant no offense I thought-"  
"Not off so much as out dated. Calm down. I won't kill you for getting my name wrong." Inns were easy, humans were simple, just smiling long enough would do the trick, that's all they ever really needed from her.  
"I-" The man's eyes drifted to Geralt, the witcher had no such assuring smile for him.  
"He's not likely too either." Anima didn't like speaking on Geralt's behalf but his silence was drawing this conversation long. "But he hates suspense. Are you in need of an empath?" She was sekptical, humans didn't _need_ empaths like they needed witchers, empaths were . . . More a cheat than a necessity, something that came in handy when heavy long woven emotions were at play and those involved couldn't be bothered to sort it themselves. "Or a potion?" She had been called for on that skill the last town back but she doubted this theroy as well. He had called her by her manor name, he wasn't looking for a person, he was looking for a mutant. "I'd rather not pry it from you." Humans liked having time to think on their choices, but Anima knew they would not be long for this Inn, time, in the moment, was a precious commodity.  
"Hmm." Geralt turned away, he knew it was him that had this man's tongue knotted, that the look of him made any plans or resolve crumble, maybe the man was scared of the witcher, or questioning if the mutants could be trusted, perhaps just repulsed outright. He turned but he didn't stop listening, he didn't like Anima using her ability when it was important, it had always been a risky venture and he didn't want her using it for some menial request, it was likely something he could handle, no magic needed. "Are you going to stand there all day? If you've posted a notice. We have it." Geralt had scanned the notice board, ripping each one down, drowners, harpy eggs, a missing mare or two, nothing had screamed empath.  
"Can you speak to the dead?!" The man blurted.  
"Fuck." Geralt would put an end to this, his fist slammed into the table."No." He hissed the answer sharply. He knew Anima could attached to the departed but it took so much out of her, too much. He could already smell her blood, see her clutching at her veins. If this man wanted to hear his grandmother he would just have to lay flowers at her grave like everyone else.  
"Not in the way you would like." Anima was still smiling that Inn fed coy confident smile. "It's not like I could really . . . Speak to anyone." The only voice she'd hear would likely be Nehalenia a voice that was growing louder as the days passed.  
"Could you perhaps pretend. . . . Please? I'll pay as if it was the genuine article." The man sounded desperate as he held out a small coin purse. If he wasn't talking to two of the most jaded cynical individuals on the continent, it surely would have tugged at heartstrings, been received as genuine and sincere.  
"Why?" Geralt still was looking away, not wanting to render the man mute again by the look of his snarl but it was there. She wasn't a bobble or play thing, her ability wasn't as Jaskier once put it a parlor trick. He had brought her to walk beside him on his path but it was stoking him that there were tales of her being some roadside attraction. _'They couldn't even get her name right.'_ He could ask Jaskier to adress that, as much as he embellished stories, he rarely got names wrong.

"See that woman over there?" The man pointed at someone that if she hadn't been upright might have been mistaken for the departed in question.  
"Anima. Stop." It was a small change by this point, just an airy gasp as her vision went white, her eyes left the physical, she zeroed in.  
"Just looking not touching." Anima could feel Geralt's worry, if it wasn't so familiar it would drown out all else, it was palpable, it always fought against his under current of hope.  
"It's not safe." Geralt knew he was being overly cautious but could she blame him? If he wasn't and somehow that led to loss footing nothing would save him from the wave of guilt that would overtake him.  
"Plenty safe. If you don't want me to linger let me work."  
"Hmm." He let out a bit of a grumble, slightly annoyed at being dismissed, slightly amused. She had plenty of words all her own she didn't have to steal his. He had said much the same when she continued to call after him, spooking the arachnomorphs he was hunting in a cave. To her defense she did spend the rest of the day stiching and salving at a lengthy patchwork of superficial wounds. Her worries were not without merit, but neither were his.  
"She's grieving sure." Anima didn't need mutated eyes to see that. The rest of the Inn seemed normal, at ease, happy and mirthful she did not see anything ethereal or ghastly floating around that woman, just felt deep loss and anguish flowing from her. "How would pretending help her any? A trick is a nasty thing to pull on someone whose in pain." False hope was worse than none at all she knew that to be fact. "I can't be paid to play nasty anymore." She smirked at the second annoyed grumble that elicited from Geralt. Annoyed was better than worried. He didn't like her dwelling on her barmaid days but any threat those times had caused her were long memories albeit unpleasant ones. If she could have him lost sour over memories that was better than worrying about hypothetical futures. Geralt delt worse with threats of theory.  
"She wants to be with him and . . . I can't lose them both."  
"Anima. Stop. Now." Geralt was fast, it happened in a blink. He had grabbed the base of her neck and held, there was no way for her to escape the viced grip. This mystery woman didn't fear death and he knew enough of Anima's ability by this point to know that notion was leeching into the empaths subconscious, tether or not.  
"In a-" If Anima really squinted she could see it, feel it, so small and distant but maybe there was something else, she let her gaze drift further into the void.  
"Not in a minute now." Geralt's teethbwere grinding, he was waiting for the absolute worst to happen. He hadn't even let his gaurd down and still the moment could be upon them. Did she not hear the man?  
"Let go Geralt." The hold wasn't painful but she had to get closer, that second point of focus was so far away.  
"No." Geralt was resolute, his nails dug into her flesh as she stood. That stupid fucking omen. She'll ask for it, ask to die, and the glass in her blood will be pulled right out of her. He could see it, had seen it, an awful nightmare a few days back he hadn't thought worth mentioning, nightmares were nonsense, dreams were just that and nothing more.  
"Trust me Geralt." Anima was being patient, she could make him trust, make him calm, she could make him feel any way she'd like but she had promised not to.  
"N . . . I . . .make it brief Anima." He stood, snatching the coin from the man's still extended hand, pacing him back with a glare. With his hand still at her he let himself be led by the wobbly legged empath. She was being patient but he had a feeling whatever she was doing she'd do alone if she had to no witcher stamp of approval required. He didn't want her to dip out of his sight, he had to keep vigilant, he had to protect her. "Anima are you still afraid?"  
"Yes." The sea shell sound was coming faster now, the void hadn't grown homey over the passing months. "For now." She always answered when asked, she could feel it, how easy it would be to give up, give in, the hopelessness, it was a heavy burdening feeling coming from this woman.  
"The second-"  
"Yes the second I don't fear death I'll let you know." Her voice sounded off, distant, tired, it had Geralt rattled. What if a second was all it took? What if he lost her in a second? Each leveled breath seemed immeasurably long. "Trust me Geralt." His name sounded the same, always sounded the same, stated she loved him, aimed to keep him.  
"Do not go . . . Anywhere Anima. I'm here. Stay here." He tried to anchor her, physicaly with his hold, mentally with his words, his assurance that she wasn't left, she wasn't alone.

"Hello." Her pupiless linen eyes would have startled that woman if she cared about safety, about norms, she cared about nothing, saw nothing, did nothing just sat. Nothing was an exaggeration, she did speak.  
"Leave me be."  
"I will just . . . They would like you to . . . Eat something."  
"What?" Mourning embodied turned to the empath, locked in on her, drowned her senses with hoplessness, depression, grief.  
' _For a sad mother? Risk your flesh and blood for a mother? I knew there was a reason I liked you. You make no sense. How the witcher stands you still perplexes me.'_ There was Nehalenia, she had gotten chatty recently.  
"The one you lost. They still . . . Love you. Would want you to . . . Live a little longer, for the both of you." This was mostly inference. As she had stated there was only one voice that spoke to her in the void.  
_'We're so close. I'm nearly home.'_ Anima tossed her head a bit shrugging off the unhelpful noise. This woman's lost . . . Child if she had to guess, had no mouth to speak, only residual feelings and those were whispers of an emotion, light flickers of love.  
"Rolf?" There was the false hope Anima had feared.  
"You do not have to be happy, but I doubt seeing you this way will bring him any peace." For a momet her mind wandered, to her own mother. Was she looking down on her daughter with any sense of pride? Or perhaps concern? Any care at all? She didn't sit and mourn her family. Did that make her a monster? Detatched? What was left of her that wasn't glass? How much of her was left? For how long? How long did she have left? Would Her makeshift family mourn her?  
"Anima. Back. Pull back." Geralt warned. He could hear her pulse going out of rhythm, she always tended to drift, tended to linger, that's where things grew dangerous.  
"I just miss my son. I wish to see him again." The woman reached out and grabbed Anima's sleeve.  
' _Do you miss your mother Anima? Have you ever thought to look for her? To find her? She's got to be out there, you just don't look. Don't explore. Roam or recede those are your only options.'_ Nehelania's taunts grew dangerous.  
"And you will, but there are those who see you here. See you now. Want you well. Rolf has nothing but time. They do not." Anima blinked feverishly, shaking the white from her head, her eyes, her ears, returning to the relm where time matteted. "Rolf will want stories of the world wont he? Kids like stories." Along with her pupils Anima's smile returned.  
"He did. He will." The woman managed half a smile, a memory of her boy clearly hitting her. It was pained and less than sturdy but it was there.  
"Tell him of life, of the world, leave out the dull bits, kids bore easily." Anima had pried a tearful laugh from the woman. "Maybe before you go to bed. Just tell him of life. Dream of him, dreams are where the planes are at their most loose, that's a fact. Then live the next day, the next story." Anima didn't do such things, felt no such compulsion but she always knew what people wanted, what they needed. This woman just needed a rational reason to go on. "Worth a try?"  
"I . . .can try for Rolf-"  
"And you. It's . . . Alright to live for you. It doesn't feel that way but it's true. You're better for others when your the best for you." Anima knew she was getting a bit preachy but so little of this was skill, her ability had been more a distraction than an aid. She was leaning on an proficiency she had honed during her days as a barmaid, saying and doing anything to give someone what they needed, being genuine was not a requirement. This woman needed a purpose, she needed someone who could take some of the weight off her heart, someone to listen, understand, relate. The woman poured out the sad short tale of Rolf, crying and smiling and just letting the emotions leak from her head out her mouth and down at Anima's feet.  
"Thank you." As the woman wiped her eyes she sounded grateful, too grateful, Anima was just standing there, barely talking, the words she had uttered were those she didn't even believe herself, just said to meet a need.  
"I'm just a nosy little traveler, being paid to stick my nose where it doesn't belong. No need to thank me." Anima put her hand over the one still strong as steel at her neck. "I'm back."

"Hmm." He released the pressure, but the contact remained, he dusted fingers over the imprint of his nails. "I don't like it." He was guiding her back to the table.  
"You're nothing if not consistent. It's one of the things I love about you." She grinned confidently as she returned to her stout, to her toe tapping, to normal.  
"What did she say?" Geralt knew this to be the beginning of Anima neatly packing herself away, he hated this part almost as much as the jump to the void itself.  
"The woman? You were right there Geralt. Don't tell me your ears are going?" She reached out and ran a thumb cross the edge of his ear.  
"Hmm." He let his eyes close for a second, she was here, she was safe, he hadn't lost her, hadn't lost her affection. "Not the woman." His eyes reopened. "Nehalenia." He didn't enjoy pressing her and luckily this was one of the few topics he had to anymore.  
"What? Could you smell her?" Anima scoffed.  
"Practically." His hand left her neck, giving a playful tug at her hair, she was dancing round the topic. "You're different when she's in there with you. Distracted, lost. I notice. I . . .worry." She had the same heartbeat when they traveled the woods long into the night, unsure, flighty, scared. The woods didn't scare her, the unkown did, same went with the white.  
"You do." She leaned her head against his shoulder.  
"So?" She was not the only one who could steal words.  
"Ah mostly cruel ribs about my own mother." Anima was hesitant, not about that, Geralt wouldn't read much into her non existent bond with her birth family, she had two better families, he'd said so himself.  
"And?" Geralt pushed. "I trusted you Anima. Give me the same?" He didn't give her a chance to parry this charge.  
"She . . . Said she was close to . . . Home." Anima herself did not know what that sentence meant, or if it held any impact on her.  
"Hmm." Geralt, while equally unsure what to do with this information, was taken less by surprise. Everything came from somewhere, had a place of origin. The feeling of home was something hard to come by but nothing appeared from nowhere. He was already recalibrating, changing their course in his mind. He didn't know what home meant for this being haunting Anima but he doubted it was good. "How are you feeling?"  
"I don't know how to feel about that. I try not to think about it if I can. I fear death still if that's what you're asking." She still had not come around on feeling emotions that had no use. Fear and helplessness were not helpful, she'd much rather be calm, so that's what she was doing her best to find.  
"In general Anima. That couldn't have been pleasant. Could we not spend all night dodging my questions?"  
"What questions have I dodged?" Anima took another large gulp of stout, smiling round the rim.  
"You're doing it now." He did finally lose his scowl, she was mostly alright, her words weren't curt or bothered, the Inn and the control it gave her had buffered most of the bad feelings.  
"Oh, some nonsense feelings about . . . Not caring about Skellige, less than warm and fuzzy but nothing devastating. I'm fine." She waved off his worry. She was getting better at filtering what was her and what was residual void.  
"You wasted a perfectly good night. This . . ." He waved at the hussle and bustle of a lively night of libation. "Somehow is soothing to you, but you tossed that away." It still made no sense that what made him feel crowded calmed her, but it was a fact and facts settled well in his brain.  
"Said the frog to the toad. Don't you make me out to be a martyr. You're more the bleeding heart than I am." She very much meant bleeding, it was his blood that was spilling cross the continent, fighting lost causes and trying unconventional and dangerous methods to save the world one cursed idiot at a time.  
"They're not that bad." Geralt chuckled, she always got a scrunched face when she thought on humanity as a whole for too long.  
"Regardless. The night itself is not gone and we still have a perfectly good bed in our room if I recall."  
"We do." Her recovery time was getting better, she seemed nearly herself, still forlorn round the corner of her eyes but it used to take her half a day to sort through heavy emotions. "You'll crush the bard though." Normally when they found an Inn she'd push her way to the center when the songs were jaunty enough for her to twirl and stomp with little reverence to the the words or rhythm of Jaskier's rhymes.  
"See? Bleeding heart Geralt. Even thoughts for Jaskier's pride!" She leaned up, grabbing his cheeks in her palms, planting a confident kiss on his lips.  
"Hmm." She left her spot after that, went and spun and sang and laughed. It wasn't all bleeding heart, Geralt wanted this moment back, wanted to watch the life that had constructed itself around him bloom, wanted the warmth it baked him in. It wasn't just Jaskier's pride, it was his, he felt more sure, more confident, he wasn't a witcher they tailed for stories of valor. He was someone who could provide them a life with moments of happiness, they knew through all the miles they bore he had their best interests nestled above his own and only slightly bellow the continent as a whole. it was his responsibility, his place, he could do both, his job and what pleased him, he could have those he cared about along with him, he didn't have to be alone.

"And yet here you are." The merriment had been too much, too loud, too close, breathing wet with mead right in his face. He had squirled away for some peace and quiet, he had been sitting there purposfuly alone with some busy work.  
"This is your habitat not mine." He didn't look up from the blade he was sharpening. "It's still early. Stay out, have-"  
"And what if I don't want to?" She had made the mistake of draping her arms over his shoulders while he was working before, instead she just let her palms rest on his back, considerate with her comfort. "What if I wanted to spend time with you? Thank you . . . for giving us a break." She nuzzled her cheek against the back of his neck before kissing it softly.  
"Hmm." He let the light petting tingle on him for a moment. "This has nothing to do with earlier?"  
"It didn't." All points of contact were lost as he heard a thump into the mattress behind him.  
"Didn't? Now it does?" He placed his tools down on a table, turning to look at her.  
"It's . . ." She was scowling at the ceiling, something was bothering her. "That's all you think about now . . . When you look at me?" Heat simply died mid sentence, the last part trailed soft and sad.  
"What's that?" He stood, looming over the bed, staring at her as if she was a puzzle to solve. He was clearly missing a corner piece.  
"That you'll lose me. That she's coming. That she's-" she crushed the ball of her palms into her eyes, letting out a frustrated sigh. "Here. Somewhere in my head. In my blood."  
"I think about it." He had shrugged it off at first, vehemently for months. but day by day it was becoming clearer, the stronger Anima became, the closer to the surface Nehalenia rose. That brief face to face meeting had stired more in Geralt than he originally let on. "I . . . Being without you is not a way of life I wish to revisit." He couldn't say he was scared, witchers didn't feel fear, not for themselves and this feeling in his pit was very much his own. An ever growing sickly feeling at the thought of traveling without her. The world would seem empty, pointless, even in the spring he knew his bed roll would feel cold.  
"So you'd rather mourn me as I live and breathe?" When her hands finally fell she was looking back at him, angry and still a bit sad.  
"Not mourn." He sat on the edge of the bed. He wasn't even really sure if he knew how to mourn, he'd felt something close after Renfri had died but it had burned away under anger and self loathing. He couldn't see himself sitting and mourning loss properly. "I. . ." His fists were clenching as he felt uselessness wash over him, it was a unfamiliar and unwelcomed feeling. "I can't see her. Hear her coming." There was a pounce he couldn't predict and it had him backed into a corner out of self preservation. "I won't know until it's . . . I'm trying to protect you the best way I know how. I'm overbearing I know but you have to understand . . . I plan to fight, not to roll over and let her take you from-"  
"Overbearing I can take Geralt. You do nothing a little bit." She gave a weary chuckle. "You can worry, gods know you can worry I just . . . Wish you'd look for me half as much as you look for her." Those words hurt, slicing them both as they breached her lips.  
"Anima I-"  
"You're so hell bent on what could happen that . . . You're almost impatient or . . . Disappointed when it's just me you're talking to. I worried once you'd bore of me and this is . . . Closer than I'd like." This point had been building since they left the relative safety of Kaer Morhen. Geralt while pushing his own limits with the same just short of reckless abandon he always lived by, had been scrutinizing Anima's moves, searching for any signs of Nehalenia poking out again.  
"Am I allowed to apologize now or should I wait till you beat me straight through the floor boards into the dirt?"  
"I'm not saying this to be mean Geralt. I know you are trying your best but-" She was trying to learn from her mistakes, trying to let organic feelings happen, trying to share them with him.  
"When have I ever been rhetorical Anima?"  
"Huh?"  
"I mean to apologize but if I've wronged you worse I'll let you tell me." His face was determined, clenched deep in thought, but his eyes were soft, genuine sorry written in the gilded orbs.  
"Don't be dramatic Geralt. You haven't _wronged_ me." She rolled her eyes trying to bring some levity into the room, she hadn't meant to guilt him into some sort of hobbled submission. Learning from mistakes wasn't a flawless endevor, perhaps she had been crass when she had just meant to be open.  
"If you think all that still interests me about you is that relic running through your veins-" He had moved, one knee at the curve of each of her hips. "That cowardly little voice in your head-" He tried to be soft with his kiss, something aplogetic like he had promised. "If I have you thinking it is not you Anima, that holds me here-" He kissed down the side of her neck. "Then I have wronged you terribly and would like the chance to apologize." It was Geralt who was laying it on a bit thick this time but there was a sincere tone to his voice that had never left.  
"Geralt you give no credence to apologies." How many times had she said sorry only for him to scoff so hard her hair blew back.  
"The word means nothing." He seemed to mutter in agreement, but it was hard to hear, his mouth did not want to venture far from her skin, never hitting the same inch twice.  
"Ah a man of action." She smiled, running her hand through his hair, twisting it idly and watching it slip from her fingers as he slunk back. His chin dug in at her naval, which meant he was pausing for words.  
"It's not enough." He looked up at her a question he hadn't asked sitting on his face. He wasn't trying to quell her concerns with sex, and he was hoping she knew that. He was aware he'd have to do better, balance his need to ward off danger and his appreciation that he had her company as long as he did so. That was hard for a man of action, he was built to fight, fix and hunt. There was no hunt here, he had her. Having was still comparatively new, awkward and left him with energy he didn't know how to expend. "Is that alright?" It would take time, trial and error, this would not be the last time nor was it the first that he'd have to be assured Anima could take care of herself, would call for him when she needed, that it was more a working partnership than him completing a contract. Time wasn't what they had in the moment, in the moment they had a bed.  
"You are always enough Geralt."  
"Hmm." He smiled into her skin, changing his mind. She could steal his words, because she curled them wonderfully, made them warm, saved them till they were just right and served them gift wrapped with his name.  
"Do not let anyone in the world. Even me convince you otherwise." They were whispy and soft but they bore deep, worked to mend at wounds the witcher couldn't see.

"Hmm." Really he didn't need words and that was kind in it's own way. He didn't have to verbally thank her for thinking fondly of him. He could show her. Just because they didn't have time didn't mean he had to rush. That's the one thing he did like about walls, about beds, he prefered the outdoors but there were threats to keep peeled for, he couldn't let his senses linger on her long. Indoors he could allow himself to be slow, be soft, he could wander over her. He let himself, he stretched himself long, let his hands roam alongside his lips, his tongue, his teeth. His ears were not resting though, they were hunting, searching them out, he wanted his motions to have merit, he wanted to hear her breaths turn. As he peeled at her clothes finding more flesh, they greeted him, keening little groans.  
"I've been thinking." It was her with a wolf's grin, and that made his adrenalin surge in his chest, she was pleased with him, happy here, he could hear praise in that smile and that got a groan of acknowledgment and appreciation out of the witcher.  
"That isn't exactly what I was going for." When he finally spoke though, his words were just a bit put out, he'd simply have to try harder. He went to kiss lower, he didn't want her thinking, he wanted her pleased and satiated, wanted her head empty of anything other than the feel of him, wanted to make the best out of the soft bedding, the soft moment. His descent was halted though, her hand was craning to find purchase in his hair again, not cruely, not even in desperate want but she was tugging him upward. For the second time that night he let her lead him, that was easier in Inns, she had a controlled confidence that was easy to follow. "It's not entirely your fault." Unlike the pull of his hair, once his face reached her, the kiss was aggressive, swift and only a degree removed from smothering.  
"W . . ." He had been forming a question but her lips were back, taking his breaths as her own. He felt his shoulders being pressed and pulled at, asking him to turn onto his back, he let out a bit of a grumble of difiance but as the kisses continued that was all he could be bothered to do, relenting to her guide.  
"Perhaps I haven't done enough to keep your attention." Almost in parody of his own actions her lips trailed down the side of his neck.  
"You . . ." Words were hard to come by with his wits about him but those had fled him as he felt her teeth dig into his collar bone. "Anima." The way he growled out her name could be heard as angry but it was more frustrated, he had wanted to apologize but somehow he was under her, laying immobile and near voiceless as she peppered him with adoration. _'How?'_ After some time to adjust to her touch he blinked a bit stupefied, as he tried to reason when she had undressed him, when she had mounted him, when he last got a full lung of air. "Anima . . . I . . ." His nails dug into her hips pulling her into him harder, refusing to let another chunk of time flash by him.  
"What do you . . ." She was panting with him, flush and falling deliberately into his greedy hands, onto his surging heat. "Geralt what do you want? What do you need?"  
"You first." He could feel it, how tight her muscles were stretching, she had already worked herself close, confidence bred efficiency. "Go on. Just let me . . . Be loud for me?" Inns were places of indulgence, he let himself ask for what he wanted, what he always wanted.  
"Consistant." She had a punch drunk laugh to her climbing voice. Her hand went to his chest, digging into firm muscle, holding like it was possible to reach out and grab that heartbeat she cared for so much. "Geralt." She was, louder, his name rung in ears, held all his focus. He ground up at her, thrusting the moans he wanted right out of her lungs, watching as release took her, she didn't clench her teeth to keep the sounds at bay like she had a tendency to.While hunting and nudging at them was enjoyable, having them rain over him, having her feel comfortable and safe to do so was a pleasant gift. She didn't crumble or fold onto him, instead she continued, just writhing and rocking her hips at a steady pace.  
"Anima." Nothing, he'd done nearly nothing but lay there like a log. "Let me-" the hand at his chest dug deeper, clutching at him with purpose.  
"Do I have it?" Her voice wasn't loud, it was a smooth little coo, soft but confident. "Do I Geralt?"  
"W . . . Yes." He didn't know what she was on about. His heart? She knew that he loved her, he had spent years, edging on a decade showing and saying it anyway that made sense and several that didn't. By the determined look in her glossy eyes he didn't think that she in anyway doubted that. "It's yours." If she continued on like this she could have near everything he had to his name. He would walk out the inn poor naked and if she was kind enough, holding Roach's regins. The pressure was building, he could feel the climb to his own release coming to an end, which was fine, he needed air, needed to breathe, he'd been panting for ages.  
"Your attention." Her writhing was slowing to something more akin to a gentle rocking. "Your interest. Do I have it Gerat?" She would occasionally grind into him with a bit more energy but only to keep him in that nearly there state.  
"H . . ." He couldn't even let out a hum of feigned aloofness. He had started to but it came out as a desperate huff. "Anima." He was so close but this wasn't enough, she was still hot and wet and wrapped around him but this slow crawl of a pace was keeping him from getting gone. "You have it. I won't . . ." What had she been mad about? He couldn't remember, couldn't think. All he could do was feel terribly close, feel the pressure rise higher, pulse through his whole body, all he could feel was them.  
"For how long Geralt? How long can I keep it?"  
"Mmm." She was asking a question that surely warranted an answer but his mind was going blank and hazy. She could have everything, all of him as long as she wanted, forever. That was the answer but words were not forming on his lips. "Please." He just needed to breathe, he needed his breath back. This was driving him mad and it was both the best and worst sensation.  
"I'm right here Geralt." She had leaned down, into him, kissing and licking at skin that had started to build up a sweat.  
"I need . . ." Why wasn't he moving? There were no bindings about him, nothing but her hold at his chest keeping him planted but for some reason that had been enough, been some untold command to stay, to let her have the control that Inns gave her. He was trying to do that but even witcher's lungs need to fill, he needed air. He needed release. Those words didn't come either and time stretched on. "Please." His voice was raspier than usual as his hips churned desperately trying to get enough squeeze, enough friction to cut the ties holding him back. His neck strained as his whole body seemed to buck in almost a begging motion.  
"I just have to be sure Geralt." Her pace started to pick up.  
"Of what?" How she found this an opportune time for a one sided conversation was baffling but he didn't have the mind to protest it, she was moving with purpose again and if words gave him that, he would speak.  
"That you see me. That I'm here. I don't want her to take you from me." There hadn't been a question there but her tone implied one.  
"I am . . . There isn't . . ." He was not thinking of Nehalenia, not of the troll they had been trailing, not of the bounties on his head he had been casuly looking into, nothing, just her, just the feel of her. All those other things could wait, were unimportant, were not flesh and blood above him, killing a witcher dead in his bed as none had died before.  
"You're . . . Just you Anima." She was cunning and conniving, this had all been one of her little lessons. She knew Geralt learned best not through words but through actions. She was showing him that he hadn't lost her yet and it was not wise to treat her as such. She had no intention of leaving or being left. She wanted him, loved him, was here in an unignorable way. "I'm sorry." The word meant nothing to either of them but it came out regardless.  
"Anything I can give you is yours Geralt, always. I will always do everything I can to make sure you get what you want, what you need." She was promising to be safe, to be careful because it was her he wanted, needed, she would not risk him having to do without. He had seconds till he'd be mental mush, that was a fact. He wanted some words for her, something of that apology he had promised her so boastfuly at the beginning.  
"I Want . . ." He was trying desperately not to lose his words to the guttural groans falling from his throat. "Not alone . . . With me. Let me bring you with me?" It took all his concentration to grunt that sentence out, he looked up at her hoping it had said what he meant, that she understood. The hand that had been pinning down a witcher let go, and he lunged, palms engulfed her shoulders and turned the tides. He could hold his composure just a little while longer, he could go without air if it meant he could hear it again. With all the energy that he had no place for, all the force he had no fight to use on, he thrust deep and purposeful at angles that were curling her.  
"Geralt!" She was loud for him just as he wanted, made all the wait worth it as his name just tumbled from her once twice and a third time, Geralt finally round release.

Even after she was patient, she let him take some time to get his breath back before speaking again. "I don't seek to leave you Geralt. You're not alone. I mean it as much now as the first time I said it. I aim to keep you." The threat was as lovely as ever, dark enough not to be doting but sincere enough to sound sweet at Geralt's ears.  
"I know." He kissed the top of her head that nestled squarely on his chest, running his fingers through her hair. "You're . . . Nothing's been . . . Important in so long. Losing you is . . . Being alone again . . . Witchers can bear most everything, have to. I won't die without you." He let out a snort that was less than amused. "I'd go on . . . Have to-" Facts brought him solice generally, these facts did not, they kept him up some nights, plauged him, left him tired and torn. "I'd be like the woman. Living because I was alive and resenting that burden."  
"Geralt even if I wasn't here you have other people who are important to you. Ves, your brothers . . . Jaskier doesn't even have a death omen or a job that has him playing chicken with ghouls. He angers a count once and again but that's a mortal peril he's far to swift to let catch him. If something was to happen you wouldn't have to be alone. You still have-"  
"It's different. They are important." His mind still hadn't fully restored. "But they're not . . . How you make me feel . . . It makes me . . . It's important that we're together. Our bond is . . . Unique" It made him feel important, that feeling, that love, it didn't give him self worth but it was something that no one else had. "Something that's mine, something important that belongs to . . . Us." He did want to assure her this was not solely for him, he was selfish with the sound of her, the feel of her but he never wanted to be selfish with her care.  
"I love you too Geralt." Short little statements would always trump the witcher's struggled sentences. Their relationship was something of value, and that was the issue. When something had value, was rare in anyway someone always aimed to take it, either as their own or simply so no one could have it. That is exactly what Nehalenia intended to do, aimed to rob her from him. Wanting led to having and having, while this new feeling made life better, it inhernintly made one vulnerable to lose. "You're doing it again Geralt." Anima could feel the arm draped over her hold tighter, possesive, protective, primed for battle.  
"Not the same." He shook his head. "I always try to head your lessons Anima." He rolled his shoulder nudging her from her spot. "Look at me." Two pairs of manufactured eyes, two sides of the same coin, two people taught that feelings were something they weren't meant to hold, met. He had given so much, bore so much pain to have his eyes as observant as they were, but he was lucky, there who had given more in the attempt, died in the pursuit. Yet here he had to adjust his vision in a different way, see not through shadows and round corners but at what was right in front of his face, at what he had. He wasn't searching her for signs, wasn't mourning her, he was doing his best to see her in the here and now. He ran his thumb long the sockets of her eyes, the trials weren't a topic he spoke about often but the way in which her eyes came about he'd only heard half crazed mumblings of, it was hard not to search the shaddows she cloaked herself in. "Must've . . ." He wondered how many empaths died on their way to be burdened with the view of the void, wondered if she occasionally felt phantom pains of the glass going in.  
"It's not the cut that killed them. It's the crazy, drove some . . . Kids. . . ." They had lived as fully matured and adjusted mutants for so long, it stung to remember, to think about it, they were once just human children. "Some caved under the strain."  
"You didn't." She had survived, she was here because she she was strong, of mind and body, she had endured. "I won't stop being overbearing. I still . . . Don't . . ." When she grabbed at her wrist, pulled at her pulse, seeing her in pain, that hadn't gotten easier on him. "I'll protect you just as I said I would but I'll. . . Running into a fight is easy. Staying, waiting is . . . Tough, but what are witchers if not tough right?" He tried to chuckle, tried to shove the worry down deeper.  
"I would never doubt the cloth your cut from Geralt, smooth as silk and tough as twine." Her smile was wide and somewhat silly.  
"Hmm." It was only fair, she was due her turn at a bit thick.  
"So..."  
"I thought I could get through one conversation without one of your sos." He rolled his eyes.  
"Dare to dream Geralt."  
"So what Anima?" Her sos rarely bore well for the witcher but he always let her lead him to the topic that needed discussing.  
"Just to be clear. We're still going to Redania? To look for the vampire who wants you for yourself?" This was a test, all his words sounded like a man who understood but did he? Or would he go right back to hiding her? Nehalenia said they were close to home, they should turn, venture a different direction, there was always coin to be made elsewhere, or push towards Aretuza, where hopefully they could gather some vital information on what they were dealing with. Those were both practical responses, but not what she was asking for.  
"We are." He did finally understand. They had been headed in the direction of a beast that had all intentions of taking the witchers blood, taking him from her, it was near poeticly the same. Yet she wasn't pestering him to shy away, she didn't grow uncharacteristically temperamental when he bled, on the off chance it could waft to the creature. She had treated Geralt them same as she always had, as something special but something strong and very much present. "The road can wait till morning. You paid for this bed you might as well sleep in it." He let out a hearty yawn, that had been quite enough talking for one day. "You haven't been sleeping well." He noted casually, not all worry left the witcher.  
"I never sleep well."  
"Practice makes perfect Anima, try." He grumbled as his eyes closed.  
"Goodnight Geralt." She showed him mercy and finally turned off.

Off was misleading, neither the witcher nor the empath were every truly off, it's likely they had forgotten how over the years. That and there was the small thing of the voice calling out between Anima's ears. _'Are you done ignoring me? Is now a better time for you?'_  
_'Not tonight.'_ Anima groaned, she tried turning off of Geralt's chest but he huffed a breath of insult out and held her tighter.  
"Sleep. I'm here."  
' _You said not tonight last night. When? After your dead? Won't be much for conversation then.'_  
' _I said it yesterday, saying it now. I might say it tomorrow. It's my mind and body you're dicking around with I get a say-'_  
' _You've spent too much time with men. You have to understand the delicacy of what I am trying to do here. I'm not **dicking** around I-'_  
' _Not tonight you're not. I'm in a bed, in an Inn, trying not to wake Geralt. Let the man sleep.'_  
_'Is he asking questions?'_  
' _He can't ask questions if he's allowed to sleep.'_  
_'You're impossible.'_  
_'I'm living.'_ She had spent all fucking day convincing Geralt of that, she had to believe it beyond a shadow of a doubt to convince the nearly unswayable man.  
_'For now.'_  
_'I might not have it for long, just let me-'_  
_'Defeatest get defeated Anima.'_ Nehalenia snapped. Anima's mind grew quiet, the world grew dark, her body numb. Geralt snored none the wiser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to this series! Part of me wanted to be patient and wait till I had my other story wrapped up and I had a meticulously laid out draft for this. Then the dialouge just started building in my head so I figured it time to get back at it. Some people may notice some light similarities to my AU piece, but cut me some slack. I am very set in the way I write my characters, it's not laziness it's just . . . Stubborness.


	2. New normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunting and Hiding it's what they're good at.

They were about two days out of Redenia when Geralt started to get wise. Had the fire gone out? It was cold. _'Light.'_ His chest didn't have the weight at it that he was accustomed to. His eyes shot open. ' _Anima?'_ She was the weight and warmth that he was missing. He jolted from his bed roll his eyes frantically searching the dark for her. "Jaskier?!"  
"Huh? What?" Jaskier was fumbling with his own bedding far less efficiently. "What's going on?" Jaskier couldn't help but notice there were no bandits or rouge endregas invading their camp.  
"Did you see . . . She's missing Jaskier." Geralt gave up on sight, he couldn't see her so that did him no good. "Anima?" He could hear the breeze blow and break, could hear deer grazing nearby but he didn't hear anyone answer his call. His eyes shot back open at the sound of crackling.  
"Anima?! Fuck." Jaskier had half asleep lit a torch but that did nothing but better iluminate the empty camp.  
"Shut up Jaskier." Geralt's ears were playing tricks on him, he could have sworn he heard her before the bard had shouted.  
"Er . . . Can you blood hound her?" Jaskier could sound a way the witcher couldn't will his voice, spooked, confused, gutted.  
"I . . ." Geralt didn't have time to gripe at the wording of that request. "Trying." Geralt had been _trying_ to infer Anima's most recent set of footprints in the dirt but that would take time he didn't have, with an angry shake of his head he closed his eyes again. Next there was the chore of tuning out the thumping of his heart in his ears and focused on his sense of smell. _'No blood.'_ That was good but it meant he really had to focus, strain his sense, the forest was dense with notes high and low, cracking tea leaves and dried fruit was hard to pinpoint. Hard but not impossible, and Geralt was nothing if not determined. "This way." He was chasing just a soft trail of what he hoped to be the right scent and not some overturned merchant cart.  
"Anima?" Jaskier called out again, and there was still no answer.  
"Hmm." Geralt saw them and his heart sunk into his stomach.  
"What hmm? Was that a good hmm or a bad hmm Geralt?" Jaskier had finally galloped up to the Witcher who was staring at the forest floor. "Did you find her? Is she . . . She's fine Geralt. Think about it she's dramatic like me she wouldn't just silently-" Jaskier was trying to calm the tension freezing the forest, he could see Geralt's whole body just still and rigid, his head low.  
"Footprints." Geralt finally spoke, crouching down his eyes losing ever more iris to take in the scant light.  
"Anima's?"  
"Yes." Geralt was moving again. He knew these boot prints better than her last pair, mostly because he had to listen to her sigh and curse about breaking them in over the last month, he had been relieved when he saw the imprints get solid and sure.  
"That's . . . Well that's a good thing right? Means you found her." Jaskier was jogging through the darkness again, torch light only barely shining off the back of the racing Witcher's hair. "Why aren't you saying that like it's a good thing?! Are there other foot prints? Geralt what aren't you telling me?" Jaskier would not have this be the moment to lose his inquisitive mind.  
"Just hers Jaskier." Geralt never thought he'd have wished to see bear tracks or bandit's heels in pursuit, but here he was.  
"So she's. . . . Alone? Or maybe it was a wraith or-"  
"No. Just hers." Geralt would have noticed, signs, something, anything out if the ordinary, but they were just stumbling through the dark.  
"Oh." Jaskier was finally making sense of it. "She wouldn't go into the forest alone." Anima was weary of the woods by daylight there was no way she would venture this far in the dark.  
"No. She wouldn't."  
"Perhaps she went to take a piss and got lost is all." Jaskier kept talking as if it could ward of the thoughts swirling in the witcher's mind, _his_ mind, he was right and truly worried.  
"Could be." It was possible, Anima still at the best of times had a horrible sense of direction. "Water." They had met a stream and there were her boots laid neatly to the side, he tucked them under his arm and was moving again. Anima wouldn't have likely crossed moving water even lost. "She's trying to lose me." Geralt snarled at the stream. His boots slaming angrily through it's shin high depths.  
"Anima?! Can you hear me?" Jaskier tried again, and again nothing.

 _'The bard? Damnit. It's time to wake up Anima.'_ The empath didn't stir right away, she was laying in the dirt, barely breathing.  
 _'What in the fuck do you think I'm trying to do?'_ She had failed, again, miserably, not even close. Nothing was working. This wasn't getting easier, it wasn't even becoming possible.  
 _'Now.'_ The darkness that had been clouding her lifted she could feel her own muscles again and they were heavy and sore, her hands were raw from grasping and clawing at the dirt.  
"Fuck." She used all her energy to twist onto her back.  
 _'Is it worth it Anima? Do you think you'll win?'_ Nehelenia was growing incesant, just always right at the back of her head.  
"Shut up!" Anima groaned alloud.  
"Shut up Jaskier!" Geralt's voice could be heard from a distance. "Anima?"  
 _'Fuck.'_ He had noticed her absence, how long had she been gone?  
"Ne . . ." He had started to bark another name.  
"Geralt?!" Anima was trying to stand but had vertigo something awful, tipping and falling into a bush behind her. "Ow." She laid there for a moment, pain was better than feeling nothing.

  
"Geralt you dolt don't just leave me in the dark." Jaskier shouted and Anima barely had a moment longer to think on her search party till hands were around her, grabbing roughly at her arms, her neck her, face.  
"Anima." Her name was being panted in the worst way, it was awful, just broke her. Her head stung worse as bone of another forehead colided with her own.  
"Geralt it's OK. It's alright Geralt." She slid a hand cross his cheek and he glared at it. His face was pinned against hers just a terrible riled sneer lingering there. He pulled back not responding to his name, he was just breathing and pulling at parts of her inspecting them with eyes blown wide. "Geralt?" A few more minutes passed that way before he let her get to her feet, his hands left her and he started pacing.  
"Anima!" She did not get to enjoy personal space long, as Jaskier bowled through the night like a banshee, tackling her back to the earth.  
"Oof." She let out a chuckle, letting the bard squeeze for a moment. "Enough. Enough. Air!"  
"You're a vile wreched tramp you know that?" Jaskier was dusting himself off as he stood.  
"Huh?" His smile was counteracting that sentence as was the hand he offered to her.  
"There is no way you didn't hear me Anima! You had us worried sick. I'm growing older I can't take all this high stakes drama, bad on my frail human heart."  
"I . . . Didn't hear you, and I'm sorry for worrying you." She spoke the last bit louder but Geralt was still pacing, his head somewhere lost between relieved and livid. "Though there's no need to lie and say you and that human heart of yours don't live for high stakes drama." She let her smile meet and match Jaskier's.  
"What do you mean you didn't hear him?" Geralt hadn't stopped pacing, hadn't looked over to her since he let go, but he at least acknowledged her existence with a low simmering accusation.  
"I was . . . Unavailable." Anima knew he was owed a much better explanation so she started again. "Don't panic she didn't take over so much as I tried to leave. It's safer than it sounds I-"  
"So safe you didn't think to tell me? So safe you slid off into the night?! What if something had gotten to you in that state Anima? Do you have any idea what lives in these woods? You're a sitting duck like that!" Geralt had burned through relief, livid was all that was left. "You demand that I ignore everything in me that's telling me we are not doing enough to keep her from . . . How am I supposed to . . . You were gone Anima!" He crowded her space for a minute, his chest was rising and falling, his eyes were just scathing as they scanned their surroundings without finding purchase anywhere in particular. He let out a big exhale and grabbed the boots he had thrown to the ground and pushed them into her chest. "I woke up and you were gone!"  
"I'm trying-"  
"Enough! Just . . . We've wasted enough sleep chasing you. Let's go back to camp." Geralt cut the conversation there, not because he didn't want more answers but because he knew he'd continue to bark and bellow and he just found out he hadn't lost her, he wouldn't risk scolding her south.

"You can't blame him for being angry." Jaskier whispered as they trailed behind said angry witcher.  
"I don't." Anima shrugged, honestly Geralt was taking it better than she would have roles reversed.  
"Stay close!"Though Geralt's voice had not calmed, not a bit.  
"What . . . Were you trying to do? "  
"Trying to force myself out." Anima shrugged. It didn't matter what she was trying to do, she had failed so it was irrelevant.  
"Out of?"  
"Of me." Anima frowned, she hadn't even liked this plan, failing at a shit plan was not sitting well with her. "Etheric travel."  
"Is that like . . . "  
"It's exactly what I said, forcing who I am out of what I am." Anima saw no sign of recognition on Jaskier's face. "Er . . .like making myself a ghost without all that dying business." She made some big sweeping mock magical geastures.  
"Ok." Jaskier nodded, though how that helped anything did not make itself readily apparent to the bard. "And you had to do it alone . . . In the dark . . . Away from camp . . . Because? You really shouldn't have-"  
"For one it takes a lot of concentration and it needs to be done right. It's not as simple as-"  
"Because she knew I would object." Geralt snorted from ahead. "You've already got a squatter in your bones Anima, any sort of astral-"  
"Ethetic." She couldn't see the glare implying that wasn't a point of distinction, she didn't need to, she felt it. "I'm just saying they're different. I took precautions Geralt I-"  
"Out of your body is what she wants Anima. It isn't smart to give her a taste of that." All Geralt saw this as was a gamble and a lack of trust. She did not trust him to protect her and she was grasping at straws, searching out some loophole to jump through when he failed. While he wasn't adverse to having back up plans, this was not the way. He didn't need to understand what she was attempting. He wasn't as out of his depth with magic as Jaskier nor was it something he delt with unless he had to. It existed and he delt with it, at it's root magic always gave at the cost of something great.  
"I feel this is a conversation best had after breakfast. We're all a bit cranky and-"  
"Fine."  
"Really? Just like that? You actually listened to my advice?" Jaskier was begining to wonder if he was not still sleeping and this was one confusing dream. "Anima pinch me ... Ow." He swatted her away, no, he was awake.  
"I said fine didn't I?" They had made it back to camp. "I'm not letting this be an excuse to a late start. Sleep." Geralt placed his swords back at their resting place and sat slouched and irate onto his bed roll.  
"I . . .right." Jaskier almost wished Geralt kept shouting, a simmering witcher was not in anyway better, he was just delaying the explosion. Still he got back under his bed roll and let that be future Jaskier's problem. An eye cracked open when something wasn't right. "Anima? You're not going to disappear on us again?" She was standing in the middle of the camp like a lost child. "I don't have the stamina to chase a frenzied witcher twice in one night."  
"No." Anima had one of those sterile emergency smiles on her face as she slowly walked over to roach.  
"Good." Jaskier let out a yawn. "I've been working on a new piece and would like to test it on you tomorrow. You have a better knack for _constructive_ criticism." It was one of the nicest things the bard had ever said to her. He wanted her to stay not just for Geralt's behalf but Jaskier had his own bond with Anima he'd like not to lose. Things almost seemed blown over till the witcher steamed again, less a shout more a snarl.  
"You're a fucking loon if you think you're sleeping in Eskel's bedroll." Geralt saw her begin to pull it from the saddle bag.  
"It's been mine for over a year Geralt. It's hardly Eskel's anymore." Anima gave another firm tug, it was really packed at the bottom.  
"Don't." He never said she couldn't, though his tone wasn't leaning towards it being a suggestion. As it hit the air he could smell it, she wasn't wrong, her scent was slowly washing out that if his brother's but that changed nothing, if anything it made it worse. Another reminder, another jab, this time at past failures, at time he wasn't allowed near her.

"I don't want to argue." Anima didn't want to sleep alone, but Geralt was still mad, she wanted him to know if he needed space he could have it. She folded in beside him, still trying to give him some measure of room to seeth but that just bristled him further. With a grunt of annoyance he pulled her closer, normally he'd sleep with her atop his chest but that's how he lost her. Instead while it could be confused with spooning he really was just making it impossible to flee unnoticed. A leg swung over her hip, and a heavy arm laid over hers, his hold was firm. Anima could feel even pound of the witcher laid across her, could feel his breaths begin to slow at the base of her neck. "You can sleep." She uttered when the breaths didn't slow further.  
"Can I?" He didn't want to be as angry as he was, but he wouldn't let fear become an emotion he lingered in.  
"Yes. I won't leave Geralt."  
"Hmm." She sounded defeated, she sounded trapped. This just enraged him further and he felt at odds with himself at odds with her. "It didn't work did it? Your astral-" She always had a cocky white washed grin when she had mastered some new skill, even if she was in pain, even if she was feeling all sorts of terrible emotions it snuck in there somewhere.  
"Ethetic travel. No not this time." She was trying to be open, trying not to dodge questions. That's what he wanted right?  
"This time." Geralt chewed on her honest response for a moment or two.  
"It didn't work the other times either if that helps. Alas I am a one trick pony as it seems."  
"Must not be meant to be." He didn't think she'd care to hear him admit it did help that she hadn't been able to float out of her body somewhere. "These other times . . ." He had calmed some, having her, holding her had stopped his blood from absolutely boiling. "I understand why you did it without telling me, because I think it's a bad idea." She had not said there wouldn't be new other times so it didn't hurt to reiterate his doubts. "Why did you make it hard for me to find you? You took off your boots Anima, crossed a stream. I can track you through . . ." He wasn't sure there was any place he couldn't find her, except that space she had been trying to get to.  
"Don't ask Geralt. It's an answers you won't-"  
"Hmm. So you're finally using one?" They had established this system some time the previous year. He remembered her words. ' _We both aren't fans of being left behind, both ignore each other's warnings. I propose a truce. We each get . . . Two a year, and three extra over a lifetime. For when we're sure the other just wouldn't understand the sevarity of it. So you've got five times you can tell me to stay away, no questions asked and I'll listen.'_ Geralt had burned through the prior year's allotment almost on being given the chance, one on an matter of man and one of a sorceress with some peculiar demands, issues Anima could have helped with but he deemed unsafe. Alternatively Anima hadn't used any, she was better at persuasion, she hadn't had to bank on promises, until now.  
"Can I ask you not to do it again?"  
"Geralt I really do think-"  
"The hiding at least. That's not . . .who you are. Not to me." That had been what angered him most. He was so sure Anima would never deliberately hide herself from him that he had resigned himself to be chasing Nehalenia through the woods. Anima would never aim to leave him without a trace, on that count he had been wrong. "Even if what I find breaks me I need to be able to . . . Deal with that." If she died he'd need to find an appropriate place to learn how to mourn. If some benin beast had just consumed her leaving nothing but blood stains he'd . . . Well he'd gut the beast and dig out her bones but he'd prefer a chance to be good to her one last time, keep her body safe and find a proper place of rest. "If it means to harm me . . . I still have a chance." If Nehalenia swooped in, took control, Anima was still in there somewhere, he'd seen it transpire and it had given him hope. If it happened again he'd hunt that Goddess from corner to corner of every sphere he could claw his way into till he found a way to free Anima.  
"I . . . Geralt what if you have to kill her?" This was one of the answers she didn't want to give. "I don't know her intentions fully, what if she is harming others and it's my face you have to stare at as you slice her down? You will if you have no other choice . . . Let it be someone else's choice." That was why she hid, she didn't want that burden on Geralt's already incumbered shoulders.  
"Let me be the one who decides when there is no other choice. . . If that happens-" It wouldn't, there was always another option, a different way, he'd find it. "I will . . ." Could he do it? Could he knowingly let anyone strike her down. "Let Thill choose."  
"Thill?" She was not expecting that.  
"If you have no voice or mind I can hear, Thill knows your intent, knows you better than any. I will take her word on your wants in your absence." It was a bit of an omission. Thill knew Anima best yes, but once before that smiling house wife had known Anima's wishes and allowed Geralt a chance to best them, do better than what the empath thought she deserved. If it came to it, maybe she would give him a stay of execution a second time.

"Fight your way Anima, just don't-" Asking not to be left sounded so broken, so pitiful, those words didn't come. "You get lost easily, don't make it hard to find you." He felt her jostle in his hold. Was she trying to get away? Trying to run to spare the poor witcher the feelings he shouldn't have? "Anima?" She was crying, silently, wordlessly sobbing, her body shaking with it. "It's alright. I won't tell anyone." He kissed at the back of her head, he didn't tell her to stop, didn't promise her fears were unwaranted, just let her cry. These were days of tears, months maybe years wrenching themselves up from some pit she had buried them in.  
"I'm scared Geralt." Her voice was strained and a bit broken but he didn't dare flinch.  
"Fear is good Anima." He knew it didn't feel good, he understood fear made one's body and mind race and riot. "It's not a useless emotion." He reminded the empath who lothed feeling the unnecessary.  
"Can you . . ." She shook her head, she had no foot to stand on, no right to ask anything of the man who was being endlessly understanding on her behalf. Geralt grumbled, suspense really wasn't something that suited him.  
"What?" He some how found a way to seem heavier, for his hold to seem more sound.  
"Can you please sleep. You can be quite the grump when you don't rest rightly." She had already gotten what she craved from him, just more of him, always more, so instead of wasting the request she asked something for him.  
"After I'm sure you're out." He was calmer, not calm. "I don't ask for much Anima." He was letting his eyes close.  
"You don't." Her voice had almost worked out it's wept kinks.  
"I'm asking for this." His voice was stern and slow, he did not wish for her to mishear in anyway. "Asking for you to be on my side. To let me find you, don't cover your tracks again."  
"Hiding in plain sight is what I'm best at." Anima's eyes closed.  
"That's where I found you. That's where I want you."

"Well go on." Jaskier had let breakfast be tense and awkward, he wasn't going to spend another day and a half to Redenia in deafining stubborn silence.  
"I said I was sorry. I can grovel." Anima fell on her knees and began shuffling forward. "It will slow us immeasurably though."  
"Anima do not get in a battle of theatrics with the bard, he'll win every time." Geralt rolled his eyes as he waited for this banter to play out. Watching them bicker while not as nice as watching them relax still felt right, felt like home.  
"You owe us a better explanation Anima." Jaskier waited for Anima to stand and resume walking beside him. "I tolerate Geralt withholding tales of grandure because he's a miserable brute with no sense of whimsy-"  
"You know me so well." Geralt scoffed but there was almost a smirk there. He found the compliment where there wasn't any, his bard knew him. Jaskier had pressed less for first hand accounts mostly because those tales didn't hold grandure for the witcher, they were montonous at best and tragic at worst. Jaskier cared enough to know when a story was worth hearing, worth retelling.  
"But from you, I refuse to accept the answer: because magic."  
"But Jaskier you hate magic. You both hate magic. You quite literally have both called what I do nonsense, on multiple occasions."  
"That was the brute not me." Jaskier shook his head, he prefered gaining a bad reputation all by himself, he didn't need the witcher's help. "And no I don't care for magic but I do like a good dissection of a word. Ethetic . . . Explain."  
"It's existing outside of the physical . . . but still being on the physical plane." She saw the bard's eyes grow dim. "Like a ghost." She tried the explanation that had garnered any reaction the night before a second time.  
"And that's different than what Geralt was calling it?"  
"Astral is existing and moving about. . . . In the white. Where my head goes . .when my eyes get spooky. I can do that . . . Without a second thought. Astral is easy, Ethetic is . . . Beyond my grasp." It wasn't impossible, she just hadn't been able to manage it.  
"Why?" Jaskier still didn't get it but this seemed to be the natural line of questioning.  
"Here." Anima positioned Jaskier in front of her. "Geralt hold up a number." And the witcher who very much had no love lost for this 'nonsense' held up a finger. "That'll do. Now Jaskier while keeping your eyes trained on Geralt's opinion on things. Tell me what number I'm holding up."  
"So you'd what? Have to have eyes in the back of your head to complete your goal?"  
"It's more like trying to look left and right at the same time, but on the off chance you could do that I went with something a little less plausible. I would have to focus on the void and the psycial, tether to both, normally I forgoe one for the other. It has been done. I just can't . . . Maybe my concentration is off or simply my hold is lopsided. Point is I haven't been able to do it, not even close."  
"It only barely rhymes." Jaskier pouted.  
"I'm sorry?"  
"I was looking for something that rhymed with fisstech and I thought that was a good fit but upon hearing it over it won't do." Jaskier nodded.  
"You had me go over all that . . . For a ryhme?" Anima's face ran flat.  
"I've done far more in search of a good rhyme Anima." Jaskier noted. "But that goal was only secondary. I wanted you to explain to Geralt what you've been up to and I know he's busy brooding so he won't give it the time of day to ask, and you love being a crimson cape of mystery and misfortune so you weren't just going to say it. So I had the conversation for you. Satisfied with the explanation Geralt? Does it put your worry to ease?"  
"Ease on my ears bard. Be quiet for a few blessed minutes." Geralt didn't feel better hearing her magic for idiots explanation, something still nagged, but maybe the bard was right, maybe knowing made it seem a little less ominous, just another way he didn't like Anima stretching herself.  
"He didn't storm off so that was a yes. He . . . We appreciate your efforts. That was terribly diplomatic of you." Anima would dote for the both of them, she had run Geralt cantankerous, he didn't have any kind words for the world, but she could read him, let his friend know he had been a help to the witcher's thought heavy mind.  
"You so often forget Anima I'm a viscount by birth, diplomacy runs in my blood." This got a scoff from Geralt that from his distance must have been quite the breath to be heard.  
"We forget because nobels are often more trouble than they're worth. You Jaskier are worth every crown."  
"That . . . Didn't work . . . But you tried and I will take it." Her attempt at mixing antonyms and idioms did not meet the bard's standard but still he smiled, Anima smiled. This was Geralt's favorite part of the bickering, they'd talk each other silly, getting their fill of a conversation he didn't have the time or tolerance to keep up with and then move on, be better, closer, they were less alone by the day. He was still a bit bothered by the night prior but even he managed half of a grin.

"I don't even know why you travel Geralt. Trouble finds you." Jaskier cocked his head to the side at a man waving them down, galloping straight at them.  
"Pays better if I meet them before their pockets have been shredded." Geralt noted as he pulled Roach to a stop.  
"Hexer! Hey Hexer?!" The man sounded more frustrated than distressed as he reached the group.  
"What?" Both men dismounted.  
"Do your fuckin job that's what!" He was pointing a fairly acusitory finger into Geralt's chest.  
"I don't work for you. So if you wish to keep your-"  
"Don't work for no one. Don't pray to nothing. Cold blooded vagrant is what-"  
"Ever hear the phrase more bees with honey?" Anima interjected. Geralt wanted a little slice of back to normal, simple clean monster hunting for coin and it was right here in front of him, only issue was the asshole presenting it, she was trying to salvage this.  
"No one's talking to you." This man began advancing towards her. "I know the Hexer's been contracted by the lady on the hill but if he could spare just one fuckin moment to help a lowly-"  
"What work do you have for a cold blooded vagrent such as myself?" Geralt had the man by the collar, assholes, viscounts, pedlers and paupers alike, to him a job was a job and Anima was right he just wanted a simple task. "If you can manage to ask instead of demand perhaps I can help."  
"Harpies. Up the Cliffside made a whole hunting ground of it."  
"So?" Next this man was going to ask him to rid the sea of sirens.  
"So he says. Kill em! What do you charge by the head?"  
"Sometimes." Geralt was used to this sort of show. A puff of bravado from a man in over his head, sour and steamed that he had to ask the likes of a witcher for help. "What's _on_ the cliffside, is what I'm asking."  
"Harpies! You deaf?!"  
" _Besides_ that." Used to and had grown a patience for were not one in the same. "People tend to leave little details out like a cursed crypt or a family or rock trolls living in an abounded mine . . . Why were _you_ on the cliff side?"  
"I was . . . Me daughter ran up that ways fortnight ago alright. You stay away from er if you see her. She's a shy un you'll spook her with all your-"  
"Cliff's no place for a child. How could . . . Fine." He wouldn't waste time pointing fingers, that wasn't his place. What did he know about reering children? His place was elbow deep in a harpy nest. "Anima if I bring you with me do you think you could find the girl?" He could find the child on his own but the father was right, the witcher would frighten her and chasing a kid round a cliff could lead to mistakes, lead to injuries, lead to death. Anima could find the child, keep her calm enough, let him do his work.  
"Hide and seek. I was born for it." Anima had a confident smirk.  
"From the looks of it what you were born for wasn't enough." The man's bravado went a hair too far. The hold on his collar lifted, pulling the man off his feet, leaving him clutching at his throat.

"I'll find your daughter. Kill your harpies. I'll do my job." He watched the man squirm for a moment. "You just sit here and worry about what I'll take as payment." He dropped him. "Jaskier so long as you don't call undue attention-"  
"I am due all the attention I get Geralt." Jaskier's smile was met with an impatient scowl. "You two love heights knock yourself out." Jaskier sat against a tree. "I'll start composing of your triumph while we wait. Sir do you know a word that ryhmes with garotter?" The bard smirked as the man sat white faced no resurging bravado.

"What _are_ you going to take for payment?" It had been a while since she had watched Geralt snarl so much purely for show. It wasn't something enjoyable to see but neither one of them could pretend it didn't get results.  
"Coin if he's carrying any. Probably his saddle. . . Might even ask for an apology." This felt normal, good, something managable.

"What is the strumpet?" The man finally spoke over Jaskier's increasingly violent bordering on threatening tune.  
"Anima? A nusance." Jaskier shrugged mid strum.  
"No the eyes. There's been talk of one's with white eyes being shipped south. Black one's taken a real interest in em. Any clue why?"  
"Because Anima wouldn't be Anima is she didn't make Geralt fight the whole fucking world to keep her happy." Jaskier let out a slightly bitter sigh. "If it isn't a dead goddess it's a dead kingdom. I told Geralt not to fall for a barmaid I did warn him. Nothing good ever comes of it." This was some rouge hearsay Jaskier was not going to light the short fuse on the powder keg that was Geralt by telling him peril could possibly be coming from every angle. _'Dopplers have white eyes don't they? Maybe niflgard is looking for spys. They are an eclectic bunch what would they need a legion of empaths for?'_ The bard did not care for worrying, that only brought crows feet. This was a threat they could ignore for the time being.

Anima was watching Geralt, he had it back, the calm of doing what he did best. Yes he was sticky with blood and feathers, shouting some quite colorful words in the presence of the child they had found but as much as he looked frenzied and wild, she could see the calm running underneath, this was what made sense to him, this was comforting. It took close to an hour till it was safe for the girls to move but Anima soaked in every second of it. "Last of them." Geralt had almost a smile to his labored breath, sheathing silver as he aproached them. "Like what you've done with her hair." Celine was the child's name and she had spent the better part of that hour over Anima's shoulders trying to keep her eyes off the gore, focusing instead on some intricate braid Anima was itching to brush out. "Enough excitement for one day?" Geralt snarled for show but when a child was just a child, he could show he was mostly just a man.  
"I want to go home." Celine cowered and nodded into Anima's neck.  
"Then let's get you home." It stung more, didn't outright hurt but still, children being frightened, knowing they would grow up scared, maybe grow angry like the girls father, resentful of mutants. Geralt tried to not linger on what she would become instead just focusing on the task at hand.

"Do you love the hexman?" His ears did begin to burn, he was ahead, clearing the path of any ghouls or wolves that had come for their part of the bloodshed.  
"I do. Very much." Anima's relationship with humans was a little more strained than Geralt's there was far less trust and give there, but children, she saved the scraps she had for children.  
"You aren't scared of em?"  
"Why would I be?" The way she nearly scoffed that let a cocky smirk curl onto Geralt's face.  
"He ain't . . ." The child seemed to remember the shoulders she was perched on weren't human either. "Look at the swords on his back how he hacked at-" Celine, fists full of Anima's hair, made sweeping and striking motions.  
"Do you fear . . . knights?" Anima winced through the tug.  
"Knights? No. They save kingdoms, princesses and-"  
"And they only have one sword. Geralt's got two. Cause he does twice the protecting. Not just the kingdoms. Little people like us."  
"Hexman?"  
"Geralt." While Anima painting him as more valiant than a knight was closer to the way Jaskier spun his work, it didn't feel cheap or explotive as some of the bard's earlier pieces, it almost sounded like she believed it. "What is it?"  
"Are your swords heavy?"  
"I don't really notice them anymore." He wasn't one for stories.  
"I bet they're heavy." The girl seemed to be pondering something deep beyond her years, continuing her braiding as she did so. "Is your job scary?"  
"I . . . Sometimes." He tried to imagine how what he had just done would have looked to her, he didn't view harpies as frightening, more so annoying but that was a matter of taste. "I don't scare easily." He cut the difference.  
"You make the world less scary." She was considering.  
"I try." It didn't appear he was succeeding on that front but no one could say he didn't try.

"So . . . You just look scary to . . . Scare away the real monsters?!" That seemed to make enough logic to a six year old. "You're not really scary."  
"I can be. I scared your father." Geralt let out a sigh, he didn't see the point in upselling himself to the daughter only for the father to drag him through the mud on their way home.  
"You can be scary and be good." Anima tried to find a middle ground between the optimism of a child and the pessimism of a world hardened witcher. "He scared your father but he still protected you didn't he?"  
"Scary and good." The girl accepted this answer and continued braiding.

They walked long side father and daughter to a part in the trail. They'd likely never see the pair again and yet that didn't grip the group with sadness or a feeling of time wasted, it was normal, in it's own way comforting, the task was complete job done, everyone could move on, everyone was alive.

"Whose idea was it?" Geralt murmered in a pleasantly exhausted way looking distantly into a dying fire. "The travel." Fingers of one hand were at the back of her head undoing Celine's hardwork.  
"Not today Geralt. Today's been . . . Normal."  
"We will have plenty of normal days. I won't let that distract me. We'll even have good days and that's when it will happen. When I'm relaxed, happy, calm. That's when-"  
"Geralt don't think that way please. It's not worth it to stay miserable just to stay vigilant." She turned to face him, attempted to kiss that train of thought right out of him, had everything she'd tried to instill in him over years disapear overnight? "Geralt don't lose your marbles just-" It was starting to really sink in how waking up alone had sent the witcher back to sharp edges, to keeping his guard up.  
"I'm here." His hand went to her back holding her tight again. "The world we live in Anima. I will still prefer normal days, I like predictable. I will still enjoy good days. Threat doesn't go away." He gave a kiss, letting her feel the confidence there the calm. _'Scary and good.'_ he really had been trying, balancing defending and living. "Will you answer my question. It wasn't your idea was it?" That had been bothering him, it was something inconsistent, Anima would have told him, wouldn't have hid, someone had influence over her actions, someone doubted them both.  
"No." She admitted after some contemplation. "Geralt I can't stress-"  
"I don't want to know why or how, that's your world. Who? I don't like someone with nothing to lose having a hand in this. If they think they know better, they shouldn't be lurking."  
"A sorceress." Anima knew Geralt was forgoing so many questions he'd prefer answers to, trusting her after she hurt him, she couldn't give him nothing in return.  
"A sorceress that neither of us know well. That's rare." Geralt despite having a distaste for magic, had been known to have a taste for those who wielded it. He tried to think who had cause enough to meddle.  
"I never said you didn't know them."  
"Hiding in plain site it's what you're best at, hide and seek, you were born for it. They wouldn't have you try to hide in a bush if they knew you Anima." Honestly if _she_ had hatched this plan he was sure she would have smoothed talked him into seeing it as some half decent idea. "They must not know me if they thought the moon and a stream could keep you from me. Or that I'd take kindly to be left in the dark." The last part still held some anger in it. "So they don't know us, they doubt-"  
"They doubt we understand what's a stake." She repeated the words told to her and cringed, waiting for the reaction similar to the one she gave.  
"What's at stake?! You, your fucking blood you. . .you die if we don't fix it. That's what's at stake. They doubt I am taking this seriously?" His free hand slammed into the dirt beside him, settling and clutching at the continent itself, just angry and dumbstruck. _'You.'_ He strained to keep that balance. She was here, still here.  
"They say there are things of greater-"  
"Oh some greater good." The hand in her hair left, hitting his face and dragging his scowl longer. "Just when I thought this couldn't get more infuriating."  
"Yes well-"  
"Well nothing Anima. Greater good is just hot air, just saying their needs are greater than yours, their ideals better. I've heard it all before." Geralt knew of and gave no credence to how interwoven magic and politics were. "All that has no place here." He let out a deep exhale, wondering when this had gotten so complicated. ' _Just keep her alive. Be good to her.'_ His original goals had been so straight forward. He went back to dismantling braids. "That's not who we are."  
"We are not champions of the greater good?" Anima smirked fully for him, good was not their normal, she knew it, she embraced it.  
"I'm no knight Anima. Kingdoms do not concern me. Greater goods lesser evils, just opinions." Satisfied with her hair back long and loose, back to normal, he let his face bury in there from behind, let for a brief moment all of him rest there. He didn't want her to get swept up in politics, in magic, in the meddling of others. "Does that bother you? Do you want . . ." Maybe he was doing the same, pushing his ideals on her. Maybe she had found interest in that sort of thing, the continent as a whole was old and redundant to him, she was still finding things outside of the lyrian plains new and enticing. He liked her interest, enjoyed showing her the world, he didn't want to stiffle that, he just wanted to keep her safe as she explored.  
"I like our small world. Our normal." She could hear some sort of hum of agreement next to her throat.  
"But?" There was a somewhat annoyed grumble to follow.  
"You are meant for great things Geralt, anyone with eyes can see that, important things. I can't keep you all to myself."  
"Says who? If they want me. Need me so greatly they can hang a notice just like everyone else." Heleaned in further, let his stubble brush up against her cheek. "There's always work for a witcher. I'll always do what I was made for, that part you can't keep. The rest . . . Well no one's ever contracted me for what you keep me for."  
"No one? Not once?" Anima chuckled, she could see it now a perfume laced notice asking for love and companionship in the form of an attentive witcher.  
"Hmm." He let her chuckle on that for a moment. "Maybe once." He watched her eyes pop open in surprise and amusement.

"We have more in common than I thought." Had her witcher sold his services in a way more similar to the way she used to?  
"No. I didn't . . . That woman wanted a pet. I've told you a collar is not something I'm after."  
"No." She craned her face to find his, leaning in for a soft kiss.  
"She didn't want that." His mind was souring on the memory. The way his existence enraged the father from early had cruely amused the woman who had contracted him years back when he was a freshly minted witcher. She had wanted a monster, a beast, hers to corral and tame, he remembered how sullen and odd it had left him feeling.  
"Her loss." Anima let her fingers run gently over Geralt's ears, a tender touch she had allowed him to grow acustomed to, gave him the ability and reason to crave and lean into. "Did she want that?"  
"No." His eyes shut and that bitter acid taste in his mouth started evaporating, left him as he felt her hands slide under cloth and over scared muscle with the care you would handle a new born infant.  
"A right fool. Tell me. What else did she not want from you Geralt? I'll have it, every last bit."  
"Exactly." He had her arms in his hands, he would not be rendered a stiff motionless log again. "There is no good greater." He stopped when he heard commotion, his muscles tensed for a moment, soft went strong in a blink.  
"Don't stop whispering sweet nothings on my account. I'm off to take matters into my own hand. If you hear me shout for Eskel don't come running." Jaskier teased, his bright white smile piercing through the night.  
"We're not-" Anima started  
"Like hell you're not." Jaskier was halfway gone. "Be kind to your witcher Anima you put him through a lot."  
"Jaskier do not-" That gnawed on Geralt for a moment, having the bard disapear into the night, the woods weren't as still as the night prior. ' _Have to get bells for the two.'_  
'"And you! Let her be nice Geralt, she does know how, don't let her forget, I can't stand for you _both_ to be callous and crude. Don't fret I'll be gone just long enough for you to miss me." Jaskier had fully disappeared.

"Hmm."  
"We can go after him. . . In a bit, let him have his fantasy." Anima noted Geralt's distracted state. He never could match how feather soft her kisses felt but as one came he did his best.  
"Let him have it." He couldn't pur, but his chest did hum as close as it could. He knew his softest attempts must've fallen short, he was agile as anything but still heavy handed. He just couldn't bend his body and mind to be truly soft but she let him have that, he wouldn't call it a fantasy, but she looked at him as if he was soft, something tender and kind, it made the way others looked at him seem insignificant. "I promised to be good to you Anima."  
"I didn't even hang up a notice." She grinned in between kisses. Heavy petting went on till it came to a very abrupt stop.

"Geralt!" The bard hadn't likely shouted the wrong witcher's name in extacy. "Gerahhh!" It hit his nose as he grabbed at his swords.  
 _'Blood.'_ He wasn't going to find Jaskier hiding in a bush. "Stay here." Geralt was nearly gone when he heard footsteps behind him. " I said stay here." He was still running but he could be heard over any sound in the woods.  
"Geralt I-"  
"Don't ask questions just stay." And his yearly alotment reduced by one. ' _Keep her alive. Be good to her.'_ The waters had gotten too muddied, he needed to keep his goals clear and percise.  
"Fine." Anima's heels dug into the dirt, hard, she had to play by the rules she set, she didn't have to like it.

Jaskier was always easy to pick out, always smelling of the oppoiste season. Winter during summer and fall during spring. The smell of oak and figs was there but it was deep under iron, deep under blood. The bard hadn't gotten far, he was pinned down to the ground, bleeding from what looked like a deep bite in his right thigh but what he was pinned down by Geralt couldn't see. _'Some sort of vampire.'_ He didn't linger on that thought long, he didn't need to see them to get them off, a shot of Ard had whatever invisible creature off and wailing. "Jaskier?" Geralt made himself a wall round the bleeding bard. "Are you alright?"  
"No I'm not alright! Look at me Geralt! I'm going to die here in this miserable-"  
"You're not going to die." Geralt yanked at his own sleeve, only requiring a second pull for some loose stitches before it was free.  
"The wolf is the one that she wants." A voice could be heard from up in the trees, he still couldn't see them, but he could hear them shuffling amongst the leaves, there was two at least.  
"Will you come with us wolf? She wants you terribly."  
"Who?" Jaskier could hear the voices as well. "Easy with that." He winced as Geralt pulled the fashioned tourniquet tight.  
"Don't engage with them bard. How bad is it?"  
"Will you come with us wolf or will we have to return with our hands empty of naught but the bones of your bard?" The second one sounded half between concerned and threatening.  
"Jaskier?" Geralt was hoisting the man up, watching as he stumbled off and on his injured leg. "I want you to run."  
"Run? Geralt I can hardly stand!" Jaskier was paler than usual, he needed stitches, needed potions, he needed to get to camp.  
"Go." Geralt gave Jaskier a shove, another sign, quen, a glow of protection circled around the bard. "Now!" Jaskier didn't run so much as he hobbled, a few minutes, a few stumbles, maybe another quart of blood passed before the shield over him died down.

"Geralt?" What did that mean? Geralt didn't use that sign often, perhaps it had a range, a time limit. Jaskier had no fucking clue all he knew was that his only link to prove his friend was alive was gone.  
"Anima!" Jaskier crumpled onto hands and knees once he reached camp. "Find him!"  
"Jaskier what happened. Let me see your-"  
"Just tell me he's alright! Find him ok?" Jaskier pushed her hands away. "Why didn't you go with him?!"  
"I-" now wasn't the time for bickering. She focused let her vision go white and searched for the witcher. "He's not in the forest." She stated after a sweep across miles and mountains.  
"Unless he's-"  
"He's not dead." Anima couldn't state that for fact, but she would accept no other answer.  
"You don't-"  
"I won't get to say I told you so if you die of blood loss Jaskier. Gaping leg wound first" She was trying to address this situation the way the pragmatic witcher would in her stead. "I will find Geralt. I promise. I seek just as well as I hide."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit muddy but I tend to write muddy and eventually get to a point.


	3. What would Geralt do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if I'm getting self indulgent with my own lore. I don't really have anyone editing the ideas in my head and while my character and plot progression are important to me I don't want to drown you guys who are kind enough to read this in it. I can try to taper it back if it's taking away from the characters you've come for.

_'Light'_ Geralt was growing tired of waking missing the safe weight at his chest, he woke up riled. It wasn't just his chest, he realized as he tried to move. He felt light through the entirety of his head and body. He was in a bed, a nice bed, with more down feather pillows than was really tasteful. His head was just floaty, there was no other word for it. Thoughts were coming and going with not even a lingering memory of why they had been in the first place and where they were going.  
"Good you're awake." Someone was in bed with him. How hadn't he noticed that? What did he last remember? Why were these woman's fingernails so long and how long had she been tracing cross his scalp. Was someone singing? It sounded both far away, somewhere deep in a cellar, and close, in the very back of his head. It was muffled but endlessly distracting, just pulling his train of thought off course.  
"Who-"  
"I tried having them bathe you, get her smell off of you. But you are temprimental even while napping wolf."  
"Napping?" This didn't feel like an after nap haze. he had been wrong, it wasn't light but heavy he was feeling, every muscle was lead.  
"You had quite the squabble. Killed poor Beatrice." Though it was stated just as happenstance not a tragedy. "Nearly Marlies too, but she brought you to me safe and sound just as I asked. We're so very proud of her aren't we?"  
"We . . . Who-" He almost held a thought, almost kept a question.  
"Shhh! I will not speak another word till you're clean of her. Wash her off you wolf." She seemed mighty adamant about his odor. He turned his head sniffing his shoulder. He smelled mostly of freshly laundered garments, but under the cloth and over his own scent was something faint.  
 _'Blood.'_ He smelled his blood, he smelled vampire blood he smelled- "Jaskier!" He tried to sit up but the talon like grip in his hair grew firm.  
"They didn't kill your bard. You saved him. What a hero, always a hero, my hero." He wasn't sure why but that jostled his head, left him feeling agitated and just at his base, poorly. "They could have. Won't you repay their kindness by doing what I asked?" He found his teeth to be grinding but he wasn't moving, couldn't move.  
"Hmm." She had asked something. _'Washing something . . . No bathing . . . Get her off of me . . . Her . . .'_ It was so much a ghost of a scent he barely registered it. _'Tea. . . Fruit.'_ He knew that smell, he used to know it better maybe. "Anima?" Was that what she was on about? He needed to find Anima, that would calm him, center him, she always balanced him. He had to check on his bard, he had been hurt, not dead wasn't good enough. He had to sit up but he was so . . . Heavy.  
"Is that what she goes by now? It has been . . .a century give or take. I don't hate the wanderer eternal, I just want you . . . Pure." Despite them being cooed right over him only a handful of words stuck.  
 _'Century. . . Hate. . . Wanderer. . . Want . . . Pure.'_ He grumbled over them as he tried to get his bearings back. He made peace and parted with the words, all but one. "Century?"  
"Oh yes. Does age concern you wolf? Witchers live lifetimes don't they? Did Nehalenia-" She stopped as Geralt felt something surely, there was no foggy second guessing to this feeling, rage. "What's this? Are the stories untrue? I'd heard word you had fallen for the diety. Not fallen in love then? Or maybe you had and have since fallen out. Do you hate her?"  
"Yes." He was sure he hated Nehalenia, sure he didn't want to hear that name again.  
"It doesn't matter." Geralt was shoved with brute force from the bed, it had been a harsh contrast to the idle chat they had been having. He was able to angle himself not to fall on his back but half slid half slammed onto his hands and knees. One wrist buckled, his right, it was injured, weak. He glanced at it, saw the mark.  
 _'Vampire . . . Right.'_ That's why he was hazy, weak, he was missing a good deal of blood. Had he been human if the blood loss hadn't dripped him dead the toxicity to the bite would have finished the job.  
"How you feel about her doesn't matter. Do you understand?" He swayed like a Willow as he stood, he forced his spine straight, forced his face focused and firm. If he was going to die it would be up fighting not down at the ground like a whimpering pup. "All that you need to concern yourself with is me wolf. Tell me you understand?" He needed to get out of here, he needed to know where here was, needed a few hours for his vitality to restore, maybe even find where they'd stashed his weapons. His throat itched, his medallion was gone.  
"The bath?" If he played along while buying time, maybe he could learn something about Nehalenia. Thoughts were coming back to him, he had wanted to know more about this goddess he hated, he was sure of that. Thoughts hatched plans, almost out of muscle memory, brought him a small semblance of normality.  
"You're a fast learner wolf, know when it's smart not to bark. That pleases me so." He felt a flip in his stomach, an unsavory taste in his mouth, but he kept his face stone and somber. "I want you pure as you were for me."  
"I don't remember . . . Us." She was vain, self centered, that was clear, that was straight forward, he could work with this. "Tell me?"  
"You do not ask, you answer." He could work with it but could he stomach it, bear it. His neck itched, his breath felt cut off and constricted. "But if your good for me perhaps I'll tell you a bedtime story."  
 _'Good for her.'_ Those words registered but his throat just tightened further, hearing them had him feeling more off balance than the blood loss. There was something wrong, something wrong with his head. He grabbed at his skull like he could reshape it by hand. He could line up words in a sentence but it was such a task, remembering while possible was a chore. He had to reach and strain so far for anything that wasn't parroting this woman's words.  
"A name?" Geralt pushed, he always pushed, that came naturally enough. The woman's face contorted into something displeased at the insolence of the witcher but then settled back into control.  
"Vereena" The name hung in the air for a minute but as Geralt rooted and reached for memories he shook his head.  
"Dead." He had killed that particular vampire ages ago.  
"Are you sure?" She looked amused with herself in that question. He was sure of so few things, he was in a state of uncertainty, a precarious place for a witcher.  
 _'The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision.'_ Someone had told him that once, Vesemir shot to mind but ironically he was unsure if that was who. "Yes." He had feigned strength by standing, he could feign confidence by lying. Whatever she had done to him was working but his mutagens were fighting it, he was keeping the base self preserving parts of his mind intact.  
"Just as I hoped wolf." She was even more amused. "Most men lose themselves, crumble under my attention." That was one word for the leeching bite, the toxic mix of her saliva with his diminished blood. "Not you. You'll be just as I remember won't you?"  
"Hmm." He had already told her he didn't recall her, he wasn't going to repeat himself.  
"Lilly." She was watching his face for some huge revelation.  
"That your real name?" How was he to know? It could be another title picked from a corpse. All he knew was that name was a common one and no memory near or far came to mind.  
"Marlies!" All amusement left her face as she barked for her underling. A woman, a vampire, Geralt was quick to hammer that distinction in his head, entered the room. Her face was burnt, the injury fresh but even so it was scarring and scabbing.  
"Weren't so fast." Geralt didn't smile but he did feel a sense of gratification at the sight. He might have fallen but he had not done so easily. Marlies' eyes were full of resentment and anger, she bared her fangs at him, this did get a toothy smile out of Geralt. He had been unsettled by the bedded woman's soft words and sense of comfortable closeness, this was better, he felt on more even footing waiting for a blow to come.

"Marlies take him to bathe. Do not bring him back till he's clean of her. Do not let an hour grow long." The last part didn't make sense immediately to Geralt but it was something to focus on, the way she had said it made it seem important. He started counting down.  
 _'What happens in an hour?'_ He counted the seconds, taking in every bit of his surroundings as he sluggishly followed behind Marlies who was still mere moments from trying to pull out the witcher's jugular.

  
"Geralt usually finds this more illuminating." Jaskier was face to face with a chared bruxa, doing a fitting imitation of it's last living face before backing away with a shudder. It hadn't taken long to stich up the bard, what had taken the better part of a day was getting him over the blood loss. Anima had to pin the bard to his bed roll, force fed him a potion to get his body working faster to heal, then there was letting the potion work it's way out of him. Anima had been immovable, unrelenting to Jaskier's pleads to run into the woods after the witcher.  
 _'Geralt is fighting to keep us safe. If we run in slow and reeking of blood his efforts will have been wasted. Geralt doesn't waste efforts Jaskier.'_ She had repeated that sentiment half a dozen times, doing her best to silence the bard, to override her own want to find where there witcher had gone to. _'Was that the wrong choice?'_ Had giving the bard time to heal made the trail harder to follow.

  
"Why didn't you go with him?" Was this the seventh or eight time Jaskier had jabbed at her with that question?  
"He told me to stay behind." She answered the same each time.  
"He couldn't see them. You could have. He needed you." She was sure Jaskier was just concerned not legitimately blaming her but if those words didn't sound acusitory.  
"I know Jaskier." Pleading her case was not where she needed to focus her attention. She paced where Geralt was last known to be. To the witcher the scene would've been a trove of information. Anima ran her hand across a tree with a huge chunk carved out of it. Was it a sword or a claw? Fuck if Anima knew.  
"Anything?" Jaskier sounded less pointed with that question.  
"I'm not Geralt." The blood just smelled of blood, human, witcher, bruxa it was all red tacky and smelled of iron to her. She didn't have a mind for the flow of physical battle, broken trees and over turned rocks just looked of chaos to her. She didn't hear the wildlife favoring the side of the forest the battle hadn't fumbled into. _'Pouting doesn't help.'_ She was lingering far too long on what she couldn't do, what she didn't know. What did she know? What did she do? She was the seer of wants and needs. She knew people. ' _I **know** Geralt.'_ She looked at the scene from a new angle, tried to think of what she knew of the witcher's habits. "He's in one piece, which means he left alive." There was blood but not enough, no limbs or loose teeth were anywhere to be seen. He'd be shredded before dying. It was a morbid notion but in a dark way comforting. He'd fight one legged, blind and broken, their witcher was strong, did not understand the word can't. "Whoever took him came with the briquette." Anima stared at the corpse, he hadn't been ambushed after defeating this beast or else they'd see signs of him extracting alchemy elements from it, Anima was never lacking for potion ingredients. "Igni." Geralt had used one sign. "You said you saw him use Ard?"  
"Blew them clean off me." Two, and he had used Ard pretty liberaly on the cliffside with the harpies earlier in that same day.  
"Quen." Three, the bard had waxed on and on about the halo of light Geralt had thrown over him to protect him in his moment of need as he ran. "They were invisible so to keep them in place . . . He likely used Yerden." Four, Geralt didn't waste efforts, he wouldn't slash blindly, he'd fix them in place if he could.  
"So he used his signs. So what?" Jaskier normally liked a tale that had a build up but his patience had flown with his blood. "That means something?" He tried to dial back, he could see the fear and guilt buried into Anima's forced neutral facade. She was trying, he had to accept her trying was just a different process than he was accustomed to.  
"He doesn't. Geralt doesn't like using magic if he doesn't have to." Geralt prefered leaning on the skill and strength of his bones and blades, not wishing to draw power from anywhere but himself, he trusted himself far more than he trusted magic. It made him a strong sturdy man, it was usually more than enough but it also meant his stamina when it came to signs didn't match his all around endless endurance. "He didn't take Maribor Forest. He would have if he had intended to go in sign heavy." Anima had only made a few vials of the stuff, Geralt didn't like the side effects, she could mix in wolf and swallow all she liked but it didn't stop his muscles from spasming and he detested the feeling. He needed it when magic was paramount but if he could avoid it he would. Geralt had gone against his normal style in this bout and that didn't play to his strength, the long fight. "He got tired." He likely used them till he couldn't anymore, till the strain was beyond unbearable, draining the life right out of him. Did he drop unconscious? Unlikely, keeping her and Jaskier safe would have spurred the witcher to stand on grit and purpose alone. "He couldn't risk it." If he was that drained, his opponent could out run him, get to camp, get to them, he wouldn't risk it, wouldn't allow it. "You said they wanted him?"  
"Said _she_ wanted him." Jaskier thought words were important, their placement, their inflection, there had to be a clue in there.  
"He let them have him." The witcher did not lose the fight, so much as he had calculated the risk versus reward. He gave them what they wanted to keep them away from those he cared about. She'd seen the marytr of a man do it more than once. "To protect us."  
"But who? Where?" This was all grand deduction but Jaskier didn't want a story he wanted facts, a fact. Where was Geralt?  
"I need to look further." She felt more confident, Geralt was likely alive, he was still fighting somewhere, fighting for them, it was her turn. There was nowhere he could be she couldn't find him. She took her modified cleaver and handed it to Jaskier. "I need you to watch over me while I search." Geralt had said it himself, when she went deep into the white her body was a sitting duck. if she intended to go there for as long as she had to she needed someone to stand guard.  
"Anima I'm not . . . Blades are not my businesses." Jaskier frowned at his reflection in the steel.  
"I know you're not Geralt." She was opening a cork to a vial with her teeth as she jabbed back at the bard. She had been patient, tactile, if she had done this while Jaskier was still recovering they'd have both been vulnerable. "Do your best." She choked back her potion of choice, Stammelford's philtre, she took it when her fight was long, ran far. "Run if the odds are not in your favor." She felt it, the toxicity, it wasn't as bad as the first time she had taken it. She wasn't seizing, wasn't foaming, but it was painful, a sharp pins and needle sensation at her insides a loose bees nest feeling in her head.  
"I won't run." Anima wasn't the only one who felt guilt. Jaskier had run, when Geralt shoved him away he ran, when the Quen fell he hadn't looked back. It was his fault in the first place. He had gone into the woods, he had no skill that worked against man nor beast but he had happily, heels clicking gone out of his depths. Confident no harm would come to him because their trio was untouchable. He had believed the hype he had crafted.  
"Think what would Geralt do. Then taper it back. We, even combined, are not Geralt." This time she said it more as a tease than a pointed jab.  
"Thank Melitele for that right? Man doesn't even know how to Saltarello." Jaskier chuckled at the thought of the witcher trying to leap in tempo with the song he had written for Anima. "Be safe." He was fidgiting in his hold of her blade, praying he didn't have to use it.  
"Jaskier?" The phyiscal world was growing smaller by the second, being swallowed by the white.  
"Yes?"  
"If Nehelenia shows up don't think, run."  
"Where?" He didn't argue but he refused to run cowering, he had to run with a goal he had to run towards a fight not away from one.  
"Redenia. Lady on the hill start there." She had remembered the father's words from the day prior. He had stated something of Geralt already being contracted by someone, so either that was the vampire they had been seeking or someone who knew Geralt, it was the best place to start. That's where she was starting, as her view went long, past the forest edge and into to city the white was broken up by bits of bright color. It could have been overwhelming, distracting, but she just leaped from color to color, searching out gold, looking for the heartbeat she prefered over all others, knew thirdly well to her own and Thill's.

  
He had been scrubing his skin raw. Each time he tried to stand from the water there was a pair of hands at each shoulder holding him in. "Still on you." Marlies would hiss and then a bucket of what he assumed to be water straight from glaciers on Aen Elle was dunked over his head, punching out half a growl half a gasp each time. "More." A brush more suited to groom a horse was raked cruely along pale skin turning pink under the constant agitation.  
"I can do it myself." He would snatch it from her and start the loop over again. "Hours almost up." He hadn't let the discomfort cause him to lose track of time.  
"Good." It was another hiss which meant nothing good for the water logged witcher.  
"Wha- hmph!" He clenched his jaw shut as the hands were back at his shoulders and a dagger drew long and lazily cross his forearm. _'Keeping me bled.'_ He watched as his blood spilled from the wound that was larger than needed for the desired goal, only scant drops falling into a mug held against his flesh, most of it fell wastefuly into his own bathwater. The woman still likely lounging in bed was smarter than he originally estimated, she aimed to keep him lethargic, his body too focused on healing and rebuilding, unable to forge any sermountable offense. ' _Don't let an hour go long.'_ That sentence seemed more something to dread than focus on now that he knew it's purpose. Did they plan to bleed him every hour? For how long? Could his body keep up? He felt his eyes rolling up in their sockets, his head getting fuzzy again. "What? No teeth?" His voice had a twinge of drunken slur to it. Marlies clearly wanted nothing more to dig in those fangs, grind and tear at the meat of him. But she wasn't, she wasn't allowed. "Mother say no?" He taunted, if she was riled maybe she'd slip up, maybe he could exploit that. It was more maybes than a witcher should bank on but he had no weapons, no armor, no companions, nothing, he was just his flesh which was diminishing by the hour and his brain that was slowly making more and more room for the singing he couldn't quite place.  
"Keep at it wolf." There was another bucket of water but after the gasp Geralt didn't feel cold, didn't feel defeated it was something he couldn't quite place. He felt for a brief moment guarded, watched over. He had been overloaded with contrasting moments of soft and strong but he felt a second of balance.  
"Anima." She was looking for him, she had found him. Any discomfort washed from him for that brief reprieve.  
"Do not think outside wolf." Marlies had a hand around his throat, clutching his windpipe closed. "There is no outside unless Lady Lilly extends your leash. Anything that does not serve her purpose winds up dead. Forget anything you wish to keep living."  
"Or what?" The blood going out, the lack of air coming in, his vision was growing dim and Geralt hated being left in the dark. He thrashed, with the last of his energy he pulled Marlies by the hair dragging her into the water with him. He remembered fighting and then he simply stopped remembering.

  
"Anima?" Jaskier had watched her mutter and curse, claw at her wrist and crane her neck from side to side for a little over an hour, then it stopped, then she stood.  
"Wrong little bardling." It was Anima's vocal cords surely but it didn't sound anything like her, it wasn't coy or thoughtful, it was unsettling.  
"Nehalenia." Jaskier was backstepping as the body of his friend moved but he came to the realization he was very much on his own.  
 _'Run.'_ He heard Anima's warning loud and clear.  
 _'Now!'_ Geralt's order echoed behind it.  
"Anima. . . " Jaskier swallowed hard, his legs did not move. "You're supposed to be seeking not hiding. Enough dawdling. Come out we need to find Geralt."  
"Oh bardling." Jaskier saw them fully for the first time, the eyes of Nehelenia, Anima's nearly white eyes had been tinged over with some shiny flickering green. "The girl doesn't answer to you. I'm not sure she even _likes_ you. Tolerates you because you amuse the witcher." She sounded snide and condescending but not threatening, not something that made him fear for his life, sounded like a member of court that had too much to drink.  
"That may be the case." Jaskier lifted his chin, if they were going to talk, the bard could talk. "She can like me or tolerate me but she can not ignore me. Not two nights in a row. I won't stand for it. Anima this is for your own good." He wasn't sure if it was for his own good though. He slapped the broad side of her cheek. "Anima you dodgy twat. Wake up and carry your weight!" He saw a smirk inch across the face he knew but seemed somehow distorted and angled in a way that was defiantly not Anima.

  
It had done the trick, Anima after finding Geralt's heartbeat had slipped exhausted into where there was no breaks of color, no heartbeats, just her, just the void. She was stuck and sinking, there was no up or down, no time, she just existed and barely at that. Jaskier had lungs on him though, planes of existence were no barrier to him. He would be heard. "Wake up and carry your weight!"  
 _'Jaskier? Fuck! If I'm here then-'_

  
"I hear how she talks to you bardling. When she draws on me. Sometimes I linger for a while, watch. She amuses me. She's my favorite." She pointed a finger, not sharply, almost lazily letting it rest on the tip of his nose. "She's teased before. Threatened."  
 _'I'll rip your soul right through your nose.'_ It wasn't a threat easily forgotten. He should run. Was it too late? Was that something that could be done? He felt a sneeze brewing. Before he could sneeze or sprint he noticed something. Everything about Nehalenia had been relaxed, there wasn't a tense bone about her, but as time went on her blinking was becoming heavy and tight, her smirk pinching at the corners.  
"Anima?" She was in there, she was scratching her way to the surface.  
"You're small bardling." The finger trailed down his face, to his Adam's apple. "Inconsequential. Write all the ballads you like-"  
"There's not one mention of you." Jaskier bit back.  
"What?"  
"No bard worth their salt would be shilling your story. You don't matter. Hell even Anima's got a tune and I barely tolerate _her_. You're dead buried and forgotten, it'd be better you stay that way." Jaskier's voice trembled slightly but he saw the blinks grow longer. "Do you remember Anima? The one about the fox and the wolf?"  
"I transcended death, was beyond it. Do you have the ego to think yourself as worthy?" Her hand glided across his precious throat. "Songs? They will immortalize you? Save you? Who cares about some boozers rally call about a . . .Ffff. . ."  
"Fox. The word your looking for is fox Anima." He started to hum against her hand, the beginning to the song.  
"Jaskier you moron!" Anima released him, crumbling to the ground absolutely shaking with crazed laughter, relieved her hands hadn't taken away his voice.  
"Took your sweet time." The bard tried to speak over his nervous exhale.  
"I got lost." Anima's chuckles petered out dryly as she blinked the world back into view.  
"I don't mean to rush but-"  
"Help me up." She reached out her hand. "We need to get to him. He's not alone, a whole flock around him, ravenous the lot. He's not safe."  


-Day two-

  
He felt safe. These sheets were familiar, he was home. Their room, their bed, they were safe. Better than safe, she was finally being open and loud with what she wanted, easy requests to meet as he kissed and caressed at wherever she asked. This was nice, he could feel confident. He wasn't attempting to be soft, she had told him to be aggressive, assertive, he could do that. Everything she asked of him he could do, he could give her exactly what she wanted, what she needed. When she told him to bite he did, she didn't taste exactly as he remembered but he was meeting her expectations, trusting him, being loud and loving for him. he could forgo something being a bit off. "Anima. I want . . ."  
"Don't speak." That was new, she had never quieted him before. "Don't ruin it love." Perhaps she was swept in a feeling. He didn't _want_ to ruin it. Words often failed him and he was doing so well. He was finally being good to her in a way he felt he had been coming up short since winter in Kaer Morhen. She had been doing all the heavy lifting in their throws as of late, his mind usually elsewhere. She deserved some time to be selfish.  
"You have better uses for your mouth don't you?" He wished she did this more often. Just told him what she wanted so he didn't have to doubt, so he didn't have to worry he'd made the wrong choice. He just wanted her happy.  
"I do. I will." He was buzzing, felt that tingling in his skin he normally only got when they were doing something new or a bit taboo. "Please let-"  
"Quiet wolf." And his stomach bottomed out, any confidence or pride he felt curdled into self loathing and shame. He tripped out of the bed, wiping his eyes and concentrating hard, he could see it finally for what it was, an illusion. He blinked and she was over him, his injured wrist in her hands. "You think too much wolf." Without the title he could have held on believing, Anima had said those very words to him before. "I can be the best parts of whatever you want. You can have what you desire, just so long as you're mine." Teeth dug in and he didn't thrash, he didn't punch, he was too busy keeping his eyes open, he felt numb all over.

  
 _'I wanted . . . That wasn't her . . . I . . . Knew and . . . I didn't care.'_ He had given in to easy, that wasn't him. Or was it? Had things gotten too hard? Was Anima too much to handle? This made sense didn't it? If he didn't think so hard he could have what he wanted. _'No.'_ He finally threw a punch. Not at Lilly but square into his own temple. When had anything been too hard? He was built to bear difficult. Anima was with him because he was strong, for her, with her, sometimes against her. He vaugely remembered the feeling of successfully chasing down Anima's hidden wants, her fought for praise, how warm that left him. ' _She's doing this. It isn't me.'_ He growled as he tried to piece himself back together. He had spent years convincing Anima he wanted her, that no other would be better for him, that the struggles were all worth it, he'd welcome the challenge so long as she loved him, kept him. Someone took her look and he had relished it, wanted it. Had he prefered it? What part of him was liar? What part of him was being tricked? ' _I need her to say it.'_ He needed to hear his name. He needed Anima to say it. That would fix it, fix him, it never lied, he always felt right, felt sure when she said it. Could he hold himself together long enough for that? He was getting more and more disoriented. His window for escape, for survival was getting smaller. Lilly would have her pet wolf in a few weeks time at best if something didn't change. _'Geralt.'_ He tried to remember it, hear it, but the memory of Anima's voice was quiet under that annoying singing. The mind of a witcher was not easy to bend, he still had what he needed about him to live and breathe, if given a chance to rest he still knew how to fight. Identity was not needed to keep a heart pumping, limbs moving. Witchers weren't famed for their personality. What he cared about, who he was, who people were to him, these things were being left vulnerable in favor of keeping the senses and strengths of a witcher intact. Emotions were being torn from him and deemed unnecessary a second time. _'No.'_ Geralt was no longer the child whose name had been forgotten, he had a choice. He was who he was, he was someone to others, people cared for him, would miss him if he lost himself. _'Geralt.'_ He was reminding himself. Not just a wolf, not just a witcher. _'Geralt.'_

  
"You may take offense at this." Jaskier spoke tentatively as city walls finally started to crest on the horizon. They were a sorry sight. Jaskier still favoring his left leg, Anima doing her best, fatigued from her time in the void, to lead a weary Roach who was growing more and more temprimental the longer she went without her true rider.  
"Too tired to be offended Jaskier." Anima was getting temprimental too, she normally had Geralt to ground her after even mundane trips, she had gotten no such assurance after fighting to reclaim her own body. "What is it?"  
"You can't look . . . The way you look and get into Redenia."  
"Huh?" Yes she was a bit dirty from the road, but half the cities they had been to there were people covered in literal pig shit that still walked without gawks.  
"Your eyes."  
"Oh!" She stated all too lightly, she didn't get it, she didn't know.  
 _'She's never been.'_ Sometimes it was easy to forget how naive Anima really was to the workings of the world.  
"Jaskier I can tolerate some angry glares." Anima scoffed. No warm welcome for mutants? What else was new?  
 _'Tolerate.'_ That word lingered on him but they'd speak on that later. Finding Geralt was more important than his bruised ego. "Not glares Anima. The king doesn't . . . Tolerate-" The bard scowled as he decided he'd remove that word from his lexicon all together. "Non humans bar a few outstanding exceptions-" Geralt had gotten in and out of Redenia fairly easily but he was owed favors from people in high places. The witcher had probably intended on calling in a few for there to be room for a witcher and an empath within the gates. "Non humans are not permitted within the city."  
"Not permitted? So they have no elves or dwarves? Mages?"  
"Especially not mages. There are some, less and less by the year. Most are leaving, others are imprisoned, others still . . . Made a show . . . If the king is in an especially foul mood . . .Pyres in the middle of the street."  
"We don't have time for that." She didn't bawk in absolute disgust of the bigotry, simply sneered at the hurdle that created. Anima was not shocked, humans were quick to fear, quick to anger, quick to hold grudges and hate. This was nothing new. "Fine." Anima wound Roach to a stop. "We have to make a choice then."  
"We?" Jaskier was more a man of impulse than decision.  
"Yes. I don't know what exactly she said or did Jaskier but I am sorry." Anima thought that question came from a place of lost trust. "You're still my partner in crime aren't you?"  
"I . . ." She seemed genuinely concerned, that wasn't a face of someone who viewed him as insignificant. "Well what are our choices?"  
"We can either forgo the gates and try to sneak in."  
"I don't sneak well Anima." Jaskier was already not a fan of this plan.  
"Well you can go through the front with a ten piece band if you'd like Jaskier. Though I don't know the layout of the place-"  
"You'd get lost." Their world was changing but this was a constant as sure as the phases of the moon.  
"I would. I mean we'd likely have to go through the sewers and-"  
"The second choice. Does the second choice involve sewers?" Jaskier could only be indentured to so many tailors.  
"No but it does involve magic."  
"Ugh. Is there a third choice?" Jaskier didn't like this option much better.  
"Not unless you've thought of one?"  
"What sort of magic Anima?" He'd go trudging through the sewers to get to Geralt but maybe just this one time the magical plan would not put them in mortal danger.  
"I would just have to be human."  
"Oh that's all? Why not be a griffon Anima, fly us in there?"  
"Just look the part Jaskier." She rolled her eyes, she had no intention to undo a mutation in an afternoon. "A simple bit of glamour round the eyes."  
"What's the downside?" There had to be a downside or else she wouldn't have lead with sewers.  
"If I take another potion I don't . . . If I tried to use my ability again she'd surely take over. The philtre's still sponging most of my vitality." She was tired and she was fightining toxins. Geralt always worried she pushed herself beyond reason, but that wasn't entirely true. She knew her limits and today's quota for magic and mixing had been all but met. "I would need time."  
"The downside to the sewers? Other than another set of trousers gone for the sake of adventure?" Time had not begun to grow from trees.  
"Monsters." Geralt had to clear out sewers in near every large city they'd been in. Drowners, zeguls, cockatrice, there was no telling what flourished amongst the filth.  
 _'What would Geralt do?'_ Jaskier pondered, the witcher would meditate for a bit before he was sure he could stand soundly and charge. _'We are not Geralt.'_ Monsters were not in either Jaskier nor Anima's wheelhouse. They had to play to their strengths, their strengths were people. "Magic it is. Get you human, in the city. Then you sleep off the toxicity, I've had enough of your friend and we'll need your ability to get Geralt from wherever he's gone."  
"I can't help but feel that's time wasted." Anima thought harder. "You still have some healing to do. We could find an Inn, get some food-"  
"This isn't a day trip Anima."  
"Talk to the locals."  
"Like Geralt does." Jaskier nodded, then shook his head. "Better than Geralt does. I'm a people person. I'll have every man woman and child telling me of every moment that has passed before we got here."  
"You will." Anima was off Roach smiling as she began on the potion.  
"And you will have a better judge of what's important."  
"I may." It was a polite way of saying she would keep him focused on the task at hand.

  
It didn't take longer than ten minutes to make the potion itself but that was only half of it. "Now all we need is a witch." Anima swished the incomplete concoction in it's glass.  
"Do you have one compressed in your pocket? Why the hell did you fail to mention that we needed something we don't have?"  
"Because I have a way to find one. Shh!" Anima closed her eyes, tried to slow her breathing.  
"Anima you got lost finding-"  
"I'm not going anywhere. She'll come to me. Quiet."  
"Who?" Jaskier snapped his mouth shut and tried to trust. It grew harder as time went long and Anima looked as if she was just taking a bit of a rest.  
 _'Busy day?'_ The sorceress only showed when Anima needed sleep, when the planes where at their loosest.  
 _'I need your help.'_  
 _'Rich. That's all I've been doing. What did you wake too slowly? Is Geralt irrate with you? Your love life is not-'_  
 _'Geralt is gone.'_  
' _Gone? He left you? I know he can be stubborn when it comes to-'_  
 _'Not left, taken well maybe partially both. He's in Redenia and I can't get in what with my eyes. I brewed a glamour but it's as much spell as it is potion and I'm no-'_ Anima was rambling.  
 _'Taken? How? By who?'_  
 _'He . . . I think he went with them. Jaskier had been bitten, he was bleeding and I think-'_  
 _'Bitten by what? Who has Geralt? Do the other wolves know?'_  
 _'Other wolves?! I haven't had time to pen out a fucking letter. Where would I send it? Kaer Morhen? They'd get it by winter. Vampires have him . . . I think. Can you help or not?'_ Anima was uncharacteristically impatient.  
"Anima?!" Jaskier could see the air rift, a portal form.  
"What did I tell you about being certain?" The sorceress stepped through. "Witchers can't work with uncertain and neither can I. Are they vampires or not?"  
"Merigold?" Jaskier grinned. Finally a surprise of a welcomed variety.


	4. whose wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See bottom notes for Content warnings.

"Tell me again what happened?" They had gotten through the gates, Jaskier with a red head with green eyes on his left and a blonde with blue eyes on his right.  
"I . . . Anima you just had to change your eyes. Why go blonde?"  
"It wasn't on purpose Jaskier. Focus." Anima could see this for what it was, Jaskier was trying to keep his head anywhere but worry.  
"Right so I went into the woods so that the couple could have their alone time. I could have mine. I'm sorry was it . . . Was there something wrong with the potion. You look so bizarre. Like Thill's long distant cousin or-"  
"Unless Thill is one of the vampires, get back on topic song bird." Merigold was glaring disapprovingly. "If this is how casualy you two care for Geralt's well being I don't see why-"  
"He's nervous, worried, let the man deflect a bit." Anima thought Merigold while good intentioned had spent one too many winters in Kaer Morhen. Compassion, while in there somewhere, was packed beneath purpose. "You're supposed to think of beauty while the spell takes Jaskier. I think Thill is beautiful." Anima would take the time to tie off the loose thread that was Jaskier's meandering concentration. She didn't just know how to traverse Geralt's moods. She knew how and when to feed the beast that was Jaskier's busy and inquisitive being. If explaining that Thill was the pilar of human beauty in her mind quelled that question she'd make time.  
"She is." Focus settled back in the flighty bard with a nervous smile. "While I was out they just . . .appeared. Or didn't, they were invisible but in seconds they had me. Near took my leg, inches in they would've taken something important." Jaskier had been deflecting more and more frequently as of late. His friends were in more peril, the world was ever bleaker. He wanted to be a distraction, a little shimmer of quick cheap fun. "Geralt will hate it." Anima's change was jarring and Geralt was not a man who liked change. "Before we showed up were-"  
"Are you sure they are vampires?" Merigold did not see the merit to his side track.  
"There was a vampire with a contract on Geralt before we left Kaer Morhen. That's what we were coming to check out." Anima tried to mediate the conversation. "He won't hate it Jaskier. At least not out loud. And yes I had dabled as blonde before I met you. Men like blondes." Anima smiled. Geralt would hate the change but he'd keep it to himself. Thinking it unseemly for witchers to care of such fickle things such as hair and eye color.  
"You scoped the building out. Shouldn't you know for sure what they are?" Merigold persisted.  
"They're not human I can say that definitely. They are hungry, that I know. I've never attached to a vampire. I know it's not a witcher, an empath, a vodyanoi an elf, nekker or a banshee. Beyond that I can't be as certain as you'd like, I can only speculate." Anima would spout every inch of the fact if that brought some of the heat out of Merigold's gaze.  
"Where were you when this all went down?" Facts did little to reduce the burn.  
"At camp."  
"You didn't go with Geralt?"  
"I just said I staid at camp." Anima would only relive this moment in some many different wordings. "We have a system."  
"A system that lead Geralt straight to a den of hungry vampires."  
"I didn't say it was a perfect system." The last time Merigold had seen Anima she had been in a tepid state, rendered meek by being far from home. She wasn't that same woman. "We each get a handful . . . When we stay away and the other obliges no questions asked. He used one."  
"That's a shitty system. When danger is at it's greatest is when you need each other most." Merigold scowled.  
"Kept him from knowing your the sorceress who doubts him." Anima did not wish to have Merigold tell her how she and Geralt should and should not be.  
"I don't doubt him. I find him to be loyal beyond reason is all. He can lose sight of what's really important."  
"Loyalty is important." They could spat all day over who knew Geralt better, who had his best intentions at heart but it was unlikely that would help with the matter at hand.  
"Anima are you alright?" Jaskier noted how she kept kneeding at her eyes with heavy knuckles.  
"It doesn't tickle." She couldn't see as well in this state, her vision was blurry, if felt like she had a burning film over her eyes. "I'll moan about that afterwards. Jaskier you go look around and speak to the locals. I'm going to try my hand at moon dust. Merigold you . . . Save your energy."  
"For what?"  
"To heal Geralt. He's hurt, his heartbeat is dimmer than usual." Anima's smile rarely cracked but she was good at hiding, she wasn't invisible, some of those genuine emotions cracked through.

The right wrist still hurt worse than the left. He was hanging by both but her could feel where Lilly continued to peirce, could feel a bruise trying to form there. "Hour up already?" He hadn't been good, hadn't forgotten outside and that had landed him in some sort of cell. "Is it cold in here or is just me?" This wasn't Marlies, she had made herself scarce since he had done his best to drown and or decapitate her. He'd be lying if stated he had much of a plan outside of a death roll. This woman- _'vampire.'_ She was more mild mannered, less fang forward than her sister.  
"Just you wolf." She didn't sound as pretentious as the others, didn't mutter in a language he barely understood while giving him upturned glances. He'd kill her last. "Maybe not at all." He grumbled aloud. That wasn't what he was? A murderer? Or would that make him exterminator? That was something he was more or less? _'More? Or less?'_ His mind was wondering to and fro. _'That's not me.'_ All these self directed questions were making his temples throb. "Geralt." That's who he was.  
"Just let it go wolf. You can't keep this up for long."  
"You have a name?" He needed to keep thinking, keep talking, couldn't let himself slip again.  
"Tulif." She shrugged as she wiped dried blood from his arm. She wanted to see the skin before she sliced it.  
"That's Skelligan."  
"Is." Another shrug. The wiltcher didn't amuse her and that was slowly becoming all he was.  
"Anima's from Skellige. Birth wise, Lyrian by life." His words had none of their usual firmness, they were loose and wobly.  
"Don't mind other names Wolf. Just Lady Lilly's hers is the only one that matters."  
"Lilly is . . . Could be from anywhere. Got to be from somewhere though. Where?"  
"Here's always been her home. She never left Redenia."  
 _'I'm in the capitol city propper? Saved me the trip.'_ He hadn't opened his mouth in a minute and it was growing terribly dry. "So I met her here? When?"  
"Met her. Spared her. You were kind to her then wolf. Be wise, be reasonable, be kind to her again." She tried to talk sense to him. "Does it hurt?" She made a much smaller cut than the others, just enough for the hourly drain.  
"Nothing hurts." His nose wrinkled, the blood loss wasn't the real threat here, it was Lilly's bites. If she was a bruxa she was an old one, her bites packed quite the wallop. Looking up at his wrist he glared at the criss cross of multiple punctures. There was some numbing agent to it, something that was dimming his senses, lowering his mental capacity, just leaving him dull empty and pliable. He was losing his resolve, his understanding of time, his space within the world. "Wrist a bit. Throat." He didn't want to lie to Tulif, she had been somewhat compassionate or at least imitating it well enough, that's not what interested him though. She was also chattier than most. She had let the hour go long, he had gotten just a bit more time to restore. If he could do this every hour for half a day he could sneak his blood back. "I like Skelligan women I think. They're odd . . . Unqiue. It'll be you in an hour Tulif?" Geralt wasn't trying to charm her exactly, he did know he needed her for his plan and if some corner of his brain remembered a preference, something he liked, something that was him and that helped? _'Twice the better. That's what Anima would say.'_ The image of her was keeping him focused, keeping his heart steady on the off chance she searched him out again. ' _She likes it steady. Like a anchor.'_ He wanted to do anything to apologize, so she'd say it again. So she'd aim to keep him. He wanted that. Lilly aimed to keep him but that came with a collar Marlies had outright said a leash. That's not who he was. _'It'd be easy though. Easy goals. Success means survival.'_ The need to survive was slowly eating away at his need to be him.

"Do you know how to make it?" Merigold was watching Anima read the formula over again. Anima had been shaving silver candelabras for hours it was finaly time to build instead of dismantal.  
 _'He'd be so smug right now.'_ Anima smirked for a moment, remembering when Geralt had run across the dented metal insisting it would have a use eventually. She had teased they would have to have dinner by candle light. _'Would have prefered that.'_ The smirked weighed into a scowl. "It's not samum." Anima was more adept at potions than bombs, Lambert had taught her a few, she had read others but this bomb while having very few ingredients was not easy. Her eyes were not sharp, she wanted to be sure with her measurements. When she had found where they were keeping Geralt she had sensed probably twenty maybe more non humans around him. She'd never seen the witcher fight that many. If they stood any chance at extracting him there couldn't be a dud in the batch. "I'd probably do better if you weren't judging my every breath." Anima placed down her book, Merigold's stare hadn't warmed any.  
"Would you be able to tell . . . If any of the witchers are nearby?"  
"Eskel stated he would try to meet us in Oxenfurt. Lambert is either still on his way or just headed back from the Marnadal valley. So neither are within shouting distance." Anima frowned as it became aparent that Merigold would not give her space to work.  
"Can you tell me exactly how far and in what direction? I can bring them here. I don't care how many bombs you craft if they've kept Geralt for . . ."  
"Going past two days I'd say." Anima had been trying not to think about how long it had been since her witcher had last been safe.  
"Then he is truly had. We need all the help we can get." Merigold was unrelenting. Anima had recovered from the void but dipping back in, neither Oxenfurt nor the valley were close by any means. She'd have to reach farther than she had for Geralt. It could be done, she had found Geralt half way cross the continent when she was in the swamp.  
 _'I'd have to take the potion again. I'd be in there for . . . Hours.'_ Merigold wasn't wrong though, they needed someone who knew how to fight, knew of monsters, they needed a witcher. "One."  
"Huh?"  
"One or the other." Anima had calculated the risk versus reward. They needed a witcher and she would find one but both? If she stretched herself that far she'd have no energy to resurface. There was little doubt while she was in the void Nehalenia would pounce, that was something Anima would endure if it meant saving Geralt. If she succumbed to the goddess, even if they _did_ save Geralt he'd not accept saving. "Preference?" Eskel was closer but Anima knew Lambert's heartbeat better, they were of near equal challenge to reach. "Jaskier would prefer Eskel and he does have a mind for strategy, but Lambert will be faster to fight. Stealth or Silver? What saves Geralt?" Anima wasn't so high on herself to think her opinion was the only one that mattered. Merigold had battled alongside the wolves as a pack, as individuals, she had fought in battles, had been an advisor to seiges and wars alike, the sorceress was more the expert here.  
"Lambert." Merigold stated with confidence. "He won't wait for the time to be perfect, it'll be undignified and ugly but we can't waste anymore time."  
"Alright one witcher's coordinates coming up. Shoo!" Anima trusted Merigold's decision, agreed with her sentiment.  
"What?"  
"I nearly choked Jaskier, I jabbed fingers into Geralt's stab wound. She knows I care for them. She knows nothing of you. I don't know if she'd find you entertaining enough to toy with." Anima would have no one to call her out of the white. She'd have to do it alone.

-Day Three-

"Lay down with me wolf." His shoulders had hit almost every wall on his way back up to the bedroom, he grumbled at the impact but he wanted it, wanted to feel something. He was feeling less and less, he was burying himself, using his alloted energy only on thoughts that made sense to the primal parts of his brain. He stood alone in her chamber, he was clamy and tired, his hair matted in his face. "Do you like Tulf? You've asked for her to tend to you." Lilly spoke again just to jostle some life back into the witcher's eyes.  
"No." Geralt didn't like Tulif, he just hated her the least.  
"You're such a smart one wolf." She sounded praising and patronizing in the same breath. Geralt thought he sneered but if he had it was brief, his face had fallen back into some easy neutral. "When someone gives you a compliment you normally say thank you." That sentence circled his head for a second. He never had thanks for when Anima and Jaskier spoke kindly of him, praised the better bits of him. Maybe that's why it had been hard? He hadn't been giving it his all, not enough effort on his part.

 _'They never asked.'_ Anima just smiled for him, kissed him, stayed with him. Jaskier bleated to everyone who would listen of the stories of his success of his compassion and on rare occasions even his humor. If they wanted thanks why didn't they ask? He could give words. He could give everything. Is that why they were being taken from him? Why didn't they just say what they wanted? Why were they setting him up to fail? To lose? Lilly told him what she wanted. Even if he didn't like it, a goal was easier achieved if he knew what it was. Lily was easy.  
"Thank you." The words tasted awful but it bore results, he saw the vampiress smile. _'If she's pleased I live longer.'_ Self preservation reigned supreme.  
"There we go wolf. Sit, you're tired." Anima always knew what he wanted, what he needed, but Lilly made it so she could do the same. Maintained Geralt's wants and needs, made them singular.  
 _'Survival.'_ There were no layers, no factors, no other hands at play just him and her. He didn't sit on the bed but on the floor near by it. He liked straight forward didn't he? Prefered it? "We met in Redenia?" He needed information, the more he knew the better prepared for battle he was.  
"Yes." She liked speaking of herself.  
"How long ago? Not centuries like Nehalenia? What was her business with you?"  
"Not _so_ smart wolf." She had warned him, Marlies had warned him, Tulif had warned him, no other names but Lilly's. It was a simple rule. It was his fault he was losing. He couldn't listen. Ears as sharp as his and he refused to listen.   
"I'm . . . I need her gone. I think too much. Don't want to think about her. Can't think about you if I'm thinking about her." He tried to reason with her vanity.  
"I said I'd tell you a story if you were good wolf. You've been nothing but trouble for me and my girls."  
"Haven't killed them." Lilly would tell him how she wanted him, what she wanted of him, he just had to be patient. He could be patient.  
"Lay in bed with me wolf." She patted a palm against one of the many pillows. He could do that, he did, laid his tired muscles amongst the soft bedding. She planted a kiss on a temple. He cringed, his stomach flipped but he could lay there, he could take it. "Will you be good for me wolf?" He felt numb, he felt nothing. She continued to kiss at him and he continued to feel nothing, till one hit right above his heart, he felt hurt, felt longing, felt alone. He remembered, Anima's fingers digging in, grabbing, holding him. He missed that, missed her. Anima was difficult but the pay off had meant so much to him.  
"I'm laying in bed with you." It was as defiant as he had mustered sounding all day. He wanted to kill something, fight something. He hadn't lied, he wanted Nehelenia gone, she was somehow at fault for his current sorry state. Lilly had information on her, he wanted that and if he was good she'd tell him. Contradicting thoughts were swirling through his mind and he was finding it hard to concentrate. He closed his eyes tried to meditate, tried to center himself.  
"Tell me what I want to hear wolf." This was abstract and Geralt grimaced at the distraction. "Be good and tell me you're mine wolf." Easy, he didn't have to think too hard, didn't have to find the words, she provided them. A challenge, easily laid out. All he had to do was give up a little part of him and he could have what he wanted.  
"I'm your wolf." His stomach churned, his breath was tight but a challenge always took some sacrifice, some discomfort, he could bear it.  
"Not so hard was it?" She leaned over and kissed him right on the lips.  
"No." He let her, let it be easy, didn't think too hard.  
"What's this?" Her face was sour for a moment.  
"I did what you asked." He didn't need her angry with him. That wasn't part of the plan. _'If she's pleased I live longer.'_ He tilted his face up, he initiated a kiss.  
"Your fuller than you should be." She pulled away from his lips, smiling as his face chased hers. "You're stronger than you should be." She had noticed that he had more blood than she had deemed needed.  
"Your wolf should be strong." Again he fed into her owed everything attitude. "To be good for you." His skin felt forgein, his words tasted vile, his movements were weak and bowing, it was all wrong, but it was easy. What did he want? Right? Or easy?  
"It's not our fault we're monsters wolf. Shouldn't be a death sentence." Her lips were cold, his flesh was cold, the very air had a chill tickling in his lungs. Was he dying? He wanted to live, that had to come first.

"I knew you'd fuckin get him killed!" Lambert was piping hot as ever. He had just been throwing out curses for roughly ten to fifteen minutes, that had been the first real sentence he had formed.  
"He's not dead." Anima knew that wouldn't calm the witcher but it did bear restating.  
"He let one get a swing at you? No wonder he got caught, getting sloppy." His glare held on a gash on Anima's forehead, the whole left side of her face was swelling.  
"That's how she opened the door." Merigold corrected.

She had heard it before she saw it. Anima throwing her whole body into the door, six or seven times before it finally let her through. She had seen eyes go from glowing, to white then back to hiding behind the blue. "I have to get back. I belong there. I do belong! I promised! I fucking promised!" Anima had gone from a scream to a stammer.

"With her fucking face? What happened to your hair?" Lambert didn't seek permision, first running a thumb cross the cut to Anima's skin, then letting his fingers glide through her hair.  
"Magic." Anima smirked at how that twisted Lambert's scowl further. "I'm alright." There was concern under all that rage, most of it was for Geralt but the smallest sliver was for Anima.  
"Didn't ask." But his pacing didn't resume, his shoulders were forced a little less wide. "Geralt will hate it." He let out a passing snort. "If we ever get our thumbs out our asses and start moving. What the fuck are we waiting for?"  
"Jaskier."

Anima hadn't truly understood what Jaskier had stormed through their room in the dead of night to babble about while Merigold was finding Lambert. Something of politics and Redenian police state, something of additional back up. Humans helping for a change, leaning their lore. It had been a lot, very fast, it had been very much a Jaskier moment. A brief one, he had run out stating he had still more strings to pull knots to tie. Her head that had been throbing for days now had hardly taken any of it before the bard ran out.

"I'm not waiting." Lambert swept up all the moon dust Anima had spent the early morning hours crafting into a bag and was headed for the Inn door.  
"Finally." Anima didn't hear it this time. Geralt's voice in the back of her head saying she wasn't prepared, they were being reckless, they'd be a hindrance not a help. _'Geralt I'll make it better I promise. Just don't die, that's all.'_ She began pacing after Lambert's long gate.  
"Stay." The witcher stopped dead.  
"What? Fuck off Lambert! We need to find him. I'm not useless I-"  
"If I let you get hurt he'll kill me." Lambert scoffed but that concern was there again. He wanted to protect his family and she, for better or for worse was part of his family. "You did plenty. Geralt will get stupid proud don't you worry kitten." Winter was over he was allowed to tease again.  
"I'm coming!" Anima moved to walk past but Lambert grabbed her skull in his palm. His medallion was shaking in her presense, she was unstable. He could smell it the potions that hadn't been given the time to leave clunking up her blood. Hell he could see it, in her wrong toned eyes, the fatigue, possibly even a concussion from knocking herself silly. She had pushed herself far, farther than Geralt ever would have allowed.  
"No you sorry fuck. You'll just slow me down. I'll bring Merigold. Stay." Anima wasn't unreasonable, if anything Lambert found her more reasonable than the witchers or witches he surrounded himself with. She'd understand his words, despite them being unkind. He would find Geralt and her job was to be there for them when they got back. There was likely a lot of mending to be done, Geralt did not lose gracefully.  
"I just spent three fucking days having everyone shovel guilt hand over fist, just every waking moment, filling the place to the fucking rafters . . . because I staid behind. I won't make the same mistake twice!" The empath was in a hyper aware state, she could feel all of them looking at her, blaming her, feeling lost without Geralt and her being a pitiful substitute.  
"Anima what Lambert is trying to say is-" Merigold sighed, upon hearing it she did regret how hard she had been on Anima. It was only because Geralt held her so highly, they all been transferring what they usually expected out of the white wolf on her. They were a couple, not twins. Their strengths were not the same.  
"What I fucking meant-" Lambert got face to face with Anima, leaning close with his ever unimpressed sneer. "Can speak for myself." He shot a glare to Merigold.  
"And we are all so proud of you for that." Anima teased but her face was still sour. Lambert's scowl cracked to a smirk for half a measure. "You're supposed to be along with Geralt, he needs you. I don't. I ain't fuckin Geralt. You'll slow me down. Stay." Please was hard for any witcher, it was impossible for Lambert but Anima could see it. See him asking to do what his brother would have wanted, to go get him, give him grief and bring him back to those he cared about. She would slow down Lambert, distract him if she tried to use her ability, he didn't know it like Geralt did, he was not an anchor but a wave.  
"One day." Anima could see what Lambert wanted, knew what Geralt wanted but she wanted too. She wanted to find him, be there for him, help him recover from whatever atrocities he was enduring because she staid behind. "I won't play house wife longer than one day."  
"He's up a fuckin hill I'll be back before the bard."  
"Be thoughtful Lambert."  
"Thoughtful? I'm going to turn the place upside down." Lambert under better circumstances would be beaming, he couldn't think of a better way to spend his day than blowing up an estate of vampires then gloating to Geralt afterwards.  
"I can't ask Geralt to be safe, or even careful, but I do ask him to be thoughtful. Don't go in with a death wish."  
"You nag too much." Lambert rolled his eyes but he took it, her concern, he shrugged in an accepting and understanding manner.

Three days? Maybe four? Geralt had a loose concept of time, living each hour to the next. It had been too long though, that he knew. When they were at camp they were, at Anima's slowest, a day out of Redenia. Why hadn't they come for him? Unless they had. _'They aren't meant to fight.'_ Geralt's breath didn't heave but it did begin to ache. What if they had come during one of the moments blood loss got the better of him? What if this estate teaming with vampires had proved too much for them? It would be. It was far out of their depths. Were they dead? Had Anima had her blood taken from her in a way he hadn't even fathomed? Had Jaskier screamed for help and he'd been out, unable to hear it? Maybe they never made it to Redenia maybe he had said Anima's name once too many and the vampires swung back at took care of what held his attention. All the while he had done nothing but lick his wounds.  
"What are you thinking about wolf?" His distress must have read across his face.  
 _'While I laid here. While I took the easy way out.'_ His eyes clenched shut, his whole body tensed. He didn't want to face the world, any possible reality was unwelcome. They were either dead or done with him and Anima had always aimed to keep him.  
"Answer me wolf."  
"Thinking too much." He shook his head. It was a trap, no other names than Liliy's. If he goaded just a few more hours, he could have enough energy to stand without swaying, he could figure a way out, he could find them, he needed to find them. "Hungry." He always pushed, he had to keep pushing.  
"We can find you something to eat wolf. Now that you're playing by the rules." She sounded so pleased with him. It almost calmed him but not quite. "If I give you food what will you give me?" This was another trap. He wanted to ask what she wanted, but he wasn't to ask, he answered.  
"I'm your wolf." He had found himself saying that multiple times over the last day or so. When he didn't know exactly what she wanted to hear, it was something he was falling back on more and more. It always seemed to be correct.  
"Are you?" Her hand slid down his chest, past his hips, till finally she had him in her grasp. Her palm gliding at a pace that didn't arouse so much as by friction alone was pooling his renewing blood lower.  
"Yes." He didn't like it but all he did was growl and bear it, he deserved to feel as awful as he did, maybe he deserved to have a collar maybe that was the only way he could be kept. _'Anima could be dead and-'_

He heard a door far and away burst open, followed quickly by an explosion. _'Lambert.'_ The familiar smell was there under silver shavings and bruxa blood. _'Merigold?'_ He was saved but his mind was snapping. They hadn't given up or died, his companions had been smart and resourceful, had called on aid when needed. What had he done over these days? He noticed he wasn't calling out for his brother, not running to join the fight. Hell Lilly was still passively stroking him beneath the sheets. "I'm-"  
"Quiet wolf." Lilly's free hand went over his mouth, her teeth right at his slow trudging pulse. "If you're good for me now. I'll tell you that story you were after." Fangs prodded at his flesh. He had a choice, make a break for the door, try to get to Lambert, or stay. If he was saved now, what did he return with? Nothing, he would have to explain how he had given in to the affection of another just because it was easy and thoughtless. Anima would reject him, she would be broken by his betrayal and she'd storm back to Lyria, where eventually Nehalenia would take her. If he got her even the smallest bit of information, likely the result would be the same but she'd be a bit better for it, her odds for survival might incrementaly increase. He wanted that, if she was going to leave him at least he wanted to give everything he could. He nodded against Lilly's hand.

The entire fight, slaughter was more apt, her hand kept at it, rolling and tugging at him. He felt his body start to react, start to lean and arch towards the lazy friction. "Stop." He wrenched his face from under her palm.  
"Watch it wolf or everything you've done will have been for nothing." So she knew? Knew why he was playing along. It had all been one long trap, they had gotten him physicaly weak, mentally weak and now, his blood finaly coming back, Lambert having killed whatever had been singing round the clock, it didn't matter. He was at a point of no return. Lilly didn't stop until Lambert's voice broke through.

"He's not here." That made no sense. They had been bleeding him for days, this home had to reek of him. "He was but . . . There's . . . Fuck there's a lot of blood. He . . ."  
"He's not dead Lambert."  
"I know he's not fucking-" The sound of clumsy rummaging was almost amusing to Geralt.  
"What?" Merigold sounded scared.  
"Get out."  
"Lambert what is it?"  
"I said get out!" Lambert was furious, he was absolutely livid. Geralt was trying to figure out what was causing Lambert to break furniture and shout at nothing. His brother was panting on the point of hyper ventilation. "Could've left his shit behind." His things, Lambert knew how meticulously Geralt looked after his amour, his swords, knew he wouldn't just leave them behind. "He'd keep fucking looking. Sorry sap." Lambert sounded like he was reasoning with himself. "One got out . . . Track it down . . . Rip it's fucking fingernails off till it tells me . . . I'll fucking find him."

Geralt couldn't take it anymore. He'd find information elsewhere, he'd find another way to aplogize to Anima. He refused to be cruel to his brother, listening while the witcher tried to find a way to deal with a loss that was untrue.  
"Lambert!" He pushed himself from the bed and started for the door.  
"What did I say wolf?" She was faster than air, for the first time she had moved, or rather just manifested around him, her arms hugging around his shoulders.

"You're not fucking saddling me with her Geralt!" Lambert hadn't heard him. He was still moping and mashing at doors. "Think I'm going back there and telling her I didn't accomplish dick." Lambert didn't mourn well, or long, he was storming out the door.

"You're mine wolf." She sounded closer to the angry hissing of Marlies.  
"He didn't hear me." Geralt did not know how to processes this turn of events.  
"This is my house. People see what I want them to see. Hear what I want them to hear."  
"I don't . . ."  
"What I want to see is an aplogy wolf. You haven't been good at all."  
"No." Hearing Lambert had reminded Geralt of what he was, more importantly who he was. This wasn't him.  
"You're mine wolf." She bit right at his pulse, he could feel any gained energy drain from him, felt his knees lose their lock, felt his mind get loose and numb again but he wasn't caught of guard this time, he was able to hold onto his consciousness much better. "You weren't putting up a fight. You weren't thinking too much." He tried to muscle his way out of her grasp bucking his head back, hearing it colide against her nose. "That kept them safe." He had his elbow primed for a blow but stopped moving. "You're mine. If I have to bring every last one of them here and kill them right infront of your eyes. Is that what you want? Marlies? You should pay a visit to that tavern . . . The Spearhead." His throat tightened again. He could fight, he should fight. "I can start with Nehelenia, you'll never smell of her again-"  
"Don't touch them." He had room to move, he spun to face her.  
"Or will you be good for me?"  
"What do you want?!" He wasn't a mute pile of putty any longer but he also hadn't grown wings he couldn't fly faster than a bruxa and keep his family safe. He would have to bide his time, this time efficiently, with purpose, he wouldn't doubt who he was again, someone who chose right over easy.  
"I want an apology. You can start by finishing what I started."  
"What?" He lost any remaining color in his already deathly pale skin as her eyes trailed down.  
"Finish for me wolf. Show me what's mine and I'll believe that your sorry."  
"I . . . " he wanted to say he wasn't hers, wanted to point out that he wasn't exactly briming with blood and vitality in the moment but he didn't say either of those things. "Why? Why do want me?" Why did she want a broken wolf at her feet? What was the appeal? He didn't understand. "What do you get out of it?"  
"Answer don't ask wolf. Think of your little wanderer, just the best parts of her. If you're determined for Marlies not to kill her that should be enough. That's what you can have, the best parts, we don't need to worry."  
"Hmm." His face twisted something awful, angry and anguished as he took himself in hand. He felt cheap, felt odd and weak, but he was also determined, focused, he had a goal, to get back to them, to make sure they were safe. As he clenched his eyes shut he did think of Anima for a moment but that just made him feel worse. "I don't want to . . ." He shook his head vehemently as his pace got rough and frustrated. "We met in Redenian. . ." He wanted Lilly to talk, he didn't want even the image of Anima to be sullied by his betrayal, his mistakes, his weakness. That could all belong to Lilly, she could have the broken wolf. The best parts of him, the best parts of Anima they didn't belong here.  
"Yes wolf." She sounded pleased but Geralt didn't care about that, he just needed something to talk over his head.

She told him of how they had met, decades ago. She had been low on the hirachey of a coven that Geralt had been sent to clear. She had begged and pleaded, made her case that it wasn't her fault that she was the way she was, she had just been doing what she needed to survive. She stated that he looked at her like he understood, like they were kindred spirits. He had told her he knew what it felt like, not to belong, not to be anything but claws and fangs. He had told her he thought too much on motives, sometimes he wished he could be like her just doing what needed to be done to survive. Her life was simple his was frustratingly nuanced. He was expected to feel nothing yet cater and coddle the emotions of others. At least all they expected from her was a beast. He had let her go.

"I didn't." Geralt growled out, he had been willing himself to completion, standing broad and clumsy like a five oren whore. He hadn't spared her, another bruxa had come at his flank and she had scurried away. He hadn't remembered her because it hadn't been a life changing moment for him. He vented to sentient monsters all the time, being generally lacking of companionship and knowing they wouldn't live long enough to judge him. He should have chased her down. That had been the, at the time young, witcher's fault but he hadn't liked the man who contracted him enough to give it his all. There had been a time Geralt had done just enough to earn the coin that was owed. He had grown since then, developed into a proper person with a code of right and wrong all his own. All the good he had done didn't mean shit, all it took was one mistep from his past to flip his whole world upside down.  
"We can be simple monsters wolf. I can give you what you wanted"  
"This doesn't-" He wasn't happy, but his body betrayed him, he toppled into some sad little orgasm.  
"You have a good body. Does what it's told. It's that mind of yours wolf we need to fix. They've ruined you. The world. I'll fix you." Her hand reached out and was stroking at a cheek.  
"Geralt." He pushed, because that's who he was, he wouldn't forget so easily.  
"Poor wolf, it'll hurt more this way." He had earned himself a space back in the cell but that's exactly where he wanted to be. He felt rotten and dirty to his core but he finally had a plan.

"What the fuck is taking them so long?" Anima was pacing their room in the spearhead. Normally it didn't bother her, that she hadn't gotten much better with her cleaver, that she couldn't fight fist to fist, blade to blade. That wasn't her skill set. She worked to have them avoid fights, she didn't start middle or end them. She could have avoided this fight if she had just gone with Geralt. Her lack of fighting prowess was why he had given in to the demands of beasts. _'Fuck.'_ She had sworn not to tether to Geralt again but as the day had long gone into night she was fightining the impulse. If she took away his pain he'd come back to her right? Coming back angry was better than not at all. Before she could do so there was a scraping at her door. "Well that's not great." Letting her vision go white she could see beyond the wood. ' _A vampire? Here? Just the one?'_ She looked at her steel cleaver, it would do less good than usual.  
"Are you the wanderer?" A voice she didn't recognize called out to her.  
"I've been known to be." Anima was trying to be quiet with her movements as she reached across the table.  
"The wolf sends his regards." Marlies barged through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C/W : This is a pretty bleak chapter with Geralt not in a fully lucid headspace so there are some moments that are non consensual. I don't dwell in it aggressively or graphicly but I did want to warn regardless.


	5. Go wild Go home

"Anima are you sure you're alright? You look-" Jaskier had clearly missed a lot, though he had done a lot. When was the last time witch hunters and redenian foot soldiers been in their side? _'Never. I'd have surely remembered that. Though they aren't an entertaining lot.'_ Jaskier looked over the bland bunch. He'd gladly have just one witcher, even Lambert over these droll brutes.  
"I know how I look Jaskier." Those witch hunters and foot soldier were paces away and behind the woman who still looked ravenous. She had beaten a bruxa to death with a candlestick, she was not one to mess with in the moment.  
"Sure she's human?" One skeptical hunter piped.  
"Come here and find out!" Anima's emotional dam had run over. There was no deflecting teases, no coy smile, she was unhinged and unhappy and the next person who put pause to her finding Geralt would meet the same fate as the vampire.  
"Don't tell Geralt but this may be the most attractive you've ever been." Jaskier didn't mean the frothing murderous rage per se he meant she looked passionate, like the moment was hers to control not to just endure and overcome.  
"We just need to find him Jaskier." Anima was tired, tapped, smothered by everything and everyone but the person who felt like home.

"Tulif?" He was sure he'd be called back up the the room again soon, for what demeaning task he wasn't sure. He knew that this was where he would take his stand.  
"Wolf?" She was as uninterested as before, not cruely so but the witcher held no morbid curiosity to her.  
"Going to kill every vampire here next time I go up those stairs. Like to ask a question first."  
"Wolf you've gone cuack on me? You're no stronger than when you came. She'll kill you, after she kills your-"  
"Not crazy Tulif." He couldn't let threats eat at his brain again, he had let indecision cripple him enough over these days. "Why are you here? This place bores you."  
"Does." She shrugged as she began prepping him for another bleeding.  
"Funny." Geralt gave a horse chuckle. Skelligan women were hard to impress. "Anima hates that place, the Isles. You miss it?"  
"Do." Her mouth twisted for a second as she finally took the time to look the witcher in the eyes. "Gonna spare me cause I remind you of your skugga?"  
"Hmm. Don't know that one. What does it mean? Woman? Lover?"  
"Shadow." Tulif's face softened a bit. "I'd say ever see er again call her that." The dagger cut into his arm. "Won't though."  
"You didn't say . . ." He paused to grimace as the vein that had been trying desperately to heal was sprung loose again. "Why you're here?"  
"I was _his_ skugga. He was me vildkaarl had an itch to see more, see it all. What's a skugga to do but follow? Hated it, missed me muire but loved em more."  
"Vildkaarl. That one I _do_ know. Been called it once or twice . . . Wild man."  
"Yes." She let out a bereft sigh but went about her work. "So Wolf. You tell me, when you kill us all do I live?" She didn't sound concerned or convinced.  
"What happened . . . to your Vildkaarl?" Geralt was always curious about the why of things. He had been under so much pressure lately he'd lost sight of that trait in himself.  
"What happens to all? Died, killed, world's small, no place for us. Was left for dead too, Lady Lilly found me, fixed me up. Gave me somewhere to be, kept me mind off Tras."  
"Don't get very many contracts for bruxa in Skellige."  
"Only blood bags we mix with are the bezerkers. Plenty of vild to go around, north of Blandare. Not nose to arse like here. What's the point of this wolf? We're here. Here's where it matters, just focus on Lady Lilly and-"  
"You'd be better off not here Tulif. _Every_ one, I mean it. Head start, fair warning." That's all the mercy he had in him. Once he got started he had no intention of stopping.  
"Really are a Vildkaarl. Must really want to get back to your skugga." Tulif almost smiled. "Why'd you let me go? Let Lilly go once. Look where that got ya."  
"Didn't treat me like a wolf, a witcher. Just the hanging bore that I am." He tried to smile but his face seemed to have forgotten how. "Can do the same. Not a blood gourging beast. Woman hiding from the world, endebted to a sadist." Tulif's story wasn't a unique one, plenty of people and monsters alike lose their loved ones and in attempt not to feel the pain numb themselves, burry themselves in anything else. It was the opposite form of mourning than the woman in the Inn, it was living to out run the loss, not lingering and waiting for death. Geralt had given it a shot, tried to avoid a world that was trying to take Anima from him. He had let his deminished vitality be an excuse. To go numb, to hide, to try and force himself into belonging somewhere the pain couldn't find him, where there was only room for survival and servitude. It hadn't worked. Witchers emotions were touted as being dulled or non existant but they, even under all the sedatives his body could bear, didn't leave him, more than that they made him. Without his emotions whether it be rage or love, hope or fear he wouldn't be him without them, without the feelings he had for those that he could lose. Even his subconscious, his base urge to keep on living clung to that, clung to her. "Can't be endebted to a corpse." Geralt didn't have time to be introspective, he had to act. "Similar though. Lilly lived, saw her again, going to kill her." Geralt was less than poetic on the best of days, as the bleeding stopped so did the brief stint at full sentences. "Don't see me after today Tulif."  
"Supposed to convince me you'll do more than wobble and kneel wolf. Not letting you go, not risking my neck."  
"Not asking for that." Geralt tried to shake some hair from his face. First thing he would do when he got out of here would be having a proper bath. _'No.'_ His mouth soured. He'd have to grovel first, he'd gotten good practice with Lilly, he'd have to grovel for Anima's forgiveness. ' _Won't take.'_ Anima was as stubborn as him. She didn't get off on submission, it would carry no sway. He'd have to think of something.  
"What are you asking for?"  
"Food? Starving." He was getting ahead of himself, he had plenty to do in the here and now. "Spirits?"  
"A drink fore you charge into death? I can respect that vildkaarl." Tulif gave a full fanged smile.

"You killed them all!" The wailing was insufferable, the wild flapping of wings had sent Merigold back a few paces but Lambert had white hot rage to keep him planted.  
"Not you." He pulled silver from out the creature's gut then slammed it right above her heart. "What I killed was rats that can fly." He repeated the action, moving over to the shrieking beast's left shoulder. "They wouldn't have kept Geralt down. Who has him?" Lambert wasn't enjoying this, he liked a good fight but this wasn't a fight this was torture. "Huh?" Even he grimaced a bit as he twisted the blade. "I am going to kill you. Whether it's in parts or all at once is up to you."  
"Lilly!" It squealed as much as it shriekd.  
"Where can I find Lilly?" With his foot at it's chest he got closer than was smart to the beast's face but Lambert wasn't smart he was seething.  
"She was there. The house on the hill she-"  
"Bullshit I tore that place apart!" He stepped back, pulling out his sword and let it linger over a kneecap for a moment.  
"Wait wait . . . Just the parts you could see. There's more to it you just didn't see it I can-" There was no more wailing, no more flapping no more bruxa.  
"I should've been able to tell-"  
"Lambert there was bruxa and cursed objects flying all over the place you couldn't have-"  
"Geralt would have. Fuck Eskel would've I-" He had been too angry, too upset, he had seen Geralt's blades and flown off the handle. "I just wasted half a day and . . . Shit!" Lambert had gone from a decent jog to a sprint.  
"What?"  
"The kittens!"  
"Lambert have you lost your mind. We're not looking for cats up trees. We need to get back-"  
"Anima. She's gone looking for him. She waited and now her and the bard are headed straight to some haunted fucking house on a hill! If they get killed cause I was off chasing my fucking tail-"  
"Well let's get back before Geralt finds out alright?" Merigold tried to calm the crazed witcher.  
"Now Merigold!"  
"Don't bark at me! I'll just as quick go there myself and leave you here to trot!" She was getting sick of being nothing more than a means of fast travel for Lambert.  
"I . . . _Can_ we go?" His growl almost sounded apolgetic.

"What mood are we in today wolf?" Lilly as always was perched amongst garish flowing sheets.  
"Great." He did have a sickly grin on his face. "I leave today." He stated confidently.  
"You will do no such thing, today nor tomorrow. Is your freedom worth the life of your friends? Your family? The wanderer? You've shown your true colors Wolf, a selfish one."  
"Haven't seen Marlies. How she fairing?" This was a bluff against both Lilly and himself, he had to be confident beyond reason that those he cared about were still alright.  
"Replaceable. Where there's one there's another. Same goes for you wolf. I can take . . . What was his name? Your brother? Perhaps he'll listen better."  
"Lambert doesn't listen to shit." He was feeling the effects alright, his body was numb in a whole new, sloshingly drunk sort of way.  
"I have been patient wolf." She was up and in his face, exactly where he wanted her.  
"You've been a bitch." It was almost a shame Lilly was the only witness to this cocky boarish version of Geralt, if no one else Jaskier and Lambert would have gotten a hoot out of it. He did stumble slightly when her palm swung ruthlessly cross his cheek, his lip split, he tucked it into his mouth sucking the blood off. _'Should be enough.'_ It tasted awful, like some half rotted meat. "You shouldn't have tried." He was still half delerious and likely had meant for that sentence to go longer but it just ended there, with him staring as defiantly as a witcher with no sword, not armor, a quarter the blood could be.  
"You're beyond fixing wolf." Her face was sad only for a moment but then glazed somewhere disinterested. She viewed Geralt as a toy that no longer amused.  
"I know."  
"You could have had a simple existence. You would have flourished under me." She let her hand sooth at her strike for a minute. "I'll make them pay for ruining you wolf. I'll do that for us." Her teeth sank in and she attempted to finally drain the witcher dead. His eyes rolled, his muscles gave way and he collapsed.

"Just a fuckin home. Ladies keep to themselves. You sure this is the place?"  
"It is a home of Redenian standing my good men. It would tarnish the kingdom's reputation to have there be concerns and accusations of foul ungoldy creatures going unheeded. It is your duty to follow even the faintest whiff of abomination is it not?" Jaskier had wound these men round his finger, gotten their egos to the size of county festival pigs. They would strike down a three legged doe with national pride if the bard kept shilling what they wanted to hear. "Why should these ladies as you call them live off the prosperity of your king?" Even those not enticed by extreme ideals could be swayed to pillage and ransack.  
"Jaskier?" Anima had let the poet incite frenzy amongst their back up but she was confused.  
"Yes?"  
"You . . . Just see a house?"  
"I . . . Well it's a decent sized home but yes. What do you see?"  
"An ominous fucking tower." Anima's head tilted back to get a glimpse of the full length of it.  
"She bewitched?" A hunter got nosey. How could this woman still patchy with bruxa blood see something they couldn't.  
"Ahh." Jaskier had to think on the fly. "You have caught us cheating ever so slightly. Ever here of Nehelenia's eye?"  
"What's that?" The bard had nothing if not a captive audience even Anima was looking at him with some interest, though her face held more impatience than anything. "Cursed little bobble . . . Helps see through illusions. Rare. Not likely to be seen in the gods country surely, an item picked up it . . ."  
"They picked it up in Lyria. You can take it from me when we're done. I'm going in now! Unless there is something else more pressing than finding Geralt?!" Anima swung open the door and threw in one of her bombs. There was no howling of bruxa in distress, just a heavy cough and a grumble she'd recognize anywhere.

"Geralt!" He was drenched, head to toe, it was dripping from his finger tips, his clenched teeth normally gleaming white were sticky with the stuff, red, blood. His eyes grew the size of punch bowls at the sound of his name, he was shambling towards her.  
"Girl get back witcher's gone rabid." There was a hand vicing at her shoulder.  
"Any one touches him I run you through." Lambert did know how to make an entrance.  
"Why'd I even close the damn thing. Anima get Geralt and come on. I'm over Redenia already." The sorceress didn't want to linger in this unsafe haven longer than they had to.  
"Geralt!" Anima fought out of the hold running to the man standing on will power alone. "Geralt I'm sorry we took so long I-" Before she could barrel into him he caught her cheeks in his hands, holding her, twisiting at awkward angels, smudging them with blood. "Geralt? Geralt we have to go. You've earned rest upon rest but-"  
"I hate your face." His brow was scrunched in some sort of confusion. "Sound right though." He leaned forward with a bit of a trip, breathing in the air around her. "Smell right . . . Call me wolf." He wasn't convinced this wasn't some trick of the mind.  
"What? W . . .Geralt I will call you all the pet names you like when we get you in a bed and-"  
"No." He shook his head, he could feel his brain jumble inside.  
"Please Geralt." Her hands covered his. "I don't want to force you calm but . . . You're not well."  
"Going to fix me?" He let go of her, taking six or seven drunken steps back.  
"Geralt listen I know your upset but-"  
"Jaskier?!" There was acknowledgment then just that confused anger right back at his mug. "Your leg?"  
"I just _make_ portals look effortless!" Merigold reminded, even she was growing weathered.  
"Geralt we have to go." Anima knew Lambert's threat would only check Redenia testosterone so long. She'd calm this whole tower if she had to but if the witcher learned to walk forward it'd be a lot less taxing.  
"Skugga." Geralt again was looking at Anima with a long skeptical stare.  
"Sugar? What . . . Geralt I'll feed you grapes by hand if you move." Jaskier tugged at Geralt's arm but even half mast an upright witcher would only move so much outside of choice.  
"No. Skugga. Shadow. . . It's a-" Anima was ensnared, one heavy arm over her shoulder, the other gripping tight at her waist, his knees gave out bringing them down to the floor with force. "Geralt?" His face had burried itself right bellow her throat. _'Is he . . .shivering?'_ Snow, sun, temperature had never even shown a hint of recognition in Geralt before, something was wrong.  
'You believe me? That it's me. We do need-"  
"Lilly never left Redenia." All his dead weight just gave out, pinning her folded back onto the ground. "Hmm." It was if Geralt had forgotten where they were, that he was bled half to death, he ran his nose along Anima's neck, he would deny it to be nuzzling for comfort but plain as day that's what it was. "Your face. Anima I'm sorry."  
"You hate it I know. Hey Lambert a hand?" She wasn't getting him off of her any time soon.  
"Breathe wrong." Cantankerous was as good as Quen as Lambert muscled his way through. "Come on you oaf. Can't even walk on your own. Good thing I showed up to clean up your mess eh? Got your stuff weighing down-"  
"You didn't hear me." Geralt grumbled as he stood, letting out a stressed breath as he lost contact with Anima. "You were here. . . Days ago."  
"Yesterday." Anima saw it, Lambert's rage had burned it from seeping in but Geralt's words had been an unquenchable down pour of guilt. "Geralt we're sorry. It's . . . This place is-"  
"Say it again?" Geralt was at least allowing Lambert to drag him.  
"We're sorry Geralt." Anima knew he just wanted his name again but she wanted to apologize, it had taken far too long. He looked near death, all because she staid behind.  
"Don't you fuckers have some bruxa to burn?" Lambert shoved his way towards the portal.  
"Corpses. Dead. All of em." Geralt sounded as exhausted as completing that task would imply. "Burn em still, burn the building." If he could even think to cast Igni he'd bring this torture chamber down to smoldering coals.  
"Well we'll leave that in your capable hands. It's been grand. You lot have fun storming the . . . House." Jaskier was at least trying to be diplomatic.  
"You think you can just come and go as you please. Sold your soul, turned your back on the gods! You're all coming-" That nosy officer from earlier piped up and soon a single voice was a battle cry.  
"Relax. Taking out the soul makes room for tricks that shouldn't be tested." Anima's eyes went white again, calming the tower to an agreeable stupor turned out to be the end regardless. She tethered to each of the red blooded redanians one by one, feeding them the emotion she hadn't felt in days, calm, content. It was strain on her own heartbeat, more at one time than she'd endured before but this wasn't a test of longevity, it had to last just long enough. _'Humans are easy, no sweat. We're getting him out.'_ Anima dug nails into her wrist repeating those words to herself in an attempt to push down the ache through her atrium.  
"I do love a dramatic exit" The bard pulled the blind empath by her shoulders, trotting behind Lambert and Geralt through the closing portal.

"Hmm." Not as many pillows, sheets were a bit scratchy, but better than that was the weight. ' _Not light. . . Not heavy.'_ It could have been more, been better, her whole body could have been over his like they used to sleep what seemed ages ago but this was the best way he'd woken up in close to a week. Anima's face was resting over his chest, she had pulled a chair up to the bed.  
"Finally awake then?" Lambert had been staring from the corner for hours.  
"Thank you." Geralt's eyes opened and adjusted to a room that finally had a window.  
"I don't have time for this Geralt. I have my own jobs you know?" Arms crossed, face frowning but Geralt could hear what Lambert was really asking, could hear his concern. His brother had worried he'd lost him, he didn't want that feeling again.  
"I'll do my best not to need your help." Geralt tried to sit up a bit but he regretted it immediately not because of the aching pain rolling through his mending body but because Anima's face turned to get comfortable and he took it all in. Her hair was all wrong but that was of no concern, her face was bruised, pink and stippling purple at the curves of her cheek and socket, the cut above her eye was scabbing. "She should be in bed." He ran his thumb down the back of her neck which had claw marks on it. ' _Did she . . . Fight Marlies?'_ He wondered if the bruxa cheated death again. It didn't matter, Anima was alive, she was here, he would fix it.  
"Kitten curled up with you. Wasn't gonna try to move her, just hissing and-" Lambert shrugged, really going all in on this cat comparrison.  
"I . . . She's got a bed?"  
"Bard did all the talking . . . Probably still is schmoozing the madame of the place."  
"I . . . Take her somewhere? She smells of silver and toxins . . . Needs rest." Those things aside he had it back. He smelled of her again, all that scrubing and washing for nothing, but he was glad to be able to hone in on it again, getting a big breath of what he almost forgot. _'Cracking tea leaves, dried fruit.'_ it calmed his senses that were still slightly askew.  
"Geralt she . . ." Lambert frowned less heated more concerned. "I'm not gonna tell you what to do but just let her be?" Lambert was sure he had seen this before. Geralt felt he had been bested and that left him upset, feeling out of sorts, wanting no comforts, thinking comforts were for winners.  
"Please?" Geralt craned his neck to look at his brother. Maybe it was the guilt Lambert was still harboring but he didn't want to argue with Geralt while he was still early in healing.

"Kitten!" Lambert gave a kick to a leg of Anima's chair.  
"Huh? What? Geralt?" She stirred awake in a panic. Geralt glared at Lambert to imply that wasn't exactly what he had in mind but all the youngest witcher had was shrugs to spare.

"Not fuckin carrying her in her sleep. The fuck do I look like?"  
"Carry? Where?" Anima's fists clenched in Geralt's tunic.  
"Anima I just need . . ."  
"He needs to brood alone like the base bastard he is." Lambert knew Geralt had no idea what he needed. That if he knew what was good for him, he would soak in all the love, concern and all around praise for being alive that the kitten had been content to blanket him under but that wasn't Geralt. He wanted to right himself, pull himself up by his own bootstraps, only ready to face the world when he was best for it.  
"Geralt is this . . . Are you upset with me or you?" She wasn't sure exactly where the comparison laid but the look in his eyes was eerily similar to how he looked when the dogs had gotten to her in Temeria. She was an empath, her whole world was emotions, she knew this look. _'Guilt? Why would he feel guilty?'_  
"I just . . . Want to be alone." He knew she wouldn't like that answer but he couldn't speak to her. Not with her face as a map of how hard she had worked to get to him, not with his head still sifting reality from fiction, what he had done and what had been beyond his control.  
"Alright." She stood but when she leaned in to kiss him he pulled back harshly. "Did . . . Geralt you'll be OK won't you? Please don't-" How badly had they hurt him? How did she help him? Geralt tended to blame himself for the world how could she convince him not to waste energy on anything but getting his health back. To focus on ridding himself of the shiver still in his bones.  
"Time Anima . . . Just to get my head on straight. Then I'll . . . I'm going to make it better I promise."  
"All by your lonesome?" She wanted to give a playful punch at his shoulder but she felt that any touch would be unwelcomed.  
"You just . . . Wait for me? You still . . . Your threat?"  
"She threatened you?" Lambert gave an amused snort. "What she going to do cuddle you to death? Feel you into a coma?"  
"Ha. Ha. Lambert. Been working on your material?" Witchers still had an odd sense of humor. "I aim to keep you Geralt. Are you here?" She wanted an even trade, her promise of love for his.  
"I wasn't . . . Shouldn't have left. I . . . Wait for me?" He was asking something else entirely but for once Anima couldn't read between his words.  
"Get some rest love." She frowned as his face twitched at the phrasing.  
"Skugga . . . I . . ." Geralt let out a groan as something cramped. "I like that . . . Does it bother you?" He knew she hadn't liked being called a bird, when she was referenced to as his woman it sounded too possesive, yet she didn't bristle when Lambert called her kitten and he wanted a term of endearment for her, he wanted anything good to have come from his ordeal.  
"Shadows are hard to shake vildkaarl." She had just the warmest of smiles of him. She might've hated Skellige but without the accent it sounded different, sounded like something just for them.  
"That's why I like it." Geralt let his eyes close again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short little Segway chapter but I had to get Geralt out of there I was feeling yucky. What actually went down will get explained better I promise.


	6. Make sense of it all

"Not that I care but-" Lambert didn't stay quiet long enough for the door to close.  
"Then stay out of it Lambert." Geralt rolled onto his shoulder.  
"Hey you fuckers dragged me _into_ this. You know Merigold won't just let you roll over and grumble. Kitten's coddling you but-"  
"I betrayed her alright?" Geralt barked as he pulled some blankets over his face.  
"Betrayed her? How?" Cogs turned and Lambert's eyes blew wide "You telling me you got laid in there? What is your dick cursed. . . Enchanted or something? Here I was, payment free mind you, chopping down-" Lambert cared but compassion was not his strong suit.  
"Lambert stop." This wasn't a bark, it was a plead.  
"I . . . Would talking to the bard help? He's worried . . . Annoyingly worried. He knows of what to do when you think with the wrong-" Geralt's family was coming together, Lamber was forming his own prickly bond with them, looking out for them from a distance.  
"No."  
"So what you want us to let you lay here and feel sorry for yourself?"  
"Think what you want Lambert. Just think it outside. . . Quietly." Geralt did need rest, he had really put his whole body at risk, made himself a walking weapon but he had worked himself dull.  
"Fine. I'll let you know before I leave."

"He asked you to leave?" Jaskier was puzzled, Geralt and Anima were sickeningly attached at the hip. The witcher slept terribly on nights when Anima had just rolled too far away in their bedroll. He couldn't fathom Geralt requesting space. "What did he . . . " He shook his head and started over. "What does he think he did?"   
"I don't know."  
"You didn't . . . ask?" His hand rolled dramticly in question. Was he missing some hurdle? Had Geralt been hexed more silent than usual?  
"Whatever they did was . . . Cruel. He needs time. He's torn. . . Badly" He didn't tell her not to call him by name, he didn't think her wrong for loving him but something had made him recoil from her affection. Geralt liked to push, could generally take a shove himself but this wasn't what the moment called for. Geralt was patient with all her trust issues, her control hang ups. She knew vulnerable and unsure was not a happy headspace for the witcher and she would not tear out his emotions and dissect them, she would wait till he was comfortabld to bear them.  
"Yes but you sew him." Jaskier had learned over years that Anima found ways to mend their witcher in ways no one else could.  
"Slowly." Anima sighed into her drink.  
"Just because you all live forever doesn't mean you have to draw _everything_ out." Jaskier rolled his eyes, he appreciated their relationship, it was beautiful and tragic but gods if it wasn't the slowest bloom to beauty ever.  
"First no drama now no suspense. You grow so drab in your old age Jaskier." Anima was glad to see energy back in the bard as he stood with a scowl burying a smirk.  
"You take that back!"  
"Unwind Jaskier. We'll be here a few days. Enjoy the walls."  
"I know you're goading me-"  
"But?"  
"If I'm to fix this. As I _always_ do-" Anima didn't mend alone, the bard had skills neither the empath nor the witcher had the time nor capacity to learn.  
"Unsung hero of our time." Anima nodded.  
"I need to shake all this negative energy."  
"Shake away Jaskier."   
"Don't you grow melancholy. Your witcher is safe, he's here. He'll ask for you. He always does. Just . . . In his own miserable way."

"How are you feeling?" Merigold was trying to assess what damage had been done.  
"Like shit." Geralt was sitting up which was an improvement.  
"Prophetetic." She grabbed his right wrist holding it up to her face. "I know suffering in silence is a core personality trait of yours but if you told me what they did to you I could probably speed up your recovery. Have you and your merry band on your way." She had to be tough love, it was always the fastest way to get through to witchers, cut through their egos.  
"They were Vampires what do you think they did?" She hadn't been wrong, Geralt was protective over everything that belonged to him, even his pain.  
"You're shaking."  
"What?"  
"Hold out your hand." She watched as his hand lifted, watched the tremors ride through the muscle, watched him glare at it disapprovingly. "You've rested long enough that it's not blood loss. What is it?"  
"Bout a pound of sewant mushrooms . . . Bottle of dwarve-"  
"Anima!" Merigold looked equal part outraged and confused throwing her hands to the air as she stormed out of the door.  
"Don't-" In the time it took Geralt to groan and roll out of bed Merigold had dragged Anima into the room. "It's not-"  
"Anima do you have anything handy for an Idiot trying to kill himself with a pound of poisonous mushrooms who washed it down with drek alcohol-"  
"Was your idiot being fed on for days on end by vampires?" Anima had an out place smile on her face.  
"I am right here." Geralt noticed that the two women hadn't even looked at him since parading into the room, not scowling at each other but there was tension.  
"That's no excuse!"  
"No it's strategy. Your idiot's no idiot. Quite the opposite. Resourceful even."  
 _'Such a smart one wolf.'_ He couldn't help but hear it, couldn't help but cringe. _'Your body does what it's told.'_  
"I . . ." Anima saw the flinch and any eagerness to be in the room fled. "Two thirds of black blood . . . He was trying to poison them with what they were taking. How-" Anima turned to Geralt to ask how he managed to get his hands on a pound of mushrooms but then she stopped. _'Still wants to be alone.'_ She gave him a sad understanding smile and turned back to Merigold. "I have plenty of things for toxcity. I'll . . . Leave them by the door."

"You know she was willing to go blind for you to bear to see her again. What did they do to you Geralt? Here?" Merigold tapped a finger to his forehead. "I can read your mind if you don't want to talk about it."  
"Hmm." She could, she had, he hadn't been any more of an open book when they had been a couple, there had been more than one occasion, for reasons she swore were for his own good, which he believed, that she had trapsed around his head, it had been a necessity not a nusance. "What did Lambert tell you?"  
"That you think you betrayed her and that's why you won't look at her. Geralt you weren't in your right mind. Whatever you did or did not do was not your-"  
"Not always."  
"You cannot be so high on yourself and those damn mushrooms that you think you were lucid enough to willfully participate in much of anything Geralt."  
"Most of it . . . I was out. Even when I made choices it was . . . To protect them, I couldn't protect them like I was and-" He clenched a fist, angry with the shake it held.  
"No one blames you Geralt."  
"There was a moment I . . ." He had wanted it, wanted it because it was easy, because it could be his and he the only person he had to fight for it was himself. ' _I kissed her. I told her I was hers . . . I meant it.'_ He didn't know how to fix that so instead he pushed it down and ignored it. "Something went wrong with the glamour?" He changed the topic to something he was adept at, worrying about Anima. Merigold sighed at the abrupt change but indulged.  
"First batch went without a hitch."  
"First?"  
"It'll work out of her system in a day or two but seeing as your first words upon laying eyes on her were I hate your face she was going to take another to undo it. She might be a mutant but she can't take potions at a witcher's pace. Something would have gone wrong."  
"I did say that." It hadn't been what he meant. Her eyes, her hair, when he saw her again those trivial things hardly meant anything to him. It was the bruises, the cuts, the claw marks. She had fought his way and it showed. She had to fight his way because he wasn't there, that's what he hated. "She knew you'd say no. She mixes to keep herself busy." He was trailing from topic to topic. _'She won't accept sorry.'_ That word meant nothing did nothing, he just added it to the list of things he couldn't fix.  
"Geralt?"  
"What?" He snapped, he felt burried under his failures.  
"Why did you tell her to stay behind in the first place? It put you at a disadvantage. You had to know that."  
"I was angry with her." He shrugged. "I told her to stay back because she did it first . . . I . . She should trust that I will help her anyway I can when it comes to Nehalenia. If nothing else she should let me protect her when she . . . Goes there. It's nearly all I can do Merigold." It was a good sign that he was back to pacing. "I don't know why she hid from me, trusted some sorceress over me and I . . ." He looked so absolutely frustrated with every man woman and diety.  
"Geralt it-" She felt a twist in her gut, she had taken away the small bit of control the witcher had when it came to a world and events that tended to leave him behind. _'Greater good.'_ She had to think long term. He wouldn't thank her now but in years maybe.  
"Got petty. I was an idiot. It cost me." He heard a tapping at the door. "Anima?"  
"It's white honey." She didn't even touch the handle, glass could be heard settling on the floor.  
"Thank you." For a moment he thought that was all he could muster, but he gave it a go, he had to, she deserved all his effort. "Anima?"  
"Yes?" It was still closed, she would not enter unless he asked.  
"I'm sorry. . . Your face is fine . . . I'm sorry for . . ."  
"I'll wait Geralt." Sorry was just a word, a useless one at that.  
"Anima?" He started again.  
"Yes Geralt?" She asked in an amused sigh as this conversation bore on repedative.  
"I . . . I am here. I want to be here." This was a start, those words felt better, had him feeling better.  
"I love you too Geralt. I . . ."  
"Yes?" If he could get her talking, she'd sort through it, she could throw out sos till his ears bled and he'd be better for it.  
"When your up for visitors, patience is not a virtue Jaskier is swimming in."  
"Hmm." She was putting her wants in the back of the queue, behind his inner crisis, behind Jaskier's friendly concern. "How's the stout here?"  
"Huh?"  
"Have a drink Anima? Get warm?" Had she rested at all? She reeked less of toxin and more of tea leaves but worrying felt right.  
"Warm?" Merigold was confused, she didn't know Anima didn't get drunk, she was adamant she just got warm.  
"I'm not really in the mood Geralt."  
"Just . . . Do something you are in the mood for? Please?" That would ease the guilt, if she was distracted and happy. _'Inns are for them.'_ They staid because life with him could be a worthwhile one, because he found ways for them to be happy, that couldn't stop because he fucked up, he didn't want them to leave, he needed Anima and Jaskier to stay.

"I . . . I'll try Geralt." He could hear the sterile smile in her voice. He knew the question sounded insensitive, brushing off her feelings. He opened his mouth to take it back but he could hear her footsteps leave.  
"Plan on taking the door with you?" As hard as Merigold had been on Anima's lack of action she was just as firm on Geralt delaying words.  
"Hmm." It was a new feeling, wanting to speak but not sure what he wanted to say. He'd have to figure out quick because that door wouldn't fit on the back of Roach and he'd have to face her sooner rather than later.

"Anima?!" Geralt was sure he heard her but the sound came from outside.  
"You're too fucking slow!" Lambert was outside as well.  
"I'm not slow." Anima had oh so gracefully dove and fallen flat mid spar. "You're too fucking fast!" Steel hit the ground along with everything that was Anima.  
' _Are they drunk?'_ Geralt stood and for the first time in days he didn't have to reset his bearings. Most of his mutations he could look on distastefuly at times but he'd never scoff at how fast he healed. He peered through the window and there they were, not drunk as skunks but certainly tipsy.

"No. I've seen humans faster than you. You're slow kitten." If Lambert was a gentlemen he would have helped Anima up but as he was quick to remind he was a witcher not a gentleman and opted to just stare down at her impatiently.  
"Well how the hell do I get faster?"  
"Could tie weights to you . . . I used to sleep with horseshoes round my ankels." Lambert shrugged.  
"Why would you sleep . . . That's dumb." Anima laughed.  
"Worked didn't it?"  
" _Did_ it?" Anima's saw Lambert grow offended then amused then offended again, she laughed even harder.

' _All good fun till someone loses an eye.'_ Geralt knew witchers as a whole forgot their own strength when pickled. He was placing on his boots when his door swept open.  
"There you are!" Jaskier's zeel almost bowled the somber witcher over.  
"Here I am." He didn't bother to point out this was exactly where he'd been for going on two days.  
"So I've heard of what's bothering you."  
"Hmm." Geralt focused back on his boots.  
"As you may or may not know I've been in your spot before. Gotten too gone, been in places I shouldn't have, with people I shouldn't have and-"  
"Jaskier-" He was going to brush the bard off, not wanting to hear of his drunken conquests again but then he paused, looked up and stared at the bard.  
"Geralt?" The stare was long and a bit unnerving.  
"Jaskier have you ever been with someone you cared about and . . . Ended up with someone else . . . It was something . . . You still cared about-" Geralt didn't know how to put it, didn't know how he felt.  
"Oh." Jaskier bit back all the quips and idioms that shot to mind. Geralt was looking at him for advice, serious advice, he had to take it seriously, speak seriously. "The grass is always greener on the other side and I am forever in pursuit of flusher pastures but-"  
"Jaskier." Geralt knew it was impossible for even serious Jaskier to keep a story without flourish, Geralt had no patience for flourish.  
"Right. Cilane was one of my first loves. She was sweet and fair as anything, from behind Geralt-"  
"Jaskier." Geralt sat back on his bed, peering out the window making sure Anima and Lambert hadn't killed each other. He'd be here a while.  
"I thought of settling down with her Geralt." Serious was starting to fall in the bards canter.  
"Really?" Geralt had never thought Jaskier the settling down type and if the years they'd traveled together were any indication he wasn't, but perhaps the bard's tastes and aspirations had changed over the years.  
"I did. Was saving for a dowry and all the proper antiquated sutor steps. Played a local inn hour after hour, day after day and that's where I met Evon. Oh and Evon was everything Cilane wasn't. For one she was more . . . Worldly . . . Open minded." Jaskier's eyebrows rose with each pause.  
"I get it."  
"I spurned her advances for weeks but after a rough set on the tails of a week of rough sets, I was pissed in all meanings of the word and I got worldly with Evon."  
"And?"  
"It was great! It had me second guessing. Could I do without that? Would a lovely girl with a sweet smile and a soul dipped in sugar make up for the type of debauchery I enjoy."  
"It didn't. You left Cilane." Geralt was getting ahead.  
"I did. Shacked up with Evon for a while but while blessed in the sheets she was . . . Dull. Conversations were a bore. She wasn't perfect either."  
"So neither were for you."  
"No one and everyone is for me Geralt. Anima is for you but she is not best at all. There are women you meet who could likely please you in ways Anima can't. Gods knows you could find a woman more adept at self defense than whatever demon summoning ritual Anima's attempting out there." Jaskier and Geralt paused to stare out the window at Anima and Lambert rolling around in the dirt.  
"Stop biting you mad woman!" Lambert was tugging at Anima's hair. Geralt went to break it up but the bard was wedged wide in the door way.  
"Or a girl who is even less of a fighter, one whose always safe, you'd have to worry less." Jaskier knew what ate at the Witcher's core.  
"Hmm."  
"And yet you'd still love Anima. Up till the bruxa you didn't allow yourself to be tempted, to look elsewhere, your eyes heart and cock were glued to her. She loves you and you just blindly believed she was best in every way. She's not best at all none us are. There are those who could be better but of the few things I'm sure, you love that mad woman something stupid. You can like and even see the superiority in others and still love her. Now you can't go on sticking it to every trinket and trollop that catches your eye but-"  
"Jaskier that was enough. That was . . . Poetic, don't ruin it." Geralt tried to compliment the bard outright.  
"I speak poeticly all the time. You rarely listen."  
"I always listen, I can't _not_ hear you. Most of it is drivel. This wasn't drivel . . . Thank you Jaskier." He could thank his companions, even if they didn't ask.  
"So you'll put the poor thing out of her misery?"  
"How do I . . . Tell her?"  
"Don't try to be poetic. It's not your strong suit."  
"Hmm." That wasn't a tease, it was a truth, not through doors or through padded phrases, he had to speak to her as he was, confident and straightforward.  
"Are you punching me or trying to shoo off a gnat?!" Lambert could be heard shouting in almost disbelief.  
"You should break that up before Lambert falls for her . . . He's already fallen on her . . . Again." Jaskier's head tilted to the other side.

"Lambert!" His voice was back, sturdy with spine.  
"She fucking started it." Lambert was quick to release Anima from the headlock he had her in, even quicker his feet.  
"Hmm." Geralt walked over to Anima who was splaid out like a starfish in the dirt. "This was what you were in the mood for? Haven't gotten enough fight over the last few days?" He stuck out his hand helping her to her feet. He saw her head get a bit lost somewhere. _'Marlies.'_ This was something he could fix, help her through.  
"Sometimes a scuff does you good." Lambert had been kind in the only way he could allow. He had let Anima get some of her stress out, he didn't feel the effects of being a punching bag, but he felt a weird sense of accomplishment. Her eyes were coming back to normal, it was the glamour wearing off he knew that, but his ego had him believing he had something to do with fixing the kitten.

Anima was normaly poised, calm even if she truly wasn't, this time without Geralt had left her cagey, feeling alone, feeling scared and sad, all those useless emotions she hated. "I got a bit carried away. Lambert I didn't hurt you did I?" At this Lambert laughed, and laughed and took a dramtic inhale only to laugh some more. "Are you done?"  
"Oh I'm done, my buzz is wearing. Bard! Buy me a drink." Lambert gave Jaskier a hearty shove to the back, walking them towards the Inn.  
"Why should _I_ buy _you_ a drink?" Jaskier threw the mockingly chummy arm over his shoulder off.  
"Because I'm thirsty."  
"And that's my problem _because_?"  
"Not your problem. Could be your benefit. You like stories don't you? Write love songs to Geralt? I know Geralt. Know Eskel, know a lot."  
"I . . ." Jaskier shrugged, he knew this was an excuse to leave Geralt and Anima alone. It didn't have to make the most sense, didn't have to be entirely believable, witchers were not good story tellers. "You won't leave anything out?"  
"Don't get him too drunk or he'll start repeating himself." Geralt warned as the two men disappeared.

Anima broke the silence before it grew awkward. "We don't have to talk about anything heavy just yet Geralt if you don't want. I'm just glad you . . . "  
"It wasn't what I meant." His fingers wove into her hair which was no longer blonde, still not it's deep red, some jarring carrot color. "Your face wasn't why I was acting the way I was. . .am"  
"I know."  
"Hmm." Of course she knew, Anima knew him well, better than most. He let his hand bunch in her hair, pulling to get her eyes to meet his. "How d. . . Warm are you? I . . . Want you to remember what I have to tell you." He wasn't looking forward to saying it once, he wouldn't want to do it twice.  
"I only drank a bit before Lambert couldn't hear himself think over my sighs."  
"Hmm. He wasn't thinking, you disrupted crickets." No more excuses no more outs. "Come inside with me?"

Anima could see it, Geralt's steps while fast were short, he was counting them, trying not to overthink, a trick he'd taken down from the mountain in Kaer Morhen. He paced a circle once in his room, he was forming a plan. "Lie down?" Was apparently what he came up with.  
"So we're not going to talk? We're just going to have sex?" She was confused but trusted the determined look that had thankfully found it's way home. She didn't deny the request, laying down on a bed that still held some of the residual warmth of Geralt fevering through the toxins.  
"No." His actions did not shed any light on his motives. He was over her, knees along her hips, hands griping then just resting at each of her shoulders, loose hair cascaded down, caging at her face, she was boxed in.  
"Cause it _seems_ like you're squaring up to not talk and just have sex." She had been in this position before and she pointed out what usually followed.  
"I need you to stay. Listen to what I have to say. Don't storm . . . If you need . . . Want to leave I'll let you. Just-"  
"Have the high ground Geralt." She gave a reassuring smile. Geralt stared at her, opened his mouth and shut it again.  
 _'Fuck.'_ He couldn't will words out.  
"Been quite the week huh?" She always had words, even though she was entirely in the dark, she had found a way to nudge him patiently.  
"Marlies. Did . . . You killed her?"  
"She had a name." Anima grew a bit pale.  
"You've never killed something with a face have you?"  
"Geralt I've gone hunting with you. I haven't killed anything higher on the food chain than one especially alpha hare." She was glad to see some humor find him, he chuckled lightly. "I hadn't meant to kill her. I did what I always did when someone's primed to lock horns, tethered and tried to send them away scared but-"  
"Monsters don't react the same way to fear." Anima was an empath, she could discern the distinct shade of hundreds of different emotions, will them on others, but she didn't know monsters.  
"No."

Anima had tried, her reflexes had been good all things considered, she hadn't wasted breath or motion when Marlies had entered the room. "What do you want with him?"  
"I'd want him dead." Marlies was fast, razor length nails swung and Anima tried to dodge but the room was barely built for two and not meant for battle, the first strike didn't slice but had nicked at her hip. "He's under her now." The Bruxa seemed as unpleased to say it as Anima was to hear it.  
 _'Means he's alive.'_ Optimism was not Anima's strong suit but she tried.  
"He'll calm once she gives him the structure he needs" Those were someone else's words Marlies' tone dripped with doubt.  
 _'Structure?'_ Anima felt a tug in the back of her head at that but she was busy fumbling round furniture, trying to be ahead of the swipes, a feat she was successful at only a quarter of the time, she would not last. _'I can't win. I need her gone.'_ She focused and forced the feeling of fear into the creature. Marlies didn't run in horror instead like a spooked bear she roared and beared her teeth.  
"If I'm not back soon she'll have me hunted!" Anima was pinned against the wall with a thud.  
 _'Not working.'_ Anima watched Marlies' jaw go wide. _'Change tactics. If you don't adapt you die.'_ Anima could hear Geralt in the back of her head. This was a physical fight, she could twist her ability physical. She could make Marlies feel the pain she was inflicting, she did so but that only enraged the beast further.  
"You think I'm not used to pain? I'll have you dry in seconds. I've bore worse. Mangy wolf tried burning me alive!" The filed fingernails dug into the flesh at the base of Anima's skull.  
 _'She can bear it . . . Used to it. Think Anima. Get her off balance.'_ This woman seemed scorned bitter and irate, Anima ditched the physical tether and changed tactics again, went to the opposite end of the spectrum as Marlies sunk in her teeth.  
"What's this?" The bruxa pulled back, cackling madly. "Is this all you can do? They call you a diety? Oh I'll love the sad look on his face when I come back smelling of your demise." The nails draged long ugly marks down the back of Anima's neck, her blood coating them. The empath reached out blindly hoping she could grab it. "Go on." The laughter had a shrieking ear bursting echo to it. "I'll let him know you tried and you failed." Marlies got cocky, completely let go. Anima got a grasp of the silver candlestick and jabbed it straight into Marlies' eye. The shriek grew louder but Marlies had been forced to feel joy, happiness, she laughed as Anima pulled it out, even swung again and again till the shrieking was more of a gurgle. "No more trivial chores. Can be rid of em. Not my problem now." Marlies died with a smile on her face. Anima felt a bit wrong, this sentient being had lived years, experienced so much, felt so much, yet her last breathing emotion had been false, manufactured by the empath.

"She was attacking you. She attacked Jaskier. I . . . She was a monster." Geralt tried to console Anima's guilt.  
"People say we're monsters Geralt. Where's the line?"  
"Intention." Geralt was used to Anima asking him questions he had to mull over and search deep into his soul, this wasn't one of those questions. He knew the answer, lived the answer. "I kill monsters. Some have faces, names, voices, motives . . . That's what matters most. Why they do what they do. Marlies was like most bruxa, just after blood, after carnage and death, that was her world."  
"Most?"  
"Tulif was just lost. Do they not make maps is Skellige?"  
"They do. Sell em to outsiders and watch them walk in circles." Anima shrugged best she could still pinned. "Tulif. She was the one who taught you new words. Was she the one you were . . . Closest to?"  
"No." Geralt's eyes got dark, his body tensed.  
 _'Not ready to open up yet. That's fair.'_ Anima nodded. "I meant to ask. Where did you get your hands on a pound of mushrooms?"  
"Hmm." Geralt frowned, knowing he wasn't following his plan, wasn't explaining, wasn't apologizing. "Place was dark, corners damp enough. Every time I was moved I fell, nabbed what I could reach."  
"You . . . For days. You did it over days. Poisoned yourself." Anima winced. She didn't cared how high a pain tolerance witchers had, that must've been awful, knotting his inards slowly, deliberately, it was methodical self torture.  
 _'Deserved the hurt.'_ He kept that to himself, knowing she'd pout and argue. "Worth it." Geralt normally was merciful when he dispatched a beast but he truly hoped Lilly choked on his blood, was in pain all the way through to death.

His last memory of Lilly was the look of recognition as his fermented blood attacked her. He hadn't remained conscious long enough to see it completely take her, waking up to a petrified corpse. Knowing Lilly to be a sadist he figured she'd have something to torture her underlings with, knew somewhere in her bedchamper there'd be silver. He found what he was after, he had been expecting some ornate handled dagger but it had been something more menacing in appearance yet plain in it's design, hidden under some garish leather gloves. Someone had grabbed it on their departure, Lambert if he had to guess had picked it up out of habit. He could see it sitting on a far table if he turned his head to the right.

"You should take it."  
"Huh?"  
"The sickle. Short like your cleaver, silver not steel." Anima was not graceful with percise sword work, she hacked at best, the sickle would suit her 'style' fine. "Kills bruxa." That could be part of his apology, a token.  
"So I've heard."  
"Heard?"  
"Not sure how much is Redanian glorifying gore but stories have traveled."  
"Hmm." He'd likely never shake the butcher monkier that followed him.  
"You did what you had to Geralt. No one is grading you on your form."  
"No." His hands gripped into her shoulders as he braced himself. "Anima I lied to you."  
"Ok." Anima's face didn't move, Geralt had searched for any hidden twitch or tell but none came.  
"I told you I didn't want a collar."  
"You don't." She seemed confident but that's because she hadn't seen, didn't know.  
"I kissed her."  
"Tulif?"  
"Lilly."  
"So?" Anima wasn't reacting how he expected, wasn't reacting at all and he was feeling exposed without direction.  
"She wanted me to lay with her, I did. Told me to tell her I was her wolf, I did, ordered me to cum and I did." No door no flowery words, the ugly truth of it.  
"Geralt I'm sorry-" She knew what that felt like, knew what it was like for commands to come and one's comfort not to matter. She could see the frustration, the guilt mixed with some odd acceptance that the moment had come and gone. She had lived years of that feeling. He had given her a life outside of that, she wanted to pluck him from that terrible place.  
"I wanted it."  
"Oh." It wasn't a repulsed or even surprised word just a thoughtful one.  
"Not . . .I didn't like doing it but . . . It was easy. I liked how easy it was, felt filthy but . . ." It was one moment that haunted him. It wasn't him stroking himself through duress it was the kiss, not even that, it was him chasing after Lilly's lips once they left him.  
"Makes sense." Anima didn't even have one of her emergency smiles on her face, it was at a level of neutral that would give a witcher's mug a run for it's money. "You're allowed to want that Geralt."  
"What?" He gripped her shoulders tighter. Anima always feared being left, always worried she was keeping Geralt from some other happier relationship did she see this as the inevitably she had been bracing herself for? "No. I don't want her Anima."  
"I know Geralt. You killed her." She was stating the obvious and the tone of her voice leaning a bit flat implied as much.  
"I want you. That hasn't changed." He wondered if this was what talking to him was like? Her short answers were no more illuminating than his hums and grunts.  
"I know. I love you too Geralt. Hasn't changed." That didn't ease his distress, he felt she wasn't hearing him, believing him.  
"You don't . . . I don't wish for an open pairing Anima." He had flirted with exhibitionism yet he wanted Anima all to himself, if she was implying he could get this want met elsewhere that inherintly meant she could go to others for wants he couldn't meet. "I can . . ."  
"You don't leave me wanting Geralt. I haven't been as kind."  
"No." That word kept coming out, this was wrong, all wrong. He was supposed to be apologizing not her. "I like what we have I don't want you to change how-" He liked chasing her wants, liked the swell of victory when he had to blitz Anima in new and different ways to please her, he didn't wish to lose when louder happened due to his efforts just to get easy thoughtless validation. He knew change meant nothing to Anima, that she'd become anything or anyone if she thought it suited the moment, he didn't want a mask, he wanted her.  
"Not change, add."  
"Anima please . . . You said this makes sense. Explain to me how this makes sense. . . In a way I'd understand." He added the last part because occasionally Anima forgot he wasn't like her and she'd try to explain things as if he too had been trained and tweaked to see emotional nuance written in the clouds.  
"Compare it to contracts?"  
"Hmm." At first he was insulted, monsters weren't all he understood but before he could huff at the implication curiosity overrode it. How could this be compared to monsters? He had to know. "I want it to make sense."

"You take all sorts of jobs yeah?"  
"Sure."  
"The jobs you do better than other I have no doubt are the ones with layers. When you have to figure out why a wraith isn't resting or finding out the cause of a curse and who set it. You are focused and determined and you use all the knowledge at your disposal, every sense to solve the unsovlable."  
"What's that got to do with anything?"  
"You're best at them. I see you get pleased with yourself when the parts come together."  
"I'm good at my job." Analogies were tedious and annoying to Geralt but he tried to be patient.  
"Remember Fer de Moline?"  
"I do." It was a restaurant that served over priced hare. There been a murder mystery that became a doppler contract, that became a treasure hunt, then a squabble over a deed, there had been an forbidden romance, maybe his memory was dramatized but he could have sworn there was a werewolf . . . Every time he thought they were done, they could move on, the narrative branched and someone else needed the witcher to solve their woes.  
"When we finally got to Moulderwood and that farmer asked you to clear out the rotfiends from the edges of the forest I thought you'd cry tears of joy."  
"Hmm." He hadn't wept but he had been eager for the job, he hadn't even attempted to bolster his price.  
"Sometimes you don't wait or want for someone to give you work. You see town overturn by bandits and you just do what you know you can, what you want, what you should."  
"Wear a lot of hats. So what Anima?"  
"You wear a lot of hats. You rarely turn down a job but you have preferences, too much of one makes you either over or undwhelmed. Makes you want for another. I've told you before, feelings are complex. _Your_ feelings are complex even if you don't want them to be. Sometimes an elaborate hunt is what you want, sometimes you want to just expend energy and sometimes . . . Especially now when you feel like you're not doing enough, you are mind you." She frowned at that token unswayed witcher face of his. "When you can't see the results of all your efforts you would like clear goals, you want to complete them, you want easy. Just like strong and soft you can have hard and easy, want them separate or even some mix of the two."  
"What about you?" That was his only response to her long speel.  
"What about me?" Anima was confused, he was the one tearing himself apart from the inside, not focused on mending himself but on apologizing for some trespass that hardly was.  
"You don't . . . She enjoyed having me . . . It did something for her to have me listen. Not you. I don't . . . You shouldn't have to do something you don't enjoy. That time has passed Anima." Sure it was grand she understood better than him what he wanted, that was hardly news, but that didn't matter, he didn't want her to trade her pleasure for his.  
"I told you it does not come naturally, leading my partners. I am used to giving people what they want, it's literally in my blood. I can . . . I want you to have everything Geralt." She was making it sound simpler than it was. She knew Geralt, knew what he wanted. The way he was over her, on top, that's where he felt most comfortable. He wasn't in pursuit of textbook submission, he didn't want a collar, didn't want shame or pain, the world was sadistic enough, she was his escape from that. He just wanted to be right, to be doing well, he wanted to be good to her and for it to be easy. He wanted to feel in control and compliance, that wasn't a balance stumbled upon by dumb luck. Anima didn't rely on luck when it came to wants, if anyone could weave what Geralt was asking for it was her. She had a confident smile to her but Geralt was worried, he always worried.  
"What . . . Tell me . . . I'll protect you Anima, I always will. I want more though." He pushed, he was greedy, wanted everything she had to give. "I'm here and I want . . . I know your scared. When we're not fighting let me . . ."  
"Geralt it's been near a week since you've kissed me. I'll let you talk till your throat gives out. After that will you kiss me? Make up for lost time?" They didn't have to figure it out all at once, wants were hard, especially for two people who were quick to forgo.  
"I can do that." His head leaned against hers for a moment, he still had a worry, something keeping him from moving, he couldn't place it.  
"So." She'd lay under him forehead to forehead as long as he needed, but she thought a little nudge, not an outright push might help.  
"Hmm." For once a so didn't fill him with dread, it was comforting, it felt right, like home. "So." He was apprehensive at first, his kissing wasn't firm it was more testing. He had a curious questioning look about him, like he had forgotten how.  
"A week Geralt. I haven't had you close in near a week." But she didn't wrap her arms around his neck didn't crane up to kiss him, she waited. "I want you to kiss me like you missed me. If that takes minutes or hours, days upon we-" He was not tepid the second go around, Anima couldn't help but laugh at the brute collision of their lips.  
"Don't say that."  
"What?" Laughter was gone, he so rarely said don't when it came to matters of them, if so it was because he was hurting in some way. "We'll work around it then." She didn't know exactly how to navigate a relationship without kissing but for Geralt she'd invent a new intimate act to replace it, she'd find a way. "I am . . . confused." She blinked a bit stupidly after receiving a kiss that was finally somewhere between a ghost and a landslide.  
"Like I missed you." That's what he didn't want to hear again. "I did." He stated emphatically in between kisses. "Not again."  
"You'll miss me again. We tend to get parted no matter how hard we try to stay close. Remember I'll be spending some time in Aretuza soon. You'll miss me then won't you?"  
"Stop saying it like that." As his kisses trailed away from her lips, it tickled slightly the grumble of frustration. As delightful as the tickle was she wanted the frustration gone.  
"How am I saying it Geralt? Have it make sense to me."  
"As a question. It's not a question. It's never been a question." The grumble was still there but so were the kisses down her throat along her shoulder, inch by tickling inch. "I miss you now."  
 _'Still confused.'_ Anima was here wasn't she? How could he miss her if she was right here. Was she not how he remembered her? "Now?"  
"Hmm." He still felt there was a barrier, a distance between them. He stopped, the kissing, the looming, all of it, he stood and started pacing again, planning, thinking himself silly.  
"Geralt?" Anima finally sat up. He looked at her and then back down to his feet.  
"I know it doesn't mean anything. Just . . . Lie?"  
 _'Lie?'_ Geralt was picking a hell of a time to get obtuse. "Pretend that sorry matters?" She heard him let out a relieved sigh.  
"Yes . . . I'll figure out . . . Something." He'd find an apolgy she'd accept, maybe a gift not covered in bruxa blood? Maybe actions, he was better with actions.  
"If I accept your apology will you kiss me again?"  
 _'If I give you food what will you give me?'_ Lilly's words rung in his ears again. The phrasing was similar but Anima's bargin was better, didn't make his stomach flip.  
"Geralt I accept your apology you don't-"  
"Yes." He stopped pacing. Walking back to the bed. He sat on the floor, looking up at Anima. It was a similar position, Lilly had looked at him as if that where he belonged, beneath her among the dust and dirt. Anima just seemed appreciating the view, the closeness, there was respect there. _'Sit.'_ Anima used to have to tell him that all the time, refusing to be questioned from above, she didn't anymore, he knew that quirk, acknowledged and accepted it, found it adorable in it's own way. He did have a question.  
"Call me wolf?"  
"I . . ." She frowned for a second but she couldn't dismiss a request without giving it a try. "Wolf?"  
"Hmm." He frowned right back. _'Be good and tell me you're mine wolf.'_ The way Anima said it hadn't washed away Lilly's words, his words. _'I'm your wolf.'_  
"Do I have to call you that always?"  
"Huh?"  
"Lots of people call you wolf I liked . . . You used to like the way I said your name . . .If you prefer wolf now it'll take some-"  
"I still like it." This was hard for Geralt, he thought he'd apologize, Anima would react and he'd react to her reaction . . . He hadn't thought he'd spend most of this time thinking, feeling, picking through words and memories. "Hmm." This feeling, this guilt wouldn't leave him.  
"Time Geralt."  
"What?"  
"Your body heals fast. Not everything will go away with bed rest and some salve."  
 _'You have a good body. Does what it's told. It's that mind of yours wolf we need to fix.'_ Lilly wanted to break him so she could rebuild him to her liking. Anima was willing to let him work at it, fix himself, she was always patient, caring. It would suit her to have him strong and sure, hell she'd asked kindly for a kiss ages ago and he hadn't even been confident enough to do that correctly.  
"Ves said once. . . The person who deserves most pity is a lonesome one on a rainy day who doesn't know how to read." Vesemir had said that when Geralt kept blowing off lessons in the keep to go out and train alone in the woods. Geralt didn't know how that lesson applied here, why he quoted it.  
"You're having a rainy day." Anima nodded. Geralt looked up at her in absolute wonder. He stood, grabbed her face in his palms. "You're sure you don't read minds?"  
"I . . . Uh . . .Yes." Anima smiled, confused, endlessly confused but happy it was the first sentence in forever that had no edge, no grumble, less hurt.  
"I know how to read." He kissed her, it was a happy kiss, not an owed one, not a clumsy or unsure one, it was just a kiss because that was the right thing to do.  
"I've seen you read and walk Geralt, you have many talents." She smiled and he smiled back.  
"No I . . . It is rainy . . . But I'm not lonesome. . ." He knew he was making no sense, he paused as he tried to collect his thoughts, metaphors had not become breezy, he wondered how the bard wove whole ballads out of them.  
"If you need me to be a good book to curl up with during the rain. I can do that." All the words, all the memories didn't wash away but he felt less pitiful for being a bit broken, the self loathing for being pitiful, that did, it washed at her words.  
"Hmm." He didn't want to think anymore, talk anymore. He wanted to kiss her again and he did, when he pulled back she scooted over making room for the witcher on the bed. He laid down, pulling her over him. _'Heavy'_ The weight he wanted, that had been so fucking elusive, was right at his chest.  
"I missed you too Geralt." She finally understood, kissing right at his heart, then nestled her ear against it, letting out a satisfied sigh at the familiar rhythm.

"Like home?"  
"Not a question. Was never a question." Gods he'd have to talk more, just to have her steal his words, straighten them and coo them back to him.  
"Tomorrow." He was back to simple statements.  
"Plans?"  
"We're not going to talk and we're just going to have sex." He couldn't coo but these words were smooth and deep, confident bordering on cocky.  
"Maybe talk a little?"  
"If we have to." He had vented, it had been fairly one sided maybe she needed to vent about how he left her behind, or more about Marlies, or how she'd like her sorry, maybe Nehelenia had crept up again, he hadn't asked much about how these days had been for her, he had been a bit selfish. "Yes. All you want."  
"I can't get louder if I don't speak Geralt." It was a soft playful bite at his neck, better than Lilly, much better, it was followed by a teasing roll of her hips against his.  
 _'Much better.'_ He groaned and he didn't feel guilty. "Good to you. I promise Anima. I will be."  
"I know." She always knew, she doubted his ability to protect occasionally, doubted he wouldn't leave her from time to time, she never doubted he'd be good to her. "Tonight just feel like home? Just curl up."  
"Enough?" He knew the answer but he wanted it, needed it. He closed his eyes so he could focus on the sound of it.  
"You are always enough Geralt."

"No more words tonight Geralt. It's enough."  
 _'Quiet wolf.'_ One by one, without asking outright, she'd be better, be home. Jaskier had been wrong on one point. ' _Better at all, for me, just for me.'_ It had him feeling warm all over, he finally felt no need to fight, fix, he could just breathe, ease a little. "Hmm." He held her, tight just the way he knew her to like, knew relaxed her head. It wasn't long till she was asleep, really truly asleep. _'Skugga.'_ He wouldn't say it out loud often, it was a bit awkward and clunky of a word, but he was an excellent thinker, he could think it often.  
"Hey! Kitten if he's still got a crick about getting got the bard said he'd-" The youngest witcher had not learned to knock.  
"Lambert I've got two brothers. I can live with one." Geralt growled putting a protective palm over Anima's head as she tried to sit up. Lambert snorted and huffed but he saw this to be a legitimate threat and did not pass the door's threshold, didn't even slam it shut as was in his nature, pulling it cautiously closed. "Get rest. I'm here." His way of saying I love you, felt right, felt like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try not to be an angst monster but this story has become an angst monster. It just seemed unrealistic and a bit unfair to just quick fix everything and move on. Next chapter will be much lighter I promise.


	7. A gift for the impossible

"How long have you been awake?" He woke up to the feeling of Anima running a thumb along his ear.  
"A bit." She shrugged from her place at his chest.  
"Thank you." He appreciated the sentiment. If he had woken up one more time and she hadn't been there, he'd have likely lost his mind, or at the very least lost this nearly good mood he was in.  
"So. Feel up to leaving the room today?"  
"I don't think I've spent so many consecutive days in a bed since winter. I'd like to move." He was stretching beneath her. "Didn't happen to check the notice board did you?" He looked down in question as he felt her head rise and then thud into his chest.  
"You boys are impossible." Anima chuckled because of course the first thing Geralt would want to do upon standing was work.  
"Not a boy."  
"Well you're out of luck Geralt. Lambert called dibs . . . Hell bent on finding you but once that was done . . . Dibs."  
"Hmm." He supposed Lambert had earned it. "That's why we can't travel together. Not enough work to go around anymore."  
"You don't have to be so glum about it."  
"Hard to be enthusiastic. Beds aren't cheap Anima, how'd you even afford-"  
"Jaskier sang. I sold some things."  
"What things?" He frowned.  
"Replaceable things. Things less important than keeping you safe you Miezer." She rolled her eyes. _'Impossible.'_ But then she sat up, straddling his hips with a smile.  
"Thought you wanted to leave the room." Geralt chuckled, this was the Inn confident Anima he remembered. He had wanted to stretch his legs but if she was wanting he could wait.  
"Want to hear the best part?"  
"Best part of what?" He didn't really care, she was gidy, glowing even, he wanted to hear every second of it.  
"I have some left over. I can get you new tunics for you to tear or you can come drink with me. Or-"  
"You could save it." He saw her face dip slightly but she wasn't surprised by his reply, he was reasonable, that didn't turn off. "We can window shop. Is that a compromise you can live with?"  
"You know who loves to window shop?"  
"Jaskier likes to shop full stop. Says it's through windows till he's practically licking the glass." Geralt teased but it sounded like a fair way to spend the day. It reminded him of Sodden, he remembered her holding his hand as they traversed narrow streets, it had been pleasant.  
"Oh come on." She swung herself off him, and he grumbled a bit at the loss. "You can wake us up before the crows tomorrow, we can be on the road before you turn into a pumpkin!" She was tugging on his wrist. He started to relent but paused.  
"Anima?"  
"Yes."  
"Are you . . . Pretending?" This week had been so draining, depressing, bloody, her attitude seemed to be the antithesis of that.  
"A bit. Not mostly. I do want to walk around Geralt." Killing bruxa, losing Geralt, the ever pressing threat of Nehalenia, she hadn't forgotten how scared and wrenched they made her feel but she was doing her best to push up and over the things dragging them down.  
"Hmm." She was always honest when asked, he could work with that, maybe improve it, make some of that happiness a bit genuine. "Alright. Alright. Lets wake the bard." He finally gave into her tugging and stood with another long stretch. He smiled as Anima had taken the brief moment his eyes closed to sneak a kiss. "For today, not always Anima."  
"No I'm not dragging you to every market I see. I said I had some left over i'm not flush-"  
"We can pretend today but . . . It's a nasty habit and I work hard to keep you from it." They could pretend everything was fine for a day, they deserved a break but he worried she'd make that her norm again, he did not find hide and seek nearly as amusing as she did.  
"Worry later. Walk now." She pulled again.  
"And I'm impossible." Geralt followed with an amused grumble.

"Is this what you do now Geralt? Babysit?" Merigold had wanted to talk to him before portaling somewhere more in need of her talents, back to whatever kingdom she was advising that particular day.  
"This isn't . . . Normal." He frowned. He wished it was, wished Jaskier could just flirt from shop to shop all the while dragging Anima along to force feed her culture. It was amusing, it was light, it wasn't them. "Works been good, for all of us, we've been busy but Anima's been-" At first Merigold thought Geralt had just mid sentence realized he was enduring small talk and walked away, but he was moving with purpose to a little merchant stall.  
"Geralt?" She followed after him.  
"What do you sell here?" Geralt could see all the wears, saw what he had wanted but it was never wise to be too keen on a purchase.  
"Asorted goods." The merchant shrugged, he looked a bit off put by the witcher's proximity but they lived by a similar code, coin is coin.  
"Junk." Geralt corrected as he counted at least three rakes behind the poor sod that were woefully beyond repair.  
"Are you going to buy something or not."  
"That a map?"  
"Can work as kindling just fine." The man took the aged paper and held it out.  
"What's it supposed to be?" He knew exactly what it was, well no, not even Anima could read the accursed map but he knew what it meant, knew how many memories it brought to him, that map had made it a lot of miles.  
"Fuck if I know. Was sold for fifteen I'll give it to you for ten. You figure it out." Geralt knew it was likely the merchant had bought it for five but it wasn't an outrageous price to pay to have it back.  
"Fine." He paid and he was off.

"Anima?!" His shout caused Anima, Jaskier and a few people just passing by to jump.  
"What could you have possibly done now?" Jaskier saw a witcher and a sorceress at a steady clip coming their way and they did not look particularly amused.  
"Plenty Jaskier it's almost noon." Anima smiled and waited for the duo to catch up.  
"Anima why . . . Why are both of your lips purple? Jaskier if I told you once not to eat fruit you can't name I've told you a hundred-"  
"I've mastered the words posada plums Geralt. I'm a fast learner. We're in a market. Most flaura and fauna is either fine for consumption or mounted." Jaskier cut him off flatly.  
"Babysitting." Merigold leaned in and whispered into Geralt's ear, an action he was quick to swat away.  
"Catch." Anima tossed a plum to each of them.  
"Tell me that's not what I think it is?" Jaskier saw what was in Geralt's hand that hadn't grabbed the fruit. "It followed us! It can't be stopped!" He was getting loud and just a tad dramatic, as a hand whiped over his forehead.  
"What is it Jaskier?" Anima was confused as to why she was being used as a human shield between the bard and a piece of paper. "Oh." She angled her head and finally made sense of it. "That's my map. You . . . Bought it back?"  
"You sold it."  
"I told you Geralt I sold some things. Do you intend to go from shop to shop-"  
"Replaceable things."  
"There are other maps Geralt. Better maps. It enrages you every time you look at it. Maybe Jaskier's onto something, maybe it is cursed."  
"It's not cursed. It doesn't belong in a shop." He handed it back to her.  
"Well it certainly doesn't belong in a museum. Is it upside down?" Jaskier peered over Anima's shoulder at the garbled geography.  
"No." Geralt and Anima stated in tandem.  
"Anima when did you manage to turn Geralt sentimental?" Merigold was studying Geralt, he looked the same, sounded the same, but the white wolf was imistakably different, there was a welcoming ease to his shoulders that had never been there in all the years she'd known him.  
"I'm not sentimental." Not about many things, it was foolish to attach to much of anything but Geralt in the back of his mind knew what it was.  
"So you bought her aneurysm of a map back for . . . What reason?" Again she was right in his ear. Geralt wouldn't say it out loud, he wasn't even thinking it too directly but he saw Anima's shitty map as a reflection of their time together, their life, it didn't belong in a shop or a museum, it belonged to them.  
"He likes consistent." Anima tried her best to save the witcher who was clearly not enjoying the tease.  
"Another word for sentimental." Jaskier didn't relent.  
"Jaskier does plum come out of whatever fabric you're wearing?" It was a very specific question, and as Jaskier glared at how smugly Geralt was eating his fruit he realized it to be a very specific threat.

"Oh! Here." Anima handed a wrapped object to Geralt.  
"What's this?" He was trying to remember all the shops she had stopped at, there had been a few and he had been distracted by Merigold's new found intrest in everything they had done over the last year "Something from the blacksmith?" No other merchant was shilling anything that would hold any merit to him. He tossed and caught it a few times measuring it's weight. "A whetstone?" He was frowning and perhaps it was contagious because so was she.  
"You get used to it." Merigold snickered as she placed a comforting hand on Anima's shoulder. "There is a reason they do not celebrate birthdays in Kaer Morhen."  
"Because we don't remember our birthdays?" Geralt stated a bit dense.  
"Because you take all the fun out of gifts." Merigold grinned as if she understood Anima's pain, and Geralt frowned deeper because he didn't. He glanced over to her confused, he wanted to fix whatever he had done wrong, was it because he hadn't gotten her anything?  
"You could at least open it before being underwhelmed." Anima took pity on him and clarified with a shrug.  
"I'm not-" She had wanted a look of surprise and apreciation, his guessing had ruined that, sometimes he forgot how much changing faces meant to people. What other faces did he forget that she had wanted? A long list started to form in his head and he shook it away as a thought for later. He undid the parcel paper and inspected the, as he had guessed, whetstone. "Thank you." It was too porous and grained for his swords but it would work fine for daggers, maybe even her weapons. He twisted his lips up into an awkward looking over selling grin, but then it gave out and fell to his steady neutral.  
"You don't like it." She was still frowning, she was an empath of course she could tell the smile was overdone.  
"It's a rock Anima I don't think he's going to come undone in his trousers over a rock." Jaskier had warned that this gift while a practical one for a practical man wasn't exactly going to elicit a thrill. Though upon seeing that ghastly smile he wasn't sure thrilled was a face Geralt had even mastered.  
"I like it." Geralt stated with undo adamancy shoving it into his side satchel almost daring someone to take it. The cause for his frown wasn't the gift, it was the giving, he had already been feeling the pressure to provide something for her and this just compounded it.  
"If you say so." She crossed their distance and kissed him, the both of them tasting of plum. This had probably been the most public kiss she had ever had given him and the world was quick to remind them why.  
"Believe that? What a sterile beast need with a woman. Eat her alive." Someone whose business it wasn't could be heard remarking.  
"Women's no woman. She's an animal too." Someone replied. Geralt was fighting not to snarl against her lips.  
"Sorry." She began to pull back.  
"Don't be sorry." His hand caught in her hair that finally looked as familiar as it felt. "Do . . . Does it bother you? Don't let them . . . Don't believe them. Believe me." He would never ask for more of this, but all that told him he was wrong, just an oddity with no place paradoxically wanted oh so much more of exactly this.  
"Few things bother me when I have you kissing me. . . Will you kiss me Geralt? I'll believe that." Her arms were hung lazily around his neck, it was a plain request not a hardened command and one that he could deny, or promise for the safety of later behind closed doors. He smiled, he looked almost relieved, which was honestly as close a witcher could get to thrilled. His hands gripped at her hips and brought her closer, he planted a firm kiss to her which began to draw an ugly crowd.  
"More?" He pulled back from her lips and his eyes were hungry, dark and oddly amused.  
"People are staring Geralt." Her nose nuzzled at his cheek along his jaw. "I know you don't like to ruffle feathers, call undo attention." She gave two shits about her own reputation, but Geralt's was important to him, to his livelihood.  
"No contracts for me here. Can do what I please." His voice was low and lumbering in his throat.  
"Well if it pleases you I'd like for you to show them what they can't have Geralt. How good you are to me." These words buzzed in his ears, were doing more than that, they were challenging him, they were arousing, had his blood running hot.  
"Hmm." He pulled her closer still, so there was no confusion, he saw this as a gift, one that thrilled him from top to bottom. He kissed her with tenacity, purpose, the smallest bit of lewdness. She had asked him to be good and he was keen to show her he was. She had wanted it to say that it was just for her and he was doing his best to leave no room for doubt in her head.

He heard it, hadn't seen it, didn't have time to stop it but he did have time to shield her, placing himself in between. The water wasn't cold which was thankful but as it left some insulted Gods fearing man's bucket and slammed into the back of Geralt's head rolling down his shoulders, soaking his tunic, another gift from Anima, he felt chilled. There was rage in there but mostly he felt cold, a worry that never left him crept to the surface: Was this sort of life good enough?  
"Geralt? Come on lets-" Merigold could see the synapses firing in the witcher's brain, he was thinking so hard smoke would surely come out his ears. The sorceress blamed Anima. Why was she not cautious with the witcher? Taking care only after the fact not during? Merigold and Geralt had been on and off for years, she'd never be so careless as to kiss him in the middle of a mob what other outcome could be expected?  
"Joke's on you." Anima was speaking to the bucket tosser but staring deep into Geralt's eyes. "If you can believe it, I find Geralt somehow even more attractive when he's wet." Her smile was small and sweet and the chaste kiss that followed warmed at Geralt's growing chill.  
"If you let me carry you I can get us back to the Inn before I dry." He hadn't failed, he'd done everything he could and she loved him more for it.

"I need to speak to Anima. Alone." Merigold never stammered but the look shared between the pair had almost brought it. _'He won't get over what they'll do to her, no matter the payoff.'_ She was doubting the greater good. _'She loves him. He loves her more . . . But Geralt does everything more. It will crush him to lose . . . Whatever this is. What about destiny? Could it be wrong?'_ Merigold was uncertain, she hated uncertain.  
"About what?" Geralt let their hips separate but he wasn't convinced enough to let go.  
"Aretuza. I think I should take her there now."  
"I'll take her she . . ." He wanted to say that witch school was glorified torture and he planned to ease her into that world, keep her from it as long as possible, keep her with him till it was blatantly selfish.  
"Shouldn't that be her choice?" She'd never sway Geralt but she'd convinced Anima to go along with her plans once, maybe she could do it again.  
"It . . . Should." Geralt finally let Anima go. "Fine. Talk."  
"What are you going to cover your ears? Come on Anima we'll speak over lunch my treat." Merigold reached out and grabbed Anima's wrist, she wasn't pullable for one distinct reason, Geralt had Anima's face in his hands.  
"Talk to her. Merigold is smart and makes good points, I trust her but don't leave . . . Even if that's what you decide. Until I get back I want . . . Want to give you something."  
"You don't have to give me something to convince me to stay Geralt. Or even because I gave you a gift, that's not how gifts work."  
"That's exactly how gifts work. Either it's an I'm sorry gift or your gift made me feel sorry. Gifts are purchased apologies." Jaskier was a man who liked things, fine things at that but he had a jaded view of gift giving, or receiving for that matter. If he thought about it too hard he'd likely trace it back to his family where every action had a noose attatched but he tried not to think back on anything that brought him to that putrid well.  
"Anima what was the last gift I bought you? Something not for travel just something you wanted?" Geralt had a plan and he wouldn't even let his family sway his charge.  
"My map? You can't argue that's for travel. I'm not sure the whetstone was something you like it's more something I figure you'd use so- " At this Geralt's nose crinkled and he shook his head. Anima was good at debating and if he listened too long he'd let her convince him he'd done enough.  
"Just let me try? I want . . . To try."  
"I will never stop you from trying Geralt. Especially something you want." That phrase seemed to click with Merigold, that's why the care was after and not before, if the witcher wanted something enough Anima did not protest, even if she knew better, because the witcher hardly wanted. Bigger and better than whatever trying elicited Anima was slowly convincing him that, around her at least, wanting was something allowed. The world hobbled witchers, or really any being those in power viewed unfavorable, told them there was so much they couldn't do, shouldn't want or hardly even dream of. Geralt had the body and brains to reinforce hope, Anima had the emotions and encoragement to have people see it through, two sides of the same coin.  
"Fine. Have him buy you a trinket. Anima what I have to say is impotant." Merigold was trying to stay resolute and firm in her convictions.  
"Isn't everything anyone lets into the air." Anima rolled her eyes but allowed herself to be dragged along.

"So what type of apology gift are we after? Candies? A bracelet with bells on it so she won't get lost? Ah I got it!"  
"Hmm?" Would it be cheating to have the bard help him? He knew of nice things? Knew what women generally found appealing. Even though Jaskier viewed gifts as trappings, he'd be a useful resource. "You helped Anima pick out the whetstone?"  
"Yes but don't let dissuade you I am-"  
"Then you can help." That was fair. "What is your idea Jaskier?"  
"Isn't it obvious? Geralt what's Anima's favorite thing in the whole world?"  
"Jam?" The girl did love jams, Geralt and Jaskier had suffered through many a dry breakfast with bland toast just so Anima could have the jar to herself, in her defense she ate little of the rest of said breakfasts and her meal was split between the men.  
"Jam! Easy! When we were getting the plums there was a whole shelf-" Two thoughts hit Geralt as he followed, realizing with a bit of a groan he had agreed to more window shopping.  
"I already got her jam." Geralt made his first point as the stall came into view.  
"What? When?"  
"Years ago. Round the time of the druid. She still has the jar I think. That was a good gift." Geralt had an almost stupid smile on his face.  
"Great. Get a different flavor. I think the longer you leave your lover with your ex the more hot water you'll find yourself in."  
 _'She's more than Jam.'_ He couldn't walk in with a testimony of the fact he hadn't learned many more of her wants over years, yes she liked jam stout and dancing but she had to like other things. "I want to surprise her. She can't be surprised by something I've already given her." He noticed Jaskier was hardly listening, which in itself was hardly new. What was new was the subject of Jaskier's drifting glance, it wasn't to some brothel or even to a straping stable hand it was at some daft quill set. "It expensive?" Geralt walked up behind, spooking the bard a bit.  
"No, but a salty old grump with no sense of indulgence once told me not to spend my money like it's burning a hole through by breeches. Most of what we made kept you and your caravan bedded." Jaskier saw how that bit at the witcher harder than intended. "And we would do it all over again. Money well spent." He tried to salve the cut.  
"Hmm." Geralt nodded as if all the bards words made sense and rang true, with a shrug he simply walked over to the quills. "How much was it Jaskier?" He was speaking to Jaskier but staring holes into the merchant. It was easier to get a decent price on Anima's map because it had no intrinsic value to anyone but them. Geralt knew little to nothing about the price and quality of quills but he could make sure he didn't pay more than Jaskier would have.  
"Twenty I think?"  
"It was fifty." The merchant bit back.  
"He's forgetful sometimes. I assume that's what you meant. Unless you were calling him a liar?" Geralt wasn't snarling, but just his casual stance had the merchant squirming.  
"No."  
"Jaskier he said he told you it was fifty which was it? Think." Geralt rolled his eyes as he was sure Jaskier was making the most ridiculous of thinking faces.  
"Twenty I'm sure."  
"He's sure." Geralt spoke again to the merchant that clearly wanted him nothing but gone.  
"Fine. Twenty. Go."  
"Thanks." Geralt had no cause to be impolite, and walked back to the bard.

"It might have been thirty." Jaskier smirked as if the two men had gotten away with some mad caper.  
"Hmm." Jaskier could haggle even second hand, it was an impressive skill. "Here. I'm not wrapping it." He couldn't crush the quill into Jaskier's chest so instead topped the bird brain's head with a feather.  
"See that's what I'm saying!"  
"What is?"  
"You bought me that quill because you felt bad that you were bed ridden for a few days. That's all gifts are, the word sorry in physical form."  
"No." Geralt didn't elaborate.  
"No what?" Jaskier demanded elaboration.  
"No gifts aren't the same thing as sorry. Sorry has no value. That was worth somewhere between twenty and fifty oren. So it's not the same."  
"It's the same gesture Geralt." Jaskier didn't know the witcher to be one to fiddle around with semantics.  
"Part of a gesture." Geralt gave out annoyed sigh. "Gifts can be an apology . . . Hopefuly." His sentence grew a bit tepid at the end. "Mostly it's a thank you. If an apology, then it's a thank you for hearing the apology. If it's a birthday, thank you for not dying, an anniversary, thank you staying. Do you need more examples? Or will you stop nagging me?"  
"Just one or two more." Jaskier couldn't help but chuckle at the growl that solicited. "What type of gift is this?" Jaskier was inspecting the quill in a whole new light, as if it was worth triple what Geralt had paid for it.  
"Thank you for being my bard?" He hadn't found a better word for Jaskier and sometimes that bothered him, Jaskier was more than a bard, but also more than a friend, Geralt already had brothers so he couldn't just fill into that slot. Jaskier was the wordsmith not him. "I apolgize I didn't get to you before the bruxa did?"  
"Geralt that was incredibly caring and wordly of you. It is in the top five gifts I've ever been given without question."  
"I'm glad you like it and also am half convinced the top I run along side with are women who have given you their maidenhood. Now will you-"

"What are you two morons up to?" Lambert had finished one of the towns contract and was honestly surprised to see Geralt amongst the masses and not still sulking alone in his room. "Where's Merigold and the kitten."  
"You do . . . Remember her name right?" Jaskier was legitimately asking.  
"Sure." Lambert shrugged. "So? Once a kitten always a kitten."  
"You don't call me kitten anymore."  
"Bothers you. Doesn't bother her. People talk more when they're bothered. The less yapping the better." Lambert had it all thought out.  
"Hmm." That leaned towards Anima being adaptable beyond her identity but Geralt thought well enough of how Lambert acted around her that he was confident she could hear the care in the call.  
"Still keepin her out in the cold?"  
"She's talking to Merigold about Aretuza." Geralt let out a concerned sigh.  
"Well shit." Lambert thought that was illuminating enough but seeing as none of them were moving clearly not. "You sending her there?" There was a bit of a puff to his chest, a little concern. "Hey. Just cause you're sour with her doesn't mean-" Lambert gave Geralt a shove.  
"I'm not sour." Geralt corrected as he shoved back, redrawing the crowd. Jaskier seemed to find that endlessly amusing. "I promised to take her there after we stop in Oxenfurt." If their not so relaxing break from jobs had anything to say about it they'd likely have to stop for a contract or two before Oxenfurt and as expensive of a place as Jaskier's stomping grounds were, a handful or so afterwards. "She needs more information about Nehalenia."  
"The ghost in her blood?"  
"Goddess." Jaskier corrected.  
"That's what I'd tell people if I was a ghost." Lambert snorted.  
"She has to go." Geralt was trying desperately to get a word in edgewise. "Merigold wants to take her . . . Now." Now or later usually was of little consequence, Geralt's concept and care for time was menial but any extended time he could have with her he wanted.  
"Geralt's letting them talk about it."  
"Bad idea." Lambert assessed the situation. "They're both good talkers. Merigold's pushier." The witcher spoke from haunted experience.  
"Geralt's trying to find a gift for Anima a . . . Sorry for hating your face, thank you for staying gift?"  
"Something like that." Geralt shrugged.  
"And you've come up with?"  
"Bought Jaskier a quill. Bought her map back. Jaskier says I should get her jam . . . She likes jam but I got her that . . . Six years ago?"  
"Ages!" Jaskier shouted.  
"To you." Lambert made a solid point. "Females like flowers don't they? Don't even have to buy those. Out past the estuary there's a decent amount of things with petals."  
"Though maybe don't call them females You-"  
"Unless she's hiding something interesting I don't know, what would you prefer I call her? Can't call her kitten can't-" Witchers didn't whine but Lambert got close.  
"I'm trying to compliment you oaf!" Jaskier snapped. "Have you ever gotten her flowers Geralt? Or. . . Flowers have practical purposes-"  
"I already give her the alchamey ingredients she needs." Geralt misunderstood.  
"Maybe not that practical. In a troop I was in this little wood nymph made her own lip stain, own perfume, the rouge seemed a bit complicated but I'm sure we could figure it out."  
"You heading out Lambert?" Geralt still needed a minute or two to think about it. He didn't know if Anima cared about flowers or even beauty paints but that was sure to be his response to anything. Anima wanted things surely but she wanted the wants of others more. He liked her face the way it was, the smell if her was one of his favorites full stop, he didn't know if he wanted all that hidden under petals.  
"Still jobs to sort out. Trip wasn't a total loss. You'll likely leave before me. With or without the kittens."  
"Show us the estuary?" Jaskier started to pull teeth.  
"Geralt can find it. It's a fucking estuary."  
"Ugh." Anima seemed to deal with this density as if it was charm, it was not charm and Jaskier was becoming convinced it was purposeful. "Got something better to do?" Jaskier tried again.  
"Plenty."  
"Fine. Come on Geralt." Jaskier's eyebrow twitched as both witchers followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some light banter between friends. Might wind up this part of the series quicker than expected or add my planned trip to Oxenfurt into this one instead of having it's own part like I originally intended. We shall see. Suggestions/ feedback always welcomed.


	8. Trying times

"Nothing's changed." Merigold starting packing her things as she spoke.  
"Something's changed plenty." Anima shook her head. "You. You're not confident anymore. You were confident before." Anima's emotional sight was due all the credit and headache it garnered.  
"I still think you need to learn how to get out. It has to happen. You have to lose for Geralt to win."  
"I didn't say you stopped believing I said you weren't confident which means that something's different, something changed. You wanted to talk. Talk to me."  
"He . . . You two fit better than I thought. I figured you were a bit of a fad . . . A good fad!" She added realizing how harsh that came off.  
"I figure the same from time to time." Anima nodded.  
"You're good for him."  
"Sometimes. We're good when we're good, the worst when it's bad. What does that change?"  
"I thought he'd forgive me eventually. There is someone who will be more important than Geralt's own life that destiny will trust him with. Someone imperative to save us all. For that to happen you have to be parted."  
"Have you told Geralt? About his destiny?" Anima asked almost mockingly. The back of her brain scratched, some fever dream from Kaer Morhen was trying to surface. _'Poision kind of fucked my memory.'_  
"You know he'd bawk at it."  
"So the cause for me leaving him he won't believe till it actually happens and-"  
"The world Anima! The fate of the world!" Merigold was not sure that point was really sinking in. She was beginning to wonder if the world outside of the traveling trio mattered to the empath.  
"If I abandon him what good is he for the world!"  
"He will . . ." Merigold's teeth ground, when had Anima grown a spine? "He will live."  
"He will . . . Give him a bit more time to live without mourning."  
"Perhaps his time to mourn will shorten if you can master exiting your body before it's torn. The faster we get you to Aretuza the more likely that is. Before if you died Geralt would go on living now if you died . . . He'd be driven by darkness. . . Revenge. I've never seen a vengeful witcher."  
"I doubt many breathe to say they have." Anima was no longer barking.  
"Be there for Geralt. Not now but in the future. He'll need you more then, more than he thinks he needs you now."  
"Let me think. Let me make a choice." It had to be her choice, her words or Geralt would have none of it. Anima went and curled up in Geralt's bed for a bit.

"Told you not to eat fruit you couldn't name." Geralt listened to Jaskier rub his tongue along his sleeve for the dozenth time as they entered the Inn.  
"How was I supposed to know that meant berries too!" Jaskier tried spitting to rid the burning sensation from his mouth. "I'm not dying am I?"  
"You're always dying. You'll likely make it through the day." Lambert teased from the rear.

"Geralt!" Merigold was stomping at him with a fever.  
"Yes?"  
"Convince her this is best. Trust me that this is best. We need to go now. Not in the weeks, months it might take for you to trot there."  
"What if I promise more than a trot?"  
"This isn't a joke Geralt."  
"Good. I hate jokes. I also hate being forced onto a path that's not my own. You should know . . ." Geralt's eyes grew wide, then slotted narrow, mixed with betrayal and anger. "It was you?"  
"Geralt." But he had shuffled past her, off to find Anima.  
"So you didn't convince her?" Jaskier asked tentatively. Anima was quick to change her wants to go along with the flow, he was hoping desperately she had held out long enough for Geralt, they had been having such a fine day and this would twist a knife in the witcher, another example of fine meaning fit to lose.  
"Half way." Merigold felt awful but she still believed what she believed.  
"Then Geralt still has half a chance." Jaskier smiled.  
"Only half? Geralt's kitten is as good as caught." Lambert had a side grin all his own. He'd seen his brother triumph when only given an eighth of room to succeed.

"Much smaller and I'd have a hard time finding you." Geralt looked down at the ball of blankets and scrunched limbs. "You've been crying." He could smell that salt in the sheets.  
"Been done for ages." She sat up with one of those vacant smiles, Geralt would have prefered the tears.  
"What did I miss?" He sat on the edge of the bed, seeing how much information she would provide without him really having to dig.  
"I should go to Aretuza." Anima wasn't looking at him as she nodded.  
"And that's where I'm taking you. Right after Oxenfurt, just as I said." He was angry, hurt, but he was trying to keep his voice even and calm.  
"I should . . . Go now . . . With Merigold. It's best." He heard it, the difference, these weren't her words, this wasn't like the times before, she didn't wish to leave. She cared more about them than what was best, and that is what caused the tears.  
"For the greater good?" Anger flared.  
"For you." Still her gaze was downcast. _'Gwynbleidd will teach Zireael to fly. for Zireael to escape her cage Nehalenia needs to wander barefoot again.'_ The elven omen went on, oh did it go on, ending as many omens did with threats of ice and axes but Anima didn't have time to go over it in her head again.  
"Do you want to go. . . Now?" Geralt saw how already gone her eyes looked.  
"No. But Merigold has it on wise authority that time is not-"  
"Then that's it. That's all of it. If you don't want to go now, you won't. I'll take you when you're ready. I've told you before I won't send you anywhere you don't wish to be. I've also said witchers don't posture."  
"Geralt. It will . . . Be better if I went now. Even if it doesn't seem that way."  
"Better how? For who? Let me try Anima."  
"Try what?"  
"To convince you that better is with me as long as possible. Let me try to convince you to stay. If Merigold's argument is more valid than mine I will patiently wait outside Aretuza's gates till you're done." It was different, that didn't mean he had to find entirely new words.

"She says the state of the world. State of your. . ." She didn't dare say destiny. "Future depends on it."  
"You've fully warned me and my challenge still stands. Your world changed, your future, when you didn't return to Lyria, chose to keep me. Give me the same choice."  
"Does it make me a bad person . . . That I want you to convince me even if it's not the right choice?"  
"If it does that makes us two bad people and a fitting pair. Anima what sort of mood are you in?"  
"You plan to convince me by not talking and having sex?" She remembered the previous day's promise.  
"I will need to do some talking that's why I'm asking about your mood."  
"My . . .oh." That question always spoke to a specific sort of sex. "You want my eyes or my hands?"  
"Both."  
"Both?" Anima gave an amused scoff.  
"You tend to distract me, I don't have many words to begin with, your words and hands tend to steal what I do have. Would it be too much?" It had been too much for him, losing both his sight and the use of his hands, he had enjoyed it until his head found focus again and then it was simply too much of not enough control.  
"You won't hurt me?" It was a bit of an odd question but the more Geralt thought about it, the less odd it was. He was sure in her barmaid days, the more restricted the more hurt she had opened herself to, leaving herself completely open to the wants of another.  
"I will never aim to hurt you. I will do my best to make sure no one hurts you."  
"Then nothing would be too much." Anima smiled. "I am in a . . . Delicate mood though." She added a bit cautiously, omens weren't quickly brushed away, they were nothing if not heavy.  
"I will be d . . ." He didn't want to promise something he couldn't guarantee, Geralt was described many a way, delicate was not one of them. "I will be good to you Anima. What are you-" He had let his eyes drift for a second and she was off the bed rummaging through their things. "You're already packed."  
"I promised I wouldn't leave until you got back. Doesn't mean I couldn't get ready." Anima found Geralt to be frowning at pragmatism more and more as of late. She had a fist out with the scarves.  
"You were going to take them with you?"  
"I doubt you would have much use for them while I was gone."  
"And you would?" He clearly sounded just as acusitory as he had sounded in his mind.  
"You worry I'll leave you for a sorcerer?" She was peeling off her tunic.  
"They're not good for much, but they do have silver tongues." Geralt only then realized he was doing it again, nothing, she was getting all prepared for what he asked for, if this was an attempt to fight for her to stay it was a shitty one. "Just. Lay down. Don't need to fuss so much." He was trying desperately to force the strain and duress from his voice but it was just coming out injured.  
"I don't need silver. A happy tongue will do." Her smirk did what he couldn't, and what in a weird way, as suggestive as her words were, she shouldn't have been able to do, it calmed him. One wrist was gone, then the second, then the third scarf loomed over her eyes for a minute. "You said it was my words that distract you. Why take away my eyes. I'm not concerned just curious?" There wasn't a tense bone in her body, just an inquisitive look in her eyes.  
"I like the sound of you. If this is the last time I'm with you for . . . However long it takes. I'd like to hear you. If you can't see you'll focus elsewhere."  
"You don't want me to see you?" She sounded a bit insulted, a bit robbed, she loved the look of her witcher atop her.  
"I . . . Just trust me ok?"  
"I trust you Geralt."

"I could just leave you here like this Anima." She could hear clothes adjusting but no large adjustment of weight from the bed. So while she squirmed slightly she didn't go into a full panic.  
"Would you?"  
"Leave? No. I could just watch for a while." She felt her trousers come undone and slide along with her smalls clean off of her but Geralt was paying extra attention not to touch her skin. It appeared that's what he was content to do, she tried not to be frustrated with the lack of contact, tried to remain calm which was easier said than done bare as the day you were born. She got to the state of calm she was after and staid there for an unknown amount of time, then she head it.  
"That's more than watching." She knew that sound, it was palm against sensitive flesh.  
"I'm not touching you."  
"What are you five?" She couldn't help but chuckle and even got a half amused snort out of Geralt. She quieted herself quickly, if she was quiet she could hear it, not just the skin to skin contact but the heavier breaths it brought out of the witcher, not panting by any stretch just just weightier than his average exhale. "You _can_ touch." She added after she figured quite enough time had passed, she was finding herself a bit frustrated, anticipation building into a warm pressure with no obvious outlet.  
"I want to but I'll have to get used to not. Just thinking about how I want to touch you will have to be enough." Snips and bits from experiences before played like moving portraits in his head, his eyes never leaving her.  
"Are you going to start talking filth Geralt?" Anima wasn't sure if he planned to keep this contemplative quiet the whole time. "Or I could I'm sure-" He was moving, he was over her, she could feel his breath at her neck, his heat above her but still not touching. "If this is some battle of self restraint Geralt I conceed an ill fought loss. If-"  
"Your mouth is hanging open between words." He let his thumb pull her bottom lip long.  
"Is it?" She could hear the grin in his voice, she wasn't sure what this was doing for him but surely something. "You could fix that you know?"  
"I could." But he wasn't, he was leaned heavy on one arm she could tell by the tilt of the matress.  
"Are you still stroking yourself?"  
"You're blushing." His grin was growing she could hear his breath steam past teeth.  
"I'm fairly certain I grew out of that." She denied the burn in her cheeks.  
"No. You get red for me from time to time. It's a good look on you Anima." He let a cheek finally connect with her, gliding it along said blush. Then there was a sharp pain in her neck, causing a slight yelp, the pain subsided and washed at the heavy pressure of Geralt's tongue.  
"You are a child!" She knew this for exactly what it was, a love bite and a large one at that, she'd need a collar up to her ears to cover the building bruise. "Geralt?!" She couldn't protest much more than that, worse yet Anima was still as ticklish as the first night he bedded her, causing her to giggle under whatever curses she was trying to form.  
"It's been a while since you've shrieked like that for me Anima." Geralt sounded quite satisfied with his work when he finally pulled away.  
"I don't know if I'd call it . . ." She paused, Geralt's breath was even faster than before, he'd topple over at this rate. ' _Is that all he wants?'_ Anima was absolutely blind in all senses of the word as to the intention behind this odd behavior. "Geralt what are you after?" She felt it, striped cross her abdomen. _'This is . . . new?'_ Geralt wasn't much for heavy petting when they were both bare, more after the brass tacks of it, though the more she thought about it there wasn't any petting, heavy or light, he had just painted her with his spend. "Do I . . . Is there something wrong Geralt? My skin doesn't burn I assure you."  
"No." The confusion continued, she felt his palm slide and smear up and down her torso, along curves and angles, he was spreading it over her.  
_'What in fucks name is he doing? I'm going to smell of-"_ a candle lit in her head. While the action seemed possesive and it was a bit, that wasn't the witcher's goal, not with that and not with the love bite. "Figure no one will trifle with someone who smells of your affection?" He was doing it in a quasi protective way.  
"Would _you_?" He did at least kiss her hungrily for guessing right.  
"If someone smelled like your affections? Possibly."  
"Hmm." He was smiling into her throat until he wasn't, till he was grimacing slightly.  
"What?"  
"Nothing. You've done nothing wrong I-" He needed her perfectly confident to continue. Something had not gone according to Geralt's plan and Anima had an idea what it was.  
"I can help with that Geralt. Let me see your fingers." Her mouth wasn't agape but open enough to get at him if he dared to touch.  
"Eyes closed, hands tied, still pounce when I stumble-" He wasn't bothered, found it a sweet little trait of hers.  
"Who said you stumbled?" She viewed this more of an opportunity than anything, a chance to show him when he was done marking her from head to foot that she could be just as attentive. Her tongue was soft and nimble around his digits and Geralt got lost in the show of it before his own groan woke him from his head. He removed his his fingers and found a new equally appealing place for them, watching studiously at every roll and snap of her hips, every hitch of her breath. "Why do I feel like this is a trap?" She had a hazy hum to her voice.  
"No trap. Just . . ."  
"Just being good to me?" It was a breathy sigh and Geralt wanted another. "Won't . . . " her thighs were clenching, her back arching incrementaly.  
"Won't what?"  
"Stop." She asked a hair close to anguish. "Get close and then stop? Like always happens. Make me swear to stay?" He could see her fingers gripping at the scarves as time inched longer on.  
"That is an idea." He let his face trail down till it was just above his fingers. "But no. I don't want you to stop. I like my view, like your sounds. I'd hate for you to start frowning and cursing." His tongue starting making lazy circles over sensitive nerves.  
"Ah . . Fuck." Anima's head craned up in surprise at the delightful warmth, then thudded to the pillows like a rock.  
"Maybe a bit of color is fine." He grinned as he doubled his efforts. It didn't take long for her curses to devolve into mewls and murmers, her hips stop squirming and started churning and crashing into greedy waves against him. She came undone under his efforts again and again, this was the closest he had ever gotten to even footing when it came to throws, she constantly got him to a state of mindless garbled pleads, just chasing air, there was no teases no traps he wanted her to have all she wanted and get lost there. She got lost everywhere else, why not here? "Geralt?! Geralt enough! Up!"  
"Hmm?" His mouth stopped at the sound of her broken breath. "Anima are you alright?" Her wrists did look a bit red, her skin was shiny with sweat, her mouth hadn't closed in ages. "How long have I. . ." When he was focused on her he tended to lose track of time, his senses found her to be easy and soft, they could just rest there, it didn't take much for his motions to follow suit.  
"I didn't know I was meant to keep time." Her smile was tired and crooked. "Will you fuck me before I lose my mind Geralt?" It was a just far enough from a whine to not harsh at his ears. Yet Geralt pushed for a word outside his name this time.  
"What do you want?"  
"I want you to fuck me Geralt, nothing special nothing courtly. stupid simple . . . Just fuck me." A clear easy goal. "Please Geralt. This is wonderful you're wonderful I just-" The rest of the sentence was sucked up into her lungs as the back of knees were scooped under his shoulders, he had her folded nearly in half as he entered her.  
"Too much?" Geralt had struck with a fury he wanted to make sure it was welcomed.  
"Perfect Geralt. More. Please . . . You're. . ." He noticed her left hand gripping ruthlessly at air as he began to thrust, he undid the knot. It was half a grin and half of a snarl, all teeth as her hand clawed and rooted into his hair. "So good to me Geralt." He was hyper focused on her words, how she found them even now, was a baffling blessing, it burned him from both ends. He bent her further, all his weight, all his strength thrust with purpose in on having her curl. "Please Geralt!"  
"Anima all you want whatever you-"  
"I want you Geralt. You. Please. Let me have you." That got a growl overrode by a groan, his neck going long as he held himself.  
"Get a little louder for me Anima." Normally he'd watch her face twist in contemplation but none came, she did hide her face in his shoulder, biting first but then letting out a lovely quaking moan against the skin.  
"Love you Geralt. Love you more than anything. Want every part of . . . You're so good to me Geralt . . .So . . .Love" Her energy was peetering out, her words melting into one another.  
"Let go Anima. I've got you. I'm here. Safe. You're safe. I'll keep you safe. Trust me. Let go. Let me be good all the way through." She was just as bull headed about digging her claws into control as any witcher walking the continent. She just went about it in differnt, more agreeable, less muscle heavy ways, in sheets especially she kept her wits about her because she had to. This was a gift worth all the whetestones Geralt could feasibly carry. The hand in his hair went from white knuckled to loose, she allowed her whole body to get swallowed by his, melt under it, she bit down on her lip at first but let Geralt's thumb pull it free, it wasn't going to quake the walls but this moan had nowhere to hide but between Geralt's ears as he met it with an emptying groan all his own.

He let his body collapse on hers, it could have been crushing but his elbows spread out enough weight so it was only pleasantly enveloping. She relaxed for a few quiet moments, just a few more of those lovely happy sighs before her breath picked up. "Got you." He promised again, blindly reaching up and undoing her right wrist. She was quick to free her eyes when given the chance, a tuckered witcher atop her. "I'm here." He mumbled sleepily into the mattress, after her breathing slowed again, he rolled fully on his side, eventually willing himself up into a seated position. "That's what I wanted Anima." He had wanted control, wanted easy, wanted compliance she had handed all of that over to him.  
"I know." She let out a yawn as she stood, looking to at least get partially clean. She wasn't expecting such a sullen look when Geralt turned to her. "It's kind of my whole deal Geralt. . . . Seer of all wants and needs."  
"You . . . What's your louder? I was watching for it . . . Trying to keep you in place so I could . . ."  
"You mean other than when you hop out of a stream?"  
"Something I can give you within your Inns. I mean I suppose I could take a bath first but-" What being wet did for her he'd never understand but he'd gladly give it to her.  
"Seems a waste if you're just going to get dirty again?"  
"Hmm." It would be impractical. "I could if you wanted. . ."  
"I will not deny that I'd like that for one stupid indulgent day." Geralt's face picked up at a new far off easy goal.  
"I can do that." He nodded thoughtfully. "The other times? It's always for me . . . Even when I try . . ."  
"The trying is what I like." Once Anima was clean as she was going to get she came up behind Geralt, resting her head in the crook of his neck. "You told me once you didn't quiet me because you believed you had earned louder, with people before it had been false. People didn't try with me, there was no need they . . . Had purchased my attention, my affection, no need to work to hold it. You try . . . Very hard . . . And it means the world to me. You make me feel that I earned it." She kissed at his shoulder.  
"Hmm." It seemed like a bit of a cop out but in case it wasn't he didn't want to push too hard. "Merigold is smart and nearly always right, but she will never try as hard for you as I do."  
"She isn't claiming too. She's claiming we have to think long term that there are events-"  
"My specialty is the long fight. Maybe her way is easier but I can keep us safe, I can get you where you need to be. You like that I try, let me try."  
"Geralt you're twisting my words."  
"I've slept next to you all but a year straight. Some of it had to rub off."  
"What if this is the wrong choice. What if we lose each other because we made the wrong choice? What if it's worse!" She didn't know what worse was but Merigold had fire and brimstone in her warnings.  
"It's two months at most. If I can't keep you safe for two months I don't deserve you. Plus Jaskier will spend the whole time moaning on what you've missed. He . . . Tries in his own way, to show you what you haven't seen. You haven't seen anything like Oxenfurt."  
"Will I like it?" At this Geralt's frown started to upturn, he was making progress, she was considering it.  
"I'm the wrong person to ask. I don't like much . . .Oxenfurt is much and then some. You should see it though. You should try it. Not be shipped off from me to some rock positioned against choppy waves " He didn't like exploiting her fear of the sea, but he liked the thought of her gone less.  
"Open your big fuckin mouth Anima. It'll be used against you in-"  
"I am not saying it to mock. I mean it. You said trying means the world to you. I want to try from each side of the continent. I want to be good to you."  
"Geralt." Anima was frowning, sighing, he grinned wider at this, he was making a dent.  
"Let me try? What if. . . I help you with that travel you and Merigold were trying? It won't be time wasted." She just needed a little push.  
"I . . .fine." her chin dug into his shoulder, he welcomed the weight placing a hand atop her head, holding her there. "We'll regret this won't we?"  
"No." He'd never regret any extra moment he got with her and if he did that was future Geralt's problems.  
"Well no use delaying the unpleasant. Let me go disappoint Merigold. I'm nothing if not consistent."

"I found something . . . In the estuary." He had almost forgotten. He gave her a gentle pat to the head before retrieving what he had brought.  
"You sure love rummaging." Anima's smile dispelled any concern that statement struck in Geralt that maybe a trash picked gift was not one worth giving. "It's . . . A dead animal!" She was holding up the fur.  
"A pelt. It'll be cold in Aretuza, surrounded by water. I won't be there to keep you warm. Doesn't mean anything but a white wolf should." It was stupidly adorable.  
"Did you kill it?"  
"What? No. Do you know how long it takes to process a hide?"  
"No. I don't." Anima shrugged as she brought the white fur to her cheek. "Where did you find it?"  
"I told you in the estuary." Geralt was puzzled why the how of the gift was so important, a reaction was what he was in search of.  
"In it?"  
"Yes. In it . . .at the bottom in a crate, stuff sinks. We went there to look for flowers and-" He was regretting not going with the bard's idea but flowers just seemed so . . . Fleeting.  
"Aww the image of you and Jaskier picking flowers is gift enough." Anima collapsed back down to the bed with a silly smile.  
"Lambert was there." If laughing at him made her smile he'd run on any gained ground.  
"Ha that salt lick loves me! Twice the better!" She pulled the fur over her head.  
"So do you . . . Is it just that we looked like fools getting it that amuses you?" That was fine, not what he was going for but fine, she had been forcing herself happy on his behalf going on two days he was glad to see a genuine grin even at his own expense.  
"No I very much like the dead animal you pulled from a bog."  
"It's a pelt and it was an estuary. If you want something-"  
"I don't want anything Geralt, you don't have to skin one wolf to keep me pleased with the one in my bed. But it was very thoughtful, thank you. I like that you tried your way and got something you think I'll use."  
"Hmm." He grabbed the edges of the pelt, pulling it down basically netting Anima and pinning her back to the bed. "It'll keep you warm."  
"So you said." She was studying Geralt's features there was some misplaced worry there.  
"Warm enough." Here he was being purposefully obstuse again.  
"You're not worried about the magic in Aretuza. You're worried about the weilders. Do you have so little faith in me Geralt?" The playful writhing against Geralt's capture slowed to a stall.  
"It's not you I don't trust." He let his brow touch against hers. "I just . . . A sorcerer wouldn't pick you a dead animal out of a bog. A sorcerer has a place in court, standing, they don't have buckets of water thrown at them in the street. You don't want much Anima and what you do . . . I have scraps."  
"You had to go out of your way for those scraps Geralt, didn't just manifest them out of air. You had to try."  
"Hmm." Still holding her in place he leaned in and kissed her. "First and foremost I worry what greater good they've swept you in, worry for your safety, your life. But . . . Just as you worry I could have someone who is less trouble. I dread someone will offer you something my best attempts will never meet and that some sorcerer who bends space and time not to be denied will take you from me." He felt small in the moment, a feeling that didn't find him often.  
"It's not just a funny word you know?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Skugga . . . Shadow? It's . . . I don't think she described it to you well. Then again you were at a loss of . . . You know blood."  
"What am I missing?"  
"It's not as binding and drab as being married but . . . How many people do you know with two shadows?"  
"There was a necromancer I worked with briefly in-"  
"Geralt!"  
"Right. I see your point."  
"You can have a flock of birds, a bowl of dumplings, a length of charms. Only one shadow. Now seeing as maybe you didn't understand fully when you called me-"  
"I like it even better." He kissed her again, some but not all of that worry shook from his shoulders. "One shadow for one vildkaarl?"  
"It's the only thing a vildkaarl can truly claim . . . What with being wild and all. There's an antiquated tradition that goes along with it, a ceremony it's a whole one with nature cluster f-"  
"Is it important?"  
"It's a tradition of course it's important. . . I mean not to me." Anima gave a dismissive snort, Skelligan traditions were fairy tales as far as she was concerned. "I am satisfied with it staying a pet name Geralt. What I was getting at was I'll be your skugga, you'll be my vildkaarl, one for one, even when you can't see your shadow." Anima wasn't sure he heard her, growing weary of the determined glint growing in Geralt's eyes.  
"Your ceremony. Is it tedious?" Geralt was now fully interested.  
"Probably. It's a ceremony" Anima shrugged. "The last triquetra I was at was decades ago Geralt and I'm sure I was bored to tears. Likely covered in bug bites. Just like weddings it has no-"  
"It would . . . You said it's not marriage right? No gods?"  
"Geralt . . . Why do you take my words and run with them?"  
"Because your words always warm me. Gods or not?" Geralt had finally let go laying back on the bed with her.  
"No it's . . . Wild . . . It's nature and candles . . . Knots and salt . . .you jump a broom at some point. It's more superstitions than religion."  
"Sounds just right." Geralt had a pleased hum to his voice that Anima wasn't sure she had the heart to taper.  
"Would it make you feel better about Aretuza?"  
"No." Geralt frowned, his opinion on that would not sway. "Might help sleeping alone."  
"It won't. We both sleep alone terribly." Anima was not as enamored with the dusty Skelligann tradition.  
"Could try. Jaskier and his friends in Oxenfurt would love a chance to pretend they're one with nature-" The image of scholars out in the thick of the woods was endlessly amusing.  
"Why bother Geralt?" Anima was confused, this seemed to go far and against Geralt's distaste for gatherings. "Oh I see. It's another ward."  
"Huh?"  
"Love bites fade. Your smell only lingers so long. Crazy rituals thought up by half drunk mountain folk, that's forever."  
"You know most folk tales and riutals are based in something."  
"Will it make you happy to try?" Anima while not enthused, didn't mind giving Geralt some reassurance.  
"It will keep my mind busy on trivial things."  
"Then we'll give trivial a try." Anima stood, got properly dressed and whipped open the door. "Jaskier ever play a triquetra?"  
"Is that the baptism of a bear?"  
"Close enough and just as sensible!"


	9. confidence is key

“Reconcider.” Merigold was lingering outside the portal with a look of abosolute loss on her face, as if she was already talking to a ghost.  
“I’ve changed my mind plenty over these last couple days I’m good.” Anima had to be certain, witchers worked well with certain, the world spun along certain, so would she if she had any intention of going on.  
“You should come.” Jaskier was in a fanciful mood, Geralt had all but told him they were having a party, yes the witcher had try to suck all the fun out of it by repeating that it was a ritual or a ceremony or something equaly as tedious but Jaskier knew of parties and short of a few bland and folky traditions getting in the way, the witcher was more or less planning a party.  
“I do not condone this.” Merigold looked at Anima with pleading eyes, asking one more time for her to see reason.  
“Nothing worth doing is condoned by many.” Anima tried to hide the hurt from her voice. She knew Merigold cared, especially for Geralt, there may have even been some still burning embers for the white wolf, it did hurt that she disapproved of their choice, viewed it as selfish and careless.  
“There won’t be a grave to mourn you at Anima.” Merigold wasn’t saying it as a threat, almost as an apology for the hand the empath was delt as she disappeared.  
“Grave stones are tacky anyway.” Anima wrapped herself in her new comfort pelt.  
“Pretending was yesterday Anima. It’s . . . you can be scared.” Geralt sat on Merigold’s bed staring at the sterile smile on the empath's face.  
“Fuck that!” Lambert made the already cramped room crowded with his shout. “Being scared doesn’t do shit. Be angry, angry gets shit done.” What a wise and vulgar wolf he was. “So what’s this bullshit you roped Geralt into?”  
“A triquetra.”  
“Which is?”  
“It’s good luck for a couple whose bad luck travels together.” Anima had really not warmed to it.  
“You should come!” Again, Jaskier knew parties, and the more people at a party the better.  
“Unlike you three tree nymphs I have work to do. I can’t just walk around picking flowers and lounging in beds.”  
“He was . . . almost killed by a vampire. You remember that part right?” Anima felt both Lambert and Geralt had been very quick to dismiss what happen as ancient accepted history.  
“So? I almost got turned to a merperson by a fucusya no one’s throwing me a fuckin parade.” Lambert wasn’t as forgetful or as unconcerned as he let on but when had worrying ever saved a witcher? That was Geralt's token personality trait anyway.  
“A mer . . . I take it back Lambert you're hilarious!” Anima let the thought of Lambert and Geralt splashing around as merepeople thoroughly amuse her for a few minutes.  
“We’ll do a toast to your vailiant usurping of the fu . . . “ Jaskier had words upon words but his mind was not a moving beastiary.  
“Sea witch.” Geralt had some pity in him. “He can’t follow Jaskier. As I told Anima there isn’t work for two witchers on any given road.” It was a good thing, he tried to convince himself. The world was safer, more stable. Then why did every corner look ever darker? Why was every story he heard filled with more blood and anguish? And how did witchers fix this 'safer'a world? How now that he had people he cared about did he keep his world safe?  
“Well . . . Eskel said he’d meet us in Oxenfurt. You’ll at least have someone from your family there Geralt.”  
“Dodged that hornet.” Lambert scoffed. “Good luck on your . . . good luck?” He tried, not hard but that was about his speed when there wasn’t a nekker at his throat.  
“Thank you Lambert.” Anima smiled and gave a short wave as he threw his belongings over his shoulder.  
“Kitten?"  
"Huh?”  
“Don't die." He shrugged almost apatheticly. "Geralt's miserable as he is. If you go and croak or leave him for some swarthy magician. I can't take watching him sulk round the keep like some lost-"  
“Goodbye Lambert!” Her wave got a bit more aggressive, she didn't need Lambert restoking that concern.  
"Be there in winter. It's all I'm saying, don't be a complete waste of everyone's time."

“Is it important to have family there?” Geralt was realizing while not having Lambert snoring through whatever this was set to be was fine, Anima’s family: Thill, Thom and Janis, Fredrick, the kids, maybe she would be sad they weren’t witnesses to it.  
“You have gone stupid sentimental.” Anima smirked. “Eskel will be there. . . probably.” She skirted the question, old habits died hard, not wanting to feel useless feelings like homesickness.  
“What do you mean probably?” Jaskier’s voice shot up an octive. "He said he’d be there he will.”  
“He said he’d try.” Geralt corrected. “And he will try but he could’ve got stuck on a long contract, or simply wasn’t finding much work that way.” They weren’t farmers or blacksmiths, the trade of being a witcher was more temperamental than most, more risk, less reward, it was all they knew, all they had. “Does family need to be there?” It was less Geralt becoming a sentimental sap it was more that Anima had been on the money, he viewed this as a ward or a ritual of sorts and it was never wise to adlib the steps of such ancient traditions.  
“Jaskier will be there won’t you?” Anima smiled, this was dumb, pointless, a lot of work to give a pet name validation but it was something that wasn’t Nehalenia or Redeanian vampires for Geralt to sink his worry into and she’d take that, he deserved something lacking peril to let his mind wander to.  
“Be there. I’ll be running the show!” These two lumps did not see the value in being the center of attention but he would gladly take the spotlight if they were skirting it. “It’s a wise choice to have it in Oxenfurt. Plenty of musicians and artists it will be the most beautiful . . . whatever it is that has ever been."  
"It's not a party." Geralt tried to temper the bard's expectations but it was a lost cause.

"After Aretuza perhaps we'll swing back in the way of Lyria." Geralt knew it sounded patronizing, like promising a child a tart if they didn't fuss at a temple but Geralt couldn't protect her from that place, he wanted her to at least have a light to look forward to.  
"I'd like that. Though I thought you had business in Ellander?"  
"Not business. Had someone I wanted to visit but-"  
"Your company is as important as mine. Geralt I know you worry but I'll survive it or I won't. Trying to kiss away bruises that haven't formed is . . . Not what I want from you." She wasn't porcelain, she wasn't dead, she didn't like that she had to remind her companions of both so frequently.  
"Right." He put up his hands in defense as he caught the annoyance in her voice. The over protective witcher had hard habits to break all his own. "We go south a ways. Avoid rose territory, some towns round the duppa river-" They were leaving the Inn, Anima's hood rose to hide her return to form.  
"Fun fact that is the very river princess Vanda threw herself in when no sutor came for her."  
"Fun." Geralt shook his head. "Anima for your ritual what do we need?"  
"A . . . Broom stick, some rope or ribbon . . . Think you chuck some salt over candles. Er . . . A white rabbit for dinner. I have to wear blue . . . Or you do . . . One of the two surely. Jaskier think I could squeeze into a blue chainse of yours?" Anima was all but scratching her brain remembering something that had been so easily forgettable in the first place.  
"Without stretching the seams?"  
"I will do my best Jaskier." Anima rolled her eyes.  
"What if it's me and not you?" Geralt had been taught to do things right or not at all from a young age, it was a lesson that stuck.  
"There's the beauty! No one will be the wiser Geralt! Because it's pointless! I know you like doing everything by the book but these superstitions are so old they're not even in books. I'd say you're taking it too seriously but I fear you don't know any other way to take it. Face the facts you would stretch Jaskier's seams." Anima at least got a mild snort at that.  
"Hmm." He was certain Vesemir had a book on it somewhere but they, as always, were short on time, a quick trek up the blue mountains for a read was out of the question. ' _Library. Oxenfurt has one of the biggest library available to humans. Maybe there's information on . . . Nehelenia. Stories or folk tales.'_ The handfisting ceremony suddenly took a back seat to this revelation, Geralt for once in his life could not wait till they got to Oxenfurt.  
"I know that look. Thinking deep ponderous witcher thougts" Anima grinned ear to ear, Geralt was thinking, not worrying, not doubting he was planning steps methodicaly.  
"We should go." This place held nothing left for them.  
"We should!" Anima had her witcher mostly back and that was a relief.

"So Anima." They were making excellent time, had a decently flat camp, Geralt was content enough not to hear Jaskier's mistep at first.  
"So Jaskier?" Anima was cloaked under it again, the wolf pelt he'd found for her. It was warm enough she didn't need it, especially round their fire so it was purely for comfort or just because it had been the right choice.  
' _A good gift.'_ Geralt was feeling not quite good, not quite optimistic but gods if it didn't feel right to be out and about again, he didn't feel small anymore, he felt right, he was back in his element. "Don't get on with sos with her Jaskier. You'll regret it."  
"This is a touchy subject but it must be breached. So don't get prickly Geralt."  
"Jas-"  
"More prickly. Don't get more prickly?"  
"I will try." Something flickered in the distance that caught the witcher's eyes.  
"Anima do you remember when you went searching for Geralt?"  
"Yes."  
"Why did you search? You knew the bruxa were from Redenia."  
"You say Redenia like it's a town Geralt . . . It is not a town. Redenia is big . . . I had an idea of where you were but we needed more than a hunch. We couldn't waste any time going in the wrong direction. For someone whose been everywhere you really can't tell here from there." Anima got ragged on for her sense of direction but Geralt viewed everywhere as just a bit away.  
"All looks the same to me." He swallowed the rest of his nag.  
"I said I was sorry Jaskier and I did mean it I-" Anima wasn't sure what had happened during her search, she doubted the bard and diety swapped bars.  
"You stopped her from doing anything but she . . . She said you tolerate me."  
"You tolerate him?" Geralt teased, his eyes were elsewhere though, off into the distance, he was fully distracted.  
"Do not pick now as the time to not take things seriously Geralt!" Jaskier's voice had a tone to it that was rare, there was hurt there and a lack of confidence. "Anima I need you to be upfront with me. Do not spare my feelings."  
"Feelings are my gambit Jaskier. I won't hack at yours if I don't need to. I-"  
"Are we friends?" Anima could out word Geralt but not Jaskier, she couldn't smile and side swipe, not against someone whose whole livelyhood lasted on having the first middle and last word.  
"Friends?"  
"I know that you . . . Don't hold humans in high regard and . . . We did not start off great but that's only because we both care about Geralt and I thought you were being a cruel mistress."  
"Jaskier I-"  
"She said you don't like me Anima that you simply-"  
"Jaskier! She's a goddess, she lives in my very blood but she. . . Nehalenia is cruel, she knows a lot but she also lies, keep that in mind, she's a snake. For one I like humans it's-"  
"No you don't." Jaskier didn't blame Anima or Geralt for that matter, for the distance they kept from most humans. The needs of man had taken their childhoods from them, took their bodies as a commodities, they had just left a kingdom that wished pox on them for simply existing, humans had taken so much and gave so little thanks, there wasn't a lot to like of humans.  
"Thill's a human isn't she?" There was her Lyrian family, the exception that proved the rule, no one could doubt that Anima liked those humans.  
"She is." Jaskier was about to ask her again to spell out their standings but he had a new quandary. "Geralt?" The Witcher had found whatever his distant gaze had been in search of.  
"You are not tolerable Jaskier, and sometimes I'm not sure you're human but you are . . . " Geralt was walking with soft footing, it was quite the curious look.  
"Are you complimenting me or hunting?"  
"Both." Geralt could hear it's heartbeat, fast, it would jump if it knew the witcher was so close, he moved slower, he'd only get one chance.  
"How very you of you." Jaskier scoffed. "So what am I? If not tolerable and hardly human?"  
"A runestone among rocks Jaskier." Anima was also now fully invested in watching Geralt stalk the shadows of the camp.  
"That . . . Anima that worked!" Jaskier's eyes grew so bright, so proud. She had finally made a poetic comparison, it was basic and a bit banal but it finally worked.  
"Jaskier shut up you'll spook it!" Geralt hissed as he crept through a bush.  
"Monster?" Anima wasn't sensing any sentient heartbeat around them. An awful ungodly cry rang through the night air, her eyes grew wide as all the reasons she feared the woods flooded her. ' _The fuck is that?!'_ She grabbed Jaskier, wanting some comfort of numbers on her side. "Geralt?" She didn't hear silver or steel simply hearing a thud of his mass onto dirt. "Geralt?" The cry wasn't bone rattling like a banshee but it was shril and sharp. "Are you alright?" She glanced over at the tree she had rested her weapons against. "Need help?" She had lingered behind and nearly lost him, she wouldn't do it again.  
"No." He could be heard cursing and wrestling for a moment before getting to his feet, the crying didn't stop.  
"Are you going to kill it?" Jaskier's hands went over his ears.  
"Won't keep if I kill it now. Gotta take it with us." Geralt's chest was puffed up in victory. In his fist was a squirming white rabbit. "It'll do?"  
"Perfect." Anima smiled over the squeal. This was dumb, antiquated and all together a poor use of their time, but Geralt's eyes were shinning in a hopeful way they hadn't in months and that was worth everything. 

"Whats a broom gotta do with katakan?" The Alderman was confused. "Swords won't do the trick?"  
"Swords always do the trick." Geralt shook his head, that was a truth he steadfastly believed. "Asking for the broom as part of payment." In exchange for the katakan head Geralt was rewarded with a new scar under his third rib, the arbitrary sum of one hundred and thirty six oren and a broomstick. He had set this goal on himself, not to purchase the supplies but earn them, it wasn't a requirement Anima had voiced but he figured it couldn't hurt to bring some of his own superstitions into it, witchers earned what they kept.

After that was another simple contract, this time in Roggeven the shores of the river had been overrun with Mucknixers and if Geralt made quick work of them by morning he'd get paid in coin and candels. "Geralt?" The camp was perhaps too close to the shore but he had promised Merigold he wouldn't trot and Geralt kept his promises. Jaskier had found an lovely woman with a large heart and the chest to carry it to spend the night with but the woman's hut was small, and Geralt wanted sleep not to be schooled in how high and low the bard's voice really could travel.  
"Hmm?" He worried she was getting to attatched to the rabbit, sharing some of her rations with it. ' _Has to keep, doesn't have to be fat on berries.'_ Though Anima was nothing if not consistent, she liked to be able to give into wants, whether those wants stood on two legs or four.  
"Did you mean it or just say it so I wouldn't leave with Merigold?" Her eyes were doting on the ball of fluff in her hands but her voice leaned on the edge of acusitory.  
"I needed you to stay. There wasn't much I wouldn't have promised you." He had been in a bad place, mentally, physicaly, emotionally, he had needed her to be home, to be there for him, he was strong for the world, she was strong for him. "Witchers don't posture." He had promised her that. "Whatever I said I meant." But what had her doubting? What had he offered but not provided. "What did I say?" He'd do it now, he'd be a man of his word.  
"The travel. You'd help?"  
"Hmm." He could mean what he said all he liked but Geralt knew fuck all about that magical nonsense she'd been doing under the cover of darkness. "How . . . Does it hurt?" Geralt always questioned, a risky trait for a witcher to have but he'd risk a lot not to be left in the dark.  
"Does that matter?" Results mattered, success, survival mattered. Geralt of all people had to understand that.  
"Yes. I need to know if . . . Pain is to be expected." When she tethered her blood hurt, her chest ached and her head throbbed, if he understood this right she was trying to exercise her emotional being, her soul more or less, out of her body. "What will it do to . . ." He palmed her face, let it ride down her throat to her sternum. "If something goes wrong."  
"I'd have to accomplish something for anything to go wrong Geralt." She was dancing around the topic and that did not quell his worries just solidified them, yes it would hurt.  
"What . . . Can I do?" He thought back to the time she had found him in Temeria, the time he had felt her even though she was in Lyria. Had that been it? Had she done it before and lost the ability? No she was just as strong if not stronger than before. It was that using her ability for any length had become a gamble. She disappeared in the white and the longer she lingered, there was less and less gaurentee that she'd be the one to surface out of it.  
"Anchor me . . . Tell me a memory Geralt."  
"A memory? Of . . . Us?" That was something Anima had that Nehalenia didn't, a tether in the physical world, not just any tether a witcher and not just any witcher, him.  
"Yes. A good one. I'll try to listen, try to keep my ears here while I go elsewhere. Maybe work a body part at a time yeah?"  
"Hmm." That actually wasn't the worst idea. Aretuza wouldn't care if she hurt, the island lived off misery, they would not be patient there, destiny was paramount, they would not be soft. Geralt could. "A good memory. Do you remember that foglet hunt in velen?"  
"You mean rain, the eight part play?" A foglet had stolen some garish shiny family heirloom from a woman with coin to throw. The search had gone days, Geralt found five foglets before the one they were after. The beasts hadn't been the threat. As Anima recalled the bigger issue was weather. "Was that good? I mean you did get paid what you were owed which was nice change of pace but-"  
"I was . . . Good."  
"Geralt you're always good." Anima didn't understand why Geralt hung on that word with such vehemence, as if it was a matter of contention.  
"No." Sometimes he was bad, sometimes he was blood, he was viscera carnage and steel for coin, not that time. "Good to you."  
"You are-"  
"Soft. Like eggs."  
"Like eggs." Anima finally understood what made that different from most other times he was constantly good to her. She closed her eyes, kept her ears on Geralt. "Remind me? Tell me about when you were soft for me Geralt."  
"You were wet. To the bone. If you didn't get knee deep in every puddle we passed I don't know what you were doing."

-The Previous year-

"Let me see them." Geralt kept hearing the clatter of metal as Anima sifted through the junk found on all the wrong foglets.  
"None of em match Geralt." Silver and copper weren't the only things chattering, so were her teeth.  
"Not the bits. Your fingers."  
"Huh?"  
"You're cold." Geralt didn't get cold, or hot and if he did it was due to venom, too many potions, blood loss it rarely had anything to do with clouds or the lack there of. He didn't really even remember the feeling, of just having cold soak into his bones over time. "I can help."  
"I'll live. I'm sorry. I know we're slowing you down. Mud's just thick is all." She was still getting used to the elements, she had been used to the well insulated walls of Fredrick's home, or Thom's Inn, the wilds were new and hard to get used to. It would take more than a bit of adjusting that the fire Geralt kept lit despite the rain would never match the consistent hearth from home. It was uncomfortable but not insurmountable.  
"Hmm. Slow's fine." Geralt looked over at Jaskier's strewn passed out form, they were not going to get an early start tomorrow, he had pushed his companions too far, he had forgotten something important. "I want to help. Let me see?" He wanted to amend that, be better for them. Anima let out a shaky sigh and help up her hands, the fingers were bright pink and at parts pale blue. Geralt held them, gingerly bringing them up to his mouth he started letting out heavy breaths overtop of them, steaming some of his warmth over the digits. His eyes locked with hers as he repeated the process for a few moments. "Better?" He had a curious not quite nervous, not quite hopeful look on his face.  
"Thank you Geralt." Her smile was just as warm as his breath, emboldening the witcher.  
"Let me see your feet?"  
"I'm not going to have you breathe over my toes Geralt that's gross. I'll-" She would indulge many a trivial want, feet were gross.  
"Won't." His voice was uncharacteristically soft, just a light plea. He lifted one of her boots onto his knee and began undoing laces. Once the boot was off he peeled off a damp stocking. "Can you feel it?"  
"My foot? Sure." Anima was tense a bit uncomfortable and it showed all over her face as she wiggled her foot. "Geralt I'm fine." She was blushing as Geralt started kneading at the muscle, pins and needles started surging to nerves. He was quiet as he worked up her ankle and calf. "You don't-"  
"I'm not . . . Not hurting you am I?" He looked half scolded as he let go.  
"What? No you're not-"  
"Can I see the other one?"  
"You . . . Can." She placed her other shoe on the vacated spot on his knee. It was the same careful quiet motions all over again. This time something different happened, Anima winced as blood made it's way to the half numb appendage. He looked up at her with almost horror as if he had watched a beheading right infront of him.  
"I told you to tell me if I was hurting you!" He growled, letting go as if her flesh burned.  
"First off no you didn't. Secondly-"  
"I always say that." His voice had no traces of it's momentary softness as tension rode hard into his shoulders. "Or . . . Always mean it. Anima I'm-" His head was hanging low. It had him questioning, did he hurt her and she just let it slide because that's what she felt loving a witcher cost?  
"You didn't hurt me Geralt. You were being almost skepticaly delicate." She did her best to lift his face with soft nudge at his chin. "What's all this new found worry about hurting-"  
"I can . . . I could." It wasn't what he was trying to say, almost the opposite but it's what came out. A worry he had, he was rough and out of touch with how a body not built for said roughness reacted. He could hurt her without even knowing, he could push her or the bard too hard and push them away, for good, leave him alone again. He was built for this path, they weren't, that didn't mean he wished to walk it without them. "Where do you keep the minted salve?"  
"Deep in my bag, in a jar inside a jar." Anima knew the salve did wonders when Geralt rightfully tore something, but it was only for when real deep tissue mending was needed, it bristled the witcher's sensitive nose and was to be used sparingly. "Geralt are you hurt? I'm not a mind reader if you need some salve because you tore something, passive aggressive massaging is not how to get what you need." Anima tried to elicit some sort of smile but none came.  
"Not always about my needs Anima . . ." He was dumping out her bag with far less care than he had been using on her limbs.  
"Geralt what's going on? You alright?" He seemed distracted which was very unlike the man who was focused to a fault.  
"Lay down on the bedroll?"  
"Once you tell me what this is about I'll lay over a cliffside Geralt. Tell me what's-"  
"Your wrist." He finally ground out what had been bothering him, what he was trying to either apologize or compensate for, whichever stuck.  
"My wrist?" She glanced down and one wrist did have an obvious difference than the other. Bruises, a light ring round her right wrist. Geralt had left those bruises, she had been stuck up to her knees in mudd and vines, Geralt had pulled her out. More acuretly he had yanked her out before the water hag could get her claws in, he had protected her but that's not what Geralt saw. His hold had been too tight, he had hurt her.  
"I did that." It wasn't the bruises per se, but how could he explain that she smelled pushed, she looked like she was fit to keel over, and it felt like it was because he'd forgotten to treat her like a companion not a bother he was escorting.  
"Yeah, lugging me out of a swamp, one foul swoop it was frankly impressive! Geralt if you didn't point it out those bruises I wouldn't have noticed. Hell you shouldn't have noticed, you look too hard for reasons to beat yourself up. You can't get all bothered every time I scrape my knee it's unrealistic and if I'm being honest a little patronizing!" It was such a small stupid thing, nothing worth getting forlorn over but she had been noticing Geralt staring and his hands like they had spited him.  
"If I scraped it I can. I didn't even realize how hard I've been . . . Does this happen often? Anima I'm not used to looking out for-"  
"I will let you know if you hurt me. You don't have to be perfect Geralt. You're allowed to make judgment calls when we're in the thick of it and not have to-" She was thankful not to be stuck under six feet of mud or being burried in some nest. The fact that Geralt sometimes forgot his own strength or his cohorts lack of stamina was a trivial thing to her, a road happenstance that she understood and allowed for. Why wouldn't the witcher give himself that same leeway?  
"No. I'm not. You're not a witcher Anima! Neither is Jaskier. I can't just expect . . . I need to know I can . . . Handle . . . Handling you." He had to make adjustments to his pacing, to his motions. He had to be different, better. She was changing for him, he had to change for her. Witcher's were notorious for a lot of things, changing with the times was not one of them. _'Can I?'_  
"Geralt don't you think you're overreacting just a tad? You didn't strike me, you were saving me-"  
"I don't want to be serviceable. I can't have you collapse because I'm elbow deep in doing things like I used to!" His nose was wrinkled in the same way it had when the fish porter had beat him in a game of gwent the last town over.  
"Ok. What is it that you want to be?" She let out an oddly relieved sigh as they finally moved past the smoke and went into the flames. This hadn't been about her wrist, not for a minute. "You still have your jobs. World still needs saving."  
"Better."  
"Better than who? I'll say it again Geralt no one is perfect."  
"I know that. I just . . . Want you to know that I want. . . To be better." Maybe he couldn't change but he wanted her to know the intention was there, he cared enough to try.  
"You're being . . ." She wanted to say weird but his face was knitt in some level of concern that went far past what his resting neutrality tended to allow for. "You win Geralt, you've won already." She was cautious with her words here. "That's what this is right? Better? Best? Winning?" Geralt was competitive, few things thrilled him but if there was a challenge, second place was as good as losing. "No one is coming for your crown alright?"  
"No. I . . . ." He pulled her into his lap, laying a feathery kiss on the inside of her neck. "I'm good at what I do. Scept that. Trained strong, fast, how to take down a small army. Not best at soft, at taking time." Time, he had years, decades, centuries if he kept sharp, yet he was always pushing, harder, faster, stronger. Anima and Jaskier were now battling for that time, to be a distraction from the push and he didn't know how to adapt, didn't know if he knew how to balance.  
"You're . . . Just haven't had a good tutor is all Geralt. I'm willing to teach you. I've trained in soft. Or . . . If like I said you are passive aggressively asking for-"  
"I will always be rough . . . Our road will always lead to scraped knees . . . I want to be able to . . . Slow for you, that's all. I'm not hanging up my swords to become a sheep herder. Just sometimes slow is . . . Good, after the push . . . Some rest." He was asking for it, in the only way he knew how, through her, for her, he couldn't ask for soft on his behalf. He was a man who bruised, broke, he had to move or die. He had no right to ask for soft, except for her, he could wrap his mind around asking for soft for her.  
"I'll accept that you will work better at being soft if you give me the credit that I'm trying to get stronger."  
"I . . . Know you are I just . . . I don't want to be the reason you have to, you shouldn't have to endure me. I shouldn't . . . Won't be sloppy enough to let that happen." It was a mix of ego and concern, Geralt let both those fires burn brightly.  
"Lay down Geralt."  
"You." He tilted them, he was looming over her, looking strong as ever, but it wasn't a burst of power, it was slow and savoring, kissing at skin, scrapes and bruises alongside unmarred flesh.  
"I'm telling you Geralt, you look wonderful like this."  
"How's that?" He felt warm all over, felt her all over, the fact that scared fingers could drift and dust over her leisurely was something hypnotizing, sent his head somewhere quiet and loose, where time mattered much less.  
"A dripping witcher is a darling one." His hair was thick with the still pouring rain, it was falling down against her skin.  
"Hmm." He tried to bury a smirk into her shoulder. He liked that phrase, liked being called darling, he shouldn't. "That the first lesson? Gotta say sweet sappy things?" He wasn't sure his tongue could bend that way.  
"Don't have to. Can. They teach pick up lines in Kaer Morhen?" Her fingers were sliding long tense muscles, almost coming undone under her ambient touch.  
"Been to any good hangings lately?" She laughed and she was just as touted, trained in soft, it was light, lovely, just right in his ear, no rush, no pressure, no push.  
"Oh I have one! I may not be a necromancer, but I know how to make things rise.”  
"Anima you've been spending too much time with Jaskier." Geralt's eyes rolled heavy but he rolled along with them, bringing himself to her emptied pack. There it was that jar inside a jar.  
"Geralt you don't-"  
"Let me?"  
"You always say let." It seemed all of Geralt's odd verbal quirks were on display.  
"I always ask. Will always ask. You owe me nothing Anima, I have not bought your time. Let me?" Those words had hit sweeter than they should have. He shouldn't have seen her eyes get so wide and fond over them, it shouldn't have been something that bore saying. But there were plenty of things that shouldn't have been that very much were, the mutants themselves depending on who you asked. He let her take them as kind. The top to the jar popped and Geralt let out a sharp puffed breath, it really was heavy in mint. "You won't be cold." This salve while it was aggressive on Geralt's nose, the way it felt was enjoyable, it tingled just shy of burned.  
"You're a walking furnace Geralt. I'm never cold when I'm with you."  
"Hmm." Maybe that shouldn't have been the case, maybe it was something in his blood that had him run hot but she didn't point that out and he didn't linger on it, just let it be. He was methodical, soft, slow, just touching, just allowed to touch, she had laid on her stomach and let him touch wherever his fingers took him, let him try to be tender and caring. The minty smell washed out tea leaves and dried fruit but in trading that out he was rewarded with little airy groans and moans. His touch didn't bruise, didn't break, last time he had been soft he had just remained mostly motionless, letting her take the reigns. He was _being_ soft, his softness was being _recieved_ , welcomed. It was a truly new feeling, nothing was new to witchers. He never thought he'd even be allowed to try. Even barmaids would have struggled not to laugh the big brooding witcher out of a brothel if he just gave into wanting just wistful wastes of time, the chance to be pliable instead of firm and relentless. A curiosity hit him, one that wasn't exactly soft.  
"Go on Geralt."  
"Huh?"  
"You want to see how warm it would be." It didn't take a great leap to figure where his mind had wandered to.  
"That's not-"  
"Soft can be . . .more than just slow and delicate. Soft can be interesting. . .layered."  
"I . . . How do you balance Anima? How are you more than one way at one time?" He did let the mixture slide against his own skin, let himself groan as the brisk burn took over his senses.  
"You let me. I want you to let yourself, feel safe to wobble a bit. You hold yourself back because you think you should, think it's what's expected of you, to just be absolute, all one way. All I expect from you is to be here . . . With me. Please."  
"Let me . . . Anima can you-" She knew what he wanted, she turned onto her back again, her eyes were soft, not desperately touch starved, just loving, they were patient.  
"Can't get loud Geralt." Her eyes glanced over at the bard who was dead to the world but wasn't actually deceased.  
"Not loud but . . . My name? Keep that on your lips?" He rolled into her deeply.  
"Oh." That mint mixture hit Anima. "That's certainly-" the sentence curled into a gasp.  
"You . . . It's alright?" His rhythm was steady and filling.  
"Geralt it's . . . I . . ." She was struggling for words and that stroked Geralt's ego slightly as her nails danced at the base of his neck. "Good. It's good Geralt." Her voice was hushed and heady. "You're . . . Just keep-"  
"Love you Anima." He let that phrase tumble out, soft ment kind, ment affectionate, he was trying, it sounded off. _'Wobbling is allowed.'_ He didn't have to be perfect, he just had to try.  
"Geralt I-"  
"Again." It was his favorite, his hips rolled with renewed confidence at the sound of his name, soft, yet less and less slow.  
"Geralt you-"  
"Anima wake up!" Geralt shook her with force, which quickly took her from the mood.  
"Geralt?!" She was confused, Geralt had been so concerned about soft but his fingers were digging into her shoulders as he shook her again. Something was loud, very loud, a cry, was it her? Was it here? It sounded far away.  
_'You can't leave me! I won't let you. I won't lose my favorite puppet!'_ Nehalenia boomed.  
"Anima let go of the fucking rabbit!" That didn't synch up, what was this nonsense about a rabbit?  
"Huh?!" The burning turned, she was on fire, her whole head seered.

"Anima enough." Her head was pulled against his chest, his pulse was slower than it could have been mid throw, it was paced higher than rest, but still slow enough to seem familiar, to call her home.  
"What happened? Did something happen? Did I do something?" Anima blinked the world back into view, there was an odd echo to the sounds of the night.  
"Anima? Your ears." Geralt reached out, thumbing at her bloody ear. "You did . . . I don't know what you did but . . . You did something." He grumbled as fresh blood pooled out. "How do you feel?"  
"Hurts." She didn't dance, her eardrums felt thoroughly burst. "Some times hurt isn't so bad though." Her smile should have surprised Geralt but it didn't, Anima always was tickled despite the pain when she made some sort of progress.  
_'Strong.'_ He frowned for a moment but let it crest into half a smile. It had worked. He had helped. In doing what? He still knew fuck all but she seemed pleased, more importantly she seemed alive, she hadn't gone anywhere he couldn't follow. "Hmm." He took her head and placed it against his lap, petting her hair. "Rest a bit. Alright? Enough for now?"  
"Didn't even get to hear the end of the memory." Her voice sounded loopy, like she had gone a round or two in a fighting ring. "I didn't kill may did I?"  
"Who the hell is may?" Geralt held his sleeve against her upturned ear. ' _Too much. Let her go too far.'_ She gave him a reason to slow, let him embrace soft, it was his turn now, he had to ground her, keeping her from pushing too hard.  
"The rabbit?"  
"Has a name. Great. You uh . . . I'll find her in the morning." He'd find _a_ rabbit, all rabbits looked the same. Anima had nearly killed it, practically squeezed the life out of it when her whole body had locked up. "Do not do this alone Anima. Promise me."  
"I accomplished something?" Her voice was still a bit scrambled.  
"I don't . . . " It was worse, than anytime before, he didn't think her body could bear it. "You did. Rest now."  
"You'll be here?"  
"I've got you. Will keep you safe. You're . . . I'm not collecting these things for my health Anima."  
"Not till after Oxenfurt." Anima heard the plead in his annoyed statement.  
"Thank you." He let his fist ball in her hair.  
"I love you too Geralt." She let her eyes close, just as before, just as always she trusted him to keep her safe, trusted him to be rough and resilient but caring the best way he knew how.  
_'I can do it. Take care of her. Be right, be better, more.'_ He still didn't understand it, soft and strong, hard and easy, these layers Anima kept talking about. To be confident one should have a singular mindset but Anima was so many things all at once and while her confidence didn't match that of a battle ready witcher's it was there. She was sure of her skills, sure of their relationship, sure of him. _'Wobbling is allowed. We'll be alright.'_ Geralt was a lot of things and confident beyond reason was occasionally one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had some trouble with this chapter and I'm sure it shows but perseverance got me . . . Somewhere kind of, hopefully.


	10. Smile for a moment

“You didn’t tell me Oxenfurt was still Redania!” Anima was pulling up her hood as more and more roads they passed were busy with redanian foot soldiers, she could take glamour again with no sickly side effects but some warning would have been appreciated. _‘I doubt Merigold’s going to reach out again any time soon. She thinks I’m being a brat.’_  
“Rediana’s not a town Anima. Thought you knew that.” Geralt was not petty often, but her jab at his geographical knowledge had not been forgotten.  
“It’s Redenian by colors alone Anima I assure you! This is a collective of open minded people! There’s no need to hide that sour face of yours.” Jaskier went to pull the back of her hood down but Anima scampered away.  
“Don’t!”  
“Anima really it’s ok. You’re safe here.” Jaskier was a bit surprised, Anima usually cared very little about getting gawks, yes Redania was notorious for going past gawks but this was a safe haven from those hateful superior lummoxes. “You believe me right?” There was still that concern, that Anima did nothing but tolerate the bard.  
“I believe you.” Anima sighed and pulled down her hood as a sign of good faith.  
“But?” There was an almost anguished look in her eyes.  
“Nothing.” She gave a heavy shrug, it was a matter of preference. “I much prefer being an atrocity to a spectacle.”  
“What’s that mean? They won’t hurt you Anima I will just as quick burn my beloved academy along with my degree in the seven liberal arts to the ground if someone so much as lays a hand on you.”  
“That’s saying something, he loves that degree more than any man woman or succubus he’s bedded.” Geralt did not have enough fingers and toes to count the amount of times Jaskier had ‘casually’ wound that worthless piece of paper into conversation. “They’ll leave you be Anima. They know well enough not to prod at me.”  
“Yes. Yes we all glowingly recall how you cleared out the three bells with your eyes all back and murderous, covered in blood. You did that for show didn’t you Geralt?” Jaskier knew that the students that particular semester had not been giving the witcher the wide personal space he relished and he knew full well Geralt knowing how he looked could have bathed and rode out the potion in his room but had elected instead to be the boogeyman personified and stumble snarling into the bar.  
“Worked.” Geralt did not try to play that anything he did was not deliberate.  
“I don’t get it. You don’t like that people are scared of you. But when people . . . aren’t scared of you that enrages you just as much.” It was an odd but long accepted trait in Geralt but this was the first time Jaskier thought that Anima might be of similar mind.  
“They are still scared.” Anima shrugged. “Some people just like to be scared. Which is . . . fine.” It didn’t anger her, it annoyed slightly. That their mutations, their way of life was equal parts horrifying and entertaining, she doubted these open minds saw them anymore people than they would a unicorn.  
“Not these ones I-“  
“I’ll wait till I meet them before judging them so harshly? Fair?” Anima let out a heavy breath, she didn’t want to be as jaded and judgmental as she was but she knew the inclinations of most and she didn’t have any reason to suddenly start doubting her intuition. _‘Don’t get detatched. People can surprise you.’_ Geralt had faith in humanity, he had no reason to have allowed Jaskier to worm his way into his life but they were all better for it, because just as witchers, just as empaths, humans weren’t all cut from identical cloth. Anima had very little faith but little didn’t mean none, if her companions were trying as hard as they were for her to fight against omens, she could try just as hard for them.  
“That’s all I ask.” Jaskier frowned slightly but it was hard to stay glum as the pointed towers of oxenfurt came into focus. In the pit of his stomach there was pressure that hadn’t been there before. He had to make this worth the travel, they could have just as easily used this time to race to Aretuza, or at the very least dropped the bard off here and left, nothing was holding his friends here other than him and he wanted to pull his weight. “So first, Anima seeing as your Skelligan lore is a bit rusty, I figure we’d stop and meet up with an old professor of mine whose main focus is that of the Isles then-“  
“barbarian studies?” Anima saw the ghosted look on Jaskier’s face, that maybe her guess hadn’t been too far off.  
“She hold the Isles in very high regard Anima. Do not judge-“  
“That makes one of us.” Anima folded her arms behind her head. “I could give two shits Jaskier. It’s a series of islands and I was born on one. No love lost.”  
“Oh.” Jaskier nodded. “Try to seem a little more reverent?”  
“What does she want Jaskier? reverent or an isler? I can’t be both.” The bard’s face grew longer still. “I’m kidding.” She grabbed Jaskier by the shoulders. “We will have a wonderful time. I will even get Geralt to smile. You have my word!” She gave said shoulders a shake. “What else does this place have? Geralt told me that this place might have jams I never heard of? That’s an enticing claim.” Her grin grew wider and wider, smiles worked on all humans, the bard was no exception. He began making grand plans, each one included visiting a dear friend or a wise professor, people, all his plans included people.  
“Jaskier let me in to the library?” Geralt didn’t want yet another meet and greet, he had been here, done that.  
“I . . . They know you well enough Geralt. They’ll likely let you in. Don’t you want to rest a bit first?”  
“No.” It seemed every time the witcher ‘rested’ things got worse. He wanted to keep working, keep moving, it was what made sense. “And I don’t want to smooth talk the record keeper. That’s much more to your skill set.”

"I acquiesce to your whims too often witcher." Jaskier's imaginary day planner was already full and dusty tomes were pretty low on the list.  
"Hmm." The first two years of Jaskier following Geralt had been one acquiesition after another but who was counting. "Yes or no bard?"  
"If I say no?"  
"Oxenfurt windows haven't gotten any higher over the years have they?"  
"You . . . Fine." Jaskier squinted harshly, he knew well enough that Geralt had dug his heels in, the witcher would break into the more or less free to use library simply out of principle. "Anima can you tell Stejepan at the alchamey that we've arived?"  
"Sure that will go over well." Anima shrugged.  
"What is _with_ all this cynicism?! Have you two been saving it for this exact moment?" They were pessimistic always but this seemed to be a new sharp sided low standard.  
"We're in your world now Jaskier. A place we don't belong . . . Ever think we worry how our . . . Us ness will reflect on you?" Anima figured this was a conversation they were having, Geralt and Anima were confident people, when it came to what they did, what they knew, here held far less of that then most other points on a map. "We leave, never come back who cares. World spins. This is your home . . . Your people . . . What if we ruin home for you?" This wasn't some random town, not some back water village or even some high Court they've stumbled into. This was Kaer Morhen, this was Thom's Inn, here mattered here was home, and here was full of people that didn't have to accept the mutants and as of yet had no need for them. It wasn't a handful of wolves or a group of outcasts and drunks, these were 'Open minded free thinkers' it was unpredictable with room for error and none of the trio were at their peak confidence.  
"I . . . All will be well. Here will . . . Do us all wonders I promise." Jaskier placed a hand on Geralt's shoulder. "I will make here welcome you just I have the rest of the continent." His chin upturned, this was his skill, his ability, his friends had grown comfortable in the shadows and the world didn't seem to disagree in their placement but Jaskier was loud, brite and incourgable he would drag them from the shadows, illuminate the world to the treasure they've pushed aside, the wolrd would see through the poets eyes weather they wanted to or not.  
"I don't wish to be welcomed." Geralt got off Roach as the gates came into view. "I will never be comfortable here." Just like the bard himself Oxenfurt was an assault on the senses, eyes, ears, nose and tongue. Just like the bard it was a mix so over the top, so opulent and unashamed that it somehow went full circle and became charm. "Yet Roach prefers these stables over all others and she has a more decerning taste than me. Can't be all bad." He could ask for soft on Anima's behalf, ask for cultured comfort on behalf of Roach, that made sense. "Wouldn't have known that if you didn't constantly drag me here. . . Suppose I can thank you for that." He was learning to thank his bard outright.

"Anima?" Jaskier had lost Geralt's attention as soon as he was let loose on the library. The bard had made a short round making polite and one less polite but more fufiling greeting before figuring it was time to properly get comfortable. He was not expecting Anima with all of their worldly possessions, hogging a whole table at the inn. "Just uh . . . Taking in the character of the building?"  
"Something like that." He was glad she'd at least relaxed enough to enjoy some jam and bread. "Aparently I'm not the first one to say I know the great bard Jaskier." She paused for a pleased bite. "Not the first one today . . . Unsolicited additional fact, don't even have the rear to make a man forget you other 'friends.' Anima's tone was annoyed but her smile was amused it was difficult to tell to which side she leaned.

 _'How does Geralt of all people. . . Get her?'_ Geralt was a man with three smiles, his rare genuine grin, the one meant simply to bear teeth and the one he used when he figured a smile would be polite. Anima had as many smiles as Jaskier had admirers, the bard knew smiles, knew how to pull them from the most miserable crowds but Anima's smiles were something different something quasi unnatural. ' _He does have a knack for that.'_  
"Do I have jam on my face?" Natural or not they were bountiful and infectious. He gave her a sorry look as she licked at the corners of her lips before finally laughing outright.  
"Stjepan? How could you say no to this sweet sticky mess of a woman?" Jaskier turned to the Inn owner.  
"Jaskier? So you do know em? You really are liberal. Even odd flavors can hit the spot every once in a while I suppose." The Inn owner gave another side glance to the empath.  
"Ah! I am allergic to this particular flavor. Catch a case of death if I start sticking fingers where they don't belong." Last thing Jaskier needed was that sort of gossip to find it's way to the library.  
"So subtle . . . What could you _ever_ be talking about?" Anima blinked purposfuly before resuming her snack.  
"Right. Respect, welcome, humans aren't scum, sorry. Stejpan apologize-"  
"Let me and May the second wait for you. All I asked, all I got, all is good." Anima dusted some crumbs from her hands. "Get us a room or two prolific poet?" Anima's voice had lost it's earlier annoyance, she had been sweating the bard.  
"Yes but no naps we have a busy . . . The second? Geralt said he spent half a day finding the 'same fucking hare'" He remembered just what mood that had left the witcher in.  
"He thought I wouldn't notice the difference." Anima shrugged. It was equally possible Geralt had worked himself dizy looking for the same rabit and had convinced himself he had done so.  
"And what obscure useless skill gave you the ability to literally split hares?" Jaskier was waiting for some catch all magic response.  
"May the first bit." Anima wiggled her fingers that were somewhat thankful for the change.

"Are you the witcher?"  
 _'Some if you ignore them just go away.'_ It had worked on the last two curious children that had stones to approach the witcher raking through random books.  
"The friend of Master Julian?"  
"Do I look like a man in want for friends?" He didn't look up from the page. ' _Got to go back further.'_ He slammed another fruitless search shut.  
"You . . . Are you friends with the empath?"  
"She doesn't speak to the dead and she can't make you fall in love." Geralt didn't growl, wasn't worried, these were just nosy kids, no real concern.  
"Emotions don't talk." Those words finally got Geralt's attention and he peered up for a moment but he remained silent.  
 _'His left eye . . . It's like Anima's.'_ Only his left because the boy was missing it's match.  
"There a price on her?" The silence grew longer. "Or is she paying you to take her there? How much did she . . ."  
"She travels free. Where do you think she'd pay to go?" Blinking some strain out of his eyes Geralt opened another book.  
"South." The boy was nervously vague. "They treat us well down there. High demand for our skills."  
"She's not like you." He didn't know this person, had no feelings one way or another but they weren't Anima, no one was.  
"Well if she can't make someone feel love then no . . . She must not be very good at her-"  
"Seeing as you refuse to let me read in peace can I ask you a question? A personal one?"  
"Will you take me south?"  
"No." Geralt had meant it, he was not a man in need of more friends.  
"I'll pay you. I . . . It's my life's savings but it's to save my life . . . That's the only place where we're really safe. Poachers are coming for us."  
"Answered my question." He had been planning to ask what had caused the young man to lose an eye, yes this was still more or less a child he was speaking to, but this child wasn't disillusioned by the oxenfurt free spirit attitude, this child had seen parts of the world that didn't care the merit of your spirt, parts that wanted anything and everything for their greater good. "They tried to take it from you. The glass. Thought it was in your blood not-"  
"The Sorceresses know that. The thugs they sent out to retrieve it aren't so knowledgeable. Please it's a matter of life or death!"  
"Sorceresses? Where from? What do they want with it?" Geralt's eyes still looked more or less uninterested but these books were bringing him little answers and a big headache, he could break to speak for a moment.  
"I will tell you all these things and more if you simply . . . The edges of the kingdom that's all I ask."  
"That's all? Just half way cross the continent?"  
"Your friend would benefit from going there. She'd be safe."  
"Can't lie getting real tired of people telling me where _I_ should go. Where _I_ need to take her." Geralt started feeling a vaugely familiar tug at his chest. "I wouldn't." He could see the pain on the empath's face. "Ever attatch to a witcher?"  
"Agk." They were grabbing at their chest. It was affecting this boy much faster than it did Anima or even Spider.

 _'Less glass more hurt.'_ There was an inhuman gasp that really made them the center of the library's attention. "Take that as a no." Geralt stood with urgency that he wasn't sure was manipulated or genuine but either way he caught the man before he could fall. "Fuck."

"It's spring so maybe Robin's egg?" The look of introspective thought on this seamstress' face, staring deep into Anima's soul was unnerving.  
"Sure." Anima gave a smile and a nod. She had said sure to the last six shades of blue and yet here Anima stood still no closer to what Jaskier had promised his dear friend could whip up in a snap.  
"Darling I'm going to need a more passionate response. I can't make something to take your lover's breath away if you're hardly going to open your mouth."  
"Sorry." Anima nodded again. "It's hard to get passionate about a tunic. I'll try-"  
"A tunic? Why on all the gods do you think I would sully my needles making you a tunic?"  
"Because that's what I need? Blue . . . A blue tunic's all I-"  
"This trifle-"  
"Triquetra." Anima bothered despite herself.  
"Whatever. It's meant to say that he is stuck with your forever right?"  
"It's a good luck . . . More or less." Anima nodded again, this woman was a bit like Jaskier wanting to be acknowledged but still willing to go forth with their narrative regardless the feedback.  
"You don't want him doubting do you?"  
"Geralt's pretty sure of his decisions. This dog and pony show is half his-"  
"I've heard all of Julian's ballads truly heroic, truly tragic, gore, grease the lot."  
"He's a very talented story teller." Another nod.  
"I'm sure there's an animal magnetism to it. Part of your appeal to him is . . . This." A hand waved over Anima's eyes, then to the all around generalness of her. "That you slot well with the stories. But dressing down will get you the side kick when you want to be the leading lady."  
"I . . . Uh . . . Geralt hasn't said anything about the way I dress. He likes tunics. Honestly he likes his tunics . . ."  
"Hasn't said anything because there's nothing to say. Practical is great for the everyday, for the average. I don't intend to start you on a corsetting regiment even if your hips could use it."  
"But?" All Anima really could do was nod.  
"This is about you being his woman. Remind him that you are _a_ woman. Give him something to remember on nights that he might want to forget you. Put some effort in it for him. I'm sure he'll shave and wear matching socks and-"  
"You are very convincing Ophi." Anima didn't nod but gave a more warm smile. "And if I had the coin to spend on a dress that would both entice and enrage Geralt with the amount of tassels and ties I'm sure you're dreaming about I would, but a one day dress is not within my budget. A blue tunic is, you can put lace on it. I like lace, I'll splurge on-"  
"This is a moment." Anima had been allowed to talk for far too long it was bound to come to an end.  
"A moment?" This did not bode well for Anima getting her tunic.  
"Do you know how many designers pine for moments?"  
"I'm gonna shoot for a lot?"  
"Every designer wants a moment. Let me have this? I want you to tell me all about you and your witcher, everything that makes you _them_ and I want you to trust me to make a garment that encapsulates that. People will think of the two of you and think of how I made you look that day."  
"Uh . . ." Anima liked giving people what they wanted and this was a harmless, likely gawdy one, she knew whatever Ophi made wasn't going to take Geralt's breath away but where was the harm in trying. "How long do you figure . . . A moment dress will take to make?" Anima was no seamstress but she figured longer than it would take for Geralt to find a blue tunic somewhere.  
"You can't rush art." There was a small smack to the back of Anima's head.  
"But if you could? You said you wanted to make something that's us. We are always in a rush." She was glad that didn't result in another smack.  
"You and I will brainstorm this afternoon . . . Then two days."  
"Two days?" Anima thought for a second, because she knew two days meant four being generous, artists were never on time. ' _Something will come up that will keep us here a week at least.'_ Some witcher's work always found it's way to Geralt if he staid in one place too long _. 'If it doesn't Jaskier will invent one.'_ She had already heard Jaskier sowing seeds of things happening the following week it'd be a travesty if they weren't here to see. "I can do that Ophi."  
"Grand." Ophi looked so pleased it was utterly alarming. "So you say your witcher-"  
"Can you call him Geralt."  
"Surely. Geralt, he doesn't like tassels or ties?"  
"I mean he doesn't have a vendetta against them. Just the dress I wore to Jaskier's birthday party seemed to rub him the-"  
"Tell me everything about that dress and everything he said about it."  
"He didn't like it."  
"What else?"  
"That's all he said. Geralt is not one to speak volumes."  
"Hmmm. OK. A minimalist then? I can appreciate that. Yet you like lace. Quite the dichotomy." Anima wasn't quite sure why that was so appealing but if Ophi's mad sketching had anything to say about it, there most certainly was something.  
"There doesn't have to be lace. It just has to be blue."  
"Darling?"  
"Yes I like lace." Anima felt tension building between her eyes.  
"Your opinions on fur? Spring is a smart season. You can toy will the best of winter and summer." This was how and why Anima would waste away and die.

"Geralt was it? You said the woman's name was Anima? Neither one of those names hail from the Isles." A new woman entered the room alongside Jaskier she was salty and wrinkled and just had a neutralizing demeanor cutting all free flowing 'art and spirit' from the air.  
"Geralt is . . . Rivian . . . More or less." Jaskier shrugged. "Anima is . . . She was born on the isles but spent most of her time in Lyria."  
"Ah. Trying to reclaim your roots?" This woman stood nose to nose with Anima.  
"Roots are better left in the dirt . . . Did you just leave battle? I . . . That's gotta be heavy. That's full Undvik aromor." Anima could now understand why Jaskier took clothing so seriously, it really did mean one's identity here, from the pixies to the battle axes what you wore was who you were. It didn't make the pounds of clearly ornamental armor weighing on this woman seem any less ridiculous to Anima, but it was ridiculous logic and that seemed to be Oxenfurt's school motto. "The barbarian lecturer I assume?"  
"Studies in Skelligan arts and customs."  
"Must be a short class." Anima muttered only half under her breath.  
"Do you have so little respect for where you come from?"  
"You have no idea how little." Anima let out a big breath and gave a half twisted smile. ' _Do better. Try hard. Jaskier tries hard for you. Ophi hardly knows you and she wants you to have some Cinderella moment.'_ Energy renewed she started over. "Respect is person to person though. I haven't shown you any. Anima." She held out a hand.  
"What are you?"  
"Anima. I just said." The question was plain, straight forward but if this place was going to make her squirm, she'd twist them right back. She was beginning to think this woman used her 'Skelligan' way as just a free pass to be rude.  
"Not human."  
"No. Suppose I'm not, an empath."  
"A skelligan empath? Julian this woman is pulling your leg." Armor creaked and folded as arms crossed.  
"No she's-"  
"What's your name?" Anima didn't mind being called a liar, she was from time to time, but she did hate a hypocrite.  
"Unyis of-"  
"You from Skellige? Originally?" Anima didn't have ears like Geralt but this accent felt a bit off from the one she had pried out of her own lips.  
"I-"  
"Then we make two halves of a whole." Anima smiled bright again. "I'm from but can't be bothered. You're not and bother a great deal. I don't know what Jaskier told you but I just want . . ." Honestly she wanted to back to the Alchamey and drink but she had promised to be less sour on this place so she was trying.  
"Will you allow my students to take part in your triquetra."  
"Sounds an awful lot like a party Jaskier." Anima would indulge but she knew there was only so much her witcher would endure.  
"It is bringing cultures together. Maybe these Cintran babes won't look down at those from the isles if they see they have customs not far off from their own."  
"I . . ." Anima doubted it, witchers had traditions, elves wed and had babies, what compassion did that get them. They were a hop a way from a king that would flay her kind for breathing and how she was brought up would not spare her. Humans thought they knew best, and everything dissimilar was a threat, a blemish on their God given claim to the soil, what would holding hands and speaking wistfully of childhood memories do.  
"Anima I know that look." Jaskier had misjudged, he had thought Unyis would show Anima that there was diversity here but now he could see she was taking this as a mockery. "Unyis Anima and Geralt aren't exactly one's for-"  
"Jaskier is in charge of attendance. If he says your students can go they can. Jaskier knows exactly where our threshold for companionship lies right?" Anima grinned again.  
"I . . . Yes." Jaskier had a determination in his grin. Anima didn't like humanity, she liked humans, some more than others but humanity always left her sour. Anima was trusting Jaskier, trusting her friend, that he cared enough about her and Geralt to make it a moment not a mockery. "I want to see their transcripts, their most recent thesis and what they would intend to wear." Jaskier was walking to the door with a purpose.  
"Nothing blue. Nothing with lace." Olphi snapped.  
"There's no lace at a triquetra." Unyis gave a dismissive glare at the fashion forward woman. It was true lace was not a fabric formed in Skellige, Anima only fancied it because Thill had looked quite lovely on her day in it. Lace made her think of Lyria, think of home.  
"She wants lace." Olphi stamped her foot.  
"It just has to be bl-" Anima was near tears as this circled around again.  
"If she wants lace. She'll have lace Unyis this isn't your long lost cousin's triquetra." Jaskier added.  
"Wait you're wearing blue?" Unyis laughed which up till this point no one in the room was likely to believe was possible.  
"What is that a . . . Virgin thing? Great! It doesn't even have to be fucking-"  
"It's the dominant member of the relationship. Man or woman."  
"Huh." Jaskier looked at Anima with the biggest most curious anticipatory look imaginable, boundless amusement in his voice as he spoke. "So who wears blue?"

"Geralt?" Anima was as relieved as she was shocked for the door to be kicked open.  
"This idiot's heart is going to give out." Geralt still didn't know if the concern he was feeling was genuine or not but he figured even the part removed from emotion wouldn't want to be the reason this youngster died.  
"Uh . . . Is it poision?" Anima frowned. ' _It's nearly always poision.'_  
"For once no. He . . . Has my pulse and it's doing him no favors."  
"I leave you alone for three hours and you find a new empath." Anima watched as the boy was gingerly placed down on the floor. It was a quick fluid motion, she didn't linger, dipping in the white just long enough to remove the tether, yet still she was there.  
' _This is what you do with your freedom? Your power? Dress up like a doll for the amusement of others? I grow weary of you Anima, I grow bored. You had promise. Show me that you deserve any longer life than you're destined for.'_ Anima shook her head and blinked back the world.  
"Anima?" Geralt felt his heart slowing but he couldn't focus on that, he had to make sure it was her.  
"You alright?"  
"I'm . . . I'll be alright." The boy in her lap's eye started to blink and focus.  
"Wasn't asking you." Anima was looking up at Geralt, her head still tossing back sounds of the void.  
"Empaths have no sense of personal space." Geralt found himself a decent corner to growl from.  
"That we do not." Anima nodded. "You." She placed a finger on the boy's nose. "Here's a lesson, no tuition needed. Do not attach to witchers. They don't like it, your hearbeat doesn't like it. I don't like it." Anima waited for a nod of acknowledgement but none came.  
"You're different." He just kept staring at her.  
"Darling you're not the most ordinary-" Ophi started.  
"No. Different than average empaths."  
"Gonna redirect you to Ophri's correct assessment. Just cause you got one less does not mean you're any less different than I."  
"What's your name?"  
"Anima." She watched the boy's eye grow large. "What? Hear stories of the one that got away?"  
"The Skelligan Animal. You crippled spider."  
"I did." Geralt was out of the corner. "I'll cripple you too if you call her that again."  
"You're full of it! They must be hounding you! The witcher can't protect you forever. The sorceresses of Aretuza and their lackies are coming for every last flek. What they did to me they'll ring you dry! Convince him to take us to Nilfgard!" The boy stood staring frantically between the pair.  
"Nilfgard?" Anima looked over at Geralt confused.  
"I can't keep up with it." Geralt shrugged.  
"There's a lot of us there. A sanctuary for us. Rumor is they'll need us one day but not today. We can live there safe of persecution under their protection till then."  
"What do the Sorceresses want with the glass?"  
"The era of the wolf's blizzard. The time of the white chill and the white light is-"  
"No. I don't have time for that nursery rhyme again." Anima rolled her eyes, shoving down any due concern it caused. "You said you know for a fact there are empaths from the mannor living in Niflgard? A collective?"  
"Yes." The boy was nodding feverishly, hoping finally someone understood.  
"Anima that sounds too good to be true." Jaskier warned.  
"Good? Sounds like hell. Geralt I'm not going to Nilfgard." Her stare was resolute, she had escaped the manor once, she was not itching for a reunion.  
"You don't have to." Geralt was in a simmering stage of anger. _'Where? Where is safe? I need to keep her safe.'_ The world was getting smaller and they were running out of places to go. "I won't make you go to Aretuza either. I don't believe Merigold knowingly would put you in danger but . . . That place is tricky, that greater good really muddied the water."  
"If they have a use for it. I want to know what it is. What they aim to do. If they're trying to bring her back. That means we we're on the right track. They have to know more about her than I do. If they think she'll listen to them they're either more powerful than the gods themselves or absolutely insane. They're our sort of people."  
 _'This. This is my girl. My favorite.'_ Nehalenia was thumping in time with Anima's vigor.  
"Anima you want me to turn you over to them? If they get their hands on you-" it was his hands, one on each arm, just holding her, if he had her no one could touch her, no one could take her.  
"We're finally for once in this fucking game a step ahead Geralt!" Anima's eyes were dark as they were white. "We finally know something they believe we don't. I say we use that to our advantage."  
"I . . . Anima that's not a gamble I'm willing to take." He just wanted answers, just wanted to fix this but every well he found was spitfuly dry. "If they kill you. I-" it was crackling, the tides were turning, this was a moment.  
"You don't run Geralt."  
"No. but you also don't stay. I . . . Need you to stay. Every time you go . . . I'm less sure you'll come back."  
"Geralt?"  
"Hmm." Words, he needed words, he needed a plan, he needed to fix this.  
"We can't run, we can't stay, if we do nothing it's just a matter of time, either they'll pick all other empaths off till they finally get to me." She nodded over at the boy who had barely gotten away. "Or more likely she'll get to me. My only option is to fight, and I can't fight what I don't know. Going to Aretuza is the only thing that makes sense."  
"You're scared." She was talking a big talk, but her voice shook, the hair on her arms rose. He let his forehead rest on hers. A hand trailed down to her wrist, thumb riding along her pulse, it was the only soothing gesture he had.  
"I'm scared." She nodded softly.  
"So long as you fear death. We haven't lost." These words were his but they seemed traitorous, filled with false hubris. "So what all I have to do is take you there? Then kill a few dozen mages?"  
"You just have to take me there, and trust that I'll come back."  
"No." His feet planted wide, his shoulders turned in around her, he was a wall that would not move, not for anything.  
"No? Then what Geralt? What is your plan?"  
"You have something they want, that means you make the rules."  
"Ok?"  
"Rule one. Together. We come together, leave together."  
"And if they say no?"  
"Then I kill a few dozen mages. I will not leave that place without you. If that means I don't leave-"  
"No. No. None of that bullshit. Martyrs for the world not for each other. You are not going out in some blaze of glory here Geralt. That story is tacky overdone and I simply refuse to write it!" Jaskier butted in.  
"So what do you suggest bard? I will not back down on this front. I am the only reason she's in danger right now-"  
"You're also the only reason she's living right now! Yes she could be in Lyria plowing the clergymen for coin. What life is that?"  
"Jaskier is right." Anima was smiling, this moment didn't call for smiles she of all people had to know that. "What's something the three of us do almost as well as fight and fuck?"  
"Anima I know you don't think I can protect you. I know I've failed you before but I won't be a bystander. You're . . . Won't let them take you from me. Won't let anyone take you from me." His face was etched in a hardened snarl, his words were dark, his fingernails digging but it sounded to her just as he meant it. _'Please. Everything that's ever been mine has been stripped from me. Not you too. . . Not the way you say my name. I'm here. Stay.'_  
"Lean our lore to our liking."  
"Huh?"  
"I've always been a commodity Geralt, my whole life, in flesh blood or focus. I know how to play hard to get. Rule number two their bid has to be better than Nilfgard's or we don't pass the gate."  
"You are not a thing Anima. You are not Replaceable, something to be bought and sold." He thought of her shitty map clipped up in some merchant's booth as he leaned himself further into her, if his rib cage could open up and sheltered her he'd have welcomed it. His breath was hard, he was hurting in a way his mutations wouldn't heal, he had changed for her and it hurt. And yet he knew he couldn't rest, if he rested he lost. He'd lose her and he was not willing to allow for that.  
"They don't know that." She leaned her face up to his. "You do." She kissed him, a reminder she was a woman, she was a woman that intended to stay with him, that loved him, loved the man that he was hurt and all.  
"If I smell your blood Anima I will not ask questions, I will not knock on doors. I will find you. There will be retribution." This was a threat, sure as any he'd ever made, he kissed her back, it was a promise, she would not be left in Aretuza.  
"A fine rule number three." She still had a smile, she was rarely lacking of those.  
"So . . . They both wear blue? I don't see a clear winner here." Ophi had no idea what was going on but this was a moment not to die but to live for.


	11. Talents and tastes

"You need to leave!" Ophi stated with authority. Geralt hadn't meant it, not entirely, it just came out, this growl wasn't leaning towards possesive, it was. He heard he had to go, had to let go of Anima and the hold that was keeping time itself at bay, he didn't lay ownership to her, he had just stated she was no object, but this space, this spot, that was the only place he could confidently state he had her safe, it'd be pried from his cold dead hands. His shoulders curved in further. He felt Anima's head at his chest, she was nuzzling, listening, that calmed him ever so slightly, she was still here, still felt confident comfort, here against him of all things, of all people. That jostled him anew as it did when he forgot how bizarre that was from time to time. _'She makes me forget. Makes it look easy. Right.'_ The way Geralt made a griffon hunt look more art than ability, Anima made feeling at home, feeling loved, made it seem natural, effortless, all the best feelings, all just for him, because that was her strength, because she was strong for him.  
"Why?" When his blood cooled enough he muscled out the word,  
"Because she and I are planning her dress and it's to be a surprise."  
"Dress?" Geralt's blinks had been coming sparingly, this brought them to a complete stop.  
"Doesn't have to be a surprise Ophi, just has to be blue." Anima hadn't moved from her spot, speaking right into Geralt's chest.  
"It doesn't? I thought-"  
"Not a wedding Ophi." Anima reminded, again.  
"The triquetra." Everyone could forgive Geralt for forgetting about it completely. He had a lot on his mind, he had to carry a half dead empath through crowds of drunk youths, just to be be pigeonheld into an impending stand off between half the sorceresses in the northern kingdoms, powers from the south nordlings, human and non human alike kept distance from and the woman who aimed to keep him, he had a lot on his plate.  
"Ophi in light of new developments we more than likely won't be stay-" Jaskier started, even he knew that their attempt at the trivial had to be scraped, his visit home cut short.  
"Nope. This isn't mountain the sequel. Geralt said we were doing it, has went and collected all the stupid necessary knicknacks, he said we're going to do it and we are." Anima looked up at him asking, Geralt's brow furrowed. He knew she was saying this for him, she didn't care much more for Skelligan tradition or superstition than she had the day before but it was a goal. An easy goal, that he could accomplish after saying he would, she was trying to offer it to him, ask it of him, give him what he wanted.  
"Anima we don't have to. We can go." Time, he either had too much or not nearly enough, never just right. Nothing about them was ever just right. "I'm sorry." He could fix a lot, he wasn't so boastful he thought he could fix time.  
"Does the idea no longer interest you?" This was new, and Geralt's unblinking eyes grew wide, lost a fraction of the lingering venom. This was merely rhetorical, nowhere in her voice did he hear worry of being left, no concern that he should move on and wash his hands of her, the paradox was gone. She believed him, trusted that his love for her was not only for fair weather.  
"My thoughts on you haven't changed." He didn't say it as if he was chasing her, as if he had failed her, his voice was warm and thick, confident, sure, the way a witcher should be, the way he missed being. He felt a vigor regenerate in his blood, he felt fit and focused on what he was best at, the long fight.  
"So?" It was a smile usually reserved for bedrolls, battles and bottoms of stout glasses, it was confident and coy.  
"My reading was interupted." He gave a half rational reason to linger. ' _Make an effort not an excuse.'_ Another old lesson dusted from cobwebs in his head.  
"Perhaps your new friend could help you out with that." She finally pulled away, Geralt's fists clenched at the loss, but allowed her to retreat. "I did not catch your name?" She stared up and down the boy Geralt had dragged in.  
"Lemming." Just as all mutants from the manor, he had been given some animal moniker. "People call me Lemmy." He'd say friends, but empaths didn't have friends they had employers and suckers.  
"Lemming I'm going to ask you some questions and I want just yes or no answers alright?" Her smile was still confident but her tone was reserved, pulled back, she was working.  
"Yes." He was still antsy and fatigued from holding Geralt, not to mention lacking many options other than to comply.  
"You studied at the Manor?"  
"Yes."  
"All the way through? Sent out on the world?"  
"Yes?"  
"Do you still answer to them?"  
"Yes and No."  
"Do you remember them telling you anything about Nehalenia?" Anima had left, had forgotten nearly everything she had learned over years, making it up as she went along. Maybe this boy still had some of that knowledge she threw away so resentfuly.  
"Yes she-" A hand was clasped over his mouth.  
"Aw. And you were doing so well for me." She peered away for a second, a bit surprised by the grumble that got from Geralt. "Yes or No ok?" She waited for him to nod and removed her hand. "Good. Will you help me? Go with Geralt. Tell him everything you know. Everything about empaths, Nehalenia? Help him find some information in the library?"  
"No." The boy had asked Geralt questions, asked for aid, offered payment only to be denied, the power was now in his hands. Anima did not seem surprised nor deterred. _'What does he want? That I can give him?_ ' Geralt was right empaths were difficult. "You said it yourself. I'm full of the stuff. You're less of a get . . . A forgettable little lemming by comparison. The longer they're on my trail, and just ask Geralt or Jaskier I am a magnet for trouble."  
"Hmm." Geralt didn't share in the amused grin .  
"She very much is. A true hog of center stage. She has been poisoned twice, kidnapped . . . Twice, bitten by a vampire . . . Twice. She does all dramtics in duets. Really Anima more trouble than you're worth, though I suppose someone wants you." Jaskier tried to be supportive of whatever angle Anima was coming from, he almost too easily sold her as a distress beacon. Again Geralt growled, his teeth clenched, he was not fond of this trip down memory lane but he understood that this was not hashing up the unsavory without purpose. She was getting him a step closer to what he needed, just some fucking clue of what they were dealing with.

 _'I'd really rather not beat it out of him.'_ That was an option but not an ideal and Geralt trusted Anima to be more persuasive than anyone alive.  
"With the target on me, the more likely you'll get wherever you want to be without anyone the wiser. Does that make sense?" Anima had the gift of questions on her side. The gift of knowing what empaths thrived on, balance and blending, the manor bred minds that were all about consistancy and self preservation. _'What can I make you want to do for me?'_ It was not a nobel mantea, but it also gave zero care for greater goods.  
"Yes." She wasn't pretending to care about him, didn't call him what 'people' did, calculative empath to calculative empath.  
"Let me take the risk. Reep the reward Lemming. All I ask is that you tell Geralt, and only Geralt all you know. Will you do that?" She watched him weigh her words. "This is what you all shout at me over?" She felt the empath attached to her, it was nothing like the biting latch spider had sunk into her.  
"You . . . Feel . . . All that?" He said it half sad half disgusted. "Why? Such a waste of energy. You could be truly strong if you just focused your energy on what . . ."  
"Makes sense? Isn't useless? Yeah I tried." Anima nodded. "But I made a choice." Anima sounded equally sad and disgusted, it had not been an easy choice, not a natural one.  
"A choice?"  
"Feel organically, better or worse, all of it. Even if it's a weakness."  
"It isn't." Geralt finally spoke up.  
"What . . . What is that?" The boy grabbed at his chest again.  
"Let go you moron." The witcher refused to catch him a second time.  
"Is that . . . It can't be . . . She isn't-"  
"Trust me you . . ." Anima remained calm, aloof, teetering towards annoyed but she could feel her, hear her, it had lost it's shock but it still had it's volume.  
 _'You're trying to outsmart me Anima? With these fools? Dead in the water. But interesting.'_ Nehalenia was less of a threat when she was entertained, Anima was slowly getting used to holding dual occupancy in her mind.  
"You don't want to meet her. I'd. . ." Anima went and removed the tether herself, this boy felt of fear, of flight, yet this boy was filled with the will to live. She had assumed right. "Watch where you stick that thing." She rolled her neck as her head settled. "Now if that doesn't hold their attention I don't know what will. Trust that I'm a horse worth betting on?"  
"No." Who would want to bet on a woman who was undertrained, overpowered and hearing voices? But Anima dug a bit deeper, the right question finally came.  
"Trust I'm the only horse offering a ride out of town?" She didn't have to be the best choice, she was the only choice, she watched as he came to grips with that.  
"Yes."  
"Fantastic!" Anima spun on her heels and returned to Geralt, taking two big fist fulls of his shoulders. "Whatever he tells you. Keep to yourself until I ask? Please." The light peck that followed was more akin to her asking him to pick her something for lunch.  
 _'Mid stride.'_ Anima was light, endlessly light, but gods if her plans didn't always require a whole mass of dark. _'We know something they think we don't. Running trend. She doesn't want Nehalenia to know what I know.'_ He leaned her into a proud kiss. She was really trying, finally fighting with him not around him. "Fair." He for the first time in a while was letting hope bubble up inside him. "Can the library wait till tomorrow?" He wanted to show how proud he was, wanted to thank her for staying, show how he was a horse worth betting on as well. On a lighter note he wanted to show her Oxenfurt was full of flights of fancy, not just stables preferred by smart mares. He had realized years ago they had beds that fit a witcher wonderfully, probably meant for exploring orgies of the student body but point was they were roomier than those of your average Inn, he could be best for her. ' _Just . . . Good to her, no ties no teases. She deserves-'_

And maybe this growl sounded suspiciously like a groan and maybe it was heard by others in the crowded room, one thing was for certain Unyis did not approve. "Are you two not abstaining?"  
"What?!" Jaskier choked on a laugh. Geralt finally found his blinks again.  
"It means to willingly go without sex Jaskier." Anima laughed too.  
"I know what it means." The bard did not like even the tease that his vernacular had gaps.  
" _Do_ you?" Geralt joined in the rib, going as far to chuckle. Oxenfurt had that going for it, change, moments didn't linger and grow stale, there could be room to breathe, room to laugh.  
"So I'm to assume you haven't?" Unyis let out a nasaly sigh. "No effort. You've put no effort in this! No wonder the gods slight you. Why do you have such disregard for culture? Does your cunt drive your head?" Ulyis scowled harder.  
 _'Does she want to test that show armor?'_ Geralt knew vulgarity just for the rise, he lived with the bard for a decade, but this still bristled.  
"Unyis." Ophi grew red at the crudeness, she had all this time been sketching, if she wanted inspiration, passion, she had found it, seen it play out in front of her.  
"I'm not some lust driven beast. . . But have you seen Geralt? Why would I abstain from him?" Anima's grin went from coy to cocky and it thumped right at Geralt's ego and straight through his blood, down from his scowl and rushed south from there.  
"Well you will. Won't you? Ideally you two shouldn't even be in the same room for a full week before-" Unyis seemed resolute here.  
"No. She sleeps in my bed." Geralt had hope, had confidence again, but he if he had any current luck it was bad and if he let Anima out of his sight for a week straight something bad would happen, a third poisoning if their history had any say. Neither of them slept well alone, he wanted that weight at his chest, he wanted to give her that hold that soothed the nightmares, he would not have her away from him if there was an option to have her close. Safety and companionship, no tradition was worth that, worth the very thing he would promise her at every turn in the road.  
"Will you two at the very least keep from rutting like dogs?"  
"I . . . Have you seen Geralt?" Anima smirked but got no amused acknowledgment. "Ophi how many days for this dress?"  
"Plus today? Two."  
 _'Four.'_ Anima's smile dropped. "I can. Jaskier will you help me with something?"  
"What sort of thing?" Jaskier also was a man with the will to live and as he saw Geralt's hands dig into Anima's hips, he worried. "Anima you know I am always one to lend a helping hand especially-"  
"Jaskier." Geralt's breath was hissing out. He had gone from lows to highs to lows again, the witcher's adrenaline was having a hard time evening out. He wanted her so much more now. They had gone without sex for far longer stretches, simply because swamps were not conducive for good leverage, some bad wound at Geralt's side had kept him from having a comfortable range of motion, or simply other things having precedence. But now, that there was something, more than that someone telling him no, he wanted her more, it almost hurt, practically burned, made the want worse and better. No tease was going to go over well.  
"Seeing as I'll have some free time. I'd like to send a letter to Thill and I . . ."  
"I will tell it better than you. You would leave all the romance and revalry out of it." Jaskier's brag quickly overrode what Anima would, but probably didn't want to admit. Anima read quite slow, she wrote even slower and at points even that ended with a frustrated abandonment, an empath, a whore, a wanderer, Anima never recieved a degree, not even a decent shake at formal learning.  
"Is there **anything** else we need to know about this increasingly frustrating event? Do we have to kill may?" Anima turned to Unyis.  
"The hare." Geralt clairifed. _'She likes hare . . . But she now likes that hare.'_ Geralt felt a bit guilty for possibly spoiling one of the few proteins she ate. Anima was not squeamish, she had cleaned and even killed a few hares when Geralt truly was indisposed but he had never had asked her to keep anything alive just to kill it. _'Can a girl live on just jam?'_  
"Well not in the last century but they used to bite into it's still-"  
"No." Geralt warned, knowing that image was not a step in the right direction.  
"Is that the only word the witcher knows?"  
"He knows a surprising cavalcade of words." In almost direct contrast Geralt was far more educated and wordly than he let on, he didn't feel the need to flaunt that feature. So long as a brute got paid equal to someone with brains it made no difference how his mental capacity was percived. It did however, bother the bard. Jaskier's friend was wise as he was wild and should be respected as such. "No is just his favorite." Jaskier both defended and poked at the witcher.  
"Hmm."  
"Well feel free to attend my lecture today. I will give a refresher on triquetras." Unyis finaly offered assistance instead of just pointed judgement. "My students would be more than willing to perform the Oczepiny."  
"Oczepiny?" Geralt was both frustrated and impressed by how many moving parts this ritual had. ' _More tedious it is, stronger it is.'_ That tended to be his experience with rituals and their like. And this couple needed all the good luck they could get. _'Waste of time but . . . Good.'_ All these hoops to jump through, all these tasks, even if the superstitions were baseless it would work as a decent cleansing he figured. Something to get them back to center and they would need to be in a clear state of mind for the battles to come.  
"Haircut. Transition from being a maiden to-" Anima started knowing exactly the response this would get, she felt Geralt's hand rooting in her hair, gripping at it protectively. All this pulling in and distancing was stoking the heat in the room.  
"It's fine." Geralt was searching for a way to say no without saying no, he liked her hair just as it was. The image of over eager students hacking at it sounded dreadful.  
"Unyis maidenhood is long since gone. Have you seen Geralt?" Anima got a few laughs this time.

"Are you all mad or stupid?" Lemming had been stewing this entire time, trying to make head or tales of the arrangement between the witcher and his fellow empath as well as how they just changed topics with such disregard for the clear threat. "The sorceresses? Death is on our door step? We don't have time for your little party! We should be disapearing!" He wasn't aware that any argument he had was long since old news.  
"Come on." Geralt's hand left Anima's hair and grabbed in Lemming's dirty blonde mop instead. "Before you get over eager and start feeling around in the bard." He started dragging. "You are not one of ours." Geralt was reminded that empaths were not fighters by nature. Anima's choice to stay, to live defiantly at their pace and fight was very much that, a choice. "Once you give me the information I'm after, head wherever you please, far and away from our door step and that which knocks there."

"Done and done!" Jaskier finished the letter to Thill. "We can have a Raven find her before the event so everyone will know to keep you in their thoughts." He smiled warmly at Anima who was angrily weaving something out of straw, he wasn't entirely sure Unyis hadn't just made up arbitrary tasks for Anima to take up to get 'closer with her culture.' And more importantly far and away from Geralt's cock.  
"What's wrong Jaskier?" Anima didn’t look up from her weaving, if she had to start over one more time she'd use this hay as a wick and burn the alchamey to the ground.  
"Wrong?" Jaskier touched his face to inspect for a frown. "Nothing's wrong. Well I'm a bit miffed I have to share a stage with Valdo tonight. I come here so scarcely, why take any minute of that from the youth who are in dire need of understanding what true poetry is. Make them suffer through such artificial art." Jaskier could feel himself getting side tracked. "Why do you ask?"  
"Because as you both somehow forget almost daily, I'm an empath, you're not fine and I know it."  
"Anima don't fall into bad habits. Just because that boy Lemming tethers without permission-"  
"No tether. I do just have a inherintly good read on moods day to day. I'd like to help Jaskier. What's bothering you?" The bard had her back when things in her world were going askew, she was eager to help him in anyway she could.  
"I . . ." The bard dusted the bed off and sat next to her. "Eskel said he'd be here."  
"He-"  
"I know he said he's try but have you ever seen Geralt say he'd _try_ something and then not follow through? Witcher's don't try, they dont dabble, they just fucking-"  
"Did you tell him _when_ we'd be here?" This was a question she already knew the answer to, _they_ hadn't even known when they would be here, they hardly knew when they'd be anywhere. "Or just hope destiny would bring your wolf to you?"  
"I see your point. Wolves detest destiny. I'm not angry with him. He's a man with obligations. I am not the sun his world revolves around. I'm just . . . Worried. Witcher's work can be dangerous."  
"He plans to see you in Oxenfurt, can't let himself get killed and do that." Anima gave circular logic a go but when that only got half a smirk she decided to put more effort into it. "I've a knack for finding people. Could check and see if there are any witcher heartbeats nearby. Can't form portals or anything like-"  
"Anima is that a good idea?" Jaskier had been there, seen Anima lose control of her own body.  
"I thought of it so I'm half keen on it." Anima shrugged continuing to weave. "I'd like to try with out taking philthre . . . If I do that we'd have to warn Geralt."  
"So the current plan includes _not_ telling Geralt? Do you wish to take years off the man?"  
"You can. If Unyis sees me walking the daylight with Geralt she'll have me repent by carving wood figurines of all family members that won't be at this island carnival. I refuse Jaskier. Arts and crafts is infuriating." Anima weaved angrier. "I'll tell Geralt later. I'll wait if you want to-"  
"Without the potion it's safe?"  
"Safer . . . Longer I'm in, deeper I go, harder to surface. That's been always Jaskier." Anima shrugged, she didn't want her skills to be completely off limits, they were hers, belonged to her and she knew her limits better than anyone.  
"Always? Things have been worse lately Anima, even _I_ can tell."  
"My hold in the white is stronger. Her grasp on here is stronger, only makes sense. Enough about me, please, things are bad, we get it! Let me help, I want to be a good friend. You've said you're unsure if we're friends, I want to fix that. Let me pull my weight."  
"I will tune up, scales and such . . . Play your song for you. If you're not out of the white by then . . . I will worry the wolf." Jaskier bartered.  
"Deal."

"Do you hear her? Nehalenia?" Geralt had a thirst for the why of things but when it came to this topic, he had questions that ranged the gambit, who, what, when, where, how, he would ask every question he could think of, he'd ask them twice and a third time, answers, he would drip this man dry of any answer he had.  
"No. No one does." Lemming scoffed assuming Geralt was joking, he clearly did not know the witcher well. "We'd all claim it. All swear it. Was word the very first ones did, some older ones were rumored to, all bullshit all bolstering. She claims she hears her?"  
"She does hear her." Geralt's nose wrinkled, Lemming was calling Anima a liar and it was not being recieved well. "I've heard her. Seen her."  
"What did she say? What does she look like?" The almost adoration in Lemming's eyes was not causing Geralt to warm on him.  
"You're supposed to be answering my questions. What was she? When she was living?"  
"A mage."  
"Elven?"  
"A human. Just like us, better than us."  
"Hmm." The hair on the back of Geralt's neck stood up, he knew that tone. "You . . . Love her?"  
"We all love her. She's given all of us all we have."  
"What you have is why you're on the run."  
"That's the sorceresses doing not hers. She loves her children. Her love is the only genuine feeling-"  
"The manor, it's a . . . Church?" This was sounding mighty cultish. People and their blind devotion to gods, he'd never understand.  
"It's a family. Our only family. You can understand that can't you witcher?"  
"Hmm." In theory he could. The wolves were his family, he trusted his teachings, trusted that the path was what he was meant for but . . . Anima didn't cling to the manor or it's word like he did Kaer Morhen, and Anima was an excellent judge of character. He knew there was a difference he wasn't being told. "I'd like to. Tell me about her?"  
"You. . . wish to remove her from your woman? Wish to harm Nehalenia?" Lemming's tone grew pointed.  
"I want her out." Geralt couldn't lie well enough to hide that fact. "I imagine she wants that too. She must feel caged inside Anima." He watched the boy nod as Geralt attempted overly careful words, he had learned such speech from his empath. "Will tear her apart to get out. If I understand her better perhaps we can all get what we want. I get to keep Anima in one piece. Nehalenia gets out."  
"She would want that. She wouldn't want to hurt one of her children, but she's the goddess of travelers. She must hate being stuck. Do you think that's the case? Do you think she's stuck in her for some reason?"  
"Details. Facts Lemming, not feelings. Explain to me how she came to be . . . And how she came to be inside you. The more I know the better I work." He was trying to explain what was beneficial to an empath did mostly nothing other than frustrate a witcher.  
"She was just a simple local mage, not some grand sorceresses of high standing. She had a knack for illusions though, people would marvel at them, order them for all manner of reasons, from all over. She preferred the light hearted ones. Things meant to tickle and entertain."  
"Harmless."  
"Uplifting." The praise had no end. "Till it was bought and caged for power not for pleasure. Humans are selfish. Want all fine things just as theirs, bundled and boxed."  
"Right." This was going to be a long propaganda riddled story, it would try every ounce of Geralt's patience, but it was finally something, Geralt would take anything, this was moving forward.

"Anima?" Jaskier had been mid song when her eyes blinked and burst. She was standing and stumbling for the door. "Anima what is it? Are-"  
"Found him. Finding him! I think. Nearly sure!" Her steps were drunk wide and out the door before the bard could react appropriately.  
"Anima slow the fuck down!" He tried to chase after Anima but she was slipping round corners like a snake.  
"Your performance is soon. Be there. We'll be there!" She didn't sound nearly as distressed as the bard felt.  
"Geralt . . . Is going to kill me." Jaskier watched as a crowd swallowed the empath.

"Sick in her bed, but her thoughts were not of her fleeting health but the lives of those who followed her with the winds. Away from her people, only able to see them through the looking glass. Her heart broke, they'd die because she hadn't traveled with them, that's a fact for you witcher. She could give them peace of mind, one last illusion. But it wasn't! She did with will alone what would take all the fifth essence they hold in Aretuza, pulled it straight through."  
"An entire ship?" Geralt was convinced he was hearing a tall tale, no longer even skirting reality.  
"Saved them all!"  
"Pulled a ship through a mirror . . . That wasn't there?" Geralt could only cloak so much of his skeptism.  
"Broke the glass, broke the ship, broke time and space, broke her."  
"That mirror. That's the glass in you?" Maybe embellished but perhaps there was some sort of fact to gleam here.  
"Geralt!" Jaskier was out of breath and in the cross hairs of the record keeper who was not a fan of his cry.  
"What is it Jaskier?"  
"Do not get angry." This was never a good sign, not from anyone but especially not from the bard.  
"What is going on Jaskier?"  
"I _may_ have lost Anima. Not my fault."  
"Lost her?" Geralt scraped the inside of his skull for any remaining patience.  
"She was looking for Eskel and-"  
"Looking for him how Jaskier?" Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers.  
"With her eyes."  
"Fuck." Geralt was angry.

"Well fuck." The speed given to her by making a good clean find had petered out just about when Oxenfurt's walls had disappeared from her back view. She was now strolling, wandering, upon being honest with herself, she was lost. ' _How does he tell one tree from another?'_ Anima was circling in place, dizzying herself as the great outdoors looked great and large and daunting. _'Could sit and wait. He'll find me.'_ She knew Geralt was on his way to yell at her for being an idiot. ' _Have results. He'll be less angry if you accomplish something.'_ She had decided on finding some hight, bears and wolves couldn't eat her if she was out of reach. _'Can I get Eskel here faster?'_ Lambert was the fast witcher but Geralt had rage to put fire under his heels, she needed to give Eskel incentive, give him haste. _'Longing.'_ Her mind went to how spider had beckoned entire towns to run to him. ' _Not empty longing.'_ That feeling had been cruel, even with kind intention she had no desire to force such a feeling. ' _What if it's not Eskel?'_ In theory she only had a hunch it was Geralt's brother so close to Oxenfurt, could be Letho, a cat, or any other witcher she'd never tethered to. _'Leaving myself mighty open.'_ Attatching to witchers was easier on Anima, she had more practice than any empath, easier did not mean easy, it would ache, she would be as Geralt loved to bleat, a sitting duck with or without the high ground. _'Bad idea?'_ It really was not her most sound plan, it was a lot of serious risk for what? _'For Jaskier. Make his home . . . Homier. He deserves a moment. Artists love moments. Things can be scary and good.'_ Doubt had no place in doing and she had dipped into the white once without voices, she wanted to attempt it again. ' _Good longing. A memory of good longing.'_ The world went white and Anima smirked.

\- Memory -  
"Hot?" Anima was a bit surprised to see how fast Geralt had peeled off his tunic, tied his hair away from his neck, the door to their room had barely closed.  
"No." Geralt clearly had something on his mind, he seemed distracted, a bit uneven, a bit of a man with misplaced energy. Maybe it was because this was the first decent sized town they had been in since the thaw, maybe he was getting a bit claustrophobic.  
"You . . . Got a shave." It was beyond just keeping his jaw clear of brush, this was thorough. "Your chest." She didn't mean for there to be a pout in her voice but as much as she didn't like when Geralt's beard grew too full she had never complained about the ability to run her fingers through a coarse patch of chest hair.  
"You bought jam." Was an unexpected response.  
"Geralt I'm not scolding you for spending coin on cleaning up. You work hard. You can spend your money however you damn well please." She was confused as to why Geralt looked so unsure.  
"Hair and fruit don't mix." This cleared up plenty.  
"Oh." Her eyes went from dumbstruck to doting. "You are too kind Geralt. You indulge my silly little wants."  
"Not kind. Greedy." She could see the red creeping over the fold of Geralt's ears. "Want. You only want one thing, it's the only thing you commit to fancing. Mentioned it more than once."  
"Rich coming from you Geralt. What many things do you openly want? What are greedy for?"  
"You tell me?" He shrugged. He sat down on the bed, still a bit uneven but mostly his eyes just looked open, wanting.  
 _'Contract was rough. Doesn't want to think tonight.'_ Anima grinned wide for the witcher looking at her with such trust. She did enjoy this game, loved the slack jaw look he got when she surprised him with something that scratched an itch he didn't know he had, it was her louder.

"Alright lay down." She watched as he obliged gracefully, but not comfortably.  
"Anima I don't want to just lay here. That's not what I-"  
"I thought you trusted _me_ to figure out what you wanted." Her grin had not waned as she hovered over a face that was growing preemptively impatient. She watched his lips purse as he thought on her words.  
"I did." He placed his hands behind his head, some small measure of tension leaving him. "Do not make me a log Anima. You have a tendency."  
"You're such a happy log though. Aren't you?" She teased.  
"I . . ." He did not seem to want to make an admission one way or another. "Let me move. I'm happier when I know I'm moving."  
"I know that. What sort of hack do you take me for?" There was mock offense in her tone.  
"Hmm." He finally grinned back, relaxed a bit more, the trust and comfort was only growing.  
"I intend for you to move Geralt. Firstly I need you to get any want from your mouth out now."  
"Words?" He seemed a bit put out but willing, eager to trust and try.  
"If you chose, your voice is lovely but I meant that in your favorite way."  
"Hows that?"  
"Literally." She leaned in and gave him a hungry kiss, a clear start to whatever she was getting at. "These lips of mine will soon be too sweet for your liking. Other bits might also, this is a messy proposition after all. I'm giving you a chance now to get any kisses, bites and other mouthly travels that intrest you out before the taste might offend."  
"Wouldn't." But that was much of all the argument he had, his hands that had been resigned to resting moved and found her waist, turning them, he was happy to have the high ground. She wasn't sure if he was dragging it out simply to hold that, or because he wasn't sure when enough kissing and nipping would be adequate but she let him travel and tease because she knew hers would be just as long, twice as maddening.  
"This isn't . . . What I had promised you." Worry migrated to the wolf like gulls to the shore.  
"What did you promise me?" She had let him feel out any extra held energy but he was settling down slowly, worry had kicked up amongst the drop.  
"Your jam."  
"What about it?" He didn't want to think, didn't want control, but Geralt _was_ thought and control, they weren't traits she could simply pluck from him and fold away, she had to turn them, embrace them in a way the witcher didn't.  
"Hmm." His jaw set and he looked at her, asking if she intended to make him squirm. That was not a want of his in the moment, and Anima was well aware.  
"That's right! My silly want." She grinned up at him and watched relief overcome most of that flaring concern. "I wanted my favorite thing and my favorite person all in one, just for me." She wouldn't force him to ask, to want, she would bear all those parts that did not come naturally to him and praise him for providing. "But I can't decide. Will you help me Geralt?" She sat up a bit, reaching for this jar of jam he had clearly been pondering.  
"Decide what?" Again he was eager, willing, he was an excellent decision maker, his purpose was to help. He could succeed seamlessly at this, there was no doubt, he was confident.  
"Where to start? I'll lick it off every inch of you Geralt." She watched him try to hold any keening curve in his spine, _she_ was wanting not him. "But problem is every inch of you is just as appealing as all the others." It was silly fawning praise, but this was a silly want, this act was inherintly silly and wasteful. Geralt's day had been somber, serious and riddled with death, it had been a reminder that the world needed stoic steel witchers, winter was over, consequences were back and haunting as ever. Here though, in any bed they made theirs, he didn't have to be the world's, just her's and if she wanted silly then it would soak the room, it would make serious consequences wait.  
"I did . . ." She could hear his mouth run dry. "Get a shave."  
"You did. Smart start." She kissed at that cleanly shaved chest. She didn't smear large fistfuls over him, neither one of them were sloppy. It was slow and methodical, she had said inch and she had meant it. Letting his mouth trail over her had been of dual purpose, yes to save the witcher from drowning in a taste too sweet for his liking but also to build the anticipation, she had him thinking, possibly without even knowing, of what her lips would feel like, how warm tongue to flesh would be. She would never pry a purr from him but if his chest didn't quake wonderfully under each lather and lap. "And next?" She didn't make him describe how it felt, or ask if he wanted more, just enough control, just a say in direction, he'd grunt out another body part, after his chest was his neck, then his stomach, followed by a thigh, he had just enough mind not to worry on his lack of it. A body part, a throaty growl of her name when stimulation got close to too much, repeat, it went on for a long while that way.  
"You're moving . . . An awful lot Anima." His words were slow, the last bit of trepidation was hanging by a thread.  
"Just my tongue, not much more." She countered.  
"Let me . . . Do something."  
"You can do whatever you want Geralt. Just know your competing against jam. Stay still till you're confident I'll prefer your motion to what your allowing me now, I quite like what I have now, you are living up to quite the fantasy Geralt." It was perfect, a challenge, a riddle, a hunt with nearly no room to fail and just enough praise to flood him. She wanted him to please her but he'd have to be better, be better than her favorite thing in the whole world. "I have no reason to doubt I will-" She saw it, that look she was after, he was all burning desire to act mixed along side a sense of relaxation, he felt open and giving and right, he was wanting, and he felt safe to test that.  
"Next . . . If I wanted release? I promise I wouldn't leave you wanting but . . .I'd focus better with a clear head."  
"Ever the tactician. Geralt you really are good to me." She never went too far, she was always just sweet enough to be bearable. She watched his eyes close, hips rise, she had been stingy before but this coating was liberal, she intended to linger for a while. As her tongue worked slow heavy lines along his length the hold in her hair grew tight, his muscles went taught, this was not laying like a log, this was longing in the best way.

"I Shouldn't have told her I was worried about Eskel." Jaskier mewled from behind Geralt.  
"She only asked because she knows you like the sound of your own voice. She knew what you felt before your first sigh." Geralt could have taken out his anger entirely on the bard but that wasn't fair. "Should have told me sooner." He could see where Jaskier's footsteps had crossed right over Anima's likely by blind happenstance. "You are a troubadour not a tracker." He spoke to keep from snarling. _'Be careful what you wish for.'_ It had been a point of contention between the couple, Anima's inability to feel safe in the wilds. Now he almost pined for the easy knowledge that she'd be exactly where he left her, unwilling to tred past the trees. "Hmm." His medallion started to shake, he picked up his pace.

"That disgusting." Anima's breath was slowly coming back to it's pace, her whole body spent long the branch she had perched herself on, blood was moving again, having let Eskel go the second he found her.  
"How else would I get a girl out a basilisk?"  
"Not a fucking clue. Not a question I've asked myself often." Anima's eyes closed, she was tired.  
"Too disgusting?"  
"No. He'll love it. Great story Eskel." The man had wanted to test some of the tales he had been planning to bask his bard in.  
"Anima what have I told you about Attatching to witchers?!" He almost sounded like Vesemir, an angrier Vesemir, for Geralt wasn't just disappointed, he was angry. He let out a breath he had been holding. ' _She can use it still, Nehalenia isn't gaurented.'_ It wasn't a theory he had been willing to test but the result was reassuring. _'Only when she stretches, the danger's in the distance.'_  
"Only in moderation and never after a large meal?" She'd take the scolding she was due, she had been reckless but as an eye creaked open she saw what made it worth it.  
"Eskel!" Jaskier sounded all the ways she knew he would, happy, sad, angry, relieved, lustful and optimistic. Jaskier finally was feeling for himself, something he had been doing in smaller doses as of late. It wasn't much but this was something she could give back to the bard, something she felt she had taken from him.  
"Jaskier." And some of that longing Anima had force fed the witcher clearly hadn't worked it's way out, it was not a hug or a tussle of hair that Jaskier ran into but a bawdy open mouth kiss.  
"Welcome home Jaskier." She let her eyes close again.  
"Are you done?" Geralt stood beneath her branch scowling up at her.  
"Oh I'm done." She groaned.  
"Hmm. Trees are not walls Anima, there is no safety behind them. I know this place seems to be free of-"  
"You." She yawned, she was precariously close to out and out falling asleep.  
"What?"  
"Walls aren't safe, or just as safe as trees. You're safe, and I knew you were coming." The world wasn't a safe place for her, but he was.  
"Smooth talking will not get me to carry you back." He was still plenty angry despite her words hitting as well as they always did. "You act like an idiot you'll ache like an idiot." Asking for forgiveness not permission was nothing new but also nothing he wished to encourage.  
"You can ride on scorpion Anima." Eskel was pleased to be reunited with them and was willing to over step Geralt as a sign of gratitude.  
"Hmm." Out numbered was not an unfamiliar feeling for Geralt. ' _Home.'_ Still angry, still worried, he still had family, still had home.

They got back just in time for Jaskier to be fashionably late for his first performance in Oxenfurt's amphitheater. "Whose that?" Eskel was watching a bard that wasn't the one he had traveled to see, playing some drab song he didn't want to hear.  
"Valdo." Geralt had met Jaskier's 'friend' a few times.  
"He is fine but . . ."  
"A talentless wastrel who panders to the taste of the masses. . . Or so I've been told . . .frequently." The witchers watched from the far back. "It would be a shame if he got a bout of stage fright." Geralt stated loud enough for Anima who was sitting begrudgingly sandwiched between Unyis and Ophi at an acceptable distance away.  
"Geralt you can't be hoping someone would use their ability just for petty fun." Eskel was a bit shocked but spoke at just as auidable a volume.  
"Fun? No." Geralt shook his head, arms folded, face neutral as always. "Faster he's off stage faster Jaskier's on. Faster Jaskier finishes, faster I can go to sleep. The beds here are nice Eskel." The song stopped, the bard fumbled, fled and two witchers appreciated fine art and foolish fun in the walls of Redania's most esteemed University. It was a story that was hard to believe.


	12. Heros are realtive

"You were right." Anima was speaking in his favorite way, her lips brushing against his bare chest, her breath blowing cross his skin.  
"Hmm?" His eyes were closed, he was half tired half frustrated. _'Want her.'_ His mind started to drift to how he would make up for lost time once given a chance. _'Not soft. Not slow.'_ Then he changed his mind, it wasn't marriage but it was mockingly close, he should be kind, be affectionate. "Both?" He didn't realize that part had been said outloud an continued his inner monolouge. ' _Said I can have both. A mix. Balance.'_  
"No need to edge yourself Geralt. If you need-" Anima chuckled, quite literally feeling his pain press up against her.  
"Sorry." He put some squeeze to his eyelids cooling his pulse. "That was rude." He felt it to be impolite, he didn't want to be thought of as 'a rutting dog' only thinking of sex.  
"We can be rude as we like in a few days time. Both, all nine if you'd like."  
"Nine?" His eyes shot open looking down at her as his mind reeled. ' _Hard easy, Soft strong, Fast slow . . . Six. What are the other three? How is it an odd number?'_  
"Made you look." She smiled up at him, her whole face a laugh.  
"Hmm." His head fell back to the pillow. "Not all I think about." He knew it was a light tease but he still felt a bit of worry.  
"You think about everything and anything Geralt. The fact that you have time to think how you'd like to have sex with me is astounding." She gave his heart a light kiss.  
"Not all I think about when it comes to you." He elaborated.  
"I know." Her voice lost it's laugh.  
"You. Not her, you're not the same." He knew where she had taken that comment. "Have enough trouble dealing with your just run of the mill trouble." He snorted. "You shouldn't have gone after Eskel."  
"Because using my ability has become-"  
"Because you got lost . . . _Immediately_." Geralt started, she had coaxed a lot of new feelings out of him, coddling patient pity was not one of them. "You walked out with no proversions, no weapons, nothing but a bad idea and . . . " That was it, that was all that she had left with, if had been impractical and fool hardy. "There are panthers out there." He felt guilty, doubly so that it was mixed with a sense of mild relief as he felt her tense above him. ' _Still afraid of the woods. She wasn't fearless just foolishly determined.'_ Though Eskel would've gotten there just fine on his own. When had the stock belief in witchers being able to complete even the simplest of tasks come into question? _'I've been . . . Needing help.'_ Perhaps he was at fault, anything he'd done lately he'd needed assistance, it wasn't soft and kind, that was more inline with weakness. _'Can't say that_.' He realized she was waiting for him to complete his thought, and she was patient, his silence did not shrug her off as it did most. ' _She'd twist it . . . Call me a hypocrite . . . Hates hypocrites. Won't let me help her, she'd die to prove a point. Stubborn like that.'_ He paused, nose wrinkling slightly, she was right he did think about everything and anything when he didn't have a direct point of focus. "What were **you** thinking?" Something to focus on.  
"That we've been working on solving my problem. I saw the opportunity to fix someone else's. I can do things."  
"We know you do." No one doubted that.  
"I don't like this ever damsel role. You're not the only one who sometimes searches for an easy win." She knew she was close to whining, and flinched a bit at her words.  
"Hmm." He could see her point, coming to the conclusion her fear of being hadn't left like he previously thought but morphed into some fear of being forgotten, eclipsed by Nehalenia. It seemed everyone against her wanted their hands on what was inside of her blood, everyone on her side was concerned about the diety in her head and who she was as person, her day to day existance was . . . Someone fighting to stay relevant. "You said I was right about something?"  
"I . . .You can't just change subject like that." Anima's face twitched to keep from smirking, her witcher really had learned to dance around topics, she was as proud as she was concerned.  
"Can. You're sick of hearing about her. Never get sick of hearing I'm right." He had an amused and almost arrogant hum to his voice. _'Home. Gotta feel like home for her.'_ He pulled her up to his face, letting her borrow some confidence via a kiss. "What was I right about?"  
"This place."  
"Hmm." They hadn't been here long, he wasn't sure exactly what she was referencing to, he had described it as both decadent and drowning, he wasn't sure which side of the fence she has fallen on. "Is it the beds? I told you they were decent." He stretched comfortably long, his arms falling wide at either side of him.  
_'He is mighty high on these beds.'_ Anima smiled, glad there was something Geralt found relaxing and comfortable that was just that. "It's . . . A lot."  
"Good or Bad lot?" It was similar to her Inns she liked so much, but it was also humanity stroking it's own ego and she still hadn't learned to forgive her previous race.  
"Haven't decided? Bit of both. . . Sleep on it? What's your plans for tomorrow? Is Unyis sending you fishing? Punch coal out of a boulder?"  
"No." He was planning on talking to Lemming again and assuming Jaskier wore Eskel down adequately he could possibly find a job in town, some professor is search of some new desk ornament or a student working on a thesis that had unnecessary risk in the research. "She doesn't like me." Geralt closed his eyes again.  
"And that what? Amuses you?" Anima gave a questioning look. 'He looks so content.' That calm look was contagious, she rested back down against his chest listening to his steady rileless heartbeat. ' _Talking with Lemming helped. Nothing sooths like knowledge. Wonder what he told him.'_ There was too much of a good thing though. ' _He should be careful, empaths are bad as vampires, get their teeth in suck you dry.'_  
"Not because I'm a witcher. Because I claim to be from Rivia." That was funny, even he a man with no sense of humor could tell that.

The group had a decent albiet seperate day in Oxenfurt. Anima spent her day torn between answering endless questions from Unyis' students on Skellige and answering Ophi's endless questions about lace. She knew little to fuck all about both but Ophi reminded her of Thill, less optimistic, a bit more pushy, but she was close if you squint and the students were so focused on taking notes on the heros dash in Larvik they had no shits to give about empaths or dieties. It was a nice change of pace.

Jaskier was able to introduce Eskel to quite possibly every individual on campus, whether they wanted to know him or not. This too was a nice change of pace, Eskel was used to being told there was no need for introductions, that it'd be better if he wasn't even noticed wherever he was contracted to be. Eskel was much more amiable to meeting people and just chatting about not much of anything than Geralt or Anima for that matter, conversation for the sake of conversation was quite the treat to Jaskier. Perhaps he had gone too far when he introduced Eskel to Geralt, twice.

Jaskier's second introduction had saved Geralt from doing something he probably shouldn't. Geralt was getting the information he was after, Lemming didn't dance around topics like Anima did, if anything he was too direct, every answer having an edge to it, side swiping Geralt's motives and logic. Just when Lemming started going beyond bother, twisting something ugly and angry in the witcher there was reprieve, a gift Geralt rarely got when hunting anything of value. He didn't have to push beyond comfort, he could decompress, spend time with his brother and friend, not fighting a monster, just drinking themselves stupid. All this break from reality was fine but the world deemed one day of that was more than enough. The pace would pick back up by the next morning.

"Julian!"  
"Is that the Dean?" It had been years since Jaskier had this particular dream. The one in which he woke up naked and more than a bit hung over under a lover only to have the Dean of Oxenfurt rapping on his door.  
"Are Deans the only people that call you Julian?" Eskel did eventually relent to Jaskier's pushes once they went beyond playful and eventually had pinches in the mix. "Ow."  
"If I said yes are you going to change you career aspirations?"  
"Julian! Come get your Witcher!" The dean had gone past rapping to banging.  
"I . . . He's right here." Jaskier poked at Eskel's face a few times to make sure he was there, the bard was nearly certain this wasn't a dream.  
"I don't like the way he says it." Eskel was poking Jaskier's face right back, a half fond half contemplative look in his blocky features. "Julian." Eskel was not pouting the name, the muscles in his face wouldn't allow for it but the Witcher who fancied new experiences, clearly didn't like the old name.  
"I don't like the way anyone says it." There was a reason Jaskier was Jaskier and not Julian, it always sounded chastising.  
"No! He attacked one of the students!" The ignored Dean sounded quite red in the face.  
"Attacked?" Jaskier was scrambling for clothes as the moment went from confusing to concerning. He tossed Eskel's pants straight at his dumbstruck face while finally opening the door. "Sir. Eskel has been . . . In my company all night. Short of a brief rest of the lids, I have not stopped my ever vigilant observation of the man. Even if I had, Eskel's not the sort to lash out-"  
"You've brought a second witcher on the grounds? How harsh are your critics that you need to be flanked by their sort?"  
"Oh." The word your had ment something different to the bard in his early morning haze. "You don't bring witchers anywhere. They follow coin contracts and conscience. It just so happens I have a similar passions."  
"You said Geralt attacked a student?" Eskel was up, standing behind Jaskier, the bard could feel it, the witcher wasn't tense, wasn't snarling as Geralt would be roles reversed but Eskel was gone from the room, yes his fingers were tapping on Jaskier's shoulders but his head was somewhere on some mental map of the university, calculating where the most likely place his brother could be. Scanning all the faces he had greated for who could have egged Geralt into striking.  
"Well the student's records haven't been verified yet, he left in a huff. . . The boy isn't exactly right but that does not-"  
"Where is Geralt now?" Eskel's voice wasn't pointed, to the dean it might've even sounded polite but it was all that it had to be, all of Eskel's energy was elsewhere.  
"He's at the holding post." It was a glorified drunk tank watched by Redenian soldiers on their retirement route. Geralt would be held just as well by a chain of daisies, the witcher was waiting out of likely nothing more than a vauge respect for how important this place was to Jaskier.  
"This irregular boy. He didn't happen to have one eye did he?" Jaskier recalled Geralt pushing at a student or two that shared the bard's loose interpretation of personal space but Geralt was beyond careful when it came to humans. He would always be called a butcher but he did his best to lean away from that lore. "Go by Lemming?" If Geralt was going to 'attack' anyone here it'd be someone that posed a threat and there weren't many threats in Oxenfurt except to the boundaries of good taste.  
"Where's Anima?" Eskel had learned this lesson in Kaer Morhen, if anything could get Geralt in an unprompted fighting mood it was her.  
"I don't know nor do I care who either of these people are."  
"I mean one of them is a student so maybe-" Jaskier started but was out volumed for once.  
"All I know is that you are not the only alumni gracing us with their presence today and I do not want them to be under the impression that we would leave our students open to such ruthless aggression."  
"I will have you know Geralt is the definition of ruthful. I . . .we'll go sort this out." Anoyance was crashing against diplomacy, luckily the bard had oceans of both.  
"There's nothing to sort, this is not a matter of debate. The witchers need to be off the campus-"  
"You don't even know what happened!" Everything was a matter of debate.  
"And it doesn't matter all-"  
"The why always matters!" Jaskier undetered grabbed Eskel's hand and started tearing out of the alchamey. Geralt had taught him that. Jaskier before meeting Geralt cared very little for why, he loved a detailed painting of how who and when, they made for beautiful songs but why was so murky, so tedious. Why still made for fairly unpopular ballads, but Jaskier had seen Geralt turn why into magic, Geralt always asked why and the world was better for it.

"Are you proud of yourself?" Jaskier stood hands on hips staring at Geralt who was doing his best to tune his mind off the scent of decades of vomit and other bodily fluids mortered into the walls.  
"Don't regret it." Geralt knew the questions were not the same but he figured this would cut around the middle man, pride had nothing to do with it.  
"I don't understand." Eskel's head was cocked to the side, baffled by how calm Geralt appeared.  
"Don't understand? He hasn't said anything. We don't know what happened. Care to share with the class Geralt?"  
"I punched Lemming in the face." Geralt was almost hauntingly motionless.  
"Punched or attacked? The Dean said attacked Geralt."  
"It's Oxenfurt Jaskier. Give it an hour and they'll start saying I fed him to a dragon." Jaskier couldn't argue with the witcher there, gossip was as good a currency as gold here. That did not mean the bard had even begun yet alone finished arguing.  
"Geralt the boy has one eye. You can't just-"  
"Made sure he was looking at me first. I didn't sucker punch him." Finally there was some inflection to be found in Geralt's tone.  
"That doesn't make it better!" Jaskier's hands shot up the the air. "They're demanding I escort you two off the property."  
"Hmm." Geralt was a bit amused that the Redenian chaperones were too scared to move the witchers on their own, instead calling on Jaskier as if he was some sort of pied piper. "Eskel didn't hit anyone." That didn't matter, Geralt knew that but the fact that it didn't matter bore stating. ' _Way of the world.'_ Geralt took in another slow steady breath.  
"If Anima and Jaskier are safe why did you hit him Geralt?" Eskel moved the conversation forward. He knew Anima and Jaskier were safe, knew that Geralt was confident in that fact as well, or else his brother would not be contained either physicaly or in focus.  
"He wasn't hearing me."  
"I don't listen to you hardly ever." There was some misplaced pride in that statement. "You don't go around cracking me in the jaw!" Jaskier blinked stupefied.  
"If I thought it would change anything maybe I would." Geralt knew that hadn't been a satisfactory answer. "You hear me. You just chose not to listen. Empath's are more interested in what's between words, they don't hear as well."  
"And yet you've never struck Anima for not hearing you."  
"And if I had a decade to have him feel his way around what he needs to understand I probably would have just kept my nose in the book and let him talk."  
"What were you telling him Geralt?" Eskel again shoved the forward, what Geralt hadn't done in past was wasted breath.  
"That there's no such thing as heros."

Geralt's morning had started a lot earlier, actually his night hadn't ended. He had folded into bed with Anima after the bar had closed, he didn't toss or turn but he didn't have to. "It you want to go for a walk we can." He was far too inebriated to ponder what had given his restlessness away, perhaps it was the fact that his fingers wouldn't stop leafing through her hair or dusting clumsily long her face.  
"I want you to get some more sleep." He had noticed, better than out in the woods, better than most Inns that they'd staid at. She was sleeping well here. "I told you-"  
"Geralt if you fall any deeper in love with this bed I'm going to grow jealous."  
"Hmm." He sat up a bit. "I do want to move though."  
"Well we can't-"  
"Not that." He didn't want her to mention sex, Jaskier and Eskel had taunted and teased him mercilessly throughout the night he did not need her tipping him over the edge. "If I . . .went for a walk. You think you'd still sleep as well?"  
"No." She shrugged into his chest. She would always sleep better with him than without. "But I can sleep. You want to be alone. Have some you time Geralt."  
"There was a job posted and-"  
"You're drunk Geralt now isn't the time to fight monsters, don't need to make a job of it. Just be alone . . . Just have some time." Anima worried often about the fact that Geralt hadn't turned off since winter's end, not really, not rightly. She knew he liked to push and keep a grueling pace but he needed time, bed rest after nearly dying did not count.  
"No . . . just . . . Fine I do want to walk on my own a bit. It can wait till-" He hadn't thought about it, hadn't had time to think about it, that he did miss having time just with himself, just to think.  
"Go. I do not take offense Geralt. We're together it does not mean you owe me every waking and unwaking moment of your time. I think you deserve some time to just think and walk and . . . You'll probably end up fighting something."  
"They fight me." He gave a tipsy snort.  
"Be mindful. Have fun . . . Don't break any windows."  
"Love you." He felt still a bit guilty, as to how inviting the quiet of the early outdoors seemed. "Sometimes I just-"  
"More bed for me." She started to kick at him to get him moving, she never did accept apologies. "I like lounging in, you like long walks, to each their own."

His walk alone had, as sobriety found him, become the job he spoke of, another simple wraith contract, he only ended up breaking four windows in the nearby temple. Time went on and he staid in the crypt, reading one of the books Lemming had helped him find. The quiet, the solitary space, Geralt was getting productive planning done when the first yawn hit him. _'Can't fall asleep on another casket. Will catch up with me one of these days.'_ He stood and stretched. _'Maybe Anima's still asleep.'_ If he walked fast enough he could be grab a bath and still have time for first crack at breakfast. ' _Could rest a bit. Have a meal, all before the day gets started._ ' Even after a heavy night of drinking Geralt was nothing if not productive.

Something was blocking him from the bed, from Anima, Geralt was tired and a bit annoyed, so it didn't surprise him when the plates he had 'placed' on the table chipped a bit. "Morning Lemming." He rested his bag down close to the chair he pulled out for himself. "I asked her to try and sleep in. Don't speak too loud." Geralt gave a once over to Anima who had found a new ungodly way to twist herself in their sheets. She wasn't asleep, he could hear it in her breathing. He wasn't sure what was going on but Lemming had been helpful so Geralt didn't go straight to snarling. "What brings you here?" Geralt took out his previous reading, thumbing to the page he left off.

"You keep trying to delay what destiny has placed in her hands it-" Lemming's face was twisted in thought, pacing the floor. Geralt thought maybe he reminded him or someone but he couldn't put his finger on it.  
"Not a big fan of destiny."  
"It's a good thing. You are looking at it narrow mindedly."  
"My narrow mind's served me fine so far. I don't think she'd agree with you . . . About it being good. Likes her blood and brain where it is. Inclined to agree. Maybe the goons thought it was a good thing when they took your eye."  
"Giving Nehalenia flesh, that isn't dying it's her only chance at having worth. Following you is death, no one will know who she is no one will care, she'll be as worthless as the day she was born, living and dying as a as a cock warmer instead of taking her chance to be a vessel to a goddess. Scum, no . . . You're the scum, people notice scum, drag it off their shoe. She'd be less she'd-"

"If you want to think of her that way I won't stop you, your opinion of her matters very little to me." Geralt let his knuckles blanch as he gripped his book tighter, his walk had settled his mind but if he stared up at Lemming he'd let anger out pace collected reason. "I see enough worth in her for the both of us. If you keep saying it . . .if you say that to her face. . . And you're quite close. I'll rip out your tongue." He was respectful, thankful even of what Lemming had done, but Geralt had learned long ago how to respect someone and threaten them in the same breath. He would allow no one to demean Anima so brazenly without repercussions.  
"Nehalenia gives her immortality. She can't make sacrifices? If she won't step up, perhaps she should step aside. I'd do better, could take her place." Lemming stepped closer to Geralt's two loves, Anima and the bed she laid in, the empath wouldn't get closer, Geralt stood, only one hand viced in the leather bound book.  
"Careful Lemming." Geralt was patient, he really was, he was merely labeled otherwise because the change was noticeable only as the last drops dried from him. ' _From a cult to a school where if you can dream it you can do it. Kid's messed in the head.'_  
"You said it yourself they're trapped together and everyone but you wants to pull her out. Free her. Your opinion doesn't matter more because you throw harder punches."  
"Lemming?" Geralt thought on his options, thought on Lemming's words. "I want you to look at me." He waited till he had Lemming's eye on him.  
"I'm not afraid of you. You're not fuck-" Lemming didn't get to explain how not afraid he was as he was struck straight in the face.  
"Geralt?!" Anima shot up out of bed. "He's not going to do anything. He's just confused."  
"Lemming?" Geralt crouched down nearly nose to nose with him. "Tell me. Where did you feel that?"  
"What are you going to kill me to keep her? Kill anyone in their right mind?! Everyone wants her out! EVERYONE! You have to know deep down I'm right and you're wrong. Pummel me all you like. Doesn't change the facts. Facts Witcher!"  
"Anima go see if you can find some ice for Lemming's face." He knew Anima wouldn't cave to Lemming's ramblings, it didn't mean listening to it was in anyway worthwhile.  
"Geralt I don't-"  
"Trust me." He wasn't going to kill Lemming, he was going to return the favor. Knowledge for knowledge.  
"Alright." Anima slipped on her shoes, noting the electric stare held between the two. "Be mindful. Don't break any windows." She hesitantly left.  
"You felt that punch here. In my world, flesh and bone. I'm stronger than you, punch harder, so my opinion _does_ matter more than yours. Doesn't mean you aren't entitled to have yours, just means it's worth _less_. You can cry and moan, shout at me about how unfair that is but that's a fact. I'm stronger, Anima's stronger-"  
"I could beat her in a fist fight."  
"Anima could control a mob, hold a witcher, turn your fate to the floor. She might not punch but she's got the strength to influence more pain, she wins, her opinion matters more. You're missing the point." Geralt knew why Anima had been playing possum in bed now. Her plans were to let the poor boy paces and plan, wait till he made whatever idiotic grand stand he was hatching and just force him away. She might be less than scum but she could quite literally out empath him in her sleep.  
"Hypocrite!" Lemming stumbled to his feet.  
"How so?" Finally he had the youth's attention.  
"Nehalenia is stronger yet you value Anima's opinion over her's think because she's yours she deserves to live more-"  
"Everything deserves to live. We don't care if Nehalenia comes back, I don't care if she wants to rule Nilfgard with you as a willing ottoman. The only reason I even know her name is because she's a threat to Anima's survival in my world. Bring her back Lemming, but do it smart. What's not smart? Being a threat to me and those I'm keeping safe. My whole role in this world? Fact for you Lemming? I eliminate threats. You've given me some of the information I've been after. I'd hate for you to do something stupid and wind up dead. Live Lemming and stay far away from me, I'm telling you what I'll tell the sorceresses and anyone else that gets in my way: keep your opinion on greater goods out of Anima's blood. Find. a. different. way." Lemming was not a threat, not a hero, he was a child figuring out the world. It was best he learned that before trifling with someone less patient than Geralt. The witcher had to learn that same lesson alone on the path. Yes he had be trained to be strong, yes he had been warned that morals were best for fairytales but Geralt was a stubborn young witcher in his day. He too had wanted to be a hero for his cause. He took punch after punch till he finally learned, heros don't exist, they surely don't survive. With or without Gods, with all the mutations a body could take, heros would not save the world.  
"You nihilistic beast! I'll do what it takes to bring her back. I will kill you Geralt!" Lemming swung, Geralt caught the weak lob and walked him out of the room, empaths were not physical fighters, with a slight shove Geralt had the high ground.  
"I have plans Lemming. Killing me is going to have to wait." Geralt walked slowly back to his room.  
"Are you alright?" Some hall passer by came to the fallen boy's side.  
"The witcher wants to ruin everything. Brute force is all he understands. He wants to beat my faith out of me!"  
"Fuck." Geralt rolled his eyes and waited for the inevitable.

"You punched him so you could lecture him to death?" Jaskier even upon hearing the retelling was blown away by how many words Geralt had strewn together.  
"Where better to learn than a school?"  
"What are you leaving out Geralt?" Eskel was studying the statue of a man even harder than before, something was wrong.  
"Out?" Jaskier must have missed something.  
"What he gave in exchange for that lesson."  
"Which was what Geralt?" Eskel pushed again but this time there was resistance via silence. "What did he give?" Eskel was begining to worry that Geralt was under Lemming's control. ' _Would this person want Geralt to hurt him? Strange people. Strange appetites. Who am I to judge?'_ Eskel thought longer and harder, his brain was wrinkling in real time.  
"Give it up. He can be quite tight lipped when he want to be." This finally got Geralt to open his eyes.  
"Anima." He gave a slight frown, this lesson had not come without a price. "They cut you hair."  
"Told you he'd notice." Anima smiled over her shoulder as the skelligan studies teacher that followed behind.  
"How? You spooked those children something fierce."  
"I just told them Geralt likes my hair long." Anima shrugged. The difference was miniscule, each student cutting more air than hair out of concern that the 'ruthless witcher' would behead them if they ruined his lover's locks.  
"Unyis? What are you doing here? Making sure they don't fuck through cell walls?" Jaskier didn't like how serious and somber his home had become.  
"I wouldn't fuck her here." Geralt almost had inflection in his tone.  
"Even if I asked?" Anima went in on it with Jaskier, a big cheeky smile on her face.  
"Especially if you asked." Was the simple reply, almost a smile but not quite.  
"Anima fix your Witcher there's something wrong with him he's more monotone than usual."  
"There's nothing wrong with him. He's just a bit drained is all. Lemming took a lot. Spending days with an empath on a tare is taxing."  
"I'm here to save my lesson plan." Unyis chimed in as if anyone still cared. "Once Anima calmed down the mass panic, gossip had the boy losing his eye to the witcher. I explained that what the witcher did is a customary display of dominance over his partner's clan member. That he'd only be a threat to others from where she-"  
"Other mutants I'm sure they lapped that up." Anima had bartered the chance for Unyis to have a genuine Oczepiny in exchange for being bull headed on their behalf. She was glad her choice to have Unyis champion their charge was the right one but Anima didn't care to hear how the sausage was made. "It's not." Anima rolled her eyes at the group of men quick to believe. "But whatever works." Sometimes the fact that islers were thought to be trolls with better teeth did work to their advantage.

"Anima can I ask you a question?" Geralt was about to stand when the door creaked open, but remained seated for a moment longer.  
"Is it about Lemming?"  
"Yes."  
"Tred carefully. Do not make all your hard work be for nothing."  
"Hard work? He read books and popped a student in the face. If that's hard work you should have seen me during finals week." Jaskier half chuckled.  
"I know it doesn't seem it. I am polite with my probes into your feelings. Even when I nudge or grab at you . . . I am considerate. Lemming's young and full of . . . What he's been taught. He feels justified in just prodding at any change in one's emotional state, it's what he was built for, all that he knows. Perhaps I should tell him to go find Kolgrim?" Two individuals who still didn't understand that people under all their mutations were still people.  
"I don't think the two of them together would be wise." It made a vein in Geralt's head pulse just thinking about it.  
"Geralt doesn't like to be wide open and read, Lemming doesn't care what Geralt likes. Draining. That's why Geralt's so . . . Tapped, empaths don't have to tether to get to you. Intuition and the right words can be a killer." Anima walked over to Geralt. "This seat taken?" She was warm, to counteract all the cold, all the icy emotions that Lemming had quie purposefully riled in the man over days.  
"Hmm." It was instinct and self preservation that kept Geralt from pulling her into his lap. "That's fine." Anima didn't push, she didn't even pout. "You said you had a question for me?" She did make contact, thumbing at the ends to Geralt's hair, rolling strands around casually. Geralt looked up at her and his lips twisted around words that weren't forming right. "I'm not like him."  
"I know that." He let out a frustrated sigh, he wasn't questioning Anima's character or whether or not the manor had brainwashed her like it had with Lemming.  
"That's all that matters."  
"When you were there did-"  
" _That_ doesn't matter."  
"Hmm." He should take his own advice, this was the real world, what happened in the manor, that didn't matter, didn't help them survive. "Did you sleep?" That wasn't the question scratching the back of his brain. _'If she won't step up, step aside.'_ It was an answer, something they could do. Merigold's plan was to have Anima out of body so they could safely exercise Nehalenia without doing damage to Anima's mind. Geralt was beginning to wrap his head around it. Unless they burned her bones, which was unlikely to happen, that just meant best case scenario Nehalenia would move out of Anima's head and into someone else's. With Nehalenia in control of a body there would not be the archaic and tedious need to rip glass out of the blood of empaths, a win all around. ' _Someone weaker. Anima can . . .hold her own, someone like Lemming wouldn't. Does that matter? Just anyone but her?_ ' He wanted it not to matter, they weren't heros, they didn't care if Nehalenia came back but he knew as much as there was no love lost between Anima and fellow empaths she wouldn't agree to it. As much as he wanted to think _he_ could, to save her, that he was allowed, that strong overrode the weak, some of that want to do the right thing, be a better person than the world should dare to ask of him held fast. "I don't want to be a hero." He spoke out dryly, he had been trying to convince himself as much as he had been trying to convince Lemming.  
"Good. That's a shitty goal. Vesemir warned you about thinking like that." Eskel was more concerned than ever.  
"How bout a witcher?" Anima gave a slight tug on his hair.  
"Huh?" He looked up at her, just tired. ' _She asked me not to tell her right away, how am I supposed to sift through all this shit?"_  
"Well you've got your fill of empaths. You've made that clear. The walk was a good idea. Maybe see if there's any more jobs in town? Go out with Eskel if he can be pried away from Jaskier."  
"Or Jaskier can go along." The bard had not grown a taste for being left out.  
"Or Jaskier can go along!" Anima smiled as if everything was fine, as if Geralt was fine. Not scum for being unwilling to do _anything_ to keep her safe. He had promised anything, he was a man of his word, he was strong, this was an easy answer, an easy win, why didn't it feel that way. "Stag party take two." Her chipper words brought him back to reality.  
"Not a party." Geralt shook his head as he finally stood.  
"Your other option is to learn 12th century lace Lineage in my place and I'll go out with Eskel and Jaskier. Ophi gets so swept up in it she might not notice the difference. The choice is yours." Anima wove her fingers in with his as they finally made moves out of the holding cell.  
"Hmm." He ran a thumb along the inside of her wrist. If only it was that easy, if only he could just swap places with her, he'd gladly take Nehalenia in his head instead of hers. _'Plenty of room to slosh around.'_  
"You want some help?" She was swinging his fist in hers, finally for the first time in hours that got a smile out if him, he wouldn't ask for it but those odd organic times she held his hand it always warmed him.  
"I thought the plan was to keep you in the dark." It had seemed a smart move at the time, how was Geralt supposed to know the pressure it'd put him under?  
"Of the facts sure. Empaths have no use for facts. We're all feeling. Keep that in mind. Whatever Lemming put into your head that's gotten you so lost isn't a fact, isn't even a thought it's a feeling, if I had to guess doubt."  
"Hmm." She was nothing if not a good guesser.  
"You hate doubt, especially of the self turned variety."  
"Do you know many people who love self doubt?" She guessed well he wasn't about to throw out praise for a give in.  
"Witchers know facts, work well with them. Maybe all to yourself was a cruel request. Talk about what you learned with Eskel and Jaskier? Sift fact from feelings?"  
"Hmm." She made it sound simple, this wasn't simple.  
"Not easy." She smiled as she could feel the eye roll that got. "Our way never is though." She took a sharp turn, blocking his way, standing at his chest. "Nothing good is gained easy. Didn't you try to spoon feed me that?"  
"Sounds like something I'd say." He leaned in and kissed her, Oxenfurt did allow for such things, there was no bucket of water thrown at them.  
"Hey!" Unyis was hot on their heels though.  
"Our way is better though." Anima smiled against his lips.  
"Best." He did like being best, he felt around the crudely cut edges of her hair. Something had to give, some sacrifice had to be made. They could figure out the right one. "You can hold on? For the right one?" He didn't give her any facts, just a glimpse at what he was feeling, rushed, concerned, doubting.  
"I held out for you didn't I?"  
"Hmm." He wasn't feeling good, or even better but he felt less drained than at the start if the day, she wasn't pulling emotions out of him instead draping him in her own. "We can nap first?" Maybe just a bit more warm to counteract the cold.  
"You and this bed Geralt!" Anima held a hand to his forehead.  
"I didn't sleep." He kissed her again.  
"Fine but just to keep you out of trouble. I have a fitting later today. Do you know how far my life has taken me where I thought I'd never have to utter those words?"  
"Far." He kissed her one more time before starting their way back to the Alchamey. "Well if we do this right we'll only have to do this once. No more fittings. Unless you want to visit court."  
"Visit court. Like it's a place." Anima scoffed and Geralt was starting to feel better, he wasn't sure why, there was no less threats, no extra eloted time, but he felt better. She scoffed like she knew of court, she didn't know half the hell it was, he would show her, there were still new edges to the world.  
"Court my dears." Jaskier had an arm over each of them. "Is a state of mind." He grimaced for a moment. "Now that state of mind is the proper use of the word ruthless." The dean's word choice had been bothering him all day.  
"It's really not as awful as you all make it out to be." Eskel shrugged from the rear, he quite liked observing nobels run around attempting to out absurd each other, it was amusing.  
_'Home.'_ That was the feeling returning to him, the feeling Lemming had twisted Geralt into feeling resentful, guilty and selfish over. "How many more days?" Geralt was patient till he wasn't.


	13. Falling behind

“Explain it to me again as if I’m an idiot.” They were fairly far away from university grounds and Jaskier no more understood what had Geralt so melancholy as he had when they left. Nothing but silence hit him and that could not stand. “Geralt that was low hanging fruit! If you will not take time out of your brooding to call me an idiot it’s . . . well it’s as if I don’t even know you anymore.” A pout a footstamp, Jaskier was going all out.  
“Geralt we already went left.” Eskel was scanning their surroundings, he was sure they’d been at this clearing before.  
“No we went right at that rock last time.” Geralt was just as sure. “Shit.” They did not have time for this, it had been meant to be a quick step away so that Geralt could suitably close himself off again, get himself right.  
“Shit? Are we . . . I am in the company of two witchers and we’re fucking lost? How is that possible? Who are you people and what have you done with Eskel and Geralt? You’re dopplers aren’t you?” Jaskier was nagging at every nerve but he had a method to his maddness.  
“Feel free to lead the way bard.” If Jaskier didn’t like being lost Geralt’s bark implied he doubly didn’t like being blamed for said lostness.  
“We’re not lost the . . . forest is changing.” Eskel was more likely to believe that the trees and ground were shuffling beneath them than he and Geralt had lost any sense of direction.  
“Oh that’s all?” If that was supposed to make Jaskier feel any better about their current state it did not. “How do we fix that?”  
“Find whatever’s doing the changing.” Geralt planned nearly constantly, it didn’t mean his plans were full of flourish.  
“Any idea what that could be?” Jaskier was ever so slightly regretting demanding to go along, he could debating music theory with his rivals, instead he was lost, in the woods, again.  
“Godling is likely as anything. A wood witch maybe. Illusions isn’t a lot to go on. Might be here a while till it makes a move. Sure you don’t want to hop up?” Eskel was smiling at him though, happy for the bard's company, and the man had traveled to see him, Jaskier could be a hospitable host.  
“It doesn’t bite?” Hoppitalble was one thing, trusting of horses, that was a hurdle of a different size.  
“All horses bite. I haven’t met one that can bite you when you’re on it’s back and with a whole person between you and it’s face. I’ll keep you safe.” Even when Eskel teased it came a little lighter at Jaskier’s ears, he could hear that fondness that Anima had spoken on months ago.  
“I . . .fine.” Slowly and with all the dread of being face to face with a dragon Jaskier managed to find himself on the back of Scorpion. “So any plans on how to expidite this process? You do have somewhere to be tomorrow Geralt. I know you normally don’t have deadlines but-“  
“Hmm.” Geralt’s whole life was a deadline, every job he got was always a matter of life and death, very rarely did a contract say get to it when you get to it.  
“There he is!” Jaskier chuckled at the sound of Geralt bothering to be bothered.  
“For now we look for clues, stop focusing on how we went right instead of left.” They were in a purposefully dizzying forest and Geralt still wanted to be correct.  
“Plenty of time for you to explain again . . . what the fuck is going on with Anima and the empaths and Aretuza . . . gods for someone who doesn’t like people she sure is popular.”  
“For whatever reason everyone’s hot on their heels to have Nehalenia back. At first the only way they thought to do that was to exterminate the empaths, harvest the glass, putit he mirror back together and summon her that way. They don’t have to do that anymore. When and how the sorcesses became invested I'm not sure . . . Lemming was attacked before winter.” Geralt was speaking slow, very much as if Jaskier was an idiot.  
“That sounds . . . better than the alternative . . . you know exterminating the empaths. . . harvesting the glass. Wasn’t that what we were worried about?”  
“They don’t have to resurrect her because Nehalenia has begun to posses Anima. I don’t think the empaths counted on that when they put extra glass in her, they were . . . just seeing how much a body could take, and they figured if they lost her . . . it’d be no real loss.” These words were just as slow but a bit darker, angrier than just stated fact. Geralt knew the pain being a test subject for excess mutations elicited. “She lived.” Some heat left his breath. “And for a while she didn’t use her ability with any force or frequency, so Nehalenia wasn’t called in any way.”  
“Called?”  
“She’s not always in Anima . . . Only when she lingers in the white, I think Nehalenia occupies that space in the void and only when Anima is using her ability in long powerful spurts, or when she’s in a state of sleep can she see the window to our world.” There had been exceptions, but for the most part it seemed to be the case. Geralt was less in the dark than before but the handbook on Nehalenia was still missing key pages.  
“Makes . . . not a whole bunch of sense. A goddess should be able to do what they want when they want not wait on Anima of all people.”  
“Gods have limits, it’s their followers who shill their power as beyond the laws of reality and reason.” Geralt really viewed religion just as dangerous if not more so than the dieties themselves. “They are hard to get your hands on though.”  
“So . . . . now everyone just wants Anima to be a meat suit for Nehalenia? Just kinda check out? Take one for-“  
“Yes Jaskier. That seems to be the concensus.” Geralt’s knuckles grew white around his reigns, he didn’t need the bard to pen a sonnet describing the goal, he was well aware.  
“Even in Aretuza?”  
“Merigold wants Anima to do her astral-“  
“Etheric”  
“Travel. So that she can try to exercise Nehalenia, if Anima was in there . . . exorcisms rarely go off cleanly, normally wreck the host along with that which is possessing them.” Geralt had been witness to a half dozen exorcisms, they never went well, there was nearly always a corpse on the floor at the end. “They don’t have the bones to burn so Nehalenia would move over to a new host . . . idealy.”  
“And the problem with that is?”  
“Geralt’s facing the issue all heros face.” Eskel did not sound fond with those words, he sounded judgmental a tone he rarely brandished. “Does being able to save one person outway the safety of others.”  
“Others? What? Other empaths? They’d be all on board. They want nothing more than to have their fearless leader back.”  
“Lemming has no clue what he wants. He feels indebted to the manor, he thinks it’s love, it’s family . . . . it’s not.” Geralt knew not all empaths were exactly like Lemming, some were likely like Spider, or even like Anima with thoughts and minds of their own, but was it Geralt’s right to decide that her life, her free will was more important than others? Just because it was more important to him? He had said those words, he was stronger so his opinion mattered more, but he wasn’t sure he believed it enough to follow through. Maybe he never meant them to begin with and Lemming had just turned Geralt into someone just as bad as everyone else, Lemming wanted to be the hero and Geralt the villain.  
“You can’t save everyone Geralt. You _can_ save her. Save _her_.” Eskel knew his brother gave a lot. He seemed possessive over things that belonged to him, did not open up warmly to others, freely exchanging conversation for the sport of it, but Geralt gave so much of himself. Blood sweat, peace of mind, any sense of wanting comfort had died in Geralt years ago, finding it to only weigh him down during the long fight. Anima and Jaskier had reignited that in him, Eskel was not going to allow his brother’s bleeding heart to be the death of him a second time.  
“Question?” Jaskier spoke once it was clear Geralt had no intention to reply to Eskel.  
“What is it Jaskier?” Geralt didn’t know how many times he could explain it, this was the third time he’d told the bard.  
“We know the manor wants Nehalenia back because . . . she’s their whole deal, and they’d like their blood where it is. What do the sorceresses need with her? They’re our better bet right? I mean Merigold cares wether or not Anima makes it through. The way you two sigh and sour I’ve gotten the impression the manor doesn’t. Also where does Nilfgard fit into all this?”  
“That was more than one question.” Eskel noted, sometimes the bard just refused to walk or speak at the slow methodical pace witchers worked at.  
“I don’t know what the sorceresses or Niflgard want from Nehalenia, likely whatever it is they’re just racing to beat each other to it. A pissing match.” Lemming had explained that Nehalenia when living had been more about micheif and adventure, illusions were more where her power laid than emotional nuance. She had been just an organic people person, not a calculative empath, even despite the personal hardships she went through. Her final feet had been of note, involved portals, illusions, matter compression and expansion, fire and brimstone everything but the community well. If Lemming was to be believed in doing so she invented the process of tethering to another, all while on her death bed, all in a moment. She had been great until she was godly, just like that.  
‘Well that’s not like you. Maybe that’s the problem.”  
“Hmm?” The circles they were moving in both physically and verbaly were getting to Geralt.  
“Not knowing why. You love why. If we know why maybe we can do whatever it is they want . . . instead of Nehalenia. I mean Anima’s grown stronger who knows-“  
“That doesn’t stop the the possession Jaskier, it just stops them from wanting it. Nehalenia doesn’t care what they want, she doesn’t care for anything that I can tell. Even if they got her I doubt she’d even listen to them.”  
“Couldn’t they just . . . exercise her and bottle her up? If we help the sorcesses, explain that Nehalenia is not one that can be wrangled, maybe they’ll help us seal her?”  
“Or we could burn her bones.” Eskel added to this just spitballing of ideas.  
“Let me simply find bones of some wandering witch that’s been dead for centuries Eskel.” Geralt growled, ideas were fine but impossible hypotheticals just made Geralt more iratable than being lost.  
“Well if anyone has them . . . it’d be the manor wouldn’t it? They had her mirror. Why wouldn’t they be guarding her bones?” Jaskier grinned as he saw Geralt’s shoulders lift just a measure. This think tank was working.  
“Hmm.” That did make sense, cults did like their relics and alters. “I can’t send you two to Aretuza alone . . . I don’t even know where the manor is, I’m sure Anima does. . . We could go there first but . . .” He saw it that time, the tree line rearranging slightly in his side view.  
“Anima’s slipping more often.” Eskel reminded Geralt of the deadline he hadn’t forgotten.  
“Can’t Anima just not . . . use her ability? Isn’t that the easy fix?” Jaskier must’ve been missing some grander picture here. “She went a whole fucking decade without using it. Bottle that geinie back up!”  
“Sure.” Geralt shrugged. “You could live without making music couldn’t you Jaskier?”  
“If it meant not dying yes!”  
“Would it be living though? Part of what makes you . . . you. Still inside you but you can’t use it? Anima has self restraint, she’s no using it recklessly but . . . I can’t expect her never to use it and I doubt her nor Nehalenia’s hold will just shrink over time. Even if I could . . . sometimes when she sleeps-”  
“Ok negative Nerri. What is your idea then?! I’m at least trying here. All you’ve done is shut down idea after idea!”  
“Because I’ve already had those ideas Jaskier! I stay awake at night, thinking over these very same ideas! I promise you I’m twice as hard on myself as I’m being to you.” Geralt’s whole body was tense, each word was grained and gravely.  
“I’ll go after the bones. You stay with Anima. I’ll do that on two conditions.” Eskel stated after some consideration.  
“What has the bard taught you how to barter?” Geralt did stop and turn, in all his thinking, all his planning it was always what he Anima and Jaskier could complete, he never thought elsewhere, this was not his brother’s struggle.  
“I’ll find the bones. Burn them, that means you’re going to have to escort Jaskier to that wedding in Cintra. Knowing our luck the manor isn’t in Ridenia and I doubt they’ll just hand them over.” Eskel was better at stealth than Geralt, he could sit and think and analyze without getting that crawl under his skin for not acting, he would be better for the job.  
“Hmm. I can make that sacrifice.” Geralt groaned a bit over the top at the prospect of sitting through princess Pavetta’s ceremony, but he could manage, he would live.  
“It will be fun Geralt!” Jaskier hid the disappointment of not having Eskel see him shine in that environment, but there’d be other weddings exactly like this one, there was only one Anima.  
“It will be no such thing.” All weddings were the same, loud and filled with undo drama, what appeal Eskel saw in it did not pass Geralt’s mind in the slightest. "What’s your second condition Eskel?”  
“This is a rescue mission Geralt. We’re saving Anima, because she’s part of our family. The _world_ is not our family, every empath is not some long lost cousin. Do not be a hero, do not save the world. If this does not work . . .Anima’s body can only handle so many exorcisms, one is unavoidable, two is risky, the body will break at three even hers”  
“Enough Eskel.” Gerlat’s molars squeaked against one another, he knew this would not be a comfortable endevor.  
“We try it our way, like it was any ordinary exorcism. If that doesn’t work, if the only option is someone else takes the diety. You have to allow it.”  
“Anima wouldn’t agree to that.”  
“She doesn’t have to.” Eskel was asking him to lie at best or go against Anima’s wishes at worst. “She’s yours isn’t she?”  
“She . . . has a choice in how she’s saved Eskel.”  
“Not now. Not this time. This is an ultimatum Geralt. I won’t let you choose moral high ground over happiness, over survival. Be strong for the both of you. Make the difficult choice.”  
“F . . .Fuck. Get off your horse.” Geralt was off Roach and sent her running. Eskel with a bit of maneuvering and making sure he had a sturdy hold on Jaskier did the same.  
“What the fuck is going on?” Jaskier was trying desperatey to hop from one piece of ground to another as he felt it shake beneath his feet. The soil under them was crumbling, diapering in a haze of green fog, the men fell, hard, down into some lengthy pit.  
“Hmm”  
“Really Geralt? Hmm? That’s what you can muster? We’ve fallen down a fucking chasm and-” Jaskier was squirming in Eskel’s hold, the Witcher who had cushioned the bards blow had a similar off put grunt as his response to the fall.  
“Didn’t know it was that wide.” Geralt slowly lurched himself to his feet. “You alright Jaskier?” Geralt winced as he unjamed his wrist that still nagged at him.  
“You knew it was there!” Jaskier stood and ran up to Geralt, shoving at his chest. “How bout a heads up next time?”  
“Could see the edges, when it moved . . . underestimated it’s size.” Geralt was staring up, trying to see if there were enough footholes for him to pull himself up.  
“Took you long enough, my pets could’ve starved if you took much longer.” A child like voice came from above, eerie giggling and all.  
“That’s not a good sign.” Eskel blinked back at the odd tempoed eyes staring at them.  
“She doesn’t seem all that tough I mean appearances can be deciving. What-“ Jaskier wasn't entirely sure who or what he was looking at.  
“I’m more worried about her pets.” Eskel was dusting himself off as he took in their new surroundings. “Godlings keep peculiar company.”  
“Peculiar how? Eskel you can tell me is something going to eat me?” There was only a bit of whine in Jaskier’s question. He asked Eskel because if Geralt told him one could only hope the bard would right and truly snap.  
“Something will try to eat you. Smelling the way you do I can’t blame them.” Eskel still didn’t know what them was and that was concerning. “I will do my best to keep you from getting eaten.”  
“And if they do eat me. You’ll cut me out just like your girl in the basilisk?” Jaskier wanted a bit of assurance as he cursed himself for smelling well. ‘ _Thus is the burden I bear.’_  
“Just like that.” Eskel’s smile grew oddly large at that. It was nice that his story had both entertained the bard and had bulstered the man’s confidence in him.  
“I leave you two to . . . . do whatever it is you want to do about that.” Geralt would claw his way out if he had to, he knew he made equally stupid eyes at Anima when she stroked at his ego but this seemed to be a moment that was lessened by his presence. He got a decent way up before his wrist flared again and he had to drop it, wringing the heat from the nerves. “Fuck.” He swung from his left arm for a moment or two.  
“You don’t have to plumit to your death to avoid us Geralt! Get down here and we’ll go this way!” Jaskier had a grin that implied his mood had gone chipper.  
“Hmm.” Geralt contemplated which was worse the possibility that he couldn’t climb this chasm one handed or that attempting to do so seemed more appealing than listening to Jaskier and Eskel croon sweet nothings to one another. “Fine.” His decent was clunky and over exerted but Geralt refused to fall on his back a second time.  
“That seemed worth it.” Even Eskel could see that Geralt’s need to be fully self reliant was sometimes less a help and more a hinderance. “Is he this bad with Anima?”  
“He’d rather be crushed under a bolder than have her get a hangnail trying to remove it, but he lets her get her way easier than when I try.”  
“I _am_ right here.” Geralt decided he’d start making a running tally of how often his loved ones had to be remnded that he was present an accounted for.  
“How far does this thing go?” Jaskier squinted into the darknes. Up had already been tested now they were going to go deeper in to find an exit. Geralt picked up a rock and tossed it as hard as he could into the abyss.  
“Far.”  
“That gives me just enough time Eskel. Did I tell you of the sunflowers we saw on the way here?”  
“No.” Eskel didn’t ask why it was important, or what made Jaskier think of sunflowers he just gave an open and just curious enough look as he took the front to their exploration.  
“Taller than me Eskel, just wining all around at life these things-“ Jaskier began, and it showed no sign of stopping, even after Geralt quite litteraly blocked him out by putting his hands over his ears.

“Shut up.”  
“I didn’t the last eight times you told me I won’t start-“  
“No really Jaskier shut up!” Geralt could hear something outside of the incessant chatter, it wasn’t the blessing Geralt imagined it being. “Bumbakvetch?”  
“Bless you!” Jaskier found the joke funny, Eskel chuckled, even Geralt’s apparently unamused face twitched slightly as if considering a smirk. “Fine. Fine. What is it?”  
“Not likely that.” Eskel shook his head. “There’s more than one so . . . chorts?”  
“Probably.” Geralt finally was right with his sense of self, able to atleast casulaly admit his guess was not the right one. Jaskier waited patiently, hoping he didn’t have to ask the obvious question, busy wondering which name he disliked more. “Smaller than fiends but still big enough to kill. Rams more or less, rams that bite and claw once they got you down.”  
“Lovely pets.” Jaskier was glad to be in the know but it still left him a bit concerned.  
“They’ve found us. Jaskier they run in a straight line. Just head back a ways and if any get stray just dodge them alright?” Geralt motioned with his shoulder behind him, busy rummaging through his pack.  
“Oh just dodge? Sure just dodge. Easy.” Jaskier tossed his hands up as he retreated to a safe distance.  
“What are you looking for? Don’t gotta lure them with anything. They’re coming.” Eskel kept his eyes on Jaskier and his ears on the pack headed their way.  
“Here.” Geralt had tossed back half the potion and left the rest for Eskel.  
“Cat? You keep potions on your person? Since when?” Eskel was glad to have the blades on his back, when did Geralt start walking overly prepared?  
“Since Anima makes potions when she’s bored . . . or nervous . . . or angry . . . I can’t use them fast enough. Take some when you leave.” There was almost a half plead to that statement. Though he’d never take that task from her, Geralt sharpened his blades when there was no feasible way to have them sharper, Jaskier polished his lute till his face smiled back at him, each of them were allowed some busy work.

There was a horde of them, snorting and grunting as they charged horns first at the witchers. Having sharper sight helped, chorts were better to outsmart than out muscle, egging them close and moving out of the way in time for them to smash headfirst into the rock walls. The process was long, and not without error, both Witchers took bone crunching hits but Eskel got the worst of it, his knee being wedged cruely between stone and skull, grinding at the joint for a grueling couple of minutes till Geralt could find his way behind it and impale the beast at the spot where spine poked through. Maybe just shy of an hours time till the last of them were put down. “My beautiful little Bahhs! You idiots! You killed them.” From where didn’t really matter but that godling had been watching and she was none too pleased.  
“Shouldn’t trap a witcher. Won’t waste time counting sheep.” Geralt pulled Eskel’s arm over his shoulder to lessen the weight on his leg.  
“Plenty a time now. Count the dead uns, you’ll be dead soon. Won’t let you go witch boys!” Godlings were always amusing to Geralt, he often had almost fun dealing with them, but he had places to be and no time for tantrums.  
“Likely more illusions.” Geralt turned behind him. “Jaskier you haven’t complained in about six minutes. Still alive?”

"Eskel are you alright?" Jaskier ran up to the witchers.  
"Will be. Should keep moving so it doesn't lock up." Eskel's face contorted in new and interesting ways for a couple paces till he got a more comfortable rhythm. Another hour passed.  
"I need a break." Jaskier stopped dead in his tracks as if this was a forgotten thought just remembered.  
"Jaskier we should keep going. I know you're tired but-" Eskel's weight crumpled into a wall.  
"Not tired. Done. You hear me? Done. Not another step. This has been too much adventure! This whole visit has been fraught with far too much-" Jaskier sat right where he was.  
"If I could carry you out I would Jaskier but-" Eskel sounded tired. Geralt looked between the two men and something clicked.  
_'Jaskier still has another good hour till he starts sweating through his chemise.'_ That was when the real complaining would start. _'This is for Eskel.'_ Geralt sat against the opposing wall. "Let him pout for a bit Eskel. He'll find a second wind." This was for Eskel's ego. If his brother had mentioned that his leg needed a rest Geralt would have understood, but pain tolerance varied witcher to witcher mood to mood there was no way of telling without one actually telling. Asking was a good way to get a punch in the face. Instead of making Eskel voice his discomfort Jaskier was taking it on as his own. _'Snakes the both of them.'_ Geralt knew this was not a new trick, knew it to be a tool both Jaskier and Anima had used on him from time to time when he refused to listen to his own body begging for rest.  
"Here. Lift your leg a bit love. If we're all going to take a moment why not . . . Take the moment." This was somewhat new, somewhat heart warming, this meant a lot. Jaskier had bunched up his doublet, placing it on the ground gesturing for Eskel to lay his injured knee on it. "What? Do not tell me you are too good for Kaedwenian cotton? I know it may not have the sheen that comes from-"  
"Before my ears bleed Eskel! Please." Geralt groaned. Eskel was not an idiot, he saw this for what it was but eventually he shrugged and caved into care. He relaxed a bit further when Jaskier's head rested down in his lap, forcing the witcher to stay in place.  
"Thank you Jaskier." Eskel hummed a bit as he tussled his hand through Jaskier's hair. Geralt let his eyes close just for a minute, the minute turned into about a half hour.  
"What time is it? Up on the surface I mean." Jaskier finally spoke up.  
"Night." Geralt couldn't see the sky but the uptick in bats fluttering over their head had him assuming the moon was up.  
"And how far are we from Oxenfurt?" Eskel was doing some logistics in his head.  
"Hours." Geralt shrugged.  
"Geralt . . . . That doesn't concern you?" Jaskier sat up.  
"No." Geralt shrugged again, being concerned about distance wouldn't shorten it any.  
"Geralt you'll be late for your own Triquetra."  
"I'm never late. Right on time." Geralt's third shrug was a bit less confident. ' _She will have words about this. Unyis will have words.'_ He cringed just a hair.  
"What's a Triquetra?" The godling was back in the shadows. "Is it a birthday party?"  
"It's a ritual."  
"I've never been to a birthday party."  
"It's closer to a wedding than a birthday." Eskel corrected. "Right?" The witcher had gotten mixed messages and mixed levels of enthusiasm about this event.  
"Yes." Jaskier nodded.  
"Not a wedding. Not a party." Geralt shook his head.  
"I've never been to a wedding!"  
"Not a wedding." Geralt held steadfast. "Witchers don't marry."  
"What's it for?"  
"One Skugga for one Vildkaarl." He answered.  
"How hard did you hit your head on the fall? Are those words?"  
"Hmm." Geralt let out a sigh of being out numbered as always "If we let you go along will you stop with the illusions? No one can go to anything if we're stuck down here." Geralt turned his head as the curious creature came out of the shadows.  
"You killed my pets."  
"They did try to eat us." Eskel rubbed at his swelling knee, trying his best not to be a bit resentful.  
"I can't bring back the chorts. I do think I have an idea that will make you and Anima happy."  
"Is she your girly?" Wide eyes got wider.  
"Yes."  
"Do you looooove her?" Outside of the illusions and horn heavy pets there wasn't much that was different between talking to the godling and the human girl they had saved from harpies.  
"Hmm."  
"That's Geralt for yes." Jaskier teased.  
"Humans won't let me in . . . Can hide in a corner suppose. Will there be cake?"  
"Not inside, in the wild." Geralt didn't know of there being any rule banning godlings from such occasions.  
"Still be fancy though? Will. There. Be. Cake?"  
"There will be cake." Eskel would buy cake somewhere if he had to. ' _Hell at this point I could take a sugar rush.'_ Sweets were normally too much on a witcher's pallette but he'd eaten lutefish, nothing could be more offensive than that, perhaps he could find something light enough to enjoy, he hadn't exactly brought a gift.  
"Will it be fancy?"  
"It's me. So . . .No." Geralt didn't have the heart to get her hopes up. "Anima keeps referencing a dress though . . . With lace. That's fancy . . . For us." He gave a shrug and a chuckle.  
"Not a trick?"  
"Rich from the girl who trapped us." Geralt pointed out that she wasn't the innocent child she was playing herself off to be and he had not forgotten. "I was sent to hunt down and kill what's been getting students disoriented, one came back with a broken arm saying he was going to be fed to sheep so-"  
"Just a joke always a joke. No bahhs left anyhow no need to get all snarly. Girly won't like that. Oh oh! Practice with me."  
"Practice what? Are you going to show us the exit or not?" Geralt's tone staid calm but he was feeling cooped.  
"Practice telling her you looooove her." There was a long bordering on painful silence, big stupid blinks for ages. "I'll show yous the way out." The group was up and moving forward. "So?"  
"Don't so with me." Geralt only tolerated one set of sos.  
"You do got a speech planed right?"  
"Geralt's not much of a speech man." Eskel chuckled at the thought of Geralt professing vows of any sort.  
"Grunts are the best you're going to get out of him." Jaskier nodded.  
"His poor girly. Gonna wear a pretty dress and get no pretty words."  
"He'll make up for it somehow." Jaskier gave a wink that Geralt's eyes took and rolled clear across the cave. "Plus he does save his softest grunts just for her." The bard tried to salvage some of Geralt's character.  
"Right here." Geralt spoke to no one in particular as they moved down a well hidden corridor.

The sun was peeling up by the time they got to the surface. By the time they got to Oxenfurt it was noon. By the time imperative pitstop of wrapping Eskel's knee properly, twice because Jaskier fussed, and they managed to get the straight answer that Anima and Unyis' students were about a mile past the west gate another hour went past. "Geralt!" Anima waved frantically at the approaching group. This dress was nicer than the one from a year or two back, it did still have ties and buckles that were sure to bother later but it didn't hug and cage her wrongly, it hung loose around her, similar in the way his tunics did, he liked this dress, the way she looked in it.  
_'Don't tear this one.'_ The lace around the edges wasn't too much and it was a shade of blue that wasn't too pale to wash out against her skin, she looked soft but not muted. "You look nice." Maybe he should have practiced some words.  
"Nice?" Ophi got red in the face for a moment then let her lips purse in a bitter smile.  
"Did I not say he'd think it nice?" Anima tried to reassure the woman her hard work was appreciated, she had warned the seamstress. _'It's fine would mean he politely hates it. It's good means it's exactly what he expected. If he does really like it Ophi, he'll say it's nice.'_  
"Er . . . Really nice? Fancy?" Geralt tried a bit harder, maybe a bit too hard.  
"Boo!" The godling popped up from behind Geralt. "Girly you look beautiful. Spritely!"  
"Why thank you . . ."  
"Finally someone asks me name it's Vox!"  
"Well I'm glad you're here Vox." Anima smilled warmly. "And I'm glad you three . . . I'm sorry curiosity will have to kill this cat. Eskel's got a limp, Jaskier's missing his doublet and is a fine mix of dirt and bed head. . . Geralt you smell like a goat. What sort of stag party was this?"  
"Mine." This was par for Geralt's days. "Not fitting attire for a Triquetra." Geralt would have stopped to get presentable but much later a search party would have been sent for them, a search party they'd likely have to go searching for.  
"You've never been to a Triquetra." Anima chuckled, but went on when there was still some lingering worry in Geralt's face. "You're here so I'd say it's fitting just fine." She took his cheeks in his hands, letting a swift kiss fall on him.  
"Can you not ruin every last bit of this witcher?" Unyis shouted from her sea of students.  
"We do ruin well." Geralt had that stupid look in his eyes he was sure, but Eskel and Jaskier could tease him for that later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in a much better headspace than I was in writing the last chapter and I think it shows, I'm much happier with this. May rewrite the previous chapter eventually but if I didn't post it I'd be stuck there forever. As always thank you for your patience and understanding.


	14. Tradition Blues

"I did stitch up something quick for you as well W . . . Geralt." Ophi had a garment extended to the Witcher.  
"What color is it?" Anima had a hand over her eyes. "Don't tell me I know this one."  
"Hmm." He didn't like the look of it, the sheeny feel of it. Though it did have the distinct advantage of not smelling of mangy chort, wearing full armor wasn't exactly being open and soft. It was a real marvel to be appreciated how quickly Geralt could get out of all those hardened leather pieces.  
"Just undressing infront of impressionable minds Geralt. Is that wise? Playing with fire like that?" Jaskier teased as Geralt removed his tunics, getting some whispers from the student and a whistle from Anima that Geralt actively and somehow aggressively ignored.  
"Fine?" Geralt had meant to get Anima's opinion but quickly became aware he should have been more specific.  
"Fancy." Vox was clapping something silly. "When is cake?" Her attention was not long held on the witcher.  
"I didn't have your measurements it will have to do." Ophi pouted as she fiddled with the collar that she had trimmed with fur, clearly too tight and bristling too close against his neck, he twisted away from her touch.  
"Both wearing blue isn't historically accurate." Unyis was speaking more to her class than to Geralt. "Everyone needs to have their own unique spin on traditions now a days." She seemed thoroughly displeased but Geralt was begining to wonder if this woman had another expression.  
_'She and Ves would get along.'_ He rolled his eyes at the cavalcade of comments. "Anima?" Geralt was more specific this time.  
"I like you best in black Geralt." Anima leaned in for another kiss. He hummed in acknowledgment against her lips, hearing her for what she was truly saying. _'Just as you are. Always enough. Love you just as you are.'_ He breathed a bit teased as she pulled back. "Yet you make everything work Geralt. Nothing you can't pull off, and of all the shades Ophi this is my favorite. You had your bets hedged. Geralt always take my breath away." She could compliment in a sweep, make a forest feel homey and connected, pull smiles from a pack, no glass needed, that was all her.  
"So what . . . How do we do this?" He was tugging slightly at deep blue sleeves that were just a hair too short. _'Maybe she could tear it.'_ He let his mind wander to thoughts of her finally get even for Jaskier's birthday. "Did we miss it this year Jaskier?" The cleaner part of his inner monolouge met the light of day.  
"Miss . . . What?"  
"Your birthday?"  
"My. . . Melitele Geralt focus! This is your day! Let it be your day!" Jaskier normally would take this time to steal the spotlight, alert everyone to all the sacrifices _he_ made to keep the group moving, how selfless _he_ was but just this once he could be silently humble. "Actually!" A thought lost to the thrill of almost plummeting to his death hit him. "Perhaps we should . . . Take time to celebrate the day of my birth. Your students could be witness to two noteworthy events." Jaskier was looking at Unyis a genuine question in his eyes.  
"What's noteworthy about a birthday?" Displeased as ever.  
"It's Jaskier's." Eskel smiled. "Everything he does is noteworthy." This witcher did not struggle with soft, with endearment, it was easy for him to lay a gentle kiss at Jaskier’s shoulder, shocked eyes did nothing but put that stupid smile back on his face.  
"Hmm." It still left Geralt feeling envious, still bothered that his brother was better at something he wanted to be best at. _'Not best . . . Not even good . . . Better than Lambert atleast.'_ He was trying not to work himself into a mood. "I am better than Lambert right?" Geralt turned to Anima, there was a pitting dread reading in his eyes she hadn't been expecting.  
"Yes." She didn't know the question but what other answer was there? Geralt was best at near everything in her mind. She was curious though. "At what? I mean if it's setting stuff on fire I may have to reconcider."  
"Hmm." He liked it better that she was confident without even knowing, pride overrode the momentary concern.  
"What makes it of note? How many times do you see a man turn twenty two for the eighth time?" Jaskier grew a bit flustered as he saw everyone double checking his math in their head. "Numbers are not important all-"  
"Says the man turning twenty two for the eighth time." Geralt chuckled, it was rare to see the bard scramble for words.  
"Point is-"  
"Point is you three have run so late you've likely ruined the fuarthas lasair-" Unyis spoke over the bard with authority.  
"Did _she_ fall on her head?" Vox pulled on Geralt's sleeve.  
"Likely." Geralt joked back, that got him a swat to the arm by Anima but she was fighting a smirk and Geralt was feeling even warmer. "What is that and . . . How do I fix it?" Story of Geralt's whole life.  
"You're skipping ahead!" Unyis barked.  
"Unyis! Not everyone was taken in by a school of sardines and raised as one of their own. Please for the sake of time and your heart rate, just explain what we need to do." Anima sighed, this ceremony was nothing if not consistent, tedious from begining to end.  
"First is the ghab and snaidhm." Unyis was met with each and every blink.  
"Catch and knot." Anima had fully resigned herself to be the translator of the day. "Geralt I'm going to run into the woods and after ten minutes you're going to come find me."  
"Alright." He tried to keep his face even, neutral, but he was fightining a smirk, he always liked a good chase, that was something he was good at.  
"Question?" A student raised their hand.  
"Uh . . . Yes?" Anima did not anticipate being a guest lecturer as well.  
"Why does he chase you? I thought Skelligans didn't believe in the patriarchy?"  
"The what?"  
"They don't. Normally whichever partner was wearing blue would-" Unyis started on again.  
"It has nothing to do with blue! Forget the blue! Or dominance! Geralt and I are equals. There is no dominant partner." She knew relationships, knew people, knew this as fact.  
"Equal to a witcher?" It came, it always came, someone sizing up the mismatched pair.  
"Yes. You have a problem with that?" Geralt didn't snarl but stood firm behind Anima, a hand running up her ribs, not protecting, she didn't need protection, just there, just with her. _'Here. I'm here.'_ He didn't say it outloud because those words were for her, not for the masses.  
"N . . .No." The student learned quick that witcher's don't posture, it wasn't wise to debate unless steel ran through your spine.

"Grand." Anima's smile balmed the building tension. "We're doing it this way purely because . . . Do you have the time to watch a woman who is extensively forty percent jam chase after a witcher whose had a ten minute head start? I don't! Jaskier will turn twenty three in that time!" It was gone, all the ice, all the tension, melted because Anima was warm as anything. The woman ran cold, Geralt could attest, priding himself on holding the cold away from her but her words, her smile, her presence was warmth.  
"Has the ten minutes started yet?" Geralt had almost allowed himself to be visably eager, nails dug into her side.  
"This is going to spiral wonderfully. We haven't teased each other stupid in a while Geralt." Anima was just the smallest bit intimidated by how eager he was, but the lumbering half growl that sentence elicited was delightful. "Do you have that dumb knot I slaved over?" She turned to Unyis, all these people, the pomp and circumstance was taking her away from what she wanted to do. Let Geralt expell all the energy she could feel thumping through him.  
"Here." It was a messy braid of straw with a cuff of blue ribbon at each end. "Do you know what the fuarthas lasair is? I can't follow you-"  
"Yes yes found flame got it." Anima was fastening the loop around her wrist. _'No Anima you can't just fuck Geralt's brains out you have to get your Skelligan stripes first.'_ She was wound a bit tight.  
"We lit those candles hours ago, they're likely out so if you can't find all of them you have no one to blame your misfortune on-"  
"We'll find them." Geralt was growing equally impatient. He didn’t know what the candles symbolized or what leaving one unfound meant, it didn’t matter, there could be thirty candles in those woods, long since melted into the soil, he'd find them. If Anima was warmth, Geralt was confidence personified in the moment.  
"I just want my opinion to be heard on how dumb I find this." What wasn't dumb was the look on Geralt's face as she peered over shoulder at him. The man wasn't glowing, hell he wasn't even smiling but he looked right, looked sure. Anima didn't have to be an empath to know in this moment he felt content maybe even close to happy, she could chill her libido for that, for as long as he could be held in that state of mind. "A little dumb." His eyes were scanning the trees like he needed some edge in finding her. "Vox. I'm counting on you to make sure he doesn't cheat. He has to wait a whole ten minutes alright?"

Anima without another word was running and hating every second of it. _'Is it even worth trying to find a hiding spot? Dumb, just dumb.'_ She did change direction a few times just to be a sport about it but then time seemed to be going suspiciously long. ' _It has to have been ten minutes.'_ She kept at it till her sides started to burn, looking behind her there was still no sign of her witcher. She kept at it, eventually she jogged, then she walked, then she sat. "Well fuck."  
"If you had to find your way back would you be able to?" He was ahead of her because of course he was.  
_'Can't be mad at that marvel.'_ He looked such the perfect mix of smug and enamored. "Sure all-" she laid down against the grass catching her breath, calming her want.  
"Without tethetering to Jaskier?"  
"Eventually. Probably. My patience for being lost would give out before my ability to walk aimlessly through the woods. Tunic's a bit out of character but you're . . ."  
"Hmm." He could hear her held back desire and he wanted to pounce. "Have I ever called you . . . Something nice?" It was an odd question.  
"Nice?" Her head popped up at him. "You say nice things to me all the time Geralt."  
"Like . . . Darling?" He wanted today to be a day he showed soft, she clearly was doing all this for him, he wanted to be everything and anything she wanted. Trying was what she liked best and soft always took trying.  
"Say it now if you'd like." Her head rested back. "How far did you overshoot my ability to run?" Anima didn't need pet names, she'd been called everything, Geralt was a man of action, she valued his actions.  
"It was kind of you. Keeping at it for as long as you did." He sat down next to her, no pet name came, he had been right, his tounge didn't twist that way.  
"That far?" She appreciated the sentiment that he was protecting her ego, he clearly had gone much farther than she had and circled back, action. "Sorry it wasn't much of a chase. I could tell you were looking forward to it."  
"I liked it fine. Normally when I catch what I'm after I get swung at. This is a nice change. Catching someone that wants to be found." He found his favorite spot, the high ground, just looming over her, no fear in her face, just a smile. He leaned in and kissed her, they had both worked themselves close to ravenous. "What next? Some business about candles?" Geralt did like objectives, goals, he wanted reward but earning it was nearly as good.  
"Found flame. Oh first this. I refuse to look an idiot alone." She passed him the second cuff on the braid, almost an after thought. "So there are candles set up around for us to find, one for each year we've been together. We need to find them, throw salt over the flame. Now the question is-"  
"How many years have we been together?" He watched her face to see if that question insulted her, her brow didn't furrow instead raised in question. "I should know it just-" Time had a habit of blurring to Geralt, so little changed that it was easy for days months and years to bleed into one another.  
"Two years?"  
"It's been longer than two years." Geralt wasn't the best with dates that didn't have to do with battles or beasts but he was fairly confident it had been longer than two years.  
"I said I love you round about two years ago Geralt." She watched him ponder her words for a moment.  
"You were saying you love me long before that." He kissed her again, he started nipping, it was getting dangerous.  
"Yes but saying I love you and being in a relationship are not the same I assure you." Anima had the better hold on separating desire from tasks at hand.  
"Hmm. So two candles?" That wouldn't take any time at all. "There's still . . . Dinner?" He groaned impatiently.  
"Somewhere between two and ten."  
"I'm confused." He had been listening, it was unlikely he had missed something. No one could argue Geralt's full focus was not on Anima.  
"Jaskier's retelling of our romance differs."  
"Hmm." That made sense. "No one thought to ask me?" He was standing needing some space to stay respectable. "Tease to end all teases Anima." He shook himself loose, helping Anima up to her feet.  
"You were busy trying to save me from impending doom as per your constant narative. I'll ask you now. How long have we been together?"  
"Uh-" He had dug himself into a hole, when he found her important and when he had stopped seeking out intimacy elsewhere were not mutually exclusive. "I think . . . I knew you were important to me after I found myself all the way in Lyria to bring you jam and you weren't there." He had cared for her before his sense would allow for it, he sometimes felt guilty about that.  
"Right." She could see the squirm etching in his face. "None of that. Somewhere between two and ten years yeah?"  
"Sure."  
"Love me?" Easy request, easy answer, ease the squirm.  
"Love you." He kissed her again, groaning as her nails raked down his back.

"Now how to we find candles that have gone out. They don't have heartbeats unless you found some truly accursed candels so my skill set it moot. We could just call it a-" She was going to offer backing out but she knew the answer she was walking into.  
"I can find them. Come on." Geralt wasn't lost, though he very rarely was.  
"I refuse to believe you can smell a candle that went out hours ago Geralt."  
"Can't." His nose did have limits.  
"Alright" There wasn't any hesitancy to her steps, she trusted Geralt to lead the way.  
"Not going to ask why we're going this direction?"  
"If you want to gloat, gloat Geralt." She smiled as annoyance read in Geralt's side glance. "I _am_ terribly curious." They had both missed the cat and mouse game. Things had been so serious lately, there was no room for it.  
"Hmm."  
"Just proving a point."  
"Which is?"  
"You like explaining your process. I've over heard you mapping out plans with Roach. You like when Jaskier asks what you're doing. I know you huff and puff as not to imply he has free reign to your secrets but every once in a while it wouldn't hurt to try and-"  
"I can't be poetic Anima."  
"But you can be descriptive. Leave the poetry to Jaskier, just every once in a while don't spare the details."  
"I suppose I could try. I'm not counting the fingers and toes on every drowner I come across. He does like anything with wings though . . . I'll try then."  
"Told you that you can pull anything off. Even compromise."  
"Hmm." He had a suspicion she was exploiting his good mood a bit but he didn't mind terribly. It was a simple request and one he let sink in. The bard just was asking for a tale from time to time.

 _'I said I'd tell you a story if you were good wolf.'_ Lily's words struck him out of nowhere, stopped him, froze his bones, his good mood, the playful tease all evaporating from him.  
"Geralt?" Anima's hand was at his back.  
"I'm . . . Still not . . ." Over it, fixed, better. He could feel a dull ache in his right wrist, he stared down at some barely there scars. Why hadn't this gone away? His body had recovered, why hadn't his mind snapped back?  
"And you might never be. Or it will happen gradually and you won't even notice." Anima didn't seem surprised by his sudden change in temperament. "Heal at your pace." Her words were warm as always but they were fighting a truly bitter cold.  
"I need to get over it." He shook his head harshly. A broken witcher was equal to a broken sword, nigh on useless. What would happen if he got thrown off balance by the echo of Lilly's words in a crucial moment. He did not have the luxury to freeze, he always had to move, always had to be confident. _'Get over it.'_  
"No you don't." Her words barely registered over his self scolding.  
"Anima that's easy for you to say."  
"Sure is. Seer of all wants and needs that's me." While her words were jovial her tone was soft. "You _want_ to get over it, you don't _need_ to. You were plenty strong, got out of there, you've completed what? five or six contracts since then? It hasn't impeded your ability to do your job."  
"It's not that." He didn't sound hurt, he sounded angry and that was a problem.  
"Well outside of your job what else is there? Just us. Just your family. We don't need you to be over it. We are not asking that of you Geralt. We ask a lot I know but not that. We need you to be alright with yourself."  
"I . . ." Did he have a problem with himself? He'd killed most if not all the bruxa, Lilly was not a threat, just a memory. He was battling with himself, his own guilt, his own self consciousness, his short comings. "Lie again?" While he heard his anger, to himself he just sounded weak and he hated it.  
"You apologized already Geralt and you hate repeating yourself." Her tone was careful, there wasn't a denial there, just a stating of facts.  
"I'm sorry that I'm not over it? Lie when I . . I need you to lie?" He wasn't sure, didn't know what mix of words and actions would set him right, would fix his skin from crawling, his stomach from flipping, the freeze, he had to stop the freeze, had to move. _'Get over it.'_  
"I will accept your aplogy Geralt." It pulled at every part of her heart that Geralt refused to accept he wasn't at fault for how he acted in captivity or how it's effects lingered. Pull and tear all it liked, it was not Anima's place to dictate how he delt with it, how he made sense and coped. _'I'm not in his head.'_ So long as it didn't hurt him deeper. _'He's twisting the knife thinking on it alone. Whatever he needs to feel it's safe to share. He is here for me always. Need to be here for him now.'_ Sorry didn't mean anything, even less so when none was needed but if it eased his mind she could give him that assurance over and over.  
"Will?" His body tensed slightly as her arms wrapped around him from behind. _'Does she not believe I'm sorry? What does-'_ His train of thought was interupted.  
"Always enough darling." She heard a wounded grunt at that word. He was not a man that easily welcomed sweet words, but they helped, they both knew the sign of tenderness helped overcome the harshness of Geralt's mind.  
"Please." It was rebreaking a bone to set it right. He wanted it, badly.  
"Have been Geralt. Will always be enough. I'll accept your aplogy if you tell me you believe that."  
"Hmm." He did still very much believe that experience was something he had to get over or scrub from his memory entirely, it was just slowing him down. That wasn't a debate worth having though, he wanted her to accept his aplogy and get moving again. She never asked too much of him, she hardly asked of him at all, he could do this. "I understand." He wasn't sure if it was a lie, if he one hundred percent believed that and for a moment the uncertainty had him more uneven. As if that meant he would get the acceptance he was after under false pretense. _'The foglet hunt.'_ He hadn't just picked that memory out of nowhere, he had been so rattled by Anima's bleeding ears that he hadn't taken the time to hear his own lesson in there. _'Wobbling is allowed.'_ He believed that before, she had promised him not just then but time and again as long as he tried that was enough. "I'm trying." The breath that brought those words was strained, the connections he had to make to get there, frustrating.  
"Trying means the the world." She went to give a kiss between his shoulder blades but turned her face and just rested her cheek there, held him for a few moments.  
"Once more?" Greedy, always greedy.  
"Darling I love the way you try." Everyone called him wolf, no one even thought to call him darling. "Good to me Geralt. No one better." Another punched out breath. She was mending him in a way he didn't know how to rightly thank her for.  
"Candles won't come to us." Standing still quickly became unbearable, actions, that was the ticket. Words would never be enough but no one would act on Anima's behalf quite like Geralt.  
"And how will we find them Geralt?" She pulled away, a grin formed as Geralt reached out and laced his fingers with hers. If asked he could say it was to keep pace, but Geralt had grown fond of holding hands and here in the middle of the woods with no eyes on them he felt he was allowed to pursue that preference.  
"Unyis put the candles out. Her scent's a bit stronger than long lit candles." He stopped again.  
"Geralt?" There was no rush, if he needed another moment he could have it.  
"That's not cheating is it?"  
"Freya's Tits! Find the candles, throw salt. No one said anything about how we find the damn things. Vesemir isn't here to grade you on merit and morals."  
"Why salt?" Geralt thought maybe if he focused back in on the task it'd take his mind somewhere less uncertain. He liked being certain, steady. ' _Anchor. I'm her's. That I'm best at.'_  
"I don't know. I was young Geralt. Be glad I remember the words and motions. Higher purpose and symbolism were lost on a child. Good chance it has something to do with the sea." She shrugged, everything had to do with sea. Could she have paid more attention during Unyis' refresher class? Yes. Had she? Clearly not, scoffing and eye rolls had taken most of her attention.  
"It's funny." Geralt lit the first found candle.  
"What?" Anima had the silly pouch of salt, it did made a bit of a fun snap as it hit the flames. _'Cute.'_  
"Whoever spills salt arouses enmity."  
"What's enmity?"  
"Oppression."  
"You tell me that after I throw it." She rolled her eyes as they went in search for another.

"One nation sees it as good luck and cleansing another sees as damnation."  
"Funny." Anima didn't see the humor but gave a commisorating chuckle. "And what nation's ire am I invoking?" They were making fast work of the candles, onto the third.  
"I don't remember."  
"Oh. Well I'm sure we'll know it when we get there." Anima didn't even get an acknowledging hmm at that. "Do not spend all day trying to remember." She followed in silence as she let him leaf through every old wives tale and fable ever told to him. It wasn't till the sixth candle he spoke up again.  
"Country will never come but . . . I think my mother might have said that."  
"Oh so now it's not a country I need to worry I've slighted. Just know somewhere your mother is judging me?" Still she chucked salt over the flame. Anima didn't know much of Geralt's feelings on his family before the wolves and was letting him dictate how far in on the topic they went.  
"Maybe." He shrugged. "She didn't like being wasteful." He remembered that, recalling his mother was bitter sweet. _'Had a boy that she could bear to part with.'_  
"And here I thought your looting and hording was a witcher thing. Perhaps it's genetic." They moved again.  
"Perhaps." Warmth was coming back to him, not in waves but a slow trickle. That was a warm thought, maybe not everything he had been was removed, perhaps there was a small bit of him that held on to where he originally came from, who he had been but had since forgotten.  
"Or a mix of both." They were at the seventh candle, Unyis hadn't spaced these out in as challenging a manner as Geralt had hoped.  
"Mix?"  
"Some witcher some . . . What your mother gave you." The notion got warmer still.  
"You really love thinking everything has layers." He snorted as the warmth rose from his gut, up through his chest and had nowhere to go but out his nose in a huff.  
"Love it? Maybe. Know it. You are wordly Geralt but there are facts I know better than you." It did make people interesting, it did help Anima keep from detaching. People were different, layered, no two the same, best to react, judge and interact with each uniquely. Her ability to acknowledge and adapt to that, paired with her mutation made her a specialist among specialists.  
"Hmm." Eight down and from the trail there was only one to go. She was wise in ways he wasn't, ways that didn't make sense to him, knowledge was a powerful thing and it took all types to have a well balanced world. "Fits well." He almost wish he could purr but as he saw her smile he knew his best attempt was close enough. _'Enough.'_ This day was one to remember, he'd never feel warmer he was sure of it. _'Going to cook at this rate.'_ He kept that to himself because he wanted more, always wanted more.  
"What's that?" The candles were done.  
"My . . . Mix. With yours. We fit well." Geralt smiled, normally when he told her that it was in a pleading way, with force, trying to convince her of that fact. "Finally just let me say it." She wasn't running, he wasn't fighting, it was just a warm notion on a warm day full of mostly warm feelings.  
"I suppose we do." Her kiss was soft, well started soft. Geralt had found her, found the stupid candles, he was one step closer to completing his task and he wanted the tease of the light at the end of the tunnel back. He rerurned the kiss firmly, walking her back into a tree, letting some hunger have it's way.  
"Is the day much longer?"  
"You asked for this stupid day." She kissed him with matching hunger, only muttering those words when she felt lace start to rise up to thigh level.  
"I did." Geralt had warned her he was a glutton for misery. "What's next?"  
"Hmm . . . Dinner or the broom. Don't remember which comes first." She was peppering kisses down a taught neck, sliding fingers across a tunic that impossibly felt tighter at his skin than before.  
"No special words for that?" He knew this way delaying, this was causing the wait to be longer, but fun filthy kisses seemed entertaining enough to hold his attention.  
"You like it don't you?" She pulled her face back with a smirk. "When I use Skelligan words?"  
"Hmm." He wasn't quite sure he liked the words, they were all long and full of letters that had not right being next to one another. "The words are ugly." He was glad she laughed with him at the truth of the matter. "Some of what your mother gave you." That was likely it, a small reminder that who Anima was before becoming what she was still laid inside her.  
"léim bhaile. Jump home."  
"Hmm." It certainly wasn't the words. He did like watching her think though, glad she could find a part of the isles that didn't make her sad or angry.  
"torthúil béile. Fertile meal. Which! We can't have kids Geralt!" Her eyes were filled with a joy Geralt did not understand. Normally the sterile state of mutants was a sad, resignation of being obsolete past their designed purpose.  
"Don't like kids?" He had seen how Anima interacted with children, he had a passing thought or two of whether or not motherhood was something she felt robbed of.  
"Huh? What? Kids? They're fine in small doses. What I'm _saying_ Geralt, is maybe we don't have to kill may! No amount of white rabbit will make my womb any more a cozy nest!"  
"I . . ." Her priorities were odd but welcomed, this wasn't something they'd have to bicker and wallow over. _'Kids are better in small doses.'_ He gave her a tempered smile, all this talk had taken the lust out of the moment. "If we break one more rule Unyis will eat you for dinner."  
"Me? You're the Rivian outsider! What rule have we broken? If we have it's a dumb one."  
"Come on. We'll see what we can do about your four legged friend." They started back to where they had come from. "Have they all just been waiting for us?"

"They are . . . Eskel are you drunk too?" It was a drink he didn't know and one his nose had no desire to get acclimated with, it smelled of soured mead mixed with poppy flowers. ' _They've made it a party.'_ Geralt grimaced at the landscape of lushes.  
"Me? No. Not for lack of trying. Glad you didn't dawdle though, these kids are drinking as if they have something to prove." There was some young student just sipping and staring at the patient witcher as if he was a statute come to life. "Your friends are . . . Interesting Jaskier." Eskel appreciated that the stare was more of intrest than fear but he really wished this young man would blink. "Do that . . . Blink." Eskel was used to observing, not being observed.  
"They are . . . Something." Jaskier was holding his lute above his head and out of reach from grabbing hands. He was listening to some aspiring artist retell a story about a time she tried to serenade a serpant. _'Is this how the witchers see me? No all my stories are witty and worth hearing.'_ He gave the girl a half appreciative smile, he was sure she was trying at a double entendre but missing some punch line. "Just as captivating the third time round. Enchanting." Jaskier left no door window or crawl space closed, he was open to a fault.  
"Where's Vox?" Geralt had only the normal level of bother with the students getting good and wrecked. _'Humans are such loud drunks.'_ But when non humans and inebriated individuals mixed it rarely went well.  
"Said you gave her a super important-"  
"It's a secret dummy!" It was easy to forgot how sneaky godlings could be. "I done it! Cake?"  
"Geralt I'd say whatever you have planned can't possibly make this day . . . More infuratingly stupid but I've been wrong before. Am I wrong now?" Anima was scanning the mayhem for Unyis. "And she's passed out. Great." She couldn't feign being miserable, she tried, but she was starting to come around on the silliness of the day. ' _Not a true Skelligan.'_ No one from the isles would fall over drunk, they'd bury you without checking for a pulse. "This was a good idea Geralt. Hate every second . . . But still somehow good." It wasn't a salty rehashing of ceremonies from a place she had no attachment to, this was absurd, controlled chaos, it was them.  
"Why . . . Did they just get bored?" Geralt was confused, where Anima was warming up he was growing concerned. The wheels were really falling off the wagon. This went against the Witcher's if a tradition's tested don't tweak it mentality.  
"They were supposed to drink Pimpernel spirits till we return. That tradition was meant for skelligan sailors not for Oxenfurt art history majors. Someone's going to die of alcohol poisoning." Almont on cue someone was puking in the bushes, Anima was half certain it was Ophi. "Feels like home." She smiled, thinking to times when Thill had gone well and hard into some sweet liquor. "So with Unyis . . . Out. Anyone know what comes first dinner or the broom?"  
"The . . . Uh . . . The broom!" Jaskier shot to his feet in a tipsy panic.  
"Geralt?"  
"I assure you if Jaskier has anything planned I have nothing to do with it." It was doubly humorous, Geralt putting his hands up in defense, and the silly little braid still linking the pair flying up at the sudden movement.  
"For fucks sake. Eskel Jaskier can you two hold a broom level? Er . . . Eskel stay seated we'll come over to you." They really were a pitiful patchwork. Jaskier corralled anyone with enough ability to stand on their own two feet.  
"Is this a . . . Blue thing? Or do we go together?" Geralt wanted this back on track.  
"Oh!" Anima let out not a chuckle but a full laugh.  
"What?"  
"That part I remember. Knech was holding Cugi swept style, arms under knees and all . . . Don't think that was advised." Anima clamped down on the laugh, her jaw tight and tense, her smile didn't die but got a bit strained. _'I don't want to remember their names. That wasn't a happy place.'_ But it wasn't the place that she was truly resentful over, not why she had been digging her heels over remebering and reenacting. _'Not for me. They didn't want me. What use do I have for them? For those feelings?'_ She didn't want to feel warm and fuzzy over Skellige, they had disowned her, sold her, put a price on her life.  
"Bad luck?" Geralt saw her smile shrink and wanted to stop it. Perhaps she thought they weren't taking this seriously, perhaps she was remembering a proper ceremony and she felt let down by this shotty attempt, all the short cuts they took. He'd be better, make sure every stipulation was followed to the letter, wouldn’t even use his skills to cheat.  
"Sure as shit was. Ass over tea kettle, tripped right over, fell right in the dirt." She chuckled but it was hollow and Geralt hated it, growling right over the words.  
"I wouldn't drop you Anima. Wouldn't trip."  
"Geralt it could be a five foot dead vertical leap and you'd twist your spine sideways to land on your feet. I do not doubt that." They were speaking to each other but having two entirely different conversations.  
"Is it supposed to be five feet?" Jaskier was eyeballing the hight of the broomstick, Eskel lifting and dropping his side to be perfectly symmetrical. All three men were desperately trying to save what they thought to be a rapidly sinking ship.  
"Girly don't be sad we'll fix it!" Even Vox was invested in cheering her up, she was jumping the broom like it was a twirling rope, showing the pair how easy it was.  
"We already have one witcher with a shot knee I don't need Geralt slamming down on his. Just a bit off the ground will do." Anima shook her head. _'Don't get detatched.'_ Here and now people were trying so hard, cared so much, she had to keep pace, stay present. "I don't belong in Skellige, past is the past. We can jump whichever way we please Geralt." She didn't fully bury the emotion of feeling wronged, abandoned, but she also refused to let it bury her.  
"Hmm." He knew her knee jerk reaction was to be calm and continue, she was working at hiding a bit less when it counted. "Wouldn't drop you." He repeated firmly, and his arms did sweep under her legs, lifting her. "Won't let you go." He nudged behind her neck to kiss her. "I have you. I'm here."  
"Love you too Geralt." The smile returned and Geralt felt a swell of pride.  
"I believe you." That he was enough, for her he was exactly enough. "Trying means the world." Strong and soft, hard and easy, he was a mix in progress and that was enough so long as he staid, so long as he tried. He didn't drop her, getting over the broom was nothing. He didn't let her go, holding this warm moment for a while longer. It wasn't from anywhere not Skellige not Lyria, not Rivia or Kaer Morhen, it was a little slice of no man's land and it was there's, it was home.

"Darling?" It took him all day to muster it but he gave that a try, he didnt like saying it and her nose wrinkled, she didn't like hearing it. "Anima let me stay." Everyone moved on when they had worn out their use of him, not her. "Let me try." These words were more him, hit all around better. There had never been time to try anything outside what he knew before Anima. Only what was needed of him, only what was expected of a witcher. Anima not only allowed him to try, to test his abilities, boundaries and preferences, find new layers to himself but loved her witcher and each of his layers more for it.

"So." Anima grinned wide, letting Geralt know he'd done well. "Darling?"  
"You say it better." He wasn't sure why but it sounded false and flat from him but genuine and sweet from her. _'Sure Eskel could say it fine.'_  
"Don't worry, we'll shelve it after today." She knew this word would quickly wear out it's welcome, be deemed too soft. That was fine though, she was wearing a one day dress, he deserved a one day word.  
"So?"  
"We should probably feed these people. Faster we eat, faster I get you back to your one true love."  
"It is a good bed." Geralt felt hungry but not for hare, he needed little incentive to get this event wrapped up. "I'll show you."  
"Anima that drink . . . It isn't poisonous is it?" Jaskier hated ending the pair's moment but also did not want to be responsible for the death of an entire semester worth of students.  
"No." Eskel wasn't feeling any of the effects the humans were but he knew of poisions and wouldn't have let the bard down five glasses if there was even a question.  
"Anything is poisonous if you drink enough of it. Who told them they had to chug?"  
"They are university students you put a drink in front of them they are not going to savor it's floral notes. Do you think just to be safe there might be a potion in one of your books-"  
"Want something for the hangover in your future Jaskier? Geralt's done more than his fair share of heavy lifting with today's festivities." Anima wiggled enough for Geralt to place her down to her feet. "I can save you all from a terrible tomorrow. You can get the drunks to dinner?"  
"Food!" Jaskier belted and got half eager half pained groans in response. "Concider them got."  
"I'll meet you there." She gave Geralt a peck and started to walk but stopped at a soft tug on her wrist. "Whoops." She'd forgotten about the braid.  
_'There is no outside unless Lady Lilly extends your leash.'_ Geralt felt the freeze again, he walked up behind Anima and pulled her back against his chest, borrowed some of her warmth, his stomach didn't flip, his skin lost it's crawl quickly.  
_'Even trade.'_ Wobbling was allowed but just as he anchored Anima, she could anchor him. "Guess I'm coming with you."

"Jaskier?" Eskel was lifting Unyis to her feet.  
"Yes love?" Jaskier hadn't imagine it'd be this hard to herd the students half a mile to the tables set up earlier.  
"You can't stall much longer and this probably doesn't bear stating but Geralt and from what I know of her Anima are not fond of surprises."  
"Eskel you need to get to know me better." Jaskier weaved through the masses giving an encouraging kiss. "I can stall forever. I am not one for waiting but this will be worth it."

The looks they got varied as they moved across campus. Some stares were just trying to make sense of the two person parade commentating on what they assumed to be an interpretive art project speaking on social inequality gone aray. There were bigots in Oxenfurt, despite Jaskier's protest otherwise. There were sneers, a group of young men did throw out some hateful words but found a quick corner to turn down when Anima started to cross the street towards them, no menace, no threat but her smile could startle when she really focused on someone. "Why don't you look at me like that Beld?" That caught Geralt's ear for some reason, it wasn't artistic contemplation, wasn't unwarranted anger, it was envy. This woman was envious of how he looked at Anima.  
"What with fuckin demon eyes?" Beld sounded charming but Geralt was just glad he asked the important question.  
_'How?'_ He was just looking at her, just walking with her, he didn't think his eyes were so heavy with want or adoration for any human passing by to detect.  
"No! You dog! Like there isn't anyone else around." That wasn't it, Geralt was constantly scanning his environment, he was acutely aware of near every human elf and halfling for two whole blocks.  
_'Gotta blink sometime. Gotta rest somewhere. Always best on her.'_ His senses craved new information at all times but in the brief moments they sought rest they went straight to her, found peace there.

Rest was short lived though. When they entered the alchamey Stjepan stopped them. "Crow came for you." A letter was held out to Anima. Geralt recognized that handwriting, he'd had to read it for hours on end during his studies.  
"Why is Vesemir sending you letters?"


	15. Have your high ground

He was quite litteraly over her shoulder as she opened the envelope. "Maybe because none of his boys write?" She rolled her eyes at how unashamed he was to snoop.  
" _Anima_." Vesemir wasn't one for asking about the weather, something was up.  
"I've been keeping him up to date on my condition. He's been giving me his unbiased witcher opinion . . . As well as returning my letters with the spelling corrected. . . Unsolicited that bit. Though welcomed. He says I'm getting better." She was rambling and Geralt noticed.  
"Unbiased witcher opinion? What am I?" There was no joke to his voice.  
"Biased." Anima chuckled despite that fact. "Your worry clouds your perception." She frowned as Geralt found a chair to slouch in. _'More questions.'_  
"I worry because you have a tendency to play reckless . . . Did he know about what you were doing with Merigold? Did fucking Lambert know?" He understood her point, and this wasn't a new tactic, Anima leaving him out of her plans in hopes to have her high ground while keeping his emotions protected but the fact that anyone and everyone else was in on it was where Geralt had the most issue. It was his job to protect her, anchor her, he feared she was outsourcing that task to others, just like anything else that was his, possessive nature took over.  
"Lambert did not. . . .Vesemir did. In my defense that was before our stern conversation about hiding. Since then I have not told him anything that you don't know. It might also bring you comfort, he was against me attempting the travel without you. Sitting duck is a term removed from bias."  
"Hmm." He trusted Vesemir and he doubted his mentor would advise anything that he himself couldn't see merit to.  
"So is guilt." Anima was reading the most recent letter.  
"Huh?"  
"He still feels bad for telling the sorceresses about my inner roommate. Got us what we wanted I don't see-" Anima's shrug was stunted.  
"You already knew they planned to let her take you?" Geralt's eyes got wide in shock and anger. "He told Merigold and the council agreed to help you. . . because they want Nehalenia on their side." How had Anima come to that conclusion before he did? Or had he and simply pushed it aside? What were her plans before he found out?  
"They wouldn't agree to help unless they were getting something in return. What could an empath do for a full coven of sorceresses?" Anims had to pull out every trick of her trade to compete with portals, spells and just limitless magic sitting at finger tips. "Jack shit. The power of a goddess? Now that'll get people interested." Geralt was the witcher to end all witchers, Jaskier was a household name, neither man quite understood Anima's struggle when it came to notoriety. She was an empath, from Skellige, had turned her trade to whoring, she had no standing and her fight to stay alive, to be of worth was a struggle all it's own. It had been painfully clear from the beginning to Anima what the witches hoped to gain from her visit.  
"So why did you pretend to be just as surprised as up when Lemming brought up the glass."  
"That _was_ new information. They've been after her since . . . Well I'm not sure how long, surely before Vesemir said anything, they were going to do it the hard way. So Vesemir's guilt is doubly pointless." Anima shrugged. "I thought it was just a power grab once they heard she resurfaced, not something they'd been actively pursuing."  
"Anima, is there _anything_ else, in relations to this you haven't told me?"  
"A girl is alloted her secrets." She nodded, her smile was quirked, she didn't like being shady and shifty. It just was the best way to utilize her skills, forcing people calm only worked on bandits and drunks. Nuance was required for her to play on the same footing as witchers, warlocks and the gods themselves. Geralt put a hand at each of her hips and pulled her towards him.

"Secrets to stay or secrets to save?" He wasn't the only one with bias.  
"Can't aim to do both?" She put her finger tips at his chin, raising his face to kiss him apologetically.  
"Hmm." He was keeping information from her as well, due in large part to the fact Nehalenia could be easdropping at any moment. Anima had no idea they planned to burn Nehalenia's bones, and if that didn't work they'd shove the diety into another empath. "Normal relationships are built on foundations of trust." What else wasn't she telling him? What else would he likely have to hide from her.  
"Well firstly our relationship hasn't been normal for anywhere between two and ten years."  
"Hmm."  
"Secondly do you not trust me Geralt?" That mock insult started to take some of the heat out of the air.  
"I do." He shut his eyes, feeling her finger tips still cradling his chin softly, her lips hovering over his.  
"I trust you too. The omissions are . . . Necessary. Frustrating I know but you also know I answer when asked. I tell you what I can, I aim to keep you."  
"Stay" There was still anger in that word, in that plead not to be left. "You still feel fear?"  
"Geralt I assure you I have never been more afraid in my life." She smilled as her lips inched even closer.  
"We do have rooms." The barkeep interjected.  
"We _know_." Geralt's eyes lulled open, they were dark and blown wide, frustration, concern, anger, love, hunger. Too many emotions, nowhere to place them. "Too much." He felt too much, he was at his limit.  
 _'Poor wolf, it'll hurt more this way.'_ He didn’t freeze at the echo this time.  
"Not easy." He groweld. "I want it even though it's not easy. You make it . . . You have a place for it . . . For me."  
"We can have it Geralt. You deserve for as much of it to be easy as it can be. I can't fix everything but . . . Can you be bothered with dinner?"  
"Hmm." Right, this day that just would not end. "We're skipping cake."  
"You can have any desert you like Geralt." He forgot they were at an Inn, forgot how coy she could be in their walls.  
"No seconds either." He wanted that bed.  
"Geralt when have you known me to have seconds ever? All I ever here is that my trash appetite will be the death of us both."  
"You do have a trash appetite." Geralt finally stood. "You should eat food."  
"I eat food."  
"Tea and Jam is not food it's . . . You wouldn't be so cold if you ate better."  
"So I should have seconds?" She grinned at his eye roll as they went upstairs so Anima could mix a batch of a cure for tomorrow.

"All I'm saying is my trash appetite only benefits you." They were still on the topic by the time they made it back to the festivities.  
"In what conceivable way does it benefit me?"  
"I'm cold because of it?"  
"And having your ice cold feet rub against my leg at night is beneficial how?"  
"Well I wouldn't need to sleep in your bed roll sucking the warmth from you if I wasn't cold."  
"It's good to know you my body heat is what keeps you coming back to my bedroll." A tease like that a year prior might've dug at him more properly but his confidence in being wanted had finally begun catching up to the confidence that made up the rest of him. He felt too much when it came to Anima, sometimes it bogged him down or froze him outright but just as a contract that seemed insurmountable, too much wasn't a crippling notion. It was a challenge, one he was confident he could overcome. It was better that it was too much because that solidified it was something just for him. No one else could bear the burden of caring for Anima, which meant no one got to hear their name in just the way he did.  
"Only on nights I'm cross with you. Mostly it's the simple fact that there's nowhere better to lay than right here." Her finger dug a bit sharply into his chest but he didn’t mind, so much so he even let a full smirk linger in his face once the party that wasn't a party came into view.

"Anima?" At the dinner table she looked absolutely mortified, not having seconds would not be a problem, her face was a terrible green as she stared down at half a hare amongst vegetables.  
"Yes?" She sounded as if she would vomit or cry and she just hadn't decided which yet.  
"Do you want to know a secret?"  
"Is it how to pretend you've eaten dinner while everyone's table is turned directly towards ours?"  
"No."  
"Then . . . Wait actually yes." Anima turned to Geralt who seemed mighty proud of himself. "What kind of secret?" It was odd that he was in such good humor, she wouldn't go as far as to say playful but . . . He did look cocky and how one could look cocky over a dinner they didn't make did have her mind reeling about this secret.  
"I have some bad news."  
"Geralt do not tease me about this. I didn't have a pet as a child it was-"  
"Before we arrived Eskel and I killed Vox's pets."  
"So we can share in our sorrows." Anima's face went back into her palms, wondering if it would be in bad taste to bury her plate.  
"To make it up to her, I gave her may."  
"What?" Something audible popped at how fast her face spun to meet him. "So you mean-"  
"Couldn't find a white one in time to swap it out so a standard brown hare you've never met before will have to do." That had been the super secret task Geralt had given to Vox.  
"Geralt I love you." She grabbed his face and planted just an overswept doting kiss on him. There was some awwwing from the students but Geralt did his best just to ignore that and bask in his realization.  
"Hmm." Soft words from Geralt were like Skelligan phrases from Anima, he knew them but they rolled off the tongue awkwardly, felt unnatural. He could be soft out of bedrolls though, the best way he knew how, actions.  
"Now will you eat so we can be done with this?"  
"Yes."  
"Did good?" Vox popped up from under the table.  
"Did good." Geralt knew this day had not been without melodrama, it was close enough to a wedding that was to be expected. Had they done any of the rituals exactly right? Probably not but that was fine, he got out of it what he wanted. He felt cleansed of doubt, rejuvenated to keep up the long fight and felt just enough of it stuck for their luck to go from cosmicly horrendous to bearably bad.

"Cake?" Vox had done her part, where was her slice of victory?  
"Uh." Geralt looked around at the tables, plenty of food but no cake. "Anima I have to go get Vox a cake." He was paid when he completed a task, he couldn't rightly ask of another and not do the same.  
"I'll go. Spend time with Jaskier and Eskel." Geralt really had done plenty as far as the day was concerned, he was well and humaned out. She'd already learned about lace, about Skelligan culture, she could have her ear bent around why flower from Nazzir paled in comparison to that of Toussaint. Anima remembered this time, the cuff around her wrist. "Unyis we've done all you asked of us can I take it off?"  
"Well traditionally-"  
"Ugh." Anima's head lulled back in frustration. Not once since she got here had traditionally preceeded something easy. "I'll pop it right back on, no need to cut it. I am spooky good at getting out of handcuffs! I just need to stop at the bakers and-"  
"No!" Jaskier interupted in a fright.  
"No? Jaskier Vox is owed a cake. I won't deny her that." Anima did not know what but it was clear she and Geralt were not the only ones hiding secrets, the bard was stalling.  
"And she will have . . . Desert's being delivered."  
"Delivered? From where? Jaskier this is Oxenfurt, there's an entire wing to the academy of bakers and botanists, what would need to be made elsewhere and shipped here?" Geralt was now equally confused.  
"Jaskier maybe they-" Eskel started but was cut off by Jaskier all but falling in his lap.  
"Shush." Looking up at the scowling witcher, he saw maybe that had been a bit too harsh. "Have some faith."  
"I . . . Faith not facts, sure." Eskel's chin laid heavy over Jaskier's shoulder. How Geralt could juggle these two year round was beyond him. Following Jaskier's whims was fun, he was happy to do so but it did fight against his intuition terribly.  
"Faith in what Jaskier?" Geralt was growing tired of being told what to do, where to be, he wanted some control to be his by day's end.  
"Er . . . In my knowledge of parties?"  
"It's not . . ." Geralt glanced around. "And what of it?"  
"Well firstly why did no one tell me Skelligans don't belive in music? All good forest rituals should have music."  
"I told you that it's a terrible place and nothing good has ever come from it. That should have tipped you off." Anima kept on brand, reicing over any mery feelings attached to the isles.  
"Vox?" Jaskier called out to the godling.  
"Cake?"  
"Have you ever heard even a single one of my ballads?"  
"Not cake." Vox replied flatly.  
"Would you deny her that Anima?" The bard was in no way swayed by the critic. True artists in pursuit of their vision never were.  
"I . . . How much time are you asking to buy Jaskier. . . Exactly? We can give you some . . . But Geralt and I have. . . " Anima looked down at Vox's big blinking eyes then back to the bard. "We care very little of songs and cake. Good news for Vox, bigger piece for you." The young creature on the edge of tantrum was calmed slightly. "We'd like to indulge in something else entirely, something you yourself are a huge proponent of so I-"  
"So you know it must be important if I'm asking you to abstain just a little while longer."  
"It . . . Must." Anima could not argue with that logic, looking over at Geralt throughly out worded.  
"I have little patience for the songs Anima enjoys Jaskier."  
"I have many a song in my arsenal Geralt I can pick from some less-"  
"Play her songs Jaskier and when I can no longer stand it we're leaving." It was an open ended allowance but one that most certainly had an end. Jaskier got time, Geralt got his control back.  
"Compromise." Anima smiled between the two men. "Vox you want to dance with me? It's not cake but it will work up your appetite. Make room for more."  
"Girly is smart." Vox gave Geralt an approving nod.  
"She is." Geralt stood, they were still attached so he awkwardly hovered to the side and thankfully enough at a distance not to bump elbows with the drunks joining Anima and Vox in their enjoyment of Jaskier's music.  
"They sure put you through a lot." Eskel joined his brother at his brooding corner.  
"Hmm." The music was loud, especially with the students singing along, there was a tug at the braid every time Anima swayed a bit too far, he was pained for that bed he was promised long ago. ' _A lot.'_ These people were here having a good time and every once in a while someone would look over at him, smile at him. ' _Like they forgot.'_ Not looking at a witcher, just at a man waiting patiently as possible for his woman and his bard to have their fill of a good time, his home, his life was a happy place for them. Despite the raucousness, Geralt was finding himself growing calm in a way he hadn't in weeks. Jaskier smiled at him, for finally making use, making a home out of his habitat. Eskel smiled at him because they were both idiots in over their heads. Anima barely looked at him, trying to keep her and Vox from tripping over each other's uncoordinated feet. When she did though, it wasn't calculated or shadowed, it was spontaneous emotion. _'Something I give her.'_ Loud love because she too was full, had too much, felt too much, just for him. "Can take it." He finally shrugged. "Not very much more though." He spoke loud enough for the bard to hear.  
"Fine. Fine. We won't torture you longer Geralt. Let's go to the baker Anima. I had meant for-"  
"Geralt?" Anima lifted Vox up into her arms as the tell tale crackling sounds of a portal started up.  
"Jaskier you don't medle in magic often. Is this you?" Geralt snapped the cuff off his wrist, wanting full range of motion for whatever was on their way.  
"I . . . Hope so? I wasn't expecting quite such a dramatic entrance." Jaskier was only slightly alarmed. He couldn't be safer, in the company of two witchers, but if anyone was going to elicite unwelcomed party crashers, it was clearly one of the said witchers. "Any more secret admirers we need to know about Geralt?"

"Is this the place?" A sorceress took in the sorry lot and quickly assumed she had made a wrong turn.  
"No need to look for bakers. We're here." Orwen followed behind her, pies and other baked goods cradled in his arms like a newborn child.  
"Orwen?" Anima's eyes grew wide. ' _That means-'_  
"Anima!" Thill pushed past her husband in convincing fashion, past the witch, fully knocked over two students and ran right at Anima squeezing her tight.  
"Let go lady!" Vox was locked helplessly in between, kicking and squirming till she was let loose from Anima's hold. Thill jumped a bit at the sight of Vox, used to mutants but godlings were striking in their own right. Something more shocking took her attention though.  
"Anima?" The empath wasn't sobbing, maybe not even crying, but she was shaking to keep from doing so. "You look so pretty. Don't ruin it. You and Geralt make such ugly faces when you cry Anima." Thill could count on one hand how many times she'd seen genuine tears from Anima, and of those times one or more she was on the fence, maybe just an empath playing the part.  
"What . . . You came all the way here?" Anima blinked back the urge. ' _Cried too much lately. Tears are wasteful, pointless.'_ She was still getting a handle on letting organic emotions flow and was not a huge fan of that particular side effect.  
"Jaskier said this day was very important to you. Of course we came. You were with me through my day weren't you?"  
"Day? That was a wedding this is . . . Superstitions run amuck. Your wedding was six and a half weeks."  
"It was three days." Thill laughed.  
"Debatable."  
"Regardless Jaskier was adiment it could not be missed. I couldn't convince Thom that portals were an acceptable form of travel of else they-"

"See?" Geralt turned to Eskel as if this was definitive proof that portals were not to be trusted.  
"You see one man that didn't make it all the way through and you never let it go." Eskel's words were dismissive but that casual statement got a frozen stare from most everyone in ear shot. "He made it most of the way, lived even. Statistically it's safer than horse back." That did not bring color back into Orwen's face.  
"Jaskier. You asked them to come?" Anima finally peeled out of Thill's death grasp and walked over to the bard.  
"I told you I know of parties. The most important ingredient is the guests. People you're happy to . . . Anima stop looking at me like that."  
"Like what?" Anima took his words litteraly, staring up at the sky instead.  
"Like . . ." She had been looking at him as if she believed in Jaskier, that he wanted her to be happy and hadn't expected that, almost didn't know what to do with that information. _'If she simply tolerated me before, she won't so simply tolerate me now.'_ Jaskier realized he'd been at a lack of words. "Just hug me. Drown me in the appropriate amount of praise and move on."  
"I will never forgive you or Geralt for turning me into such a sap. I do not like it! Not one bit." Anima smiled as she wrapped her arms round Jaskier. _'A sap for a few hours. Tomorrow calm like I should be.'_  
"You're welcome Anima." He grinned victoriously. "Also you should work on your praise. Should've gone the lines of what a clever and sensitive man you are Jaskier, how you masterminded all this-"  
"What a clever and sensitive-" Anima never had any shame in giving people what they wanted.  
"Oh you are impossible!" The bard pushed her away with an amused huff.

"Geralt I'm sorry." Jaskier after a lengthy small talk with their Lyrian guests found his way to the witchers.  
"The bed can wait for this." Geralt shrugged, watching Anima and Thill smile and fawn over dresses and cake. There wouldn't be another happy moment like this for quite some time.  
"No I . . . Tried to reach out to Vesemir. So that he'd be here for _you_ but-"  
"He just left Kaer Morhen, he was called to Povis. He's the only witcher they deal with. He did wish us well and warned me not to take a job the day of, it's best not to smell of death and bile on a day meant for beginings." Vesemir's wise words had come a bit late.  
"How do you know that?" Eskel was surprised, the wolves rarely kept tabs on each other's movements outside the keep.  
"Anima's got a pen pall." Geralt snorted, still not head over heels for being called out on bias.  
"She has me write her letters, since when-" Jaskier was equally confused.  
"They aren't poetic but they're serviceable. If she thought you would have been capable of not growing concerned and telling me I'm sure she would have preferred your quil." Geralt added the last bit knowing Jaskier quick to take offense when none was implied.  
"Why is she corresponding with Vesemir? They aren't exactly the closest." If she would write to any of the wolves she seemed most comfortable with Lambert though his brother didn't have much use of patience for the writen word.  
"That's exactly why." Geralt's face soured further. "Aretuza will not be . . . Safe for us." He was going to say pleasant but then why start sugar coating things now.  
"Better to get it over with while riding your good mood witcher" The mage who had delivered Thill and Orwen sauntered over to the gloomy men. "I can take you first thing in the morning if you'd like."  
"Hmm." That would save them probably two weeks travel at least, not to mention the upcoming struggle of getting Anima on a boat. "I share the human's skepticism of portals." Actually it wasn't a fear of being torn in half it just gave him a sense of vertigo he and his stomach had no lost love for but that wasn't the sorceress' concern.  
"Is that it? Word is you've been moving from place to place. Hiding the empath."  
"I'm a witcher I move from place to place because I'm not welcomed for long stretches, tends to end badly." His tone did take a decidedly less polite turn. "I need to eat and sleep like everyone else, need coin for that." He could tell she was worming for information, he fell back on what the world knew of witchers. They were a moralless selfish lot just driven by greed for gore and gold.  
"Is that so?"  
"Do you have a question? Or does your face inherently tighten like that?"  
"You can't fix her without our help witcher."  
"And how do you expect to fix her? Why do so? An overwhelming urge to do the right thing?"  
"The three of you combined couldn't comprehend the answer for either one of those questions."  
"Well now you have me curious."  
"Unfortunately we have no use for your curiosity. All-" The woman took a step towards Anima but was halted by a firm grip to her arm.  
"Let me give you time to comprehend this. Tell your brothers and sisters because it goes for them as well. I don't trust you. Not a single person will touch a single hair on her head till the purpose behind it is explained to me. So I'd work on dumbing down things too lofty for the mind of a witcher." He could've melted her skull clean through with that gaze.  
"You have no room to threaten. You need us more than we need you. This snarling of yours is all a bluff."  
"Call me on it. Take one more step towards her, try to whisk her off to your island." He let go. It almost looked like a smile but that clearly wasn't it, just bared teeth clenched tight and his face confident and curled.  
"You'll be out numbered there wolf." She did not take that testing step. Nor did Geralt freeze.  
"I wouldn't know what to do if I had numbers on my side. I work best against odds." He watched her carefully as she walked away in a huff.  
"Alright Lambert, cool your heels. You can't fight every mage there, you are going to have to be civil you know that?" Eskel felt this to be a bit out of character for Geralt.  
"Civil is one thing, enabling is another. I want them to worry." It _was_ a bluff. He wanted them to think him reckless, someone quick to anger, someone too cocky to see the threads tied around them. They would underestimate him and that would be all the edge Geralt needed.

"Had your fill of fun?" Anima could all but see the foul tempered cloud over their corner.  
"I'm fine." He wanted her to soak this up, let this moment linger and keep her warm during the upcoming cold. "Spend more time with Thill. Have cake with Vox I still-" He was pushing because he wasn't sure she realized that her own warmth wouldn't be enough there.  
"You scared their ride Geralt. They had to go." Anima gave a chuckle.  
"Fuck. I'm . . . " He wasn't sorry but perhaps his threat had been a hair too much. "Er if you want-"  
"Let me rephrase. I have had my fill of fun. You lot have gone above and beyond to keep me entertained and in a good mood." She had caught on, she knew what the underlying goal was. "I appreciate it." She was smiling which meant she hadn't taken offense. Knew they weren't calling her weak just trying to give her additional cushion for an upcoming blow. "What I'd like to do now is show you how much I appreciate you. Now Eskel I do have a favor to ask of you."  
"Me?" There had been no subtlety to what Anima's goal was here and Eskel was confused and a bit concerned by what role he was to play in this.  
"I can't thank you or Jaskier the way I plan to thank Geralt but it's the type of thanks you deserve. Jaskier pulled some real strings these past couple days, flexed his social networking muscles. Will you be sure to thank him for me?"  
"I . . . Yes." Eskel shifted where he stood, it was a bit uncomfortable to be more or less asked outright to please the bard, but in it's own way was nice, she trusted him to be fully capable.  
"What you're not going to ask me to thank Eskel?" Jaskier felt woefully left out of this tease.  
"I need to ask you to thank Eskel? The passionate vigors of your youth Jaskier, where have they gone?" Anima chuckled, watching the bard ignite under the challenge.  
"Party's over everyone! You don't have to go home but something will eat you if you stay here!" He had his lute case strewn over his shoulder in seconds. "Do not wake us early Geralt! Anima he won't head that, tire the man out if you can!" There were no more goodbyes, Jaskier was doing the impossible, dragging a witcher from their firmly rooted spot, though it was doubtful Eskel had put up much protest.

"All this lamenting and now all you want to do is stare at it?" They were finally back in their room, right infront of this highly praised bed.  
"I have concerns." That came out wrong and Geralt winced as the words came out.  
"Concerned that I will render you a log?"  
"Yes." A pang of guilt hit him. "It's not that I don't enjoy it. You always . . . It's not that I'm left lacking." There was bliss there it was just one that left Geralt with the question of if he had done enough and he detested that concern. When Anima had pinned him, held him immobile it had melted his brain, stole his breath and if he could learn to just sink into that space he was sure he'd enjoy it more, just that concern always hovered.  
"What if I wanted you that way?" Anima could see a literal math equation work it's way through Geralt's head. He was always easier to sway if he thought it was needed of him.  
"If that's . . . What you wanted." He nodded a bit hesitantly.  
"But you don't think it is?" Anima laid down on the bed, smiling up at him patiently. She work the want out of her witcher, it just took a keen eye and an open ear.  
"No."  
"Hedging in on my territory? Seeing wants and needs now Geralt? If anyone's ever been able to find them it's you."  
"Hmm." There was enough praise in that tease to stay balanced, Geralt found his place, looming over her. ' _All she's ever asked for is me. To try, can't try laying about doing nothing.'_  
"Do you think Ophi would be offended?" Anima pulled Geralt from his thoughts, lookind down at her hand tugging playfuly on the collar to his tunic.  
 _'No one is taking that title from her.'_ He rolled his eyes as that fact sunk in. She was better, best at that. "If asked I'll tell her I lost it as work casualty." That was all the permission she needed sitting up to even with Geralt. It wasn't as seemless as when Geralt had torn her dress, it was less dramatic, less demanding. She was making a whole ordeal out of it and Geralt couldn't tell if he was a fan at first. She would tear slightly and kiss at some new exposed glimpse of flesh then tear again, kisses turned to slides of tongue and by the time Geralt's shoulders alone were keeping scraps on him there was soft teasing bites, Geralt was hauntingly quiet, not a word, only the occasional grumble of frustrstion or small groan of want as she found new flesh.  
"You might have to move just a bit." She landed a nip at one of those aforementioned shoulders.  
"Fuck." She could paralyze him without the high ground. _'I'm fucked'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will be wrapping this up shortly, and have plans for two more parts (took pissing and moaning through this part to get back on track).


	16. Stay a while

He didn't see it, how wonderful the roll out of the tatered tunic made him look but Anima did. He could hear it just a happy little sigh at the small movement. He pressed at her to turn slightly. There they were, all the ties and tassels in all the world, he did groan in frustration. But she wasn't cinched in like a cage, the ties were lose with lag. "I mean you're more than in your right for retrib-" She started but was met with a disapproving hum.  
"I like this dress." He kissed at the back of her neck. He could undo his armor one handed, more than one time while being nabbed in weeds he had done it under water. He could unwrap Anima like the gift she was. "You are." Despite not ripping and tearing he was not slow with his unraveling.  
"Are what?" He noticed the change, his eyes were always peeled for patterns and their disruptions. She had stilled for him, wasn't letting her hands wander and distract like she tended to do.  
"A gift. You said-" He was careful as he finally got her bare like he wanted. "Nothing good came from Skellige. You did . . . You are."  
"Oh." She laid back against the spacious bed. She was smiling, not as he wanted though.  
 _'Haven't done anything.'_ He realized that and was twice as quick to remedy it, kissing her hungrily, letting all his weight press and roll against her. _'Just spent the whole day reminding her of a place she isn't fond of.'_ He was filled with a pressing desire to fix that, make her forget that place, forget anywhere but this bed. "Here . . . You're here with me." His voice was deep and drowned in want as he let his palms map her out.  
"Where I want to be Geralt." She had just enough words, was just encouraging enough. She looked waiting, looked wanting, it was good but it could be better.  
"Do you need . . . Words." He was finally ditching his trousers, wondering why she was so terribly still and wether that was a curse or a chance. Normally she was setting a tone, a pace, her control while not dominating was usually on display by this point. She was waiting. "I . . . Don't . . ." He had simple words, some of the could even be heard as sweet, but they never hit with the same punch hers did.  
"I don't need you louder Geralt. Just you . . . Just need you." Her hips twisted and fought not to rise. He wanted her less held back, he wanted her crashing into him, wanted her blushes, her noise, he wanted so much from her and she laid there wanted nothing.  
 _'No.'_ He could feel her want, feel her heat as he let his hips stretched long. _'Just me. Trying. Action.'_ He maybe should have warned her but she hadn't required words so he didn't use them, thrusting into her deeply, confidently. She sucked in a breath, bit right down on her lower lip to hold whatever wonderful sound would have come from the exhale. "Hiding from me Anima?" He kissed at the lip which was sure to swell under the force of that bite. He watched her features closely, staring sternly to make sure her face still held warmth for him before setting himself at a rhythm. "Don't. You don't-" What did he have to do to fix this? He was better with a course of action, a goal, he was even better with her sounds.  
"Not. Hiding." He could still hear those happy sighs at the edges of her breaths, still encouraging. "Just making you work for your first." There was so much to unpack from that sentence. "Unless you'd rather-" Her arms did finally move wrapping behind his neck in a loving embrace, fingers stroking at the top of his spine. His hand reached out, nabbing her hair, pulling her face to his, kissing her, worried if she had room to speak she'd resend that offer.  
"Want it. . . To. . . Want to." He groaned out the garbled words as he picked up his pace. She had said first, she meant to ring him dry, they didn't always test the witcher's stamina but he always felt delightfully drained when they did so. "Work for it." That broke his brain and burned his nerves both in wonderful ways. He wanted this, she had cracked him. An easy goal, to make her writhe, make her moan, nothing terribly abstract or taboo, just him, he wanted to please her. He wanted to work hard for it, expend all this energy he'd built up. Have her not hand it over simply because she loved him and he was greedy but to have earned it, for him to get her lost in it. "Good to you." He thought for a second, grew weary, this was all well and good but perhaps too much so. "Not always. I don't mean to quiet you." He wasn't sure where this tepidness was coming from and while it gave him room to breathe and move, he wanted to make sure he wasn't lunging on something that was coming from a place of doubt.  
"No not always. I also find some frustration in being a log Geralt." She faintly ground up to meet a thrust.  
"Stay." Fingers dug into her hips, holding her down. "Try." He watched her smile grow a bit more, her cheeks grow a bit redder.  
"You're putting me in an unwinnable situation Geralt. This game will not . . ." And her breath hitched as she felt him pull her into him. "Be a long one." She wanted to buck and moan and tell Geralt how much she wanted him, needed him but she had a plan. A plan that would burn her alive but a plan none the less. He was a man that learned through movements. He was still off, still questioning that his thoughts and actions were not enough of something, that he was lying to her or himself and it would all catch up to him eventually. The part of him that held their odd little family together wanted to be a good man and his whole adult life he'd been reminded that he was biologically, psychologicaly, theologicaly . . . All logic pointed that to be just short of possible. He'd drive himself mad trying to figure out an answer that wasn't there. _'He's not perfect. Who the fuck is? I wouldn't love him if he tried to be something he's not. Just as he is.'_ She aimed to show him, give him control, let him feel for himself that who he was, what he did was enough, he didn't have to be softer, or fixed, or even sure of what he wanted, he just had to be with her. She could say it till she was blue in the face and he relaxed at hearing the words, always long satisfying sighs, but she wanted him to believe it.

She remained pliable as long as she could, not limp and lifeless but letting Geralt twist and turn her from each corner of the bed to find new angels of leverage, ways to move deeper and fuller inside her. This certainly was not soft, he handled her with care as they rolled but by the time Anima's elbows and knees were digging into the mattress, Geralt's hand firmly intrenched in the roots of her hair, teeth marks over long aged scars, the floorboards were feeling the weight of the witcher's efforts. She was pliable till it was unbearable, till she felt a building pressure that bid her to squirm and arch and lift it from her in anyway possible. She was nolonger effortlessly still, she was going both rigid and curved as her blood started to sizzle but she didn't force Geralt's hand, didn't demand release, not yet. The shift from pliable to pleasantly pained was a small one. "Geralt." She let it sneak past her lips, once, a moan hiding as a whine, just to see what reaction she'd get.  
"Anima?" He perked to attention at the sound of his name. His mouth was pressed at her back, he could taste her warmth, her skin had a tinge of salt to it, sweat starting to sheen on her but under the salt was just a hot heady taste. He wasn't sure how long he'd been chasing her pulse, it was the only tell he had left at his disposal, finding which touches and thrusts would cause it to tick higher. "Do you want something Anima? Anything?" Couldn't purr a travisty that would never be remidied but his voice was low and lacquered and winding Anima tighter.  
"Just trying . . ." Her breath, he had it, she was raspy and heaving. "To. . . Stay?" She turned that question back to him. Control was split. He had asked her to try and stay still, to hold back her body's urge to move, it was not an easy request, it was difficult, it was maddening, beyond teasing and just before cruel. If he asked she would answer, that control was his. She had the mind and will to do so, that control was hers, she could hold out, could force herself calm, she had ethereal forces at her disposal if she aimed to dig her heels in. This was the long fight though, she was at a disadvantage.  
"Stay . . . just . . ." His hands were at her shoulders, pulling her back into him harder still, holding her. "Stay?" He didn't get a word in reply to that, half a groan, half a whine, but she still held her words, her poor lip getting another sharp bite.

"Geralt . . . I . . ." He had kept her shoulders the entire length of this game of chicken, she was held heavy in his lap, trapped there, planted and pleased but Gods she needed to move. "Can't. Geralt I can't." She was panicked, close to tipping, she couldn't stay still, it was too much. "Please." She wasn't apologizing for being unable to hold, just asking, not afraid of judgment for doing so.  
"Are you close Anima?"  
"Close?!" It was a laugh, it was a cry, it was a plead and a moan. "Geralt?!" Her fingernails were twitching at his back, he wasn't capable of being ticklish but a chuckle fought it's way out from deep in his throat all the same. "I. . ." Her eyes clenched shut. "Try . . . Can. St . . .enn" She could stay still, calm, hold out longer, she just truthfully didn't want to. He watched her teeth prod out again, to vice back down.  
"No." He protected her lips, smothering them with his own. "Trust me?" He groaned against them.  
"Trust?" Anima's mind was normally mid stride, not reading his thoughts but had a spookily good average at predicting them. She had not seen this coming, she wasn't mid stride, she was in the moment.  
 _'Here. With me. Open, vulnerable.'_ He moved his mouth to her neck giving her a bit more room for words. He felt buzzed, felt fluid, being in and around her, just coated lovingly with the glossy look in Anima's eyes, they were far yet somehow fawning, he had done that, her face was flush and full of want. "Yes. Trust me? To have you? I've got you. Safe to let go." He promised, he was confident, there wasn't a wobble.  
"Geralt!" Her voice broke at first, just ruined and raw, from being netted back. She shook a bit, her mind was coming together and apart at the same time. She melted into him, she was soft, she was warm, even as she came undone. "With me Geralt?" The last tendrils of higher thinking came together for that request. Crashing, just like he wanted, her hips rolled with near tactile efficiency.  
"With you. Have you." It should have been soft, those words, that action. His words had come out more of a growl, the action was fevered and a bit messy as they came undone in a white hot flash.

"Do not so Anima." His breath was evening out and he knew hers would not be far behind.  
"What would I so about?" It was a cheap work around but her mind was still fuzzy, she'd try a bit harder if she had to. In the moment she was busy burying herself into Geralt's chest.  
"Hmm." He held her a bit tighter as a shiver ran down her. "Got you." He knew this space was not always as comfortable for her, a woman of poor balance who had a habit of drifting did not welcome the float, the threat of a fall was there. Geralt had firm footing, he landed on his feet always. "So I get it Anima. The lesson."  
"Doubt it. I lost my focus. Got lost in-"  
"That was the lesson. Getting lost is ok. If it's OK for you it's OK for me." The grumble was half understanding half annoyed. "I should let you have that."  
"What?"  
"My trust. It felt . . . I liked knowing what I was doing had you . . . The way you were. I see the appeal . . . Not always but I won't fight . . ."  
"Being a log?"  
"Need a new phrase for it." His nose wrinkled, he did not like the wording. "But yes."  
"Not the lesson. But I'll take it." Anima was begining to stretch lax muscles.  
"So?" What knowledge had he not gained from this? That would nag at him.  
"Do not so Anima." She parroted with a chuckle as she started lazy kisses back at him. "Plus you cannot tease." Her hands started running over his ears, petting softly at them.  
"Tease?" How was he the tease in this scenario?  
"That I can have you that way." Her kisses were drifting a trail down his abdomen. "I did not get to move till I was mindless." A belt from hip to hip, only glancing up to watch Geralt's head tip back, giving her a full view of his neck going wonderfully taut.  
"I said I wanted to appreciate you. Let me?"  
"Let you." Cogs turned in his head. "Stay?" The hum of his voice implied how he was oddly content with that. Not because he thought it was fair or owed but because his limbs were a bit heavy and he could lay under her mouth for a while.  
"Try."

She was soft and slow and just kept him warm. It was minutes, maybe hours, Geralt's eyes had lulled closed, his head somewhere close to meditation, but with the benefit of having just a slight tingle over every inch of his skin. By the time he had the energy to open them he couldn't, they were twitching under tight lids. Just as his blood started pumping eager again she had noticed, because wants and needs never escaped her view. Her kisses had traveled lower, between thighs, right above his pelvis, everywhere but what was desperately seeking attention. "Anima?" This was the place that was harder for him, as Anima felt worry in the fall, for Geralt it was the wait, the anticipation. He was patient till he wasn't, foreplay was fun until it had him worry. _'Not moving.'_ That didn't make sense to a witcher. Still meant dead or dying, meant lack of effort, it made that concern start up. _'Not enough.'_  
"Don't want to stay any longer?" She let her tongue ride along him, tasting their mix. An assurance, if he asked she would always answer.  
"Hmm." He wanted to move. His fingers fisted into the sheets. "Want to try." He was expecting her mouth to find somewhere platonic enough to continue the tease, that was not what happened. Her mouth enveloped him, it was still slow, far more warm and Anima was true to her word. _'Apreciate.'_ From the base to the tip, over and over, just seeming to appreciate the feel of his want. How could such a kind word be such a devilish motion? Somewhere in the back of his head, where thoughts still found harbor something came together. It wasn't that he wasn't enough for her, or that she didn't love him whatever way that he was. _'Loves me. No one loves me like she does.'_ It was that he would miss the right action or right word and lose that love, not by her doing, she wasn't cruel, but the world was. If you slowed in a fight with a bruxa you could lose your blood, your strength, you could be taken. If you spoke too strong instead of soft you could lose control, calm, could lead to a fight you never wanted, that fight could lead to losing your image, make you a butcher. Not enough wasn't the full concern, it was not being right. Wrong even if loved, could lead to losing. ' _Haven't lost it._ ' She hadn't moved from her place, hadn't given him less because he _was_ doing what she asked, staying, trying. "More?" He pressed the question out, it was low but thin, tight. She wouldn't try to speak with her mouth full but her eyebrows rose in question. "Want you . . . Closer. . .Up . . . On-" it wasn't his turn to ask, he wasn't sure if this was the right choice but he tried. "I'll stay . . . Try to." He added, not wanting to make a promise he wasn't sure he could keep. Not a moment of lost contact, her hand took the place of her mouth, till it could be superseded by her hips, till he felt her grinding against him. Geralt groaned awfully, as if he'd been punched square in the gut, it was all he could do as he bid himself still. _'Why are we doing this again?'_ The thought flickered for a second but he didn't have the air to voice it. There _was_ help, he was panting and cooking but there was a point of focus, her hand at his chest gripping it tight. "Anima." Waiting was not Geralt's strong suit, holding, he wanted to try but his patience was paper under a flame. There was a stormy look in his eyes, half a snarl on his face, he looked fit to fight, because he was, the pressure and pleasure was building and building and he was fighting release from just pouring out.  
"So good to me Geralt." Her words eased and ebbed him in short measure, bought him some time. "No one better." She bit down on into his skin, he couldn't tell exactly where, his body full of pooling sensations. It wasn’t soft, it was hard, may have ghosted a mark into him. It helped, helped him stay, more time, more trying, it's what he wanted. "I love you Geralt. More than anything." She was letting praise tumble over him, quenching the flame in him.  
"Anima . . . I want . . ." His words stalled out, beaten for breath by a full heady groan. He was never great at wanting, even with lungs at capacity.  
"You're a man of action aren't you Geralt?" She knew him well, would never push him too far, ask him too much.   
"Yes." He was hoping she had seen it, heard it, he had tried and he didn't want to fail, it'd take him fully out of it to do so. He was dangerously close. "Let me-"  
"Will you be good to me now Geralt?"  
"Yes." Eager, endlessly eager, he tried to sound soft, sound doting as she had but it was pure molten hunger to act.  
"I believe you Geralt." She heard him sigh out in relief, he still hadn't moved yet, she loosened her grip at his chest. "Show me? Please? I need-" He didn't ever aim to leave her lacking, not for a second. Again he didn't wish for her to have time to think on her offer. A witcher's reaction time was deftly fast. He didn’t turn her under him, letting hands that had been braced at her hips hold firm, dig in, every muscle rose up to meet her downward thrusts.  
"With me Anima. Don't want-"  
"Do you think someone will hear Geralt?" It was far too loud to be a whisper but it was pressed firmly against his ear. He let the thought enter, let it sweep and storm at his head. They had not been quiet that was for sure, and these walls were old, the alchamey had been here long before Jaskier was a student at Oxenfurt, Geralt had known that as fact. Jaskier had told him the unsolicited history of near every building on the grounds. Had she given in to his want and he hadn't even acknowledged it?  
"Probably." He could've lied, while Geralt loved Anima louder, it stoked something in him the prospect of others knowing how well they were but having it all as their own. Anima was far less taken with the notion. She trusted him though, despite all the omissions they kept from one another and despite each being of a kind not often granted such a thing. He wouldn't lie or omit in matters of just them. "Hearing is all Anima. Can't see you. Can't touch you. Can't have you. No matter how much they'd like to no matter how loud you get." He did try to smooth over his honesty, and if that statement brought him closer still, had him keening, twice the better.  
"Can't because of you Geralt, because you've earned that. It's you I aim to keep." It was all the words and moans he had wanted but had stolen from her the last throw and he was surging to chase down every last one of them. It was more controlled than the previous topple though still very much hurried and heaving. Even the witcher's hair was matted with sweat. It wasn't better, wasn't worse, just different.

"Not on your life Geralt." Anima groaned, she had gone from cuddling to outright napping and Anima could feel the man beneath her make a move to leave the bed. "You can't leave. Not till sun up."  
"What if I was just-"  
"You don't move so softly to take a piss Geralt. You move like that when you mean to ghost me. You've slipped from under me more than once." Her eyes were still closed as she shut down his protest.  
"It will only take a few hours I'll-"  
"Then it can wait till after the sun comes up can't it? Gives Jaskier time sleep in and get unstuck from Eskel?"  
"You'll sleep in? You haven't had nightmares in this bed Anima-" If he loved this bed before he was indebted to the four posts by this point.  
"That has little to do with the lush bedding Geralt." She watched as Geralt frowned at pragmatism. "I'll sleep in."  
"You'll eat breakfast? Food?" It was his time to prod at a good mood, make sound observations.  
"Don't start making outlandish requests Geralt. If we leave tomorrow my breakfast will be nothing but silly opulent jams and I am not ashamed. Now will you stay in bed with me or not?"  
"This still the Triquetra? Some Skelligan superstition?" She couldn't feasibly be concerned she was being left.  
"No. This is an Anima superstition." Her amused smile was contagious, Geralt settled back into the sheets.  
"How's that one go?"  
"If a man is so kind as to fuck you fondly not once but twice, it surely is bad luck to let him leave your bed before sun up." She was nuzzling at him. As any task of Geralt's it was important and time sensitive but it could wait, this was overly satisfying in it's own right.  
"Hmm." He let his fingers twirl through her hair.  
"Makes twice as much sense as salt over candles or hopping a broom stick."  
"I Suppose."   
"You don't sound convinced Geralt." She looked at him a little harder. He knew that stare, she was trying to figure out what he was after.  
"It _could_ wait." He wondered if it'd be greedy, worth pushing, he always pushed. "I could go another bout of convincing though."  
"Oh could you?" Anima had her chin square in his chest, staring up at him a wide grin on her face. "Well I have been told I'm quite convincing." There wasn't any staying to be had as he hooked his hands under her arms and pulled her up to him. It was much softer the third time around, due in small part to what amount of energy it had taken to hold then expend movements had taken from them. They did that well, work each other into a frenzy then meet in some martyred for comfort in the middle.

He would look back on that day and wished he'd have staid in bed, held her not till morning but through it, sat and watched her stir and sample through twelve odd jars of jam. There were lots of things he would look back on and wished he'd done differently, in upcoming years the memory of them in Oxenfurt would both haunt and hold Geralt. A witcher is afforded many skills your average man does not possess, the ability to turn back time was not one of them.

Instead when the sun came up Geralt did leave, did one of the many things he did best, huntex down someone who didn't want to be found. It wasn't hard, knowing the preferences of his target's ilk. Geralt knew he would be drawn to walls, to people. He was impressed it wasn't in the first town over but a small inn farther off, that he eventually found who he was after. "Have you come here to kill me?" It was a snoty up turned greeting but Geralt didn't view it entirely unmerited.  
"No. I've come to get more information from you." Geralt was not going to pretend that he didn't have clear motives, this was not just a chance encounter.  
"I'm not telling you shit." Lemming spun in his chair, it did not take two eyes to scowl in hatred, if Geralt hadn't already known that, this held stare proved it.  
"You should sober up." The boy was drunk.  
"You're not my father. You're not my friend. You-"  
"Will only apologize to you once."  
"Apologize? If you think buttering me up-"  
"I'll get the information I am after one way or another. From you or elsewhere makes no difference. The apology has nothing to do with that. I don't advise it in your state but if tethering is the only was to trust I'm not lying-"  
"What is tugging at the hole where your soul should be witcher?" Lemming was bitter, practically hissing the words out.  
"I saw you as a mindless flock member Lemming, sold you short. I apologize for that. You're conflicted, shit's hard enough for you as-"  
"I'm not conflicted. I trained to-"  
"You've trained all your life to manipulate emotions, to detatch yourself from people and what the manor said was right.Yet you didn't touch Anima. Despite your lessons, despite not wanting to, you saw the person in her. . . Saw family. Made you hesitate. Not even _Anima_ has that compassion for empaths."  
"I . . . I would have." Lemming huffed taking that as backhanded callout on being too weak to act when it mattered.   
"Why? What does bringing her back do? What would you hope she does with her second coming?"  
"I . . ."  
"I am on to it aren't I?" The why was important, Geralt always found it, even if it took looking inward. "You want to save your family. You don't know more than anyone else what she'd do awoken. Yet you know it'd stop the treasure hunt for glass. No one else would have to lose an eye, a limb, a life."  
"So what?"  
"So I need to know where the manor is. I plan to burn Nehalenia's bones-"  
"I won't let you destroy-"  
"It's a waste of your fucking time Lemming, relics, gods . . . the dead. They will do you no favors, only freeze you. Think of your brothers and sisters. You can go on without the threat of having your blood drawn, your mind overwritten. Like I said everything deserves to live. The _world_ doesn't need heros, gods test and torture them. _People_ need heros and you can't save everyone. You can protect your family. Be a hero for _them_ , no one else will, _everyone_ is against you. Upmost honesty, I'm trying to save _my_ family. If that means we work against each other I accept that and . . . Can respect that. Think for yourself Lemming, be a hero for who _you_ care about."  
"Have a drink with me Geralt?" He still sounded sour and spiteful. "I'll piss all over your fairy tale."  
"A water Lemming. We'll have a water." Geralt sat across from the empath.

Geralt spoke of his conversation with Eskel and no one else. Anima kept the nightmare that found it's way to Geralt's magical bed quiet, Jaskier neglected to mention the numerous lucrative, some bordering on odd job offerings that had been flung at him over the past week. They held secrets, doubts, fears from one another. They started west, no more detours, no more distractions, ahead of them a boat, a battle and hopefully at end a body with just one mind in it.

"You've been quiet Jaskier." Anima was the first to speak while on the road, it had been hours of all of them stuck in their head.  
"Composing of our triumph, it's been quite the drawn out tale, don't want to leave out any details. Well maybe some bits." He was thinking, he was worrying.  
"Mighty confident are we? We could still get picked off by bears on our way there. I can't be the only one that hears them right? Geralt?"  
"We are headed into a frothing viper's pit and you're worried about bears?" Geralt glanced over his shoulder, expecting to see a sterile smile, these words were surely those made to pretend everything was alright.  
"Yes." She was smiling but it was crooked, some genuine fear in there. "I can reason with a viper. Bears have few heart strings I know how to tug on."  
"Hmm." He would never understand how her mind worked, how she hated humanity yet feared the woods only second to the sea. She felt safe nowhere. _'Travels it with us. Feels safe with us.'_  
"Check your map Anima is there a town this way? Somewhere to stop? Bear attacks tend to be remarkably less in towns." Jaskier caught not the fear but the smile, the familiar air between them was rising above the dread.  
"We have no coin for an Inn Jaskier. Oxefurt is as expensive as it is loud. Likely camping till we hit the docks." Geralt didn't smile but his shoulders eased slightly and that was close enough. "Bears won't get to you Anima. I would lick your fingers though." They were headed into more or less undefined territory but this he knew. For one he knew Anima was turning green at the word docks and if he could get her mind of that they'd all be better for it.  
"Huh?"  
"Eating nothing but jams and berries has it's draw backs. Walking honey pot." It was a tease, honestly she didn't smell any different than usual, but he actually made them laugh, Anima a bit nervous and around fingertips, as she sucked them clean just to be better safe. _'Home.'_ Closer, every day every small squabble and huge looming threat, he was allowed closer and closer. That held a dual purpose, closer meant better, meant more, he always wanted more of that feeling, of any feeling of home. Closer meant safe, the closer they were the safer he could keep them, those purposes just fed each other on and endless loop. "Stay close and I'll keep you alive. Can do that with or without walls." It sounded like a promise, or one of those casual threats Geralt was so adept at, one warning them not to be idiots running into jaws of beasts but that's not what it was, not what Anima heard. _'Alone we're not enough, none of us. Together. I'm not used to together, not good at staying. Not allowed close. Let me stay? Keep me close? I'll do my best, I'll try.'_ He shook his head knowing Anima was mincing around between his words.  
"So?"  
"So what Anima?" She hadn't so'd at him in a while, he'd done most of this introspection himself. Was getting unnecessarily good at it. All it took was her nudging for a decade straight for him to finally acknowledge those more complex feelings she had promised were in him.  
"So how long to Aretuza? I'd say I'm dying to get Nehalenia out of me but somehow I feel-"  
"Leave the jokes to Lambert Anima." He did not find that funny in the slightest. "Focus on what you're best at and hide any signs of weakness. Flinch now, there will be no room for it there." There was finding it unfunny and more or less embodying Vesemir to lecture any humor out of a five mile radius. He chose the later. Jaskier looked between the empath and Witcher, they were different in almost every way upon first glance but they had bled the best parts of themselves into one another. They would forever make up for blind spots in the other but they were less polarized than they had started, more inline than churning against one another. He was hearing a lot of doom and gloom, exorcisms and goddesses, empires and sorceresses but with this pair and him to keep them from brooding themselves to death, he wasn't sure what could stop them.  
"It will make for quite the story huh?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading this kind of meandering tale. Working through this has gotten my focus back, I think really I just wanted Geralt's growth to have more time to shine and I just crammed it in any which way I could (That and smut, it is not my strong suit but I try). I promise I do know where I'm going with this long drawn out plot. Will be working on the next part shortly but may take a brief dip back to my other fic. Any feedback or suggestions are always welcomed.


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